Could i cry in front of my mom

Options
misszozo
misszozo Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Could i cry in front of my mom
· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • misszozo
    misszozo Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2008

    i've just been informed that my mom's got BC.And she's just had mastectomy and axillary lymph node dissection. and chemotherapy will be followed a few weeks later.They didn't tell me about this until last night. Everyone asks me to be strong for her and not to be upset or cry in front of her. but i just couldn't help crying. i don't know what to do. i'm going to see her next week. What should i do in front of her? can i cry in front of her and tell her how scared i am? i don't know how to behave in front of her or what i should do for her.

         P.S. i'm Chinese and i'm in China. i really need your help, everyone.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • OneBadBoob
    OneBadBoob Member Posts: 1,386
    edited January 2008

    Hi Misszozo and welcome to the site--

    Others will be along soon with more suggestions.

    I know in my case, it really upset me when my sister-in-law cried--I read her the riot act, told her I was dealing with enough, I was not planning my funeral yet and she should save her crying for then--what I needed and was asking her for now was a cheering squad to be happy that I made it through the surgery, and lots of positive people around me to help cheer me through my chemo so I could focus on that, and not feel guilty about causing pain and worry to those around me.

    Hugs to you in doing what is best for your mom at this time. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • misszozo
    misszozo Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2008

    Dear OneBadBoob

    Thank you soooooooooo much for your share.

    i think i will try my best to support my mom.Wish you all the best.

    Thanks a lot

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LoriFL
    LoriFL Member Posts: 1,557
    edited January 2008

    why not cry? You are human and yor crying shows how much she means to you!!!

    Unfortunately, I am the one w/bc and when people cry it puts me in an awkward situation. Therefore, perhaps you should cry privately.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Shirlann
    Shirlann Member Posts: 3,302
    edited January 2008

    Hi honey, I lost my mom to a stroke 12 years ago.  She was sorta out of it, but could talk, the month before she died.  I didn't want to scare her, so I was cheerful, dying inside, but always smiling and then she died.

    I would give ANYTHING if I had put my arms around her, hugged her, cried in her hair, and told her she was my best friend, thanked her for all the wonderful Christmas', Birthdays, Graduations, etc., so much fun.  Told her how much I loved her.  I would give anything I have to have that month back.  A chance to say what I felt.

    I guess I am saying, don't feel bad, honest emotion is just that, honest.  I wish I had been more honest.  In trying to keep her from being scared, she never heard how much I loved her.

    Gentle hugs, Shirlann

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wackyjackie
    wackyjackie Member Posts: 669
    edited January 2008

    misszozo,

    i think when other people cry to us b/c patients we get annoyed or feel awkward, but when my daughter cried hysterically to me that was a different story.  we cried to each other and i felt so loved and so bad for her at the same time.  you should be totally open and honest about how you feel and let your mom do the same.  a mother/child "cry" is way different than anyone elses.

    good luck to you and your mom.

    love and hugs, jackie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited January 2008

    I'm with wackyjackie, others crying puts pressure on me to care for them.

    My kids and husband are a different story.  My son is the only one to cry in front of me.,  it was moving and I KNEW he cared.

    Months later I heard that my daughter and husband cried or became tearful  Would have been great to know that when I was feeling that my own family cared less than some of my friends.

    Honest emotions, yep, honesty is almost always good.  Of course,  I should have been more honest with Them about my needs as well.  I've promised That will never happen again.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited January 2008

    Misszozo,   be honest with your mom.  If you feel like crying in from tof her then  cry.    It isn't a sign of weakness to cry.    Tears are very healing.  Good luck to you and your mom.   Come chat with us sometime.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • csp
    csp Member Posts: 2,765
    edited January 2008

    When my sister was dx'd I tried very hard not to cry. I just hated

    what all she was going through. When I did cry we

    cried together in the car in the parking lot of the oncologist office.

    I told her how much I loved her and I was going to be there for her.

    It was ok to let some of the anger and fear out. She said it made her feel closer to me.

    Hugs to you and Mom,

    Carrie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • misszozo
    misszozo Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2008

    Thanks everyone.Thanks very much.

    Reading your words gives me strength to help my mom fight on.

    i think being myself is the best way.What my mom needs most is my love and support. i phone her every day to tell her i love her and i read all the information i could find online to know more what i could and should do for her.

    but of course your support does encourage me a lot.

    Thanks for your warm hugs. Hugs to you,everybody.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jansdaughter
    jansdaughter Member Posts: 265
    edited January 2008

    misszozo, when my mother found out she had bc, she called me crying and we cried together and then we all fought with her.  She never cried after that first time.  My dad asked her if she ever cried at night and she said no, she prayed. 

    I would always cry privately when she was diagnosed with mets because I knew how hard the surgery or chemo was going to be on her.  But she was always so brave for us and that's how I wanted to be with her.  Hugs to you. Dianne

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories