Please Pray For Ctg

ctg, i hope you received my card.  I pray that you are feeling peaceful.  We all miss you so much.  Hoping for a miracle.  You certainly are the real true Queen of the chatroom. 

hugs,

celia 

Amen, Dawn!      ((((DAWN))))))

Today I cried. I cried while speaking to an audience of a couple hundred women. I got choked up telling them of my BC journey. I cried mid-story, because is was the first time I've spoken publically since we lost our ctg. I didn't see the tears coming... suddenly: plop, plop, plop. I was lost in the middle of a sentence.

The miracle we sought didn't materialize as we'd wished. We're thrilled that our Laura is whole. We're like children with too small a vocabulary... we don't understand the suffering, the loss, the heart break. What is the role of suffering? What can we learn from losing our guiding princess? What now?

While we celebrate all that she meant to us personally and celebrate what she was able to contribute to us as a community, I realize anew today that the loss goes beyond explaination..... this woman I hadn't met, who I grieve for, who I miss is now in a better place.

I suppose I probably became a more genuine person to that group today. If so, I owe that to you Laura. In the middle of my singing silliness -- I was brought to tears. Others got out their hankies. We blew our noses together. Maybe someone in that audience will go get the mamogram they've postponed. Maybe someone will sign up for their community walk. You continue to motivate us, even in your absence.... or perhaps because of your absence.

I pray that we can surmount this ache. I pray that we can reach out to others -- in the way that you demonstrated to us. I pray that our hurt is transformed.

I thank you for the new 'wisdom literature' I was introduced to this week..... from Pema Chodron: "other people feel this." Her admonition is to join others in that reality. I am not alone. Dawn you are not alone in your bat cave. "Other people feel this." This anger, this frustration, this agonizing sense-less-ness over the tragedy of losing one so capable, caring, and intelligent. Other people feel this. This let down, this gnawing uselessness-of-it-all defeatist darkness.

"Other people feel this."

Let us weave our broken hearts together, as Laura would want us to. Let us burnish the hurt until our hearts glow. Let us light candles and sing prayers and cry tears to acknowledge that "other people feel this."

Oh Maker.... this is one of those times where you'll have to carry us for a while. We don't see the plan in the midst of our lost..... we'll just have to trust in your great goodness, despite our heart break.

And please, if I may I be so bold, let our doctor's learn from our beloved clinical trial girl, so that they may use these lessons to treat those of us with the same dx, left behind.

Can't you just see her comment to this post? lol!

I love and miss you Laura. I think about you everyday.

Love, Traci

continue to shine your mercies of light and kindness on our ctg's DH Scott, her parents and sibblings. thank you all that is good-in-the-universe that Laura had the support of her husband and family thru her journey -- to her last breath and beyond. be kind to her dear friends here who miss her.

convey to Laura's mommy how deeply sorrow we are for her loss.

may we learn from Laura's example that giving, loving, sacrifice, encouragement and enlightentment are best shared.... that we can support each other in the midst of the unthinkable. that we can extend our care and concern into the very heart of those who are suffering. that our own struggles are calmed by opening our story to others.

thank you for this site. where we can learn from each other in the midst of the unknown.... thru our friendships we can give each other strength, courage and even boldness to face the future, in each other's cyber arms, wiping away the tears of frustration, lonliness, fear and concern.

may ctg look down from heaven and give us the signs we seek, that all is now well in her world. may we borrow her enthusiasm and energy to continue to work to rid our world of this disease.

may all of us who benefitted from 'knowing' ctg, continue to spread her kindness to others

we are here for you mo!!! ctg was the best and i never even met her ...i can only imagine what an amazing sister ctg is now and forever! thinking of you and ctg..and your mum too.

mreilley99@hotmail.com