continued Tissue expander pain!!

Sociologist · January 2008

Hi Linda,

I kept the expander and had the implant put in Dec 18th. If I had to do it over again, I'd skip the whole process. The pain I had with the expander (and now with the implant) just isn't worth it in my opinion. I'm 51 and have been married 32 years and my hubby doesn't care about the fake boob...like your hubby, he just wants me healthy! Good luck in your decision.

Margaret

jade56068 · January 2008

Margaret-

You seem to have a GREAT job!!!!! What fun, teaching kids who think they know everything and are freaked to find out how much more they can learn. My daughter is 10 now (going on 16) and having "the talk" was toooo much for me. My husband had to step in and do it:<}....I NEVER thought I would be such a prude.

Have a great day:<}

J

denise1956 · January 2008

Teri,

So last night as I was tossing and turning getting all tangled up in my pj bottoms i was thinking of you. You sound like you have it all together give yourself some credit. Look what you are doing all on your own. You sound so positive .What ever it is you chose to do with the dh will be the right decision. You must take care of yourself now so you can deal with your children. You will be just fine. I do believe whatever comes around goes around and he will get what he deserves.

I was talking about what your ps will be putting in after the expanders are removed. (haha sorry). Mine is saline. I am very confused it seems most are getting silicone. He just prefers saline. Surgery is Thurs the 17th. Yahoo, I am so nervous.......but i cant take much more of the pain at night. I have moved out of my bedroom as to not disturb the husband,and I am sleeping in the spare bedrm. Cant sleep on the back or the sides. Every hour I am up. My new habit is keeping a snack in with me and about 3am every night i eat and watch all the new gadgets they are selling. I am quite impressed with the mighty putty too bad I couldn't have saved my nipples I could have stuck them on with the putty. Haha!!!

Margaret

I am sorry to hear that you might still be uncomfortable. You made me laugh with your conversation with your students. Your attitude is comforting.I don't know what i would have done without this site. It has enlightened me in so many ways . Everyone here is just so special and supportive in their own ways.

Keep on smiling !!!!! Cool

Sociologist · January 2008

Denise-I'm a night owl too and I like the mighty putty! It looks like it'll really hold stuff. HSN sells it as well (another thing I do when I can't sleep!).

Jade-I love teaching college and I do have a great job! The sex class is fun because they come in thinking they know everything and boy are they surprised! I'm giving them a 50 question T/F test tomorrow as a taste of what they know (I don't count the grade but use it as a starting point to see how fast or slow I can move through some of the material). It's really fun because the first question on it is "An erection in men is a result of a bone in the penis". Every semester I get a few that believe it's true!

Yall have a good one!

Margaret

jade56068 · January 2008

Margaret-

Would LOVE to sit in on one of your classes....sex is a great subject, and an important one for all the "next genaration" to know:<}. Expecially if they are going to run for President....teeeheeehaaahaa!

I needed to make my sself giggle...not having a great night. I hope I made you laugh too.

j

denise1956 · January 2008

Linda,

Sorry to hear about all your pain that you are in. It took me 6 weeks to feel a little better . I stopped the pain killers ,but took them at night to get a restful sleep. Which I found if I didn't have I would really feel sorry for myself and cry alot. It did feel better after a while . I am at the end now and I am having the expanders taken out in 2 days. The pain for me has gotten worse but only at night. I take a mild pain killer Darvaset and half of a muscle relaxer called Soma. I used to say that I would never do this again with what I know now. I don't feel that way now that my exchange is near. I used to think that the days went by so slow how could I last so long. In fact the time did go some what fast. I am excited but a little nervous. Just remember as great as this site is we all go through this process differently. I hope better days are coming for you.

Denise

Hanna60978 · January 2008

Hi Club Expando! How's everybody? Denise1956 I .....ah oh, now my writing is slanted...how the heck did this happen? Well, gives my post a bit of a classy look, don't you think? Like a wedding invitation.

Oh, back to Denise1956, I was going to say something but then this slanted writing made me forget. Oh well, I'll remember eventually. I think Club Expando should all go on down to New Mexico where Teri's "h" is and harrass him. I hope they don't have the FBI monitoring these boards. Oh, sh*t, now they'll probably know since I entered it. FBI stands for Foreign Body Intrusion. Like we all have here in Club Expando!! So butt out agents or we'll flash our Foreign Bodies at you!!

Well, it took me awhile to find my way back here but I'm glad to read what's up. As for me, yesterday I was a crybaby. Yes. Dripped tears most of the day because...well...you all know. Weird thing is it just sort of hit me yesterday. After bc ten years ago gets treated, I'm told I'm cured, then BAM!!! get it again!! Same boob and another one in the other boob! How unfair is that? So, I went looking at boob recon's and realize I think I have a deflator expander too! Because I just can't see where nearly 800 cc's of fluid could possibly have gone?! Sure doesn't look like its in the expander. Where'd it go? I blame my seatbelt. And my brakes. And the drive-throughs. All combined together keep smashing my expando boob and now I think it has a slow leak. What do we do when that happens and exchange isn't set till next May?

I need to visit the ps who will just look at me like I have NO brain AT all with the "face". You know the "face"? The "I cannot believe you dare to utter anything but glorious compliments in reference and deference to the grandiose talent I have bestowed upon your body since I am after all the High Potentate of all things plastic" face. Spare me. I need to hook up a spout to this thing and fill it myself. I would if I knew how. There should be a drive-thru for this. The guys at The Home Depot could probably help. Then I could save myself from falling all over myself complimenting my idiot ps when I don't mean a word of it. I have zero idea why I do that. I think it's out of self preservation though.

Anyway, I've been awarded a free "Winter Feast" meal at the KFC. AND I get not one but two free cakes!! Yes indeedy. I am the queen of freebies. Not foobies, but freebies. My foobies aren't much to write home about but I cried about them yesterday and today is another day. I've decided to just be crazy today instead. I have a list of personas I have adopted since all this bc nonsense, most of which are fairly tolerable except yesterday's crybaby persona. I will try to keep crybaby outasite for awhile. Do you think it's possible to become a multiple personality during this stuff? Frankly....I think it is most definitely possible. I know I have at least four new personalities living in me that weren't here before....OH, now I remember the Denise thing!! Denise, I am also now up eating at 3 AM and ordering fabulous stuff on TV that I absolutely MUST HAVE in the middle of the night too! Just about everything EXCEPT for that colon cleanse guy. OMG a more putrid infomercial there will never be. I just look at him and can't help but think of him perpetually cleansing his colon. Checking out the "results". Heaven's to Betsy, they tried to 'eliminate' (ha ha) him from primetime, but woe to us up in the wee hours of 3 AM. HE KNOWS WE ARE THERE...ready to stuff a chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting dripping off the sides past our lips when.....clicking the remote we land in Cleanse your Colon for Better Health, Increased Energy, Better Breath, Better Everything! The cupcake now looks just like....you know. Something from a colon cleanse.

Gross!!!!

OK Club Expando....until next time, I remain faithfully pumping up with a hopeful heart ~ HannaB

Hanna60978 · January 2008

Margaret! A bone in the penis!? You could sell it in the middle of the night and become a millionaire,I know there's just gotta be a market out there at 3 AM ready to own their very own penis bone! Man, I'm coming to Louisana to take your course.

AnneW · January 2008

Well, duh, why do ya think it's called a boner if there ain't no bone?

College kids are great. The students where I work would be mortified if they were confronted with a quiz like that--they are pretty much introverted engineering students!!

Anne

nik · January 2008

dear linda:

had bilateral in 11/07. try some advil pm before bed...it really seems to help with the pain. dr has assured me "not too addictive" seems to work much better than tylenol pm.

nik

Anonymous · January 2008

Denise:

My main concern is if the pain is normal or is it being caused by the enlarging of the expanders on my PM wires. I fear it may cause them to break or short circuit. My PM surgeon has never had a BC patient that underwent reconstruction, my PS has but wanted the PM place lower, near my stomach, not on the non cancer side.

TerriBear:

YEs I have found a new topic concerning PMs. I have sent you a PM regarding the spouse issue.

Margaret:

I am not sure how full my expanders are at this time. I had 200cc to start with (surgery) then 2 fills of 60cc each (bringing total to 320) but my last fill - I have no idea what he put in. Usually the saline bag is hanging on the post when I walk into the room, and the syringes had been filled. Prior fills 1/2 a bag was still hanging. However last time I think the bag was almost empty. My PS was on one side and the nurse on the other. They were filling me at the same time. All of a sudden my PS surgeon asked me when I would be having the exchange, then told the nurse to stop. There was a little left in the syringe but I have no idea how much. I forgot to ask, chemo brain. My exchange is March 5th.

As for the shaving, I guess Iam the lucky one, because of the chemo, I still have not under arm hair

Hanna60978 · January 2008

Oh Anne of AnneW, hmmm...that reminds me of Anne of Green Gables for some reason ~

Well bonk me on the head! You're right! A boner IS a bone. So Margaret wasn't kidding the kids.

My best friend from a million years ago told me her mother always told her that engineers make the best husbands. Years later, I read that engineers had the lowest divorce rate. Bone heads they are not, boners notwithstanding. (Is that supposed to be all one word?)

Forgive me today ~ for today I am in crazy mode! ==it happens!

Hanna of HannaB

jade56068 · January 2008

Hi ladies

I hope everyone is happy today:<}. I am going in for my 3rd fill and I always get a little nervous before I go. I tried to keep myself REALLY busy......

Hanna- I try to look at all the crap that falls on my plate with an attitude of "It HAS to GET BETTER then this". I try and count my blessings (although right now I have to try REALLY HARD). Cancer is ALL around my family....Mom is a cancer survivor (thyroid), grama died of cancer (lymphoma) at 84. Grampa is still living with cancer (slow growing bone cancer) at 92, My Aunt is a lymphoma survivor and a bc survivor, My Uncle has bone cancer and another kind too, and my dad just got done with chemo for lymphoma only to find out that now he is dealing with something else in his lungs....hes getting ANOTHER BIOP on Monday.....then their is me....bc survivor:<}!!!!!! WOW thats alot in a family.....I have to look on the bright side of things.

just venting.....its alot to actually write all of those names that I love with the words "have cancer" attatched to them. WE WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!!!!! B/C there is no other options.......right?

j

denise1956 · January 2008

Hanna,

Oh My G-D did I have a good laugh today!!! That was great!!! I needed it . Well tomorow is my day for fun...Exchange is set for 9:30AM so I will be talking to you girls in a few days......

I wish you all good days only!!!!

Denise

Sociologist · January 2008

Hanna-You have now cured me from sipping on Diet Dr. Pepper as I read the boards because I've just cleaned a massive mess from spitting it out in laughter over your post! You are toooooo funny! Only 1 student in class today marked the "bone" question as T. Looking at their test results,I can see it's going to be a slow semester! Don't you just love "Anne of Green Gables"? The "colon cleanse" is the worst thing I think I've seen on an infomercial! I know we all poop but gimme a break...who wants to see it on TV? I do have to admit, I've bought 2 things from infomercials: some orange wood stripper (worked great) and the Magic Bullet (which I love but the infomercial sucks so I got it when it came to Walgreen's).

Denise-Hopefully by the time you read this your exchange is done and you aren't in any pain whatsoever. Sending good thoughts your way for a speedy recovery!

Jean-Yeah!!!! You got a date for the exchange! I'm so happy for you. You certainly deserve some peace after everything else you've gone through. Will they be able to check the pacemaker wires while they're in there? Hopefully everything is attached and where it should be. I'll be counting the days with you.

Jade-I hated the fills and would be a nervous wreck before they did them too. My oldest son (28) came for one of the last ones and asked if he could do it and the nurse said "Sure, just let me get the needle in"! He did a few cc's and said it was too creepy because he could see the foob get bigger. He's a real prankster and I was afraid he wouldn't stop until it exploded!

Yall have a good night!

Margaret

Hanna60978 · January 2008

AnnNYC · January 2008

Hi all,

this is better than any of the "Humor" threads!

Hanna, are you writing a syndicated humor column? You should be! OMG, ROFLMAO.

Afraid I never got expanded enough -- trying to be happy with my big ol' boob and smaller new foob.

But enough of that. Time for an engineer joke, one that might explain why they make good hubbies (my brother's one, and he just earned a new degree at the age of 50, so I made him a graduation card with this joke):

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says it's half empty.

But the engineer says...

"This glass is twice as big as it needs to be..."

Sam91 · January 2008

I wanted to thank you all for all your candid experiences with tissue expanders. It will be 2 years in April since I had a mastectomy and am finally going to get reconstruction. I am not scheduled till March 20th and have an appt with the plastic surgeon one more time Jan 25th. I was originally scheduled for surgery in Oct but my onc stopped that as a CT scan showed spots on my liver - but after the 2nd scan they hadn't changed so therefore was given the okay to go ahead.

One thing I forgot to ask, but will, is do you have those awful drains with tissue expanders since I have already had a mast???

I'll join in the conversation when the time comes - but still will be back to check on all your progress.

Dianna4534 · January 2008

I had a mastectomy March 2005, had a tissue expander put in January 10, 2008, had pain only for a few days. Will know more when the surgean adds more saline

Jani · January 2008

Hi Y’all. I am back from my holiday. Just wanted to relate something for all of us who are worried about the vast and ever widening expanse of space between our new boobs. I had put off my final expansion because I was just way too uncomfortable with intercostals muscle spasms at the time so I had one full month of no expansions. Happily during this time everything did loosen up considerably. The spasms eventually went away, I was able to sleep on my side comfortably and my boobs are actually movable. So I can push them together quite a bit. This suggests that it will be okay once the permanent ones are in place, and as Margaret’s PS said with a good bra a normal looking cleavage should be possible. Plus that was only 1 month. After say 6 months it should be quite soft, relaxed and pliable. Knowing this has made me much more optimistic as I was very worried. Right now I have to wear tops that cover my upper chest cause it just looks too weird.

So I had what I hope is my final expansion last night. I too have gotten progressively more anxious as each new expansion arises. At first, no problem, but the growing knowledge of just how much discomfort each fill brings (and the knowledge from the girls with leaks that the expander can indeed be punctured) . . . I finally got a benzo from the doc. So now I do a whole ritual which starts with popping a benzo and a pain killer, followed by a long relaxing bath, or sauna, quiet meditative music, the infusion (I count loudly from 1 to 30 during the infusion to keep my mind distracted), then follow it all with a hot tea (btw I have had all my expansions at home). To be honest every expansion has gone perfectly, with no pain or discomfort during the actual infusion, so the anxiety is just my silly mind – as a child I was utterly paranoid of needles. Its usually a few hours later that the discomfort begins -usually the middle of the night, probably when the benzo and pain killer wear off.

Denise, my thoughts are with you today as you go through your surgery. I hope all goes smoothly and you are happy and without pain.

My surgery is scheduled for February 11th. I would absolutely love to have it sooner, but I have to travel to San Diego for the surgery and had to coordinate my trip with my husband’s travel so the kids are not left alone. I am so, so, so looking forward to the end of this.

Terri, how is your leak doing? Will it be okay to wait till mid Feb for your surgery? Will the space for the implant shrink with the shrinking expander? Maybe they could do the exchange sooner. I know how much you want to have the C size cup, I will be so upset after all that you have gone through if you are thwarted at this point. It just makes me so mad that the PA did this. I was present during my husband’s training session. Done properly it is nearly impossible to puncture the expander during fill. The metal cup covers the back of the port so the needle can’t go right through the port into the expander. So the only way to puncture it is to miss the metal cup at the back. The PS said that the magnet was just to indicate where the metal on the port is located, however it does not indicate the orientation of the port. The expander can move and the port can change orientation. Most of the time the port is facing straight up but there is always the possibility that some movement of the expander has occurred or there is a ripple, or uneven pressure of a muscle that causes the port to not be facing parallel to the surface. This means that one must palpate the port in addition to just locating it. That is, grab the edges of the port with your fingers so you can see how it is lying. No matter how rock solid my expanders have been my husband has never had trouble grabbing the edges of the port to ensure that he is going in to the center of the port. You said that your port and, therefore your implant, has moved from the top of the breast area where it began to the bottom, so that is even more reason to palpate. I just can’t see how this could have happened. Sorry to go on about this, but it just seems that they should take some immediate action to rectify the situation. I think I would make some very loud noises.

You know Margaret is right about how some men (and people in general) just not knowing how to react, talk about, deal with bc and breasts being removed and the process of rebuilding. My husband has been my best friend for 18 years and I love him into eternity, but he truly is the king of saying and sometimes doing just the wrong thing at the most critical time. I know with utter certainty that he does not intend to be insensitive or negligent, he just does not recognize the signs that indicate what is needed. So for me, there are just some kinds of support that are found with girlfriends or my sisters. Speaking of sisters, Terri. You said that your sister just does not want to have to deal with the process that you are going through. I have had just the opposite experience. My sister who is 4 years older than me has been estranged from our family since she was 17 –she always felt like the black sheep, very angry, ran away from home, true rebel. I had not really had a conversation with her since I was 13 – we were very close then. But through all the family trials and tribulations over 30+ years she has remained aloof and distance. Every once in awhile I would try to establish contact, without success. Then when I went for the mastectomy I wrote her a long email and asked her to come to San Diego with me. Surprisingly she agreed to come for the 2 days prior to the surgery. During those 2 days alone we discovered each other. We were so surprised to see how similar we were in likes and dislikes and stuff. We continue to keep in touch and are planning a trip with together with our daughters. I am so excited. I have deliberately arranged to be alone for my exchange surgery in hopes that she will agree to come again.

Jani · January 2008

P.S

I meant to say that I really like the humor on this site. I sit here and chuckle to myself.

It is much appreciated.

antoinette · January 2008

Dear Tracie

I am also on hydrocodone. I have had three fills and it had to stop due to the pain. I have radiation coming up on January 28, 2008 and will not be able to do any fillins until after this is completed. Well that gives me 6 weeks of no fillins (no pain). I dont think I can take anymore pain so I am thinking of having breast reduction. Has anyone had this done ? I am a 38D and can not think of having being filled to that size. I am so tired of pain.

antoinette

nik · January 2008

hello ladies:

i have to say...i am going on 3 months post bilateral (11/9/07) and i am still in loads of pain! i am still on hydro mixed with advil every now and then...i find that if i try to have a "normal" day...grocery shopping..laundry...cleaning the house..cooking...etc....i am totally exhausted and boy do i feel it in my chest!!!

i have tried to do the hydro thing every 6 hours but some days i can only go for 4 or 5.....

over last weekend my husband noticed that my left expander had actually moved and my breast... (lol) saline....had dropped about 3 inches lower than my right???( i didn't notice because i really try not to "look" at them much theses days!)

anyway, the p/s office said it is "normal" for them to move and drop etc.....i was told not to worry because these are not permanent they are just making "room" for the actual implants! sounds a little scary when he says it out loud!

i find that they "ache" alot more recently.....i thought the pain was suppose to lessen as we got closer???

i have only had 3 fills so far at 30 each side each time....you girls are talking about 300-500 cc???? i guess i have a long way to go at only 60cc a visit(30 each side) i tried to take 50 on each side and had to stop the p/s as it was too painful....

sorry i'm such a "complainer" today....i guess we're all entitled to a"bad day"

i am starting p/t in a week...they are going to try me in "pool therapy" hopefully this will help the aches and i can finally get off the painkillers! the p/t said the water is kept at a constant 92 degrees...sounds really relaxing.......at least i hope!!! although it will probbly bring "more pain" until my body gets use to it!

i guess thats all my complaints for today.....

hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

remember to try and smile at least once each day!!!frowns just bring more wrinkles!!!

nik

Sharon67 · January 2008

Greetings to all from northern Michigan. Well I'm finally back to sitting down and reading this post again. We all seem to still be going thru the same things. I hopefully will be getting my new boobies on Valentine's Day!!!!! After reading all of the postings on cc's and sizing I can't help but smile to myself. I was lucky if I was an A cup before all of this!!!! I feel like Dolly Parton with my expanders at 350 cc's. (I'm 5'8", 145 lbs.) My PS said I will be a nice B. I just say to him, let's get this stuff finished so I can go back to work!!! I work with special ed kid's with autism and such, and adminstration and the PS would not let me return to work until after the exchange. This was due to my very active classroom and the fact that one of the kids smacked me in the chest right after my first bio. Talk about pain!!!!

Here's a good story for all. Now we all know how we all can get with the people who "think" they know how we really feel but in reality they don't have a clue. You know who I'm talking about, those women who think they can relate.....well, that person in my life happens to work at my husband's office and is also his ex-wife, yes, his ex, and she is a pain in my a.. but that's a whole different story. Anyway's yesterday I had a major fill done (75cc's each side) which is a lot for me and boy am I sore!!!! So this morning I have to go to my DH office and she says to me "I hear you're pretty sore" I reply, "that's an understatement" then she says "you know, after watching you over the last 4 months, BC doesn't really seem too bad, I mean at least you get a boob job, right!" Now at this point I really wanted to smack her, no I take that back, I wanted to hit her.....hard, but I held my temper, then, very calmly took off my coat, looked straight at her 5'3" and 50 lbs over weight body and lifted up my shirt. Then I replied" I just make it look easy....I wouldn't even wish this on you!" and walked out the door. She got a first hand view of every scar, every port and a chest with "no nipples". Needless to say, by lunch I had an apolgy e-mail.

So ladies, that was my complaint of the day. That and my head is killing me. I swear, every time I get a fill, my chest hurts and then it gives me a major headache for at least 2 days. I will be soooo glad when this whole thing is over.

I wish you all a speedy recovery and painless fills. God Bless.

Sharon

irishdreama · January 2008

I know what you mean, I refused fills after the first one, because it was so painful, and I'm going for little implants so it's not such a big deal. My PS did insist on at least one fill to "round out" but after that, I was done. Your husband has to work with his ex? Yuck for both of you!!

AnneW · January 2008

Sharon,

She didn't have enough class to apologize to you in person. I'm glad you had the nerve to show her your breasts. A picture is often worth a thousand words.

Anne

Teribear · January 2008

Sharon,

I am sitting here with my mouth hanging open in complete shock and awe of you! Now that the shock is over I am laughing hysterically and applauding you. I bet the look on her face was something else. I know just what you are talking about! My best friend decided that she would get a boob job too so she would know what i was going through! HUH? My sister is jealous I am getting one. They just don't get it.

Jani, my leak is awful. I mean the leaker is so small and that is after a week. I see ps tomorrow at 1. Who knows what he will do. The overfills aren't going to work if it is going down that fast. He said he would make them the same size even if he had to cut the scar tissue/capsule to make it fit. Well yes, my ports moved and the np had trouble finding it and it took about 45 mins that day. I hate to complain about her as she is an amazing person and I like her very much. But she used the stud finder and though she had found it, she stuck the needle in and said that didn't feel right....and pulled it out. I knew instantly that it was not right and said so. Who knows if he will be able to get me into surgery sooner because the muscle has to be shrinking back. Even if he did get me in sooner, I have to wait til my darling sweet supportive husband gets into town so I can have someone to watch my girls. I will see what ps says tomorrow. Sorry if I sound irritable....I am having a really bad week. Angry at the world sort of thing. I too hope that my suffering through all those fills and pain doesn't get thwarted by this leak....I really have dealt with a lot to get my pay off in the end. I was ready to stop awhile ago! I cannot beleive you can push your expanders together! Mine are like rocks and they don't move a bit!! I have tons of questions for the ps tomorrow...hope he is ready for me! I am so happy to hear about you and your sister reconciling. Out of difficult situations sometimes blessings really are found.

Nik, sorry to say that the pain doesn't get better with the fills, it gets worse. At least it did for most of us here. As the muscle stretches I thought surely I will never get to my goal...but I am almost there...on ONE SIDE anyway. LOL

I had a lot more I wanted to say but have just fallen into silence with feeling the world on my shoulders today. The house is a disaster and I know I have to clean it tonight because tomorrow I get a fill and know there is alot of pain to follow and I will be limited with what i will be able to do. This is when i get so angry at the husband for leaving me alone to deal with it all. He told me again that if I am so lonely then to come out and stay with him where he is working in NM. Walk away from my reconstruction and resume when HE is finished with work 6 months or so from now. So....i right now I need to go and find a way out of my paralysis.....

talk to you soon ladies.

teri

Sharon67 · January 2008

Teri,

It is I that is awe and also at the same time, know what it is like to go thru this BC alone at times. Mine was in the very beginning back in October. My DH is a recovering alcholic and decided to jump off the wagon with both feet right after my surgery! He ended up down in FL with his mother and away for about 2 1/2 weeks. If it was not for my daughter who is only 16, I would have been screwed. She took me back and forth to my dr. appointments that were 350 miles round trip. This is something that I have lived with for over 8 years. I can only tell you I truly understand how alone you must feel, because I too have been there. Things finally did turn around for the better (thank the lord!) around 5 weeks ago, and now he is back on track. But I still know that this too is a day to day process. The only thing over the years that I have learned, is it is I who decides what my life shall be and with whom. Does that make sense to you? I mean how many people have asked you "why do you stay?" or "why do you put up with him?" My answer has always been the same...."because I truly love him, without a doubt" I know that sounds corney, but I knew the very first time I seen him that God brought him into my life for a reason. I realize that he has a problem that at times he cannot control, but it is also his choice as it is mine. You have to remember that you do have a choice, you know you do. You don't have to leave him, why bother with the paperwork, he's not around anyways...neither was mine. I just decided to move on and if he wanted on my team he was going to get with my program! You need to be strong, you already have displayed you can do it.....you have been! So what if the bills are not getting paid, let them call, then you give the collectors his number. When he calls, get him mad. Tell him you and the kids are great! Let him realize what he's missing. I have seen your photo, you're beautiful!!!!
Don't let him make you feel he or the BC has taken the YOU!! You can get thru this, I as well as all the other women are here to cheer you on. And remember, never forget why you are really you!!!!

Love Sharon

P.S. What part of OH are you in? My family lives down in the Detroit area, maybe we could hook up one day? Ever been to Northern Michigan? I live in Tawas on Lake Huron. (Look on a map) Laughing

Teribear · January 2008

Sharon, you don't know how much I needed to hear your words today and as soon as I stop crying, and pull myself together, I will respond. Don't worry, they are good tears. You really touched something in me. thank you. teri

Sharon67 · January 2008

Teri, you're very welcome. Like I said, been there, probably worse than you could ever image. My friends say I could write a book with all the crap I have put up with over the last 8 years. But only you know when enough is enough. God did not put you on this earth to just get by and be so-so. I firmly believe we all deserve what we put into our lives. It's like I tell my daughter, treat people how you wish to be treated. Why should you or I expect to be treated any less than how we would treat someone else. If the roles were reversed, and my husband had cancer, he would expect me to be there, and would be hurt if I was not. Was I mad when he left me, you bet....I was so pissed I wouldn't let him come back home! He lived at our office for over 2 weeks and then 4 more days at a hotel. I made sure he stayed away from our home when he came back to Michigan for the same amount of time he should have been with me. When he called, I would let him know I was doing just fine without him. When he asked to help, I politely said no thank you. I never stopped telling him I loved him, but I let him know how hurt I was. I would never do something like that to him, how dare he do it to me! And all over beer as an excuse! I swear the most educated people can be soooo stupid! (he's a PhD) Anyways, get a good night sleep, you don't want puffy eyes for the PS tomorrow. And if you every want to talk you can e-mail me at SunLake@aol.com.

Nite-nite-sharon

continued Tissue expander pain!!

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