desperate for better mind control!

I had the same thing happen-I think most of us do.  We seem ok during treatment and then after treatment ends the emotional scary thoughts start to occur.  As far as the back pain goes, did you have radiation?  I had back pain too at about the same point after treatment ended and my onc. was pretty certain it was from radiation.  I also had a mast so it could have been that too.  She sent me for a scan anyway and the scan came out fine.  Mine felt muscular too but I was terrified it was mets.

I have recently started seeing a psych. at the place where I was treated.  I fought it for a long time.  I also tried a support group but that did not work for me.  She really has not told me anything I don't already know but there is something about spilling your guts to someone on a weekly basis that helps.  I go every Monday and I leave feeling great.  For me I tried all the strategies:  keeping busy, working on projects,etc.  But until I started to see a counselor on a regular basis those strategies did not really help.

I am sure others will be along soon to give some great advice.  Just know that you are not alone!

donagee...I'll echo what the other posters have said, especailly Madalyn's take on worrying...it gets us nowhere and just ruins the here & now. I do still worry too (2 years out), but have never felt as though it was my body's fault or betrayal that I should fear; rather, I consider cancer and other disease as invasions and, so, am resolved to protect what I love (my body) from these. That takes some effort and focus and allows me to have a more positive slant to this fear.

I guess each person needs to come to terms with her/his own eventual mortality one way or another and having cancer just makes it more in-your-face. A counselor I once spoke with said that the healthiest survivors she's known do acknowledge death, almost like it's a presence that stands to the side or at a distance, but then go on and just lives their lives. That imagery helped me alot and really enabled me to truly move on.

~Marin

Also, check out the thread in this forum called, "I'm done with my treatment-now what"

I tend to attack irrational fears from a logical point. I ask my self a lot of rhetorical questions such and remind myself of the truth. For instance, "how is worrying going to help me?" It's not. Worrying won't change the results of any test, it won't keep me safe through magical thinking, it won't cause or prevent a recurrence. Obsessing will only make me miserable and I prefer not to be miserable. Having these conversations with myself over and over helps me prioritize where I want to spend my energies.

Around Thanksgiving I was having pretty bad pain in my back.  It felt like it was near the kidney.  It felt like a muscle...couldn't palpate and feel the pain.  It was deeper.  I could hardly turn over while in the bed.  Had a hard time getting up and down.  I took Aleve or an Nsaid.  I was scared.  Well, it went away. 

One other time I had a skin rash that itched.  I looked on the computer (just knew it was skin mets).  It did appear to be shingles, but I wasn't accepting that until I saw a dermatologist.  It was shingles.

Shoot, we all go through canceritis.  We all have fear that one day this will come back.  But like the ladies here have said, it does get better.  Some days you'll forget about cancer and others it will pop back up in your mind.

Hang in there and please do come back.

Shirley