Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Tina - Please keep us posted on the DH's story - it sure sounds like you will finally be able to put the pieces together.  And it's great that you are cleaning out stuff, it will be much easier to move.  BTW - do Jaclyn and Paul know that they will be moving? If so, how are they taking it.  Or are you and the DH just going to tell them when you know exactly where/when you'll be moving? And poor little Jaclyn, leaving behind her Nintendo. Maybe you'll get lucky and someone will turn it in.  I remember years ago Cassie left behind her beloved stuffed animal "Bear Bear" in a hotel room in Ottawa and she was beside herself - she must have been about 6 years old.  I called the hotel (it was a Delta) and they did a search and they found it in the laundry and UPSed it back to me.  But then it was just a beat up old bear, not a $129 tech machine.

Viddie - please be careful of your back.  It really is too bad they can't get a teenager in to help you all with the set up and break down.

Rebecca - You look gorgeous - Your hair looks adorable, and the makeup artist did a great job.  Your sister look lovely too.

Skye and Joni - how are you holding up girls?  We are right there with you.

Melia - I hope you win the conservatorship of your father, and I also think you should inform the court of your BC diagnosis last year.  The whole situation stinks - can't the courts look for real criminals to prosecute, instead of wasting their time with law abiding citizens?

Mel- I hope you are doing well and enjoying your quiet week alone without DH.  I'm glad you got someone else to walk Harrison.

Nancy - glad you checked in.  Sounds like your kitchen will be really nice when you've finished the remodeling.

My house is very quiet now, after having the girls home over the holidays, with all the comings and goings of their friends.  On the one hand it's a bit depressing, on the other hand it is very quiet and my fridge is my own again.  I cleaned it all out and filled it with lots of veggies and protein so the DH and I can resume low carbing. I've had a doozer of a headache today, probably due to the rain and thunderstorms we've had overnight and today.  I just took a percoset and I think I'm going to lie down for an hour or so.

Will check in later.

Joni, of course you are frightened and weepy. When will Dan be home?

But you do know intellectually that there are lots of other treatments that are available. Go ahead and cry, but then you will be able to dig deep and find the strength and courage to fight. And we will be lined up behind you fighting too. You can do it, dear Joni. You can. And you will. And we will hold your hand, we will circle you with love. I wish we could all be with you now. I hope Dan is on his way home.

And prayer is powerful. We will all be praying for you.

Hugs, Melia

Joni --



This is Hillary from the February thread. Of course you could do chemo again if you had to! I think another thread had an analogy of elephants --- the elephants all gather around the sick elephant and keep her standing. Your January Ta-Ta's and the rest of the BCO community will be there around you, holding you up.



Lots and lots of hugs,

Hillary

Oh, Joni that absolutely stinks. We were all hoping for better news. Don't apologize for being down. You are absolutely entitled to be sad. I actually think there is therapeutic value in the occasional pity party.

I don't think more treatment means the same treatment. Most of the women I know with mets are taking very different drugs. I have a good friend who's been stage 4 for three years. She has regular infusions - sorry I can't remember the drugs - but she has long gorgeous thick hair and isn't having problems with side effects.

We will help you through this. Have yourself a good cry. I hope Darling Dan is home soon for you.  

Sending you big hugs. 

Omigosh I just realized I missed a whole page of posts. Joni, we are so here for you, I love the circle of elephants analogy. Think of us as huge, animated bundles of love and encouragement surrounding you. You are totally strong and can do whatever is needed. much LOVE - Skye

I'm sitting here crying too Joni - but I know you won't give up.  Please try to at least talk to the onc or a counselor or someone sooner about this news. 

Skye, so sorry you are getting the delay and runaround.  I hope you can get some satisfaction soon.  Your art is wonderful.  What a talented group we are.

Rebecca, you looked great at the wedding.  I wish I could do my hair like they do mine when I get it done.  Right now I beginning to look hairy again.  Everyone says it looks great and they are amazed because I have so much of it but it does whatever it wants to do.

Viddie, be careful of your back and thank you for resending that holiday card.

Tina, any word on the lost Nintendo?  It always seems we lost something on a trip.  Paul is so sweet!  I'm sorry Florida did not turn out how you would have liked but just take it as that is not where you are meant to be.  Any gossip from DH's work?

Mel, hope you are doing okay and not too lonely?  Do you not have a fence that you have to walk Harrison or does he just enjoy the exercise?  I know what you mean about smelling the roses.  The dog I used to babysit stopped at every mailbox (a boy thing).

Well I emailed an "apology" to my SIL even though I did not think I did anything wrong.  I did not personally call her because I was afraid of what I would say - that she needs HELP and DRUGS.  I have not heard anything from her.  My DH heard from her today re her house and she didn't mention anything but their conversation was cut short.  I am totally ready to drop her.  At the very least, I will not be hosting any more dinner parties with her attending (I am 0 for 2).  I will pray that she gets some help.  Oh Melia, what a mess that law is...you think they could spend better time going after real problems.  Hugs to all

Joni, first off, I can only imagine my fear if in the same situation some day.  I think you are doing well to even be able to come on and post.  Please don't EVER apologize for being sad.  You are one of us and we are here for you always.  This does totally stink...ok, it sucks.  This is when we have to remember the people like E. Edwards, as Amera mentioned.  Another huge long term success story is a woman here in Columbus, about 40, who was orig. dx'd in '98 after having two children and went on to have two more.  She has lung mets and Joni, I swear, you'd never in a bazillion years know it.  She is so living her life and you do too...to the maximum.  Take each day as it comes and don't fear more tx.  You will do what you have to, as we all will.  Huge hugs from Columbus! 

Oh, Mary, I have to laugh at how honestly we vent on this site (needs help and drugs).  We must be so careful to never let people know the url!    I've vented my butt off here many a time and would probably die if they read it.

Well, the DH didn't gain any insight onto what really went down at work from the guy he had coffee w/today but he said he very much felt that the guy was ready to spill a big secret.  He expects he'll call him again.

I gave the massive arcade game to a youth pastor from a Baptist church.  Talk about a selfless guy.  He was probably no more than 30, drove two hours from Canton, OH to get here, got a little lost.  He brought one of the kids that attend the church w/him.  He was prob. 17 or so and had some pretty serious disabilities..used a cane, had a major limp or something and seemed a little mentally challenged too, but very, very pleasant.  To see his eyes light up when he started playing that machine was worth a million bucks.  He was like a kid on x-mas.  Even my son got such a kick out of seeing how happy he was.  The poor guy and his uncle, who met him here to bring this thing up the stairs were lucky to not have keeled over from the weight of it.  New games like this ran $3K at Costco this x-mas.  The DH paid $500 for it on Ebay about two years ago and then another who knows what for movers to bring it downstairs.  I felt guilty for not paying these guys to take it out of here, but I know they are very happy.  Anyway, it was just very heartwarming to see such a young guy put himself out like that.  I feel so jaded, like I don't see that very often.  Need to lose my cynicism. 

OK...enuf rambling about that.  Anyone see Desperate Housewives?  It was pretty good.  Just watched it on TiVo this am.

Joni, again, keep with us each day even if you don't feel like it.  We will drag you out of your slump.  This too shall pass.  You will feel good again.

joni

big HUGS from another canadian sister , I will triple and fine tune the sh*t word . We are all sista's remember and our undivided circle of hope is above the mountains today . There is a place on the transcanada hwy and I know you know it "The Three Sisters" mountains , well along with that you enter the rocky mountains and the rest of us "sister rocks " keeping vigil over you .

So when you look over the foothills tomorrow morning look at those mountains and remember we are all rocks everyone of us steadying each other along the trails of life . 

Damn hard rocks we are along with a cool mountain meadow to refresh you .    

Steady as she goes woman!

The elephant analogy is a perfect one for our Joni, who loves elephants.  We will all be here holding you up.

Sharon, you are such a poet - I love you.

Skye, I'm pissed as hell that your ins. company is holding things up.  Call them yourself, see if you can get a human being with an actual heart, and if not, threaten them with legal action.  And thanks so much for posting more art work.  It is truly enchanting.  I'll be putting the history channel, Jan 23, on my calendar for sure!  I can't wait.

Tina, I watched Bobby Flay twice through and still didn't see you.  I tried.  Your Paul is an angel - what a sweet brother!  You've done a good job with those kids, and it shows.  Hope your dh finds out the scoop from his friend, eventually.

Viddie, hope you didn't overdo at work.  I've had the steroid injections several years ago and they didn't help me.  They might now, though, as things have deteriorated.  Walking doesn't work for me, although I love walking, because of all my foot surgery.  That's what caused the back problem in the first place.

Mary, we've got a fenced yard, but it's crushed granite and flagstones, surrounded by plantings.  No grass.  Harrison won't poop in the yard, so we must walk him.  If we put him in the yard, he just stands on the deck and looks in the window at us.   He does love his walks, though!

Melia, good luck on your journey, and I hope the hearing goes in your favor.  Do play the cancer card - it can't hurt.  And come home safely.  What do your business events consist of?  I know you're in the flower business, but I've always wondered what you do at your meetings and presentations.  I told the girls tonight that I was NOT going to complain any more.  So never mind about my pain.  Until I know that it is or isn't anything special, I'm just  not going to think about it at all.  It may be only that I am becoming accustomed to my pain meds, and need to increase them, although what I'd really like to do is to not have to take them.  Or maybe there is something fixable going on.  I don't know now, but hopefully I will soon. 

Hope you all have a good Wednesday.  Last night, I was up until after midnight (bad Mel) and had to get up at 3:15 to walk Harrison, so I'm going to turn in early tonight.  I was sort of uncoordinated all day today, and I'm sure it was because of no sleep.  Hugs, everyone.

A friend just told me about this magazine called Cure:

http://www.curetoday.com/ 

It's free to survivors. The issue I glanced at looks pretty good. 

There is also a magazine dedicated strictly to BC - it's called BEYOND.  It's hard to find, they usually have it only in specialty magazine stores.  I emailed the publisher to see if I could get a subscription, but they aren't doing subscriptions yet.  It is a very good magazine, if you can find it.

As for curetoday - yes free for you American ladies, we Canadians have to pay $20. 

Yay Joni!  that is just what I wanted to hear from you!  Do not discount tears...you do have to experience those emotions.  Let them out, and let them fall away from you with your tears.  I hope you and your pooch had a wonderful walk!

Sharon, your words are so lovely....I got choked up.  You are a treasure. 

Tina...prescription indeed!  LOL  so funny.  I looked at that site too and the magazine looks really great.  I just wonder what kind of strange mailing list you get put on if you sign on with them?

Mel, my dog Joy does the same thing, particularly when it is cold and/or wet outside.  I let her out, and she just stands there looking at me through the slider with the most pathetic expression on her face, and then she BARKS (she has a very piercing bark for a 50 lb dog).  I, too am a bad dog owner....Joy does not go out for walks very often.  She mostly romps in the backyard.  My stance on the dog poop in the yard is that I have dealt with ENOUGH poop in my life (three kids worth of diapers, and a kitty litter box) so it is DH's job for sure.  The only time I see dog poop is when he is cleaning it up and complaining .

Well, I have been very busy and diligent prepping for my Spring writing class...I have three weeks worth of material done already (I am averaging one week per day).  Of course there are only 5 students registered for this class, so it may very well be that I will do all this work only to have the course cancelled on me/  cross your fingers everyone!!!

OK, have to get ready to head out for girl scouts......going early to sneak in a playdate for Owen.  Poor baby is pretty bored staying at home with me, although we did play a nice game of Sorry this afternoon (he won!)

Hugs to all! 

Joni, I'm so glad you had Sue to help you.  Thank God for people who know just what to say/do...

Rebecca, LOL'ing about the fact that this is the first ever mention I've heard of Joy.  Where have you been hiding him/her?

Yeah, Caya, what is that w/everything, like greeting cards, are so much more $ in Canada yet didn't I hear the Canadian dollars value is more than the US right now?  Or close to it?  I subscribed to Cure, Rebecca, so I'll let you know if I get any wacko mail.  Speaking of which, for the first time today I was disgusted at the amt. of catalogs I rec'd that I have zero interest in.  I am no tree hugger...but it bothered me.  That, and very recently I actually gave more than a moments thought to how plastic water bottles are filling the earth.  Made me feel guilty about buying bottled water.  I have never cared about this stuff before.  WHAT IS BECOMING OF ME??!!!

That's the spirit Joni - you are very much ALIVE today, and you will be tomorrow too, and the day after ... I'm glad Sue was able to help you out.  Your onc. will have a plan, and whatever it is, I'm sure you will cope and we will all be here to cheer you on.

Yes Rebecca - I agree with Tina - I don't recall hearing about your dog Joy ... how long have you had her?

Tina - For years the American $ was worth much more than ours - the last couple of years around 20-30% more, so the books, greeting cards etc. that are sold in both countries had 2 different prices to recognize the diff.  However, when our dollar equaled and even surpassed the US$, these books, magazines etc were already out on the market, and I can tell you it was a big bone of contention up here - People were pissed off in a major way, and rightly so.

Nancy - I have been thinking of increasing my Effexor XR today - I'm at 37.5 mgs. right now, but my hot flashes are terrible lately at night.  I think I will make an appointment with my GP next week, my onc. already told me he thinks I should increase it to 75 mg.

Girls, I don't want to jinx myself but my hair is actually growing in nice - straight, silky and pretty dark, with a bit of grey.  Everyone asks me if I am colouring it, and I swear I am not. It just is taking a long time to grow, but oh well, it's great when I want to take a shower in the morning and go - it's dry in like 15 minutes.

Skye - I hope that you get approved soon.  It's ridiculous.

Oh and a little update on Cassie's bridesmaid dress - like I should have had it easy - the store called to inform us that the particular style we chose is not available in powder blue - (yeah but it's available in like 34 other colours) so we have to shlep back to the store next week and try again.  The new 2008 samples will be in and the owner promised me she would pull out all the dresses available in that colour... well, I guess that should be my worst problem.

Are we chatting tomorrow? I tried last night but I guess I missed it.

Nancy, go ahead and get a trim if you want.  Just tell them a trim though.  My hair is really growing faster now.  I'm still trying to convince myself to dye it blonde.

Joni, It's so good to hear from you.  I'm glad you have found strength.  I know this is scary but we are here for you.

Skye, keeping you in prayer.

I had a mess of a day. Car was making noises, so far it hasn't turned out to anything, still haven't gotten over SIL, and then my DS#2 who is at college gets mad at me for "overmothering."  I apologized, but he was still mad, so now I'm mad.  See if he gets any more care packages!  Then DS#1 calls and is all nice.  He is usually the challenge.  I guess they do grow up eventually.  They really don't know how good they have it.  I'm going to veg tonight.  Sharon, it was good to hear from you, great picture.  Hugs.