Dorothy Hamill has BC

I will agree that all cancer is bad and we need to support each other. I would never say that a woman with DCIS isn't dealing with an enormously difficult situation. But I'm sorry, I have to say this: it simply isn't true that it isn't a better cancer to have. Of course it is better to have DCIS than IDC! That's why everyone has mammograms, so it will be caught before it becomes invasive. I can't imagine anyone with DCIS would trade it for IDC. Can't we acknowledge that it is an ordeal but still say it is better than a worse ordeal? I mean if I said stage II and stage IV were no better or worse than each other, that would be ridiculous and offensive.



It isn't all the same. Chemo is different. The fear of death is different. And for women who have mets its taken to an even higher level: an almost certainty of death, debilitating treatments that do not end, increasing losses.



It isn't all the same, it just isn't. We can recognize that we all deal with a horrible situation but still acknowledge that for some women it is more horrible than for others. That's just the truth.

I <heart> Beesie.

Whatever stage Ms Hamill has, it is a tragedy. If anything, it drives home that getting or not getting BC is a crap shoot. The woman who says "I'm fit, I'm healthy" can get it, just like the woman who tries to eat right and exercise 4 days a week (me) with varying (low) levels of success. 

When I was dx with DCIS, I was terrified. My mom had IDC, MRM, chemo, LE. When I told my sister, I said to her, "Whatever you do, remind mom that this is MY cancer, not hers.  I will have to fight it MY way, with MY doctors.  My treatment may be different, but I hope the result is the same: getting over and through it."  My mom got it (finally) and let me be.

Like the grief counselors told us when my dad died far, far too young: No one knows what you are going through. It is your grief. Own it. Someone may have an understanding of what you are going through, but they do not know it.  I don't know what mom went through. But she got through the cancer and - thank god - made it to the other side ok. Hopefully, I will too. And that, we will have in common.

I am, however, dismayed and disappointed that some think I didn't have BC bad enough or at all.

Quite a lively debate in this thread! My experience is a little unique in that in 1997 I was diagnosed with DCIS on the right, then two years later IDC on the left. So I went for two years with "just" DCIS, and it was very painful and emotional for me, with two lumpectomies, radiation, then biopsies on the radiated tissue followed by mammograms on the biopsied radiated tissue because they thought they took the wrong tissue out (there are no words to describe the pain I was in for about a year).

Yet I can say that the day that the surgeon told me I had invasive disease on the left, I realized that there was a qualitative difference: I now had a diagnosis that could kill me. The cancer had broken through and was on the move. It was psychologically like going to a whole other level of awareness. I remember thinking about how I had not truly understood until that day what it was like to really have cancer.

That was just my own personal experience and I'm not saying anyone needs to agree with me or share my experience.

I like the line that the worst thing that has happened to you is the worst thing that has happened to you.



I was reacting to the post that all breast cancers are the same. They aren't. You just have to go to the mets section of these boards to see that -- there's a reason those women don't post here on the Moving On section. I guess I don't understand why you can't say BOTH that DCIS is a really difficult thing to go through AND it is better to have DCIS than IDC.



Of course it isn't a competition and we don't get extra points for chemo. But I think the only honest thing to do is to acknowledge that some of us have a harder road than others. When I hear about women who are initially diagnosed with enough positive nodes to be considered satge III, I absolutely think they have a heavier burden than I do. Not to acknowledge that, I believe, would show a lack of compassion.

I just think it's a very sticky wicket to start comparing which bc is "better" to get. The reality is that once we here the words "You have breast cancer" life as we know it is kicked to the curb.



There isn't a person here who doesn't fear that this sh*t will come back. Today's DCIS or Stage I cancer could be tomorrow's Stage IV. That most DCIS women won't spend time in chemo doesn't make their battle with this crazy, unpredictable beast any "better" imho.



I don't agree with you at all, MOTC. I think each time you make and effort to plead your case, you offend a few more people. And just so you know, I'm one of those people.

I'm sorry. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone. I'll say no more.

Well, I have Inflammatory bc..do I win?  <I'm just teasing and trying to lighten the mood> 

Anne (lewisfamily) wrote...."I have dcis and I would have to agree that all cancer is NOT the same. I feel so lucky to have caught this so soon. I don't have to have chemo or radiation or hormone therapy. My heart goes out to all the women here who are dealing with invasive, life-threatening breast cancer."

 Thank you for your words Anne...I think this is kind of what MOTC was saying in her posts.  

I certainly never intended to say that everyone's BC is the same. My god, my mom went through hell with her dx and tx. She still has SE. I am more than thankful that I had stage 0 and had but a lumpectomy and rads. Yes, I know it is gone & I am cured. The docs were very clear on that. It won't mestastisize, but if it does comes back or if I get a new primary the data show it would likely be invasive. I cannot imagine what it feels like living with a higher stage BC, mets, anything like that, and my heart hurts for anyone going through it.

I wish nothing but long lives, the best lives for all of us.

I kind of thought that women with DCIS had double masts.

This is a hard subject.  No one's exactly right.  I too like, the worst thing that has happened to you is the worst thing that has happened to you.  I have often used something similar. 

A friend of mine finally found the man of her dreams after 20+ years of divorce.  She even said YES to his proposal and then about three days later he died.  She went with him to Indiana for a family reunion and his 50th high school graduation.  He was a few years older.  Anyway, to make a long story short, they were sitting outside talking.  She turned around to say something to him and he was gone.  Massive heart attack.  They did CPR until the ambulance came.  Nothing would have saved him.  And to this day this is what she remembers the last time she saw him.  A friend of mine said, well, it could have been worse.  It could have been one of her children.  Oh, that made me mad.  It's like I have said, if something is bad for you then it's just as bad as someone else getting worse news.  Well, my friend who said, it could have been worse, just lost her almost 91 year old mom.  She expected to see her mom recover and come home.  When I saw her mom, and my friend and her brother took shifts around the clock for 20 days (most in CCU) I knew she would never be able to go home, but didn't have the heart to tell her.  Anyway, my point is, I could have told her (and she's grieving) that he could have been worse.  It could have been one of her sons.  You see, she's almost blaming the doctors for "killing" her 91 year old mom who had a bad stroke.  And this is not the first time she has said, it could be worse.  She has horrible RA and I think she thinks having bc is better than RA.  I can't say.  Because, her "worse" is hers and my "worse" is mine.  She can die from the meds she has to take.  I can die from mets if that should ever happen.

I don't really think anyone here was saying their bc was better.  I do wish mine had been caught earlier.  I had my mammos every year.  Had a few ultrasounds.  Then several months later I found my lump.  I thought it was a cyst.  Long story short, 4.5 cm, 5/7 postive nodes with extranodal extension.  I have mild LE, but there's not a day that I don't "feel" my mast, nor my numbness from the mast, nor the reminder of Taxol and it's leftover neuropathy in my fingers and toes.  Thank God I don't have pain from the neuropathy.

When I see something about early breast detection I must admit I get a little angry.  I went every year to my gyn and had my mammo.  I want something better than a mammo.  I will never trust mammos again.  When I get my mammo every year on my remaining breast I don't get nervous because I don't trust them.  I can't say I trust MRIs.  After neoadjuvant chemo the MRI didn't pick up the one cm tumor in a different quadrant of my breast therefore, I decided to have a mast instead of a lumpectomy.  We knew it was there before chemo.  Yep, I'm angry.  I want better detection for my three daughters and for my remaining breast!   

Shirley

I know, Harley.  These insurance companies can be a pain in the you-know-what!  Sorry you are having to fight once AGAIN!

Shirley

Ok, I said I wouldn't say anymore but I have to. I have never dismissed DCIS. I have never said it wasn't evil. I had four (!) different biopsies this past Fall and when my breast surgeon told me there it was highly likely that I had DCIS, I was not happy, to say the least. It turned out I didn't. But even after going through Stage IIb, I certainly saw DCIS as a big deal.



But I also have to say that it hurts my feeling when I hear people say that all breast cancers are the same. Can we support each other and recognize the differences at the same time? I go to the mets section every once in a while and I really think if any of those women saw someone say all bc is the same, it would be deeply painful.



I might die from the cancer I had. Every chemo agent I had carries an independent risk of leukemia. The chemo fried the nerves in my stomach, causing a disorder that lasted a year during which I was nauseous every single day and threw up several times a week, for a year. And this was after chemo. I feel my life will be shortened because of this treatment. I hope and expect that i will live to see my children grow up, but the odds that I will do so are considerably lower than the odds for women with DCIS.



So its painful for me when that isn't recognized either. And i really don't want the public to think all bc is the same. We have a cure for DCIS. We do not have a cure for mets and we can't let the public become compacent about that.

Wow, Member, you are blowing me away with what you say.  Do you know there are women who are dx with DCIS that turns into stage IV?  And some women who are dx with stage II and never advance beyond that.  I think we can all agree that each of us have suffered a loss.  And just like cmb35 said, each of our losses is individual to us.  I just don't get where you are coming from.  It sounds as if you want to be acknowledged for having a higher stage than someone lower on the scale than you are.  What difference does it make?  This is YOUR personal battle.  And what difference does it make what the "stars" do.  There are so many diseases that destroy peoples lives that I bet we never even hear about.  Does that mean they are not as "horrible" as b.c.?  I say good for Dorothy Hamill if she goes skating in a couple of weeks.  Just my thoughts, but we are here to support each other.  Not to say who's cancer is "more horrible."  That's YOUR truth I guess, but not "THE" truth.  I'm not picking on you, I just don't get the train of thought.

g

I hope that Dorothy has stage 0 and she uses her celerity status to educate more women about all types of BC. With all of the BC Awareness you would think they would be talking about this no stop, letting people know that although BC has come a long way we still have a long way to go.

I am new to all of this, but it seems to me that everyone takes it to one extreme or the other. I have had people say well, just take the chemo and you will be fine and others who pretty much ask how long I've got to live.

 When I was first dx a co-worker (female) said my neighbor had bc, and she never even got sick. She repeated that to me for about 4 weeks and I always smiled and said that's nice. Then one day I was in a pisssy mood and she said it, I asked her what type of bc does she have, what stage is she in, and finally what was her treatment plan? She was in shock and said well you know bc, I said you may want to do some homework about bc, what you don't know can & may hurt you.

I sent her a full article about all the different types of bc & stages; she went straight to her OBGYN to get her mamo done. The point I'm getting at is Cancer in any form is awful, but I believe we do have an obligation to inform women who don't know about BC the different stages & treatments and that we are not all the same. Even if we are the same stage & cancer type, we are different ages, different lymph node status, tumor size, etc.

I hope that by the time my daughter is my age, BC won't even have a stage or they will all be caught before they start. I was one of those people who thought everyone died when they found BC; I used to say I wouldn't even do treatment.

My neighbor was dx last year stage 1 IDC, she has been so helpful and supportive during all of this. My hope is that both of us will be here 20 years from now to dance at my upcoming grandchild's wedding.

Bottom line most of us stage 0-4 will become NED during our treatments, the question is will it come back? So now they know how to treat us, now they need to focus on how to keep us NED. My oncol. said that once you are dx with any BC , recurrence is highly possible (no matter what stage or type). We are all in this together, I was perfectly happy being an unstage before my dx.

End of rant

Morning Everyone,

I am jumping in one more time, as I see the "the worst thing..." concept resonates with some folks. I hate to keep using the analogy of death to make this point, but it's the best one I've got. There is most certainly a difference between someone dying at a ripe old age after living a full life, and someone dying at a very young age, etc. etc. Although not all deaths are true tragedies, all deaths are sad, and all deaths, tragic or not, leave the remaining loved ones grieving their loss. And your own personal grief is going to hurt, even if he was 88, he's still YOUR dad.

Having someone close to you die is like bc though, you have to be "in the club" to truly get it.  (Side note!)

Anyway, yes, of course, living with mets is better than dying from mets, dx at stage 2 is better than dx at stage 4, dx at stage 0 is better than dx at stage 2. We all want our initial dx to be the best possible case scenario that it can be. (Hell, I wanted my dx to be benign!) The thing is, once you get that dx, all bets are off and your life as you know it ends. I agree with many above that the whole thing is a crapshoot. Of course, our survival stats are worse when our inital dx stage is more advanced. But I think that once you know that your body can do that, can sabotage you that way, you are never truly free from the worry that it will do it again. And while the reality of that worry is statistically more real the more advanced the stage, the worry is just, well that constant back of your mind, crappy wave that comes over you when one of your friends says something like, "can you believe that in 5 years they'll be driving?" about your kids and can't help but think, "will I be here to see it?"