Starting Chemo in May 07

CindyKS- GREAT to hear from you...sounds like you still have that amazing attitude.  Great that you could go to your nieces wedding.  They sound like my brother and his wife...  My bro is 6' 2" and his wife is 4' 11" - they look like Mutt and Jeff.  LOL  But they manage.  Now the fun is to see what their kids will end up...short or tall or somewhere in the middle.

Sending all good karma to you...  Hopefully those liver mets will get into shape and shrink like they are supposed to!!

Happy New Year to you...

Virginia 

CindyKS, you have such a great attitude. I'm happy to hear about the good news and I'm happy that you are keeping us informed. You are so much stronger then me girl.

Hugs, Traci

Mtnmama - so glad you said something, I too thought the mets were scared.....and was puzzling over it.  Ah yes, a little slow these days....though I'm told it'll get better the farther out I am from radiation?

The chemo-rads one-two punch is a doozy. 

Though CindyKS, I can't imagine what the chemo-chemo combo is doing.  The biggest hugs to you, and Merry Xmas I guess?  Since you're celebrating on New Years! 

Hello ladies!

Today is one of my favourite days of the year - the anticipation is palpable!  I also always get reflective at this time of year and think about the previous year...quite a bit to think about this year! 

When my Grandma passed away in 1992, I remember thinking I couldn't wait for the year to be over because I hated it so much - but then really started to think about the year and realized that there were some really good things that happened too...so I started my annual new years eve questionairre (my hubby and I have done it pretty much every year since)  We write them in private then share what we wrote over some champagne or wine and reminisce/reflect on the year.  We write 10 bad things that happened, 20 good things that happened, some favourite memories, some funny stories, what we learned about ourselves/each other etc. how we've grown as parents, our career highlights and challenges and then we always end it with a message to each other (today is the 21st anniversary of our first date!)  So, in keeping with that mindset this is my take on 2007...

Bad things:

-  I (and all of us) was diagnosed with breast cancer

-  I also had bilateral pneumonia, passed a kidney stone and had an infected gall bladder

-  I gained nearly 20lbs during chemo and lost all my hair along with pretty much all of my self esteem

-  I experienced some really dark times - one was a week after I was diagnosed when it really hit me and I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life and another time was the night I "said goodbye" to my family when I was in the hospital and started to really fear for my life

-  Some friends who I thought I was really close to were pretty much non-existent in my life this year

-  One friend (who meant a lot to me - and I thought it was mutual) pretty much ignored me after my diagnosis

Good things!

-  I am here and feel great!!!!!!!!

-  I was the one diagnosed and not one of my children or my hubby - I could not bear that.

-  I am a strong woman both physically (staying fit during chemo) and emotionally - I plan to stick around for a long time yet and really LIVE while I'm here!  (Note - we are ALL strong women!)

-  I was the recipient of extraordinary kindess this year - it was quite simply overwhelming.  Never have I felt so loved by so many - there were times when I could just feel the energy/well wishes/positive thoughts that were directed my way.  I received large gestures of kindess and support (like the surprise party at work given by my colleagues) and the offer from a friend to shave her head too (I declined but still cry when I think about the selflessness of that offer) .  I have alse received so many smaller gestures that I can't recall all of them, the gifts, the cards, the offers of help, the flowers, the phone calls, the e-mails - I am a truly blessed and lucky woman. - I am richer in ways that I didn't even realize before this year!

-  Cancer has not dominated my life - it's in my thoughts a lot but there are many, many stretches of time where it isn't in my head - and that's a GREAT feeling and one I never thought possible only a few short months ago!

-  On my darkest day (when I had the crying meltdown - I call The Abyss) I found this website and this board and have found immeasurable comfort here.  I am truly grateful for your company on this journey ladies and feel an inexplicable connection to all of you in this May group - I want so very much for all of us to be successful in this fight for good health and to stay healthy and happy. 

Liz - my running buddy - I was so happy to receive your first PM that you were a runner.  Runners always feel they belong to some special club and now that we share a love of new year's eve - we have even more in common.  I look forward to comparing how we did in our half marathons, etc. in 2008!  However, your training will take place in a much nicer climate than mine will!

LeeAnne - I am so happy that your life plugged along beautifully in 2007 and that in addition to some really shitty things - you found love with a special guy (that we were all a little leary of remember?)  I miss you on this board but am happy that you have really put this behind you - do pop in every now and then to let us know how life is treating you!

Virginia - your humour keeps me smiling every time I log in!  I love your "joy of life" and would really like to meet you in person!  Your attitude is wonderful and I love your expressions and writing style.  I also love your hair - and chocolate!

Traci - you are one of the sweetest people I have ever "met".  Your warmth really shows - even on line!  However under all that sweetness is a tough-as-nails resolve and that's what I believe has gotten you through some of the challenges in your life and will continue to keep you healthy and strong. I always enjoy your long posts (and your short ones too)  Go Cowboys!

Amanda - I still get a little confused sometimes when someone writes to you and I think it's for me (my name is Amanda also).  Your insight and knowledge have been valuable to all of us on the board.  You are always well versed in medical info and places to find more info.  I am also challenged by your acronyms and don't want to look like the "old one" (I'm 42) by asking what "kwim" means (I know now that it means know what I mean?)  I wish all the best for your mom in 2008.

Cindy - I can just hear your personality in your posts .  You sound like a sweet and fun-loving lady who looks WAYYYYYYYY too young to be a Grandma!!  I like reading your posts and am glad that you too seem to be getting on with your life!

CindyMN - You have shown us strength by sharing with us your wisdom and experience with your second go around with chemo.  Your happy attitude has been contagious and I am glad that you joined us (even though your home base is your old group)

CindyKS - I am so sorry that this year didn't end up the way you thought.  I think of you a lot but can see that you have so much on your side:  A) your incredible attitude your loving and supportive family (and friends too I'm sure).  I am so glad to hear that your lung mets have shrunk and those damned liver mets better be "scared" and start shrinking too!  Bucket lists are good ideas for everyone becasue it is always a great idea to live purposefully and no one knows what's around the corner.  I'm a big planner so that's right up my alley.  I think you mentioned skydiving was on your list - good on ya - you can jump twice - once for me as I am too chicken to consider that one!  I wish you a much smoother 2008.

Lar - what a treat to have you join us - you fit in beautifully!  I look forward to your posts too and like your take on things - and congratulations on getting your "swerve" back!  Orgasms are one of life's greatest pleasures and we should all have more of them (or maybe that's just my opinion?)  Best of luck on your surgery in January.

Lorain - You won "best wig" award in this group - or at least "looked best in the wig" anyways!  I thought you looked fabulous in your short 'do too!  I'm glad that you popped in to say hi to us and that you do still stay "in touch" with us if only to read the posts.  It's wonderful that there is too much to do now besides post on the board!  It's a far cry from the days in the summer when getting to the keyboard was pretty much the only accomplishment of the day!

If I have missed anyone, I apologize - I can't go back on the pages (last time I tried that I lost my entire post - and considering this one will likely take up the rest of page 60, I don't want to risk losing it). 

I just want you to know that each and everyone of you have touched my life in some way this past year.  You have been my life line on days when it seemed that no one else "got" what my life was like.  Times when I wanted to whine, vent or in general feel sorry for myself was never well received by friends and family but always was  empathized here and that was so important to my mental health.  Even better though was hearing success stories and celebrating the good times together.  We've had a helluva year but we're still here and I just wanted you all to know how grateful I am for your company in 2007.  I wish we'd all met somehow on a different website (like say, the gorgeouswomen.org website) but if breast cancer was our fate - then it was also our fate to meet here and share our experiences.

Thank you to all of you  and I wish you all nothing but good health, ecstacy, adventure and laughter in the upcoming year.

Love Mandy

(I am crying now -sorry this is so very long - I am quite sure this is the longest post in the history of this board...)

Thank you Mandy for that lovely year-end message.  You are one of the main  reasons I kept coming back to this board on a daily basis.  I feel a special bond with you as well because of the running and your whole attitude towards life. 

Of course I feel a special bond with every single one of you ladies and I so hope that we can meet in person -- in 2008 ???!!! You are all so special and I can't believe that we all ended up here together to help each other through this.  A very happy accident.

Good thoughts and lots of love for the New Year to all and be careful out there. 

nuh uh Mandy....my post was longer!!!!

The feelings are mutual my friend!

Happy New Year everybody!!

Love you guys!!!

Traci

Amanda- I love your post...  A whole two weeks w/o doctors appointments.  Man, I've dreamed of that as well!!  Hawaii is AWESOME!  Do it!  My sister used to live in Maui...that was great.  I will have my 10 days of no-doctors!  Whoo hoo!  Can't wait for that!  Good luck with all your tests and dentist!  I know what you mean about the out of pocket junk...that's why I tried to get my MRI done last year.

Love the smileys too Traci!  Thanks!!

Big hugs Liz, Cindy (all of you!!), Lar (so glad you joined us...you posts make me very happy), Mandy...I don't know where I would be without you ladies...honest to goodness...besides my sis, you gals are my ROCKS!  You are all awesome ladies and I love all of you as well.

Jeepers...new years has made us all pretty sappy, eh??  GOOD BYE 2007...

Here's to good health in '08.

(Sorry if I'm a broken record and keep writing the same thing...)

LOL

Virginia- 

Happy New Year, everyone!  What a great post, Mandy!  I do think we all feel very much as you do.  Thank goodness this site has been here for all of us at our lowest moments.  But most of all, thank goodness for all of YOU!!!  I agree with Cindy...we have all been through a lot and the encouraging words here have helped many of us through dark moments...just knowing others feel much the same and care so much.  It really helps to write down our thoughts and the advice has lifted me out of the depths and back into the light many times.

Virginia - Sorry about your dad.  Enjoyed the pic of you and your friend in NYC!  I'd love to go there some day!  I'd LOVE to be going on that cruise with you...I've been to St. Croix, but someday would like to go to St. Thomas!

CindyKS - Very glad about your lung mets and feeling positive about the liver mets, also!   How is the second round of chemo going...as far as SE's?  Hang in there, girl!

Cindy - I'm your age...56...but I have 5 grandkids...Sasha, 10; Tristan, 9; Nadia, 8; Kyle, 4; Eryn, 3.  Had my first son at barely age 20!  I have Travis, 36; Tara, 33; and Mitchell, 29.  Mitchell is still single.  Oh, and we did miss you, girl!  But we're glad you're busy with a life!!!  We all deserve to concentrate on something besides bc for a while!

Traci - Sorry your family get-together was so trying for you.  It really is tough these days with kids who really are not very respectful and dominate adults.  I teach, so I see it.  They can really be difficult sometimes.

Lar - We'll all be thinking of you on the 9th.  Thanks for sharing the picture.  I'm really glad you've joined our group. 

I've been eating WAYYYYYYYYYYY too many sweets...homemade fudge, cherry mash; peanut blossom cookies; peanut brittle; spritz cookies; rum cake; etc.......definitely need to start my walking routine again!  I can't run, but I walk fast and usually at least 3-4 miles several times a week.  Our school is big and I do lots of running around the school helping teachers and students all day - I help with lots of technology problems.  Good exercise! 

This Thursday school starts again and I'm going without my wig!  Thank you for the kind words about it, Mandy, but I'm very excited because I'm soooooo sick of it.  My hair is actually a good inch and a half long...can't believe how it's growing!  And sooooo glad!  I have to go back and read about posting pictures and I'll post a few.  I'd like to share one of my family. 

Oh, Liz - My surgeon (a woman about 35 or 40) in Denver said even with bilateral mastectomies I'll still have to have digital mammograms one year then an MRI the next for a long time.  She said they look at the skin and area under the implants.  She said it's a fallacy that you don't get mammos with bilaterals!  Boy, did that surprise me!  But it does make sense!

Well...my hubby and I had a great time with my daughter and her family.  Their home is going to be gorgeous! The kids are great fun.  Gotta go shower and go to bed...but I'll try to post a pic soon!

Happy New Year to all of you!  Hoping your 2008 is a blessed one!  Love to you all!

Lorain 

Happy New Year Ladies!!

I rode my couch all night...didn't do a blessed thing... 

Lorain- GOOD for you going topless!  Whoo hoo!  You will LOVE it and people are going to "gush" over you...  It makes you feel good...

Cindy- Not sure if I mentioned the Wii...I might have told this story...I asked my nephew if he wanted one and he said, "No Aunt Vir, it goes against the whole principle of video gaming" (which is to sit on your butt).  My friend at work has it and plays ALL the time with her hubby and 2 teenage sons.  LOVES it!!

Ok girls!  Would love to see some up-to-date pics of you all!!    Now that we know how to use the photobucket thingie....

Have a good day!!

Virginia 

What a lovely New Year's post, Mandy! I too, am so grateful for all the support and community I've experienced here, and I look forward the day I can meet more of you face-to-face.

I am feeling better and better all the time. The long break over Christmas and New Years was awesome! Went back to church for the first time in a year and a half (New Thought - I love it) and it was fabulous. Did some gratuitous shopping (amassed quite a collection of repro mercury glass candlesticks), braved IKEA one day, went out to eat a lot, even went up to the mountain one day to go tubing. Got absolutely PLOWED with the boyfriend drinking tequila and dancing in the kichen after a wonderful dinner out one night (kids were gone, obviously!) We had a blast even though we paid BIG time in horrible hangovers and NEVER need to do it again.  Christmas was wonderful and generous and now it is all cleaned up and that makes me happy. Next thing I am looking forward to is a visit to Tampa the end of January to meet the boyfriend's mom and sister. Can't wait - I hope the weather is warm! 

Oh and btw, the big-O never left me during chemo. Just 'cuz I was single didn't mean I didn't...  like almost every week! It really has not been an issue in any way, even now on Tamoxifen things "work" like they always have. My only Tamoxifen side effect is the hot flashes that I can almost set a clock by: 2:00 a.m., 5:00 a.m., ack!

As much as 2007 was awful, it was also incredibly wonderful. Mandy, I so echo your sentiments about being on the receiving end of so much love and generosity. I had no idea I was so cared about by so many people. What a gift knowing that is! I just foresee amazing times ahead for us all... no matter how much time it is. If there is one thing I have learned from this experience it is that life is short and there is no reason to put off truly living...  

Hugs,

LeeAnne 

Alright!  I'm doing something wrong!  Can't find the directions one of you gave us!

Maybe this will do it!

Have I ever told you guys that you make me LMAO??!!!

I just love coming on here and reading the posts!

OMG...... I had (shhhhhhhhhh (had sex) on New Years!!!!!!) : ) My old SO came by at about 11:30 and yep....he was lookin' good and yep...he was all about me and yep....I went for it!

I'm not sure where it puts us now but, it was nice to have that attention. I was scared to death because.....I don't think I ever told you guys this but, when I had my lap hyst, my gyn/onc told me "nothing....in the vagina for three weeks" well, after I went for my f/u exam, he said I needed about another two weeks to heal. Well, about three weeks after that, I was in the shower and decided to see if I could "feel" anything. Well, I did! I felt what felt like hard stitches in there. Anyway, when we went to have sex, I told Eric and he was so gentle with me. It was awesome! I left my shirt on though cuz I HATE my implants!

Anyway, this guy was supposed to be my past because....that is way too long of a story....but now I'm thinking it was nice and blah, blah, blah.....

LeeAnne!!!!!!!! How long are you going to be in Tampa? I live right across the water! I would love to meet up with you if you have time!

Loraine, lol! You need a little more pratice on photobucket!!!

Mandy, it's official. You are a shopoholic!!! And....what the heck is tabogganing? (sp?)

Cindy, good luck on your mammo....waiting with baited breath to see how it goes.

Amanda, my sister's husband's family is moving to Hawaii! I'll meet you on the beach sister!

Aunt Vir!!! lol! Wii was at my house all "holiday" too. My dvd player hasn't worked since! And Cindy, I'm with you on the tennis game. My 20 year old niece kicked my but like 10 times and don't even get me started on the dodge ball one.....

Lar....I wish my hair was that long!

CindyKS....waiting for you to check in girl!!!!

Hugs everybody, I gotta crash. It will be February before I'm recovered from the holidays.

Love, Traci

ps My brother stayed the night at my house after New Years Eve (hiccup) and News Years day while doing the "morning after breakfast thing he was all depressed cuz he broke up with his girlfriend and his Rottweiller (sp?) dog "Shadow" is getting older and so I talked him in to buying a new puppie. We looked in the classifieds and went and bought a new Rottwielier puppie that Shadow can teach to be a good dog and my bro Scott was so happy! That puppy just latched onto him. It was awesome. I asked him tonight how it was going and he said "once we control the pooping and peeing it will be great!" That puppy is so cute!!!! The second we saw him my bro Scott said "he looks like a Seargent!" so, that's his name!!

If photobucket wasn't such a pain in the a** I would post a pic! lol!

Liz, you are going to do FINE with radiation. Yes, it will make you tired, but it is MUCH easier than chemo and you flew through that!!

Traci, I sent you a PM about possibly meeting when I come to Tampa. That would be so cool!

My furnace fan blew out yesterday and I have no heat! It's just always something, isn't it?

Hugs,

LeeAnne 

I know I have no right to complain about my hair...because I actually HAVE hair...  Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, I am having a serious Grandpa Munster day...  My hair is getting so curly and it's grey at the temples and I feel like it's sticking out...and I feel gross like Grandpa Munster...

:O