Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Hello all and a belated happy holidays to you. I am here with my parents and brother and younger daughter. My older daughter and husband are skiing in Vermont. I love having folks around.

Christmas was nice. It was pretty low-key except for the kid's stuff of course. They always make out like bandits.

I have a question for all of you. I think I might have mentioned that I have cousins who sell this natural stuff that "cures" everything from diabetes to autism. It's a huge pyramid thing and they are at the top. They haven't mentioned this to me but are aware of my dad's condition. They have recently hooked up with some folks at the "cancer hope center" in Las Vegas and are convinced that it has an 80% cure rate. Is anyone familiar with this place?

Now I know that most of us have heard this stuff before. But until now, I hadn't paid it much attention. This bothers me on so many levels. One, it makes you feel like they think you're a fool listening to your dr. Two, it does put a kernel of doubt in your head about treatment. I don't think folks realize how much this kind of thing tortures you mentally.  My father is not interested in the least. He begins another round of chemo on Jan 3 as the cancer has come back in his bones.

I am certainly not convinced any of this alternative stuff works, but every time I think of it, when they call, etc,  it makes my stomach hurt.  We have told them several times that my father is not interested.  I am not really looking for any answers, just venting mostly.  I knew you all would understand.

Anyhow, hope you are all enjoying what's left of vacation time etc. I return to work next Wed but am really loving this relaxing time.

XXOO Amera

Amera, re the "natural stuff," my BIL who had lung cancer was big on that along with the chemo.  He tried to talk me into it.  The only thing I did was the Glutamine.  He claimed that it was helping him and he was able to take an extraordinary amount of chemo but in the end it didn't save him.  I know what you mean about the hard sell.  You and your father have to do what is right for you/him.  It put a stumbling block in my relationship with my BIL but I just couldn't take the stuff. 

Hello everyone,

Sounds like most of you are doing well.  Joni, sorry the pain hasn't let up, but I must say, you look great.  Love your tree.

Oh, Lynn, you brought it back for me when you wrote about not being able to stand up straight in the shower.  I recall that.  I actually just bought a $4.99 plastic footstool for my shower to make it easier to shave my legs, after this heart stuff. 

Melia, can't believe you guys got that many people together for x-mas!  I didn't meet alot of people in Calif. that had tons of family around.  Most were transplants.  I'm sure that was a lot of fun.

Rebecca, your holiday sounded very festive.  Glad you enjoyed.  Sorry you paid for it the next day, but...  all's well that ends well.

Congrats on your rock climbing, Jan.  Love your new avitar too...that hair is reallllly getting long.  I can't wait for the day I have hair in my eyes...that will be a milestone.

Caya, glad the girls are enjoying FL.  I used to work at Bloomies at the Aventura mall.  The DH mapquested his route to the interview at Doral on Thursday...46 miles.  Made me sick thinking of it.  Gotta keep an open mind.  Maybe he could work some days out of Port Everglades at the actual stores on the ships. 

Nancy, you sure got a lot done.  I have been a total slug today, literally lying on the sofa all day.  Not because I feel bad, it's just the first day I've had alone since the hospital.  Drove my parents to the airport this am.  The DH took the kids to the skateboard park and they are now at McD's.  So nice and quiet.  I have no enthusiasm for de-Christmasing the house, despite my scaling back of the decor this year.  Whatever...not going to worry about it.

Oh boy, just realized I missed a page of posts too.  Gorgeous pic of you, Skye and Grendel!  Lynn, great news on your sister.  Love your blue x-mas bulb.  Debbie, sounds like a nice, relaxing holiday you had...I'm looking forward to more of those.  I've gone crazy, hosting these over the top parties the last five years.  It was so nice to go elsewhere this year.

Oops, more posts...  Amera, I'm not into the homeopathic/alternative stuff, but that's me...  Mary, enjoy your New Years eve.  If you have a Trader Joe's up there, they sell a delicious jarred marsala sauce and I sampled it just before the holidays...they mixed it w/sour cream and put cocktail sized meatballs in it.  Easy as could be and so good.  I brought that as an appetizer on x-mas eve...good Catholic that I am....eating meat on x-mas eve. 

Caya I hope everything went well for you today…atiman to the rescue!

Oh Amera, I HATE HATE HATE those people that think that you can take snake oil and be cured of anything and everything.  It scares me because there are people who buy into this stuff, and meet a tragic end.  I wish those cousins would just lay off.  Can you screen your calls and just not pick up?  Maybe you should just hang up on them when they start their shpeil…or better yet, give them my number, and I will take care of them…I have a long track record of reducing telemarketers selling ridiculous things to tears .  I also agree with Jan…if any of this stuff actually worked, it would have made it into mainstream medicine by now.

Wow Mary, sounds like a busy few days!

Tina LOVE the pillbox!  I wish someone would get one for me….all Ihave is the ugly plastic monster on my counter.

Well, finally home from day two of Gymnastics hell…..for the holiday they scheduled Frances from 10 til 1, and then Ana from 1 to 4.  As a result I spent most of yesterday and today in my car riding around trying to kill time.  Frances has practice tomorrow morning, and then we are off for a week because of the new year and because of my sister’s wedding.  The countdown is ON!!!  She wants me to get my nails done, so I have been obediently growing them a bit longer than I usually wear them (which is to say that I actually have some nails now as opposed to trimmed VERY VERY short) and it is absolutely killing me!  I sliced my fingertip the other day, and now, of course, my nail has split where I scored it with the knife.  Very far down, if it breaks it will not only be unsightly but painful!  I just reinforced it with some crazy glue…hope it holds!  I was talking to my sister today about what to wear to the rehearsal dinner, and it sounds like she wants business casual.  I suggested Togas, but she was not into it.  I hope she finds her sense of humor again when this wedding is over! 

OK, midgets are hungry and grouchy, better attend to them.

best of luck to you! its a rough road but you can do it.  Have Faith and get all the help you can.  Trust me you will need it. 

The MRi went okay, I had to wait an about a half hour because one of the machines had broken down, so I went down to the cafeteria and ran into a cousin of mine who is a 5 year BC survivor - she was in for a bone scan. She was there with her parents so it was a nice diversion while we were both waiting for our tests.  The test itself was okay - one stick, and the Atiman did help immensely.  DH picked me up and when I came home I slept the entire afternoon - about 3 hours. I will see my onc. next Friday for my Herceptin infusion, so hopefully he'll have the results then.

Amera - I agree with the others - if this stuff was such a miracle cure, every MD would be using it , and the world would be "cured" of almost every disease.

Mary - have a great time at your son's engagement party on Saturday night. And I hear you on the plans of the men - yeah, let's have a party - yes dear, who'll be doing the grocery shopping, cooking, etc. etc.

Rebecca - yes please pamper yourself and have a manicure and a pedicure for your sis's wedding.  My nails are crappy from the Herceptin, but I try to get a manicure a couple of times a month just to keep them neat looking - short, but okay.

Viddie - I hear you on Meri taking your car - the kids just don't get it, but they will.  I remember when I was 16 and got my license - I went out that first Saturday night for a celebratory dinner with 4 of my BFFs - and I came home around midnight.  My father was pacing in the living room and I asked him why?  He just looked at me and sighed and said "Oh someday you'll find out."  lol - yeah, I sure did.

Omigosh I just realized I missed a whole new page of posts. Caya I'm so glad that went well and just one stick. Yay Atiman! My nails are soft from Herceptin too so just very short and I've stopped polishing them even.

Amera because of what I do for a living I know a lot of "alternative" types, and I had a lot of people trying to get me on various substances from grinding a pound of apricot pits over my food every day to doing something with chaparral, I don't know what but they sent an introductory envelope of it. Bake it?Burn it? Snort it? Also some kind of seaweed. I do take supplements but nothing you can't get at Walgreen's, nothing without my doctor's blessing, and nothing that I can't find some sort of scientific backup for. The glutamine was suggested by my onc nurses in a handout and I do think it may have helped save my toenails. But those things are all to help ameliorate chemo damage, not touted as a cure. I think people who prey on cancer patients with the "sure cure" may mean well but they always have a financial incentive, and that is low.

Viddie, kids and cars, OY! I get my Herceptin at 8:30 am Monday so I'll be dragging about the time you are feeling better.

Sleep tight everyone! - Skye

Caya I am glad that your MRI went ok.  I am pretty ok with the manicure for my sis’s wedding, but the problem is that my hands are REALLY ugly.  We do not have a dishwasher in our house, and I am allergic to chalk (which is obviously a problem in my line of work) and they are rough, chapped and usually cut in various places (I cook a lot and I am a klutz).  My fingers are pretty stubby, and my nails are crooked.  As a result I have never been one to polish them because I always felt that it was silly to draw attention to my least attractive feature.  Ah well…maybe I can redirect her to my feet and get some nice flowers painted on my big toe….that makes ME happy, and noone else will have to see it because my shoes are closed toe!

LOL Skye about Grendel’s puppy libido!  Did you get Steve new slippers for the holiday?

Viddie those GPS ladies are so funny!  When I drive with my dad around here, and I take him on alternate routes I swear that the voice gets more and more annoyed the further we stray from the dictated route.  I think it is funny how dependant some people become on those things to navigate….my mom has always had a very poor sense of direction, and I swear now that she has a GPS she has gotten worse.  When I was in the hospital last year she came and took care of the kids.  She took them to McDonalds one day (which is about 2 miles from my house) and it took her over an hour to get home because she followed the directions of the GPS lady instead of listening to Frances who knew how to get home!

Viddie, we're off by a week, my appt. is next Friday 1/4.  Bummer!  I still have the 4th drain and I am officially tired of it.  It's about 35cc's per day, so hopefully in the next few days I can get it out.  My sister is an RN, so she said she can remove it so we don't have to drive 5 hours to get it out in Boston.  How often and for how many weeks did you wear your binder?  I still don't sleep with it, so I have it on for about 12 hours per day.  I'm not really sure why I'm supposed to wear it anyway, but will ask PS next Friday.  Also, how long does it take before the swelling/hardness goes down in your belly?  Is the binder to help with that?

Other than that, I'm doing pretty well, standing up straight and pretty much back to my routine except for showers, still need George's help.  The shower seat is awsome!

My left breast is definitely bigger than my right.  My left was immediated DIEP and my right was delayed.  It's funny because I'm trying to wear some of my shelf bra cami's and the bra part is too small...hahahahahahaha!  Although I think my right breast is about the size I used to be, so he'll probably reduce the left one to be the size of my right.  ah well!

Caya, glad the MRI went well and you were able to pass the time with people you know.

Amera, I agree with all the other girls, 'nuff said!

GPS, I have a funny story: I was on a business trip with 2 colleagues in Killeen Texas (a small town about 2 hours east of Dallas that has a driveway for an airport).  We were in the rented car and Terry turned on the GPS, the womans voice came on and asked 'Destination City and State'.  Wendy proceeds to lean forward and says 'Killeen Texas'...hahahahahahaha, we all burst into laughter!  I don't really know much about GPS and maybe now you can talk into the machine so it recognizes your destination, but that wasn't the case back then.  We still laugh about that to this day.

Rebecca, lol'ing on your Bella story.  I have never really been a cat lover, alhtough I love dogs.  I just don't think I could handle any pets on my counters and tables.  It amazed me how high cats can jump.  My son Eric had the same ritual of 'how many more bites'.  He used to drive us nuts when he'd put a piece of meat in his mouth and chew it and chew it and chew it for several minutes....SWALLOW, will ya?

It's our anniversary today!  I'm actually going to get out of the house.  We're going to the mall today to get me zipper front sports bra's.  Tonight we are going over friends house to watch the Patriots game!

We're going to go out for a nice dinner in a few weeks when I'm further along in my recovery and can maybe wear normal clothes.

Ok, now I'm babbling!  Happy Saturday!

love and hugs,

Lynn

Melia, books and bourbon...there's a winning combination! I succumbed to the temptation of amazon.com's used books and sent for a bunch...although they are all research and tax-deductible. I think we are all doing the same thing as you and looking at this new year as a benchmark and time to reflect. And we are all still going through things and seem to need each other as much as before; at least I know I do.



Lynn, happy anniversary! Have a great time out. Sympathy for still having to deal with the drain, binder and belly swelling but hopefully that is all almost over. You are sounding more like your old self.



Rebecca, I've always admired the agility of cat owners, all that bounding on counters and tables and the great chases. Bella has the instincts of a street fighter yet, I think. Too funny about Owen! I'm terribly allergic to cats so will never have one but I love hearing the stories. On the hands, I've been using foot cream or oil on mine and they are much smoother, especially the cuticles. Foot cream is made to soften tough heels and such so it is more powerful than hand cream. It seems to last longer too.



Tina, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a small dog too passionate for its own good. LOL! Bichons are such little fuzzballs too. I guess size doesn't matter! :-)



I have a little confession to make, I have been harboring a new symptom and too upset to post about it although I talked to Jan Thursday night for chat and she convinced me you would all kill me if I didn't write about it. So rather than risk death by mob e-mail action, here goes. About a week and a half ago I suddenly started getting a weird, intense tingling sensation in the middle of my back, just to the left of the spine. It feels like an area about the size of an orange. It's been getting more persistent and is very annoying. What I know for sure is it means something is obstructing the nerve on my spine that leads to the left side. It could be just some sort of pinched nerve but it also could be MS or even spine mets. Jan convinced me also to call my onc, and they questioned me closely about where it was. The nurse asked, "If your boob could come out your back, is that where it would be?" After I laughed into the phone for about two minutes I had to say yes. And then they said they want to do a spinal MRI, probably Monday after my Herceptin. So it might be really nothing; perhaps it's the costochondritis, but it's got me rather scared. So there, I've spilled it. Like Jan said to me, it stinks that we have to fear every little symptom we get but I guess we can't afford to ignore anything.



In the meantime, I'll focus on funny cat stories and little humpey dogs. Thanks for being my sounding boards as always! - Skye

Oh Skye, we're hear for you!  Hugs.

Rebecca, I have ugly hands too and have never been able to grow long nails.  Light colored nail polish looks best if you do get a manicure.

Hugs.  Off to get ready for the engagement party.  Will report tomorrow.

Oh, Skye, you can't keep that stuff in.  Too heavy a load.  Glad you shared and glad you are getting prompt attention.  Speaking of which, I shared my nausea/cold sweat spell w/my cardiologist by email this am at 8:30 and literally within 10 minutes he responded back and said because my arteries are clear, he doubts it was a heart attack.  Probably a "vagal response", which is what the DH had after the hernia surgery in Nov.  Anyway, I felt after I asked.  I felt sort of guilty for not at least asking before I jump on a plane to FL.

On the subject of hands, mine used to look good but the last two years, they have become old looking.  As a matter of fact, Jaclyn asked just today "why is your skin falling off?" That kid!!!  My nails are shot since chemo.  Can't grow them.  I used to do acrylics but I was sick of the maintenance and the cost.

Rebecca, we have the how many more bites deal going on here very often as well.  Took the kids to Walmart and Target today to cash in some gift cards/toys they'd rather not have and Jaclyn got a pink Nintendo DS, which will be good on the trip as she and Paul can hook up their DS's, I guess.  I'm clueless.

Mary, this is party week for you...an engagement party, NYEve...

Lynn, you sound like your back on track.  I had that one lingering drain too and I was annoyed with it.  So glad you don't have to drive back to DF for that.  That's a longggggggggg ride.

Nancy, I'm not looking forward to Deductible-ville either.  But, I guess I'm just glad to have the insurance...  I don't get it either, the woman opting out of chemo.  I can't see myself doing that.  Hopefully it won't be a decision I have to make.

Came home and sat this afternoon...took an ativan.  Felt a tiny bit of chest pressure so I knew it was time to chill.  So, I'm def. listening to my body.  Just an hours sitting and I feel so much better.  (It could have been the peppers/onions, etc. on the Subway turkey sandwich I ate for lunch, in retrospect.  I am so in tune to how my chest feels now, prob. too much.

Skye, glad you told us, sorry you are worried. I totally understand. I had an ache right where I think my liver is, was sure it was mets, the doctor palpated the area, looked at my bloodwork, and laughed. It went away shortly thereafter. Sometimes an ache is just an ache, but I don't know that any of us will ever truly internalize that fact. And Rebecca, get yours checked too, please.

Nancy, I am sorry about the insurance issue. I have Kaiser, so don't need to deal with that, but I am sure I would feel just like you do.

Mary, have fun at the party. Weddings, and all the accompanying hoopla, are so much fun.

Rebecca, I have been meaning to ask ... that looks like a tattoo on your arm?  Pray tell us the story of that!

My dh and ds just moved oodles of very heavy firewood. I am so glad he is here to help his dad. I just don't have the strength to do that type of stuff, so he tries to do it himself ... not good.

Oh, I love having four days off, and no where I have to be!

Melia

Nancy I do not understand that woman you met either.  Sometime people are too afraid of the treatment that they can not see past the side effects to the good that it will do.  Stupid, if you ask me!  I personally was, and am, willing to do just about anything to stay here on earth with family and friends!  I hear you on insurance woes….I have a big deductible for out of network expenses (translation: my PS) and as a result of that and other things I am not going back there.  Not to mention that every time I walk into the IN NETWORK Drs office I have a $25 copayment….that keeps me from going to the Doc for every little thing too!  Our insurance system is so messed up….you should not be afraid to go to the Dr!

OMG Tina “why is your skin falling off?” LOL kids say the darndest things!  That Jac just cracks me up with her sensitivity.  You are right about the Ninetendo DS…they can play games together if you have two units.  Great for long trips!  My big beef with that thing is that the games are MICROSCOPIC!!!! Easy to lose….esp with Optimus Prime wandering around the house here.

Oh, and I think I forgot to congratulate Lynn on losing all but one of those drains.  NASTY business those.  Glad you are down to one, AND that you have someone local who can pull it for you.

Regarding the tingling, I have had that on and off for several months….it is like a pins and needles feeling between my shoulderblades.  It is very transient…never lasts more than a few minutes every few days or so.  I will mention it to my onc.

Melia, yes, that is a tattoo on my arm.  It is a three stranded braid bounded by two bars.  I designed it myself, and it symbolizes my family….my DH has a matching one on his arm.  We did it for our 10^th anniversary.  I always planned to add flowers to it when my grandchildren (eventually) are born, but since it is on my mastectomy arm I do not think that will happen.  I love my tattoo, but my parents just do not understand……I am expecting averted eyes at the wedding.  Sigh.

Thanks everyone for the hints about my nasty hands…I will try for a light color…and I rub ALL KINDS of creams and salves into my hands and cuticles several times a day, but alas the uglies persist.  I have some foot cream around somewhere, so maybe I will try that too. I am seriously considering some elegant elbow length gloves…….

Wow Caya that was amazing!

Yes 2007 was a rough year for all of us but we made it!  We can do just about anything.  Today I was in line at the gym for my cycle class and the guy next to me was worrying over whether he was going to get a bike or not (It's that time of year when everyone comes back to the gym and it's overcrowded.)  I sympathized but then I said later, Hey I just made it through cancer this year, getting a bike or not is not such a big deal anymore.  He didn't know what to say and was still worrisome and I said, something bad will happen to you one day and you will realize this getting a bike thing is not so important.  I think I gave him something to think about (He was about 28 and a type A personality). 

The engagement party was fun, but I am sick of eating, two more days of it and then serious dieting.  The bridesmaids are all different.  It should be interesting to see how the wedding turns out.  My DS's groomsmen couldn't make it as most are out of town.  We are down to 1 year 5 months so it is still a long ways away.

Tomorrow are the inlaws, then New Years Eve.  DH's friend is bringing ribs from his restaurant and shrimp.  I'm making meatballs and potato salad and spinach dip, 7 layer dip.  Some other people are bringing stuff so I am feeling a bit more relaxed about it.  I just hope I can stay awake!