What cancer taught me - Use your good stuff!!

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mke
mke Member Posts: 584
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
What cancer taught me - Use your good stuff!!
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  • mke
    mke Member Posts: 584
    edited December 2007

    Unfortunately BC didn't make me more caring or thoughtful or generous or anything nicer that I've noticed but it did make me want to quit saving stuff to use for a later, better time.  Heck, I'm alive, most of me is still here and still working - there won't be a better time - this is as good as it gets.

    So the china, crystal, silver and linens have gotten a workout lately.  Probably more use in the last couple years than the previous 50 or 100 years (heirloom stuff).  I don't generally attribute feelings to inanimate objects but I think that maybe those dishes like to be part of life, they like to be there at the dinner table instead of wrapped in old newspaper in a trunk. 

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  • Lauralynne
    Lauralynne Member Posts: 123
    edited December 2007

    I was just thinking the same thing the other day when I was in the bathroom trying to make myself look like the "old me".  I have several tubes of expensive lipstick and some expensive (well, cost more than I normally pay) makeup that I had been saving to use "on special occasions".  Well, I decided I will use all my good stuff now, what am I waiting for?  A cure?  I decided not to wait anymore and use it all now, and enjoy it.

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  • Barb1953
    Barb1953 Member Posts: 479
    edited December 2007

    I agree with you both 100 %

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  • PSK07
    PSK07 Member Posts: 781
    edited December 2007

    It didn't make me kinder, gentler, more generous, either. Embarassed

    For the past couple of months I've had to wear camisoles. Some of them are really pretty, and have been sitting there for who knows how long, but were too 'nice' for everyday wear. Before. 

    Once I'm healed from the rads, I'm going to drop a wad on new undies. Forget the sale rack, forget about waiting til 10 lbs are gone, forget utilitarian, the old, tired, stretched-out stuff is headed to the trash and the new stuff is going to fit (and match!). 

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited December 2007

    The experience of having cancer taught me a lot, most importantly to be who I am and not apologize for that. It taught me to appreciate the little things in life-- an unexpected call from an old friend, a random act of kindness from a stranger etc. It's also made me less worried about "the small stuff"- so what if my hair looks like crap one day, at least I have hair. I now realize that I am not my body and that my body is just a shell that holds me. I don't need breasts to be a sexy woman, it's all about the attitude.

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  • ravdeb
    ravdeb Member Posts: 3,116
    edited December 2007

    Cancer taught me to be selfish. And, for me, this is a good thing. I've spent my whole life doing things for everybody else. Now I do things for ME and I say NO when I don't want to do something. Simple as that!

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited December 2007

    My ordeal has made me cherish my two little guys. Spend time with them and myself.

    I don't worry about the housework as much, or saying 'no' when I need to.

    I also have a little issue with Retail therapy I need to get under control!

    I agree with Amy. Except for my weight issues (gained too many lbs), I don't care as much how I look or my hair. I am so happy to have hair.

    I am more active now (was a little before) with be an advocate for ACS.

    Janis 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    This is what Erma Bombeck wrote before she died.

    If I had My Life to Live Over By Erma Bombeck I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose Before it melted in storage. I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television-and more while watching life. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's".. more "I'm sorry's" . .. but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who Do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually. Life is too short to let it pass you by. We only have one shot at this and then it's gone.
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  • Carol1220
    Carol1220 Member Posts: 402
    edited December 2007

    My new motto is "Drink the good wine!"

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited December 2007

    I"m with you all on living in the moment, not saving the 'good stuff' for a special occasion.Thankfully, Carol1220, we have a fabulous winecellar, and our motto has been...Life is too short to drink bad wine.

    I don't care much about the things I used to care about...that seemed so important... in my youth...and part of me wonders if it's age (I'm 46 now) and the wisdom gleaned from experiences, the cancer, or a combination of both? Either way, I'm thrilled that everyday I wake and can say, "I'm 100% alive today."



    Cheers all,

    Your SIS(Sister In Survival)

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  • AlaskaDeb
    AlaskaDeb Member Posts: 2,601
    edited December 2007

    Janis-

    I had a good laugh at your "retail Therapy" comment!  ME TOO!

    I am making my DH a little nuts these days with the level of the Visa bill.  I figure , what the hell...I'm buying it :)  Mostly gifts for other people, but I have been buying books, hard back even, like crazy.  I must have a stack of 50 I still have not read, but if I see one I want, in the shopping cart it goes :) 

    I also have almost no desire to save for retirement.  I am glad my DH is still doing it, but I think....hey, let's just go back to Hawaii instead!  If I live to be 80 I stay home and be frugal then...not now :)

    My new theory is "Life is too short for cheap chocolate"

    Deb C

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    To borrow a portion of Erma's "If I Had To Live My Life Over"....

    "I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day."

    I have always been the person she was talking about in the above statement...

    NOW: Im me!!!! I have learned to do as many of you ladies here have said, buy and use the frilly stuff just because I like it...Ive learned to say "NO" when I want too.... Ive learned to let go of the small things that really dont matter much and smile each day when I wake up.....heck, just waking up makes me happy these days :)

    But above all: Ive learned that every moment I spend with family and friends is precious...

    Jule

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  • LaurieL
    LaurieL Member Posts: 88
    edited December 2007

    I'm with all of you too!  My new motto about worrying, sweating the small stuff is.... "Is this really gonna matter next week?  I'm driving my family nuts with this statement... probably others too when they whine about everything, I just say...[In the grand scheme of life, "Is this really gonna matter next week?"  They never say anything back. 

    ~Laurie

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  • sahalie
    sahalie Member Posts: 2,147
    edited December 2007

    I'm with each of you too. 

    Boy, Irma Bombeck had it down didn't she. 

    I've learned to use the things I have and not run out to buy this or that.  I've found I like the non clutter a lot. 

    I'm still working on not trying to please everyone and take better care of me. 

    You know there is a thread here on BCO somewhere about stupid or thoughtless things people say.  Well, I just experienced someone doing just that and it caused me a sleepless night.  Stupid Cancer statement related of course.  I'm trying very hard to let it go but it's difficult.  

    You all have great ideas.  

    I love Deb C's theory "Life is too short for cheap chocolate"

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  • NancyM
    NancyM Member Posts: 289
    edited December 2007

    I'm now able to relate to people from the heart, so to speak.  I used to keep a bit of a wall between myself and others, but now I can just let myself feel the connection (if there is one).  I feel much more deeply, both joy and sorrow.   Certain things bring me to tears now, and again, both from joy and sorrow. 

    One benefit from chemopause is that I feel more free to say what I think and not worry about what others think - I attribute that to the change in hormones, because I've heard this happens as women get older.  I love the new confidence!

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  • shokk
    shokk Member Posts: 1,763
    edited December 2007

    I think the main thing cancer has taught me is humility...........use to secretly judge people especially my peers......(other moms)......not so much in their physical appearance but in how they raised their children and their behavior.......did they flirt with other's husbands, how much did they drink, did they go out at night with friends instead of taking care of their family....etc.......you guys know what I'm talking about...............thought I knew all about life and how to live it.........holy moly I was soooooo wrong about that..........as much as you think you are right and that you have the correct answers in being a woman, wife, mother, sister cancer taught me I didn't know shit..........pardon my french................Shokk

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited December 2007

    All I can say is, if you wear your gold earrings take them off before you wash your hair!

    Mine had been tucked away in a little box and I decided I should be wearing them. I mean, why did anybody give them to me if I wasn't supposed to wear them?  Except I forgot and washed my hair and one fell out and went down the tub drain.

    So I told my husband I needed a new pair. He thinks I need a third hole in my ear so I can wear the leftover one too..... 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    I put less into the 401K and more into fun now ... sounds silly but I figure that I have always worked out my finances and it will work itself out then.  We went to Hawaii, we go skiing, got the motorhome .. as Janis says, we are "enjoying every sandwich."

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  • TerryNY
    TerryNY Member Posts: 603
    edited December 2007

    We look at things differently, me moreso than my husband but he's trying!

    After years of asking for dancing lessons, he gave them to me as a Christmas gift...I'm so excited!

    His new view is he'll try anything once.  

    I think me having bc has been an eye opener for him and of course for me. 

    I brush off the little everyday annoyances as just not worth wasting energy over anymore.   I just hope I can continue with that outlook. 

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  • newter
    newter Member Posts: 4,330
    edited December 2007

    Having breast cancer and going through treatment taught me that the actual treatment was a lot more doable than I ever imagined.  Before being dx'd, I do not think there was a scarier thought than the thought of  having to go through CHEMO.   I  really did not think I could ever do it.  But I did and came out the other end, not sure how scathed yet, but doing ok right now.

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited December 2007

    thanks!! I think I enjoyed too many sandwiches though!! LMAO..I don't feel like saving for retirement AT ALL.

    I am selfish. I want to enjoy enjoy enjoy!!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    Janis, I make coffee table book (real books not scrapbooking) and one of them has the title:  "Living Our Lives -- Enjoying Every Sandwich"  ....  The last was "Wahines in Waikiki" and the next one, not ready for publishing yet, is "Living Our Lives -- Running with Scissors" ...  LOL

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited December 2007

    Love those titles...running with scissors...enjoy every sandwich.

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  • AlaskaDeb
    AlaskaDeb Member Posts: 2,601
    edited December 2007

    OMG Janis, I just saw your new (or not so new...I'm a bit slow on the uptake...) sig line!  LOLOL....I may have to steal it and make myself a button!!  Thanks so much for the laugh...I needed it :)

    Roctobermom - Are your books available for purchase somewhere? As I said earlier...I'm on kind of a book buying spree :)

    Deb C

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    Boy, this is a touch one because negative me would have immediately said "absolutely nothing."

    So I had to read each and every post very carefully and I had to really ask myself this question.

    ...I have become a more patient person.  I guess all the waiting and waiting, bad news, good news yada yada taught me life is too short.  Im glad I have the time to wait and now I use it as a time to practice some stress relief.  Enjoy the down times when you can.

    ...Every Holiday has become so much more important to me.  Its like Im treasuring and trying to capture every single memory or moment. 

    ...That even though we have lost many sisters over the Holidays, I was blessed with the opportunity to get to know them.  A light will always burn in my heart for them.

    ...I learned that I was human.  That Im getting older and life is passing me by.  So I try to celebreate every moment.

    ...I love my DH husband more now than ever before as he was there for me all of the way.

    ...I discovered that there are wonderful things on the internet, included bco.org - a place where I came so scared and now have made so many friends. 

    ...I am learning to be more tolerant.  Instead of shooting from the mouth like this good ol Italian girl does, Im learning to not be critical.  A lesson that many of you have taught me.

    So I just want to say that what has cancer taught me?  It taught me I could come to this wonderful place and make so many friends.

    Happy New Year.

    Nicki

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  • Carol1220
    Carol1220 Member Posts: 402
    edited January 2008

    I really enjoyed reading all of your comments. I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. Carol

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  • sccruiser
    sccruiser Member Posts: 1,119
    edited January 2008

    I have learned to do what I'd like to do, and not what I think someone else expects me to do.

    To spend the time with people I care about, and not the people I think care about me.

    That with a cancer diagnosis you learn who your friends REALLY are.

    Most importantly, that I love being a grandmother, and live for each moment I get to spend with my little angel, Alexis and her mommy.

    That hubby and I are a team, and we can support and promote each other.



    Best to all in 2008,



    grace

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  • evilelf
    evilelf Member Posts: 1,066
    edited January 2008

    I haven't really changed the way I do anything, I've always enjoyed life to the max and to hell with people who say look at her, she's crazy... I just yell back and say at least I have the guts to do some stupid stuff... Being a military family and living quite a few places, we always met so many people....Memories with kids are the best...They have a way of remembering things that we don't and vice versa... I was always the lets go and do mom,, sometimes the other moms would come too but we always had a ball, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips water and oranges or cookies for dessert.. that was the norm and all the kids wanted to go with us when I called a road trip... In Nebraska it was to the rivers or hiking in the wooded areas, climbing trees, snow sledding and getting soaked by sledding in a pond BURR...

    Memories but am still looking to bunggee,, my son said if I can find the place, he'll do it also,,, this I gotta see...

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  • Barb1953
    Barb1953 Member Posts: 479
    edited January 2008

    I have this same writing by Erma Bombeck --I cliped it out of the newspaper alooong time ago -even before my bc. I love it. I use to worry about grass stains on my kids pants, didn't burn pretty candles, and heaven forbid someone should see my house a mess----now too bad, this is me ----how do you like me now ????? The dirty dishes will still be there in the morning !!!!

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