Starting chemo Dec 2007

Thinking of all you ladies and wishing I had a chart to keep track of us all and where we all fall in the scheme of things... who's next in line for treatment, who's getting ready for it, who's just over it, who'd dealing with what SE's, etc etc.

Day 3 past my 1st one and every day seems slightly better. Still feel on the edge of nausea but it never sets in. Glad for small miracles but will be glad when even the threat goes away. 

Bit the bullet and set up an appointment to get my head shaved for the 22nd. My 2nd treatment is 26th and that seemed the best day to get it done. I already got 2 wigs back in October, but one of them doesn't quite look right so I need to have it styled. So might as well get it all done at once. I used to have long hair, but have been keeping it short since I got the diagnosis. Like Laurita, it isn't naturally colored so the grey is sadly very noticable by now... no sense coloring it when it's gonna be gone soon... but that makes me look older and more run-down (my picture is from last year). I've been wearing my good wig once or twice a week to get used to it, and am happy with how I look with it. I agree with everyone-- Cindy looks absolutely radiant in her picture... I only hope I can look half as beautiful and strong without my hair!

Sending warm hugs and wishes to all you beautiful women.

-Sal 

hi all - and thanks for the welcome.  I made it through my first treatment on Tues.  I don't think I have every been so frightened.  I had to go by myself (my husband was out of town on business)  I drove to Knoxville (70 miles) and checked into a hotel early Tues. AM.  I didn't know if I would be able to drive after treatment, but was fine, probably less than a mile to hotel.  My husband joined me that night and drove me to apts. next day, shot, pet scan.    I felt really amped Tues. night, stomach upset, but no nausea.  Wed. had tests all day and had to keep going.  Thur. exhausted, but today not too bad really.  I will find out the results of pet scan on Dec. 19, for now just trying to stay hopefull.  Are there any other ostriches out there?  Right now I am not telliing anyone except on a need to know basis.  I am thinking "I don't want to ruin their Christmas, but I actually don't want mine ruined with phone calls, questions, etc.  If I can forget about it for a few days and enjoy Christmas, that is what I would prefer.  Thank you all again, and the first tx was not as bad as I thought.  Thank god, because I was prepared for anything.  My prayers for all of you.  Joy   

Wow. Joy, you are a trooper!  Driving yourself to your treatment alone and away from home!  I am glad that things went well for you, but you have had some really hectic days.  I hope you will be able to rest.  I can understand how you feel about not wanting to tell.  There is so much to deal with at this time of year without the revolving list of questions.  You will tell people when you are ready, and that is absolutely fine.  Relax and enjoy your Christmas.

It's an interesting question in general - who/how do you/tell?  I would be interested in knowing how others have handled it.  All my closest friends knew from the start when I found the lump.  I told my family also, and my boss.  Once I was dx I actually sent out a group email, because I was dx in Sept and I decided that would be a good opportunity to do something positive during the "limbo" period so I signed up for the "Run for the Cure" (virtual run) and used my email to invite people to donate.  Some might think that's a bit out there, but it achieved two purposes and allowed me to respond to people's questions by email, at my convenience.  It was just easier for me if everyone knew, then they wouldn't need to wonder why I wasn't around.  Not only that, but I raised over $1000 on short notice and my employer will match that. 

Sharon, I am really glad you're feeling better.  It's really hard when you feel lousy and you have a little one to keep up with.

Amy, I am very happy that you had a relaxing tx.  I was worried with you and the last minute rush and adventures.  I hope things continue to be uneventful for you.

Sally, my queasiness stopped after day 5.  I hope yours lasts no longer than that.

I was bummed today, was looking at airline tix thinking maybe I'd see if onc would let me go and see my husband for one week, a week after my next tx.  But the nurse called back to say that 7-10 days after tx is when the white blood cell count is lowest and this is not something we want to have happen when I am away from home (hubby is Cuban).  Also, the general risk that with a lowered immune system I could catch anything easily, plane travel is not great for that.  This will be the first year since we've been together that I will not be able to spend New Year with him.  They said I could go the week after when wbc should have recovered, but that still leaves all the other risks which I really need to think about and weigh carefully.  We have been trying to immigrate him to Canada but there are complications and it has been tied up in red tape.  Soooo frustrating....I will be cranky, not seeing him (used to go there every 2 months).  aaarrrggghhh.....

Keep on keeping on, ladies!  I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Hugs

Laura

I'm 39 too, Amy, and pre-menopausal. All the doctors referred to me as "advanced maternal age" while I was pregnant. Now that I have breast cancer, I'm considered young. Go figure!

I look like a brand-spanking new recruit. My compliments to my husband. He did such a good job. I feel SO RELIEVED that it's finally all off. It took two minutes to dry out of the shower. I'm wash and wear, baby!

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.

Sharon 

Laura and Joy, I can't imagine how I would have gotten through all that I have without my husband. Weird thing is, we have never had a great relationship, but this thing has really brought us together. It's like we don't know these two people going through this thing. I will say a special prayer for you two ladies while you're away from your support.

Not to mention those of you with children. My husband and I don't have children... he never wanted any, and I was always afraid that I would get cancer and die like my mother did (weird how paranoias follow us). But honestly, I don't know how you moms out there are handling that on top of everything else. Even if your children are small or grown, what an extra burden to bear. My heart goes out to you ladies, although I have a feeling you'd all say that your children are one of your best inspirations right now.

Joy, telling people has been a great release for me. And the word has spread to people I didn't even know would care... cards and emails continue to pour in from everywhere. I've even gotten back in touch with a friend that I'd lost track of after 13 years... talk about a gift. And I agree with the others... for me, it was a relief to let people know, at least the basics (aka "I have cancer, but I'm going to beat this thing"), so they know why I'm not around, why I'm crying "for no reason" because they complimented me on my new hair cut, or in case they wonder why I'm not sending any Christmas cards this year. I know a few people have been put-off by it... not everyone knows what to say, and that's ok... but I wouldn't go back and change it. To me, knowledge is power and if someone down the road goes through this and says "Hey, that Sally person went through this and look at her... she's fine now... maybe I can beat this thing too" then so be it.

Amy, I'm 38. 2 years ago I found a lump and went to my doctor's office and had both the nurse and then the doctor begin with "Now I'm sure this is nothing to worry about. People your age don't typically get cancer" which (excuse me) pissed me off since my mother was diagnosed and died from cancer at 36/38 (why the heck do we even fill out medical history forms if they don't look at them?). Did turn out only to be a fibroadenoma, but still... talk about thoughtless advice. Luckily no one gave me that speech this time around or I swear I would have smacked someone. I may only be a librarian, but I do take cardio-kickboxing and this woman is a loaded weapon!!! (Well, I do take cardio-kickboxing, but I'm a feather-weight... but someday maybe, look out!)

Went in for 4 hours to work yesterday. Was absolutely exhausted at the end. My body was past tired, if that makes sense. Even laying down was no relief. Weird sensation. But feeling much, much better today. Gonna try and do an 8-hour shift... we'll see. Continued blessings to all of us Chemo Conquerors!!!

-Sal 

That's GREAT news Sally! I'm so glad that you are feeling so much better....and so quickly! Celebrate! I've been meaning to tell you how much I love Maine. My family spent a summer traveling through Maine (spending time in Bar Harbor), into New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. It was one of the most memorable trips I've ever taken and I've always wanted to come back. Perhaps one day! 

Amy, how are you today? I hope you're able to relax and recover. Sorry that it's "blah" but it WILL go away...I PROMISE. Check in when you can. (((hugs)))

Cindy? Check in when you can. We miss your energy and positive attitude!

My parents bought us a Christmas tree. They are so wonderful and generous. I had pretty much made up my mind that we weren't going to get one this year because I didn't think I'd have the energy to put it up, much less take it down. However, I'm feeling so good that I think I'm going to tackle it solo today! My husband trimmed it up, put it in the stand, brought it in and gave it water. It smells AMAZING and I think this is just what I needed. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm thinking of you all today. Be well!

Sharon 

Hello ladies,

Thanks for all of your positive comments and thoughts.  

Sally, I'm glad you're pulling through.  See?  you're tougher than you thought!  I imagine your moniker as a character in a video/computer game - leaping around,  kickboxing, hacking, slashing away at the evil cancer cells.  Your hair looks really good short!  

Amy, I know just how you feel.  There is an element of nothing specifically really bad, but the stomach doesn't feel right and the appetite takes leave. Things don't taste the same.  But don't worry - it will come back.  I LOVE food and I can assure you that I have had to put the brakes on eating the last few days because making up for lost time is probably not the greatest idea, lol.  It WILL get better.  I am glad to hear that you feel closer to your husband through this.  Adverse circumstances can either bring a couple closer or move them further apart,and I am glad that he is there for you throughout all this.

Sharon, I know what you mean about the chemo brain.  I sometimes find myself driving and getting so lost and distracted in my thoughts that I miss my turn or whatever.  I wonder - am I a traffic hazard?  Yikes!  

About me, to answer your survey, Amy, I am 49 and while not fully menopausal, I think the process started when I was about 43.  The hot flashes came on strong two years ago and I think I am almost done (fewer than 2 periods this past year).  I DO NOT miss the periods.  I do really feel for you ladies who are in your thirties.  I truly could not imagine being in this situation then!  For me, life BEGAN when I was 40.  Honestly, I would find it much more challenging were my kids younger and were I at a different stage in my career etc, especially having been a single mom for 15 years!  Big hugs to all of you younger women who are having to fight the beast.

Today for me is day 14 (including tx day).  I have felt very good the last few days, but I think Friday may have been my low energy point (blood counts?).  I did half of what I might usually do in a typical day (which was insane, before) and I was so wiped out I was in bed by 8 pm.  My hair is definitely starting to fall out, but not too much yet.  I have lost a lot of hair, generally, over the last 3-4 years (menopause?  hair colouring?) and this morning there was probably about 5 times the usual amount when I brushed it out.  Fortunately, I had planned a head shaving date today with one of my best friends, so my wig is packed and I am ready to go.  Sharon and Cindy, you will be there with me in spirit!  We will have to take pics and maybe I will share them if my vanity allows .  I am definitely looking forward to being "wash and wear" also!  The travel thing sucks but oh well....My husband had to listen to significant snivelling and whining yesterday, poor guy.  Aside from him, I miss dancing the most.  That has been one of my favourite pastimes for years - good exercise, music and friends - a great combination.  But I am a bit hesitant because of the risk of being in a crowd and also lower energy levels.  We'll see.  Maybe after next tx I will venture out a bit.  I think in the meantime I will start a couple of small reno (painting, etc) projects around the house to keep my mind off things.  And start using the treadmill so the result of all this nuts and chocolate I'm eating doesn't take up permanent residence on my butt!

Hugs to all!

Laura 

Here I am....sorry so scarce......I was in the super dense chemo fog Wed-Saturday ( tx #2 TC 12/11) The headaches did an even worse number on me this time. Started right after treatment,I kept up with tylenol,motrin,aleve, NOTHING touched it. Tried some pain killers left over from surgery, NOTHING. Called onc nurses Friday,and they recommended atavan too, well @ 3am Saturday, the pain was unbearable, I hadn't slept in days, my dh called the oncologist who said to come into hospital. CT scan, chest xray, all clear ( thank goodness), ER gave me some iv morphine, ugh, but fever lifted after dose 2. Went home by 8am. Thank goodness both children were at planned sleepovers ! They'll never know the chaos, and did not have to be scared, thank God ! Anyhow, I had a decent night sleep last night, rested more today, and feel so much better. Still have a nagging headache, but nothing to really complain about. Friends brought over lasagna today, so I am good to go !

Sal, you look AWESOME, and your smile radiates. Be proud fellow BC soldier, the enemy is going DOWN !!!! Laura, I have no doubt your new hairdo will be a hit too. What the heck, it will grow back, at least that is what everyone tells us ! We are doing this chemo so the other shit NEVER comes grows back, EVER ! So, proudly wear that bald head of courage my friend. I now have a polka dot type crew cut, it comes out when I shower, but better tiny pieces than long strands.... At this point, I am just going with the flow. I am sooo looking forward to the chemo fog to lift early this week, and to enjoy Christmas and New Years as best I can with my family and friends, and you ladies. The children are so excited, and now that #2 is done, I know I am too. Poor dh, he isn't holding up so well, with everybody depending on him so much. Once I feel better, later in the week, I'll figure out a way to cheer him up !!LOL

I have to catch up on all of your entries, I have not glanced at the computer for DAYS....xoxoxoxo warm and loving hugs. Cindy

Okay, you ladies are just plain amazing.  I honestly hope I can cope half as well.  I'm such a chicken that I told my onc to wait till after Christmas to get started.  None of you have done that.  You have my awe and admiration.  I only wish the very best for all of you.

D1

Oh yeah... Amy... about the port... (just took a shower and remembered your question)... I wondered the same thing. Yeah, my port sticks out. I still can't quite bring myself to look at it, it just looks like such an intrusion upon my body. I can't remember what sci-fi movie I saw that it reminds me of... some creepy movie where these alien squirmy things get inside your body and crawl around. Grosses me out. Like I'm some sort of freaky lab experiment. I mean, you can see the outline of the thing so clearly, cant'cha?

The soreness is finally gone, but it's still tender if I lean on it (sleeping) or if I stretch my neck too far. Even gargling with mouthwash (like the onc nurse recommended to counter mouth sores) seems to annoy it because I can feel my skin stretch over it when I move my head back that far. And it itches, but I'll be darned if I'm gonna touch it. But I think it's more psychological than anything for me. I'm weird that way.

Good luck with yours. 

-Sal 

Morning all!  Computer monitor at home took a dive so I was not able to get on all weekend!  So, the head shaving on Friday went pretty well.....better than I had anticipated.  The first clips were the hardest and then it got much easier.  I loved having my girlfriends there and we went to dinner after.  I have had a nagging headache all weekend though and was very cranky!  I finally broke down and took one of my migraine pills at 5:00 this morning and it is finally gone!  I hope that it was period related and will not happen again after this Fridays treatment!  Did anyone else have treatment within days of starting their period?  I should have started the day of treatment but it held off for 4 days (started last Tuesday) and though it is tapering off it seems to be lasting way longer than mine normally do.....which I could do without!!  I also had the worse cramps EVER on Friday that lasted about 4 hours!  I have also never been bothered by cramps, so I'm not too happy about these changes....I mean come on, if I have to have the dreaded BC, at least let the period stop!!!  I've read it probably will and that is fine with me!!

I am 42 years old BTW, and surprised that many of you are younger than me.  So far in my circles, I have been the youngest.  As, a matter of fact when I went in for my chemo teaching and the nurse came in to get temp and blood pressure, she went for my mom who had gone with me....I had to say, "Ummm, it's me we're treating here." 

My port area is only tender if I forget about it and brush over it too hard in the shower.  I does stick out a bit though and still feels a little creepy when I wash over it!  It worked well at the first treatment though so I'm glad to have it.

I want to post a picture soon too!  Maybe when my stubble falls out!  My eyes sure seem to pop now that all the hair is gone!  My stubble is REALLY an ugly color though!  In some spots the hair is still dark and some spots it's all grey...I think I may actually like it once it's smooth...and I never thought I would say that!!  Sure makes getting ready in the morning easy!

It's amazing how much better I feel after posting and reading here!  I missed you guys this weekend!  I hope you are all having great days and getting ready for Christmas!!  I've got to figure out my monitor problem ASAP so I can keep in touch next week.  We close down between Christmas and New Year's where I work so it's gotta get fixed this week!  Talk soon, Lori

Well, ladies, my girlfriend shaved my head last night.  It went very well.  It was a bit harder for her than for me.  For me, I live with this thing day and night and have had time to get my head around it (pun?), but for her it makes it all the more real.  But we got through it together and it is a relief.  The hair started falling out yesterday - not a lot, but enough that I knew it was definitely starting.  Amy, I know exactly what you mean about the anticipation.  Although the thought of shaving my hair didn't seem to bother me, I had a couple of hair dreams, so it must obviously have been an issue, subconsciously.  It is good to have this done and now I can just decide which wig or whatever to wear, and I'm ready!  It is cold without hair!!!  Am trying to post a photo in here, not sure if it will work.  We'll see....

Cindy, I really feel for you.  I hope you don't have any more problems like this, and that you can enjoy the holidays with family and friends.

Amy, hang in there, girl!  When you are in the midst of feeling crappy it's almost impossible to believe that you will ever feel normal again, but you will!  I really feel for you, having weekly TX!  Don't feel bad about complaining.  This is not easy, especially when you are dealing with kids on top of it all.  But still, you are still keeping your sense of humour, and I love it!  "Bald is New Black" - I LOVE IT!  Big hugs to you.

Loriann, I have way more grey than I realized, since I've been colouring it for a few years now.  When I shaved it, the stubble is whatever its natural colour is and there is lots of silver!

Suz, I am SO sorry you had to tolerate that guy at the party.  It's hard enough to drag oneself out when you're not feeling great, only to be accosted by someone who insists on dragging you down.   Good grief!!!

D1, I can understand why you delayed your treatments, especially with all you have gone through with 3 surgeries!  It's not so much time to delay and I can completely understand how you would need a breather.  Just know that when you get to that date we will be there right along with you.

I am also thinking of  dianeh1954 and Marie816, who should be having their second tx this week.  And everyone else from December tx....I admire you all for your strength and perserverance.  Hang in there.  We are there together.

((((HUGS))))

Morning all!

Laura, You rock!!  Love the pictures and you still look beautiful!  I'm really not missing my hair at all...and the wig comes off as soon as I return to my driveway!!  As soon as the stubble falls out I am sure I will venture out in just hats & scarves.  But for now, the colors are just too much!  Dark stubble and silver stubble, not evenly blended but in mixed up patches!!  It's pretty interesting to see what it really looks like under all that hair color!! LOL

Amy, I did not get any Lupron injections.  I hope they help you out and keep your hot flashes away!!

I saw mention of a shirt I want (maybe here?) that says "Does this shirt make me look bald?"  That just struck me as hysterical!!  Does any one know where to order any of these kinds of shirts?  I need to google it, I guess!

I'm heading out to finish up the shopping today with my mom and brother (who's heading back to Virginia tomorrow).  Next tx is on Friday so I want to be able to chill all weekend and not be worrying about loose ends and whether or not I'll feel like doing anything!

I am going to have to address the headache issue with the doctor on Friday too!  It's back this morning!  It started last Friday which was exactly 1 week from 1st tx and nothing is touching it except my prescription migraine med which I don't want to take everyday!!  In the past when I would start getting the migraine I would take a pill and it would be gone in 30 minutes and not return until the next month....and that is the only headache I ever get....a migraine once a month and then never a problem....so this is really starting to pi** me off!  And sure.....I'll take some cheese with my "whine"!  LOL

Hope you all are feeling great and ready to enjoy the holidays!  Sending hugs out to all!  Lori