just diagnosed and worried sick

Hello tanmaree, You are asking the same question many have asked and the ans. is : there is NO ans.  It's a crap shoot.  YOU have done Nothing to "give" yourself breast cancer (bc).  All the research in the world has yet to give is a Cause of bc.

So--spend your time on other, more important questions and ans. to wrap your head around, oK?

Also, please give yourself time to educate yourself about YOUR breast cancer and then to make informed decisions.

Please come here often, talking with those who have already are or have walked your path will make it SO much easier.

Bunch of very smart and informed gals on this site.  The site itself has good, dependable information by way of the tabs at the top of the page.

tanmaree, I am sorry you had to join us, but welcome!  

This is a difficult time - so many questions and so many things going on.  The answers to many of your questions can be found by reading through the other sections of this website.  At the header of the page are the tabs for the sections.  Start with Symptoms and Diagnosis, and in that section you will find subsections where you can read about the various tests and scans and what the differences are, as well as numerous other things you may want to know.

The best thing is you are in the right place for knowledge and support as we have all gone through what you are experiencing.  Best of luck!

Warm hugs

Tanmaree, I was 38 when I was diagnosed last year, and I have two children ages 2 and 6.  So I know what you're feeling.  I've had a lumpectomy, chemo and rads.  You can get through this.  You're just in the absolute worst part right now, where you don't know your staging or your treatment plan yet.  After you have your surgery, you'll get information as to lymph node status and stage.  After that, you'll get information as to your hormone receptors and HER2 status.  A PET scan is a very sensitive whole body scan that shows tumor activity, so a lot of times it is used as a screening tool to rule out metastasis.  A CT scan is used for lungs and abdomen to rule out lung and liver mets.  Most of the time, if you have either a large tumor or positive lymph nodes, a PET or CT or bone scan or brain MRI or all of the above will be used to rule out mets.  It's all part of the staging, and it doesn't happen all at once, so it's frustrating to have to wait for results.  Laurita was right - there's so much good information on this website, and it's presented in a very compassionate way, so I would continue to read here before you go anywhere else.  All the best to you.  Remember, you can do this!

Hi honey, welcome to this site, your home for the next few months! You will make friends and come to love being here. We have wonderful, kind women who can answer almost all your questions.



I took a small tape recorder to doc/onc meetings, that way you don't have to try and remember things. Also, I liked Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, just read as far as you need to, the later chapters are scary.



I just noticed the above poster. About telling the children. Be careful, you are their whole life, they even notice when you perspire! They hear phone conversations, they think the WORST. So, I would sit the whole family down, say, "I have cancer, (say this word, they will hear it anyway, better it comes from you). I expect to have surgery and (if this applies) chemotherapy, which will make my hair fall out. We/I are worried, but I expect to do just fine." (You will) Say, "This is what I need from you, I need you to feed the pets, help me fold the clothes, take out the trash, and don't worry if I cry, it is just the medicine. I may be sad sometimes, but WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS JUST FINE". I tell you this because the "don't tell" just doesn't work. They overhear, they see your sad eyes, they IMAGINE much worse than is happening, so include them (to their age level, of course) so you don't have to run in the other room with the phone so they don't hear, etc. It allows you to be yourself, and them to feel like this is a family problem, and we will solve it as a family. Much better than telling them nothing. That is old school thinking, the little darlings are way to smart for this to work. One of our gals had "the talk" and told them all they would go to Disneyland when she got well. The littlest one ran out on the porch and shouted to all the neighbors, "My mom has cancer and we are going to Disneyland!". We have all laughed over this one.



So this is just my thinking. You, of course, need to do what you are comfortable with.



Gentle hugs, Shirlann (9 years post treatment)

Shirlann,

I so empathize with the mothers with young children going through this.  On both my rounds in the bc ring, I was older and my children were older.  Now, I have had to explain it to my young grandchildren.  I so approve of the soundness of your approach to envolving the children.  It is such good advise. 

I have assured my grandkids, that grandma will be ok.... and I have found some washable tattoes, I promised they could decorate my head with before the hair came back.

thank you for you input, I'm sure it is the type of guidance young mothers appreciate.

grandma Wolf  aka Dakota

tanmaree,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I hope I can help by sharing one thing I experienced.

The first time I met my breast surgeon it was a two hour appointment with hubby along to take notes.  I was still quite in a daze over it all.

At the end the doctor asked me if I had any questions and I said, yea, just one---I want to know how this happened to me.... I said, "I don't smoke, drink, have an immediate family member with cancer, I eat low fat, healthy foods... so why, why did this happen, I don't have many risk factors.??"

The doctor looked at me and smiled and said, "This happened to you because you have breasts, and that is your risk factor"

It immediately took the stress of me wondering how/why/what did I do or not do....  and I was able to focus on the treatments/surgeries and whatever was ahead.

I can live with that... my risk factor is that I have breasts and this sometimes happens to anyone (male or female) with breasts.

I'm sorry this sounds matter of fact, but it's simplicity at a time when I was overwhelmed just gave me a calm feeling and helped me look ahead... and I was much more able to focus on the positives (like we found it before it had spread outside the duct, etc)...  The ladies and men in these support forums really do have lifetimes of support and friendship to share and they have all given you good advice or help. 

I hope you will get the information you need soon so that you may move forward with your treatments and feel less worried in this very nervous time.

Hugs

Hi tanmaree

Feelin with u. I have just been diagnosed recently, had one op and another on  Tue to clear more tissue. I have be diagnosed with non invasive ductal carcimona, but like u still trying to get my head around it. After talking to nurses etc it is a part of the process. I have been on a real emotional rollercoaster lately, but again it seems to be normal. Your not alone in what is happening to u, hold your chin up and smile every day with what u have to share with yourselve and others, that is what makes us strong.

cheers and Hugs

Shaz

tanmaree,

Hi again.  I just saw your question.  Yes, I am doing OK now.  I'm glad you like your surgeon.  My breast surgeon also told me at the first meeting, "this is not life-threatening; it's breast-threatening"...  That really put my diagnosis into perspective for me.  I could then focus on my breasts, and make decisions more clearly.

I do believe that having good relationships with all my doctors and nurses is a major part in my ability to move forward with treatment.

One thing I did was ask to be referred to a breast cancer counselor/social worker/psychiatrist so that I could make sure I wasn't over-reacting or becoming too anxious or too depressed.  I did get a nurse coordinator (who listened to me a lot (no charge) over the phone when I was first diagnosed) and I got to talk with a wonderful breast cancer social worker who had done her work for over 20  years.  It was uplifting to have her there for me.  I eventually got to meet a breast cancer psychiatrist who helped me get some medicine to sleep at night and who reassured me that I was 'normal' not crazy for all the emotions that were happening to me.

In some way I knew that for me to deal I would need a big support group--so I reached out and called every free number or hotline and just asked my questions and got help. 

Do what you need to do to surround yourself with the things that will give you confidence to get through whatever treatment you have and to give yourself hope.

We all make the best choices with the information we have at the time and I did what worked for me... and as my plastic surgeon said, "just do it and don't look back"...  so I did.

Good advice for me.  I can't change the past but I have hope for the future.

My best wishes to you.  Happy Holidays.

Tanmaree and all,

I was diagnosed 8 years ago on Dec 21, 1999 with a 5.2 cm tumor, Stage III, 9 positive nodes, Her-2/Neu.  I was 44, with a 12 and 9-year old. 

I'm still here - no recurrences.  My kids are 20 and 17.  Believe that you will survive and beat this!  There are many survivor stories. 

I opted for a mastectomy, 4 rounds of Adriamycin/Cytoxin, 4 rounds of taxotere, 25 hits of radiation, followed by 52 weekly treatments of Herceptin.  Later, I had a prophylactic mastectomy and hysterectomy. 

I delayed reconstruction because I was told it would interfere with the benefits of radiation. I got implants about 5 years later.    

There is light at the end of the tunnel.  Read every survivor story you can put your hands on - -that really helped me.

God bless all of you at this most difficult time,

-Gabrielle

Tanmaree

I'm so sorry you had to join us here...but also commend you on coming here to learn as much as you can! It was a huge help to me....I am 42 and was diagnosed (DCIS) on August 17. I had a unilateral mastectomy on October 4th with immediate reconstruction. I did the TRAM free flap procedure where they use your tummy fat to create the new breast.  I am happy to report that I am cancer free now.  Sentinel node biopsy showed no lymph node involvement, so I didn't require any chemo or radiation.

I was off work for 8 weeks and am very happy with the results. The tummy tuck was nice, but still battling a sore, not-quite-healed belly button.  The new breast looks very symmetrical to my good one although it may need a little reduction. It is still a little larger than the other.

Hang in there.. learn as much as you can, and continue to come here for any questions you have! These women on this site are the BEST!

robyn