just diagnosed and worried sick
Comments
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Hiya all
I am 36 and just diagnosed(5cm) I have two small children aged 2 and 4 and cannot get my head around this!!! I suppose it is a natural response to ask WHY!!!!!!
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Dear tanmaree, You dear thing,please know that notyou are alone. Remember, the day you are diagnosed the is the day that you become a survivor. The few weeks of diagnosis are hard, but once you get the medical plan in motion,surround yourself with a great support system, and turn to the Lord, everything will be O.K. What is your stage, treatment plan and diagnosis. You willmake it, you have two little ones to take care of. Never give up, Kathy Prihode
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Hello tanmaree, You are asking the same question many have asked and the ans. is : there is NO ans. It's a crap shoot. YOU have done Nothing to "give" yourself breast cancer (bc). All the research in the world has yet to give is a Cause of bc.
So--spend your time on other, more important questions and ans. to wrap your head around, oK?
Also, please give yourself time to educate yourself about YOUR breast cancer and then to make informed decisions.
Please come here often, talking with those who have already are or have walked your path will make it SO much easier.
Bunch of very smart and informed gals on this site. The site itself has good, dependable information by way of the tabs at the top of the page.
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hey tanmaree - welcome. This is no answer to "WHY", but plenty on how to survive. What was your diagnosis? So many types of BC is completely treatable and at your age it was probably caught very early which greatly improves your chances. Any time you need to vent, you're welcome. Know that all the ladies (and a few gentlemen) have been there and are here to offer support and encouragement as well as a lot of really good info. Yes, you are young and you can fight this and WIN. Come back. Let us know what the path report was.
Best wishes,
Jeanne -
Thankyou all for your support and encouragement, I have just been to the surgeon today and am scheduled for a mastecomy next Thursday. I am scheduled for the dye (/ct scan???) on Monday. I do not know what stage, should I? Can anyone tell me what is the difference between a PET scan and what I am scheduled for. I know i need to know more about what is happening but my mind can't seem to take it all in. Thankyou all again for your support.
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You should have had a biopsy first which showed the cancer. Yes, stage/type is important. Ask for a copy of your pathology report. I believe a PET scan is a scan of the whole body, CT is limited to one area. Which area are your doing? I haven't heard of a CT of the breast, but have heard of MRI. I know this is overwhelming but try your best to take a deep breath. Are you having reconstruction, a lot of times it depends on the type of cancer and weather or not you will need further treatment such as chemo and/or radiation. Find out your path report and if further treatment is going to be needed. Perhaps you can write down your questions to take w/ you and also write down the answers. It's not uncommon at all. Hang in there.
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tanmaree, I am sorry you had to join us, but welcome!
This is a difficult time - so many questions and so many things going on. The answers to many of your questions can be found by reading through the other sections of this website. At the header of the page are the tabs for the sections. Start with Symptoms and Diagnosis, and in that section you will find subsections where you can read about the various tests and scans and what the differences are, as well as numerous other things you may want to know.
The best thing is you are in the right place for knowledge and support as we have all gone through what you are experiencing. Best of luck!
Warm hugs
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Laurita
Thank you for your warm welcome, everytime I come here I learn a little bit more about what is going on, A wise man (my beautiful husband) once told me that information is power!!
Everyone that has responded has been so positive and given me a slice of empowerment to beat this, you are all angels!!!
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Already started the list. Have just finished watching a cancer DVD, we didn't realise that reconstruction was offered straight after the mastectomy. Had thought it would come further down the line, my surgeon didn't offer any info about reconstruction during the mastectomy. Am scheduled for chemo to start in January, so am unsure if this will affect the timing. Are you doing well now??
Hugs
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Hi tanmaree, I am 32yrs old and was diagnosed on 7/16/07. At the time, my kids were also 2 and 4 (now almost 3 and 5). I have done chemo, bilateral mastectomy, am working on some more chemo and will do radiation in January. This whole thing sucks, but the kids will be fine and you can get thru this. My biggest concern was not about being sick, but about being there for my kids. I went from hopeless to VERY hopeful. BC is a disease that is treatable. You can make it. Take a deep breath. Find doctors that you trust. While it is good to research things on your own so you are knowledgeable, be forewarned-- not everything on the internet is 100% up to date and much of it is scary. If you think my perspective as a mom in a very similar situation can help you at all, let me know. I'll be glad to share with you. Good luck. You can make it thru.
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Tanmaree, I was 38 when I was diagnosed last year, and I have two children ages 2 and 6. So I know what you're feeling. I've had a lumpectomy, chemo and rads. You can get through this. You're just in the absolute worst part right now, where you don't know your staging or your treatment plan yet. After you have your surgery, you'll get information as to lymph node status and stage. After that, you'll get information as to your hormone receptors and HER2 status. A PET scan is a very sensitive whole body scan that shows tumor activity, so a lot of times it is used as a screening tool to rule out metastasis. A CT scan is used for lungs and abdomen to rule out lung and liver mets. Most of the time, if you have either a large tumor or positive lymph nodes, a PET or CT or bone scan or brain MRI or all of the above will be used to rule out mets. It's all part of the staging, and it doesn't happen all at once, so it's frustrating to have to wait for results. Laurita was right - there's so much good information on this website, and it's presented in a very compassionate way, so I would continue to read here before you go anywhere else. All the best to you. Remember, you can do this!
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tanmaree,
i was just diagnosed as well, two kids 6 and 8. scared to death. masectomy and reconstruction scheduled for this Monday. Hope to be up and around by Xmas. Not telling the kids cancer - just a bump that has to come out. I fell better talking to people in the same boat.
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Hi honey, welcome to this site, your home for the next few months! You will make friends and come to love being here. We have wonderful, kind women who can answer almost all your questions.
I took a small tape recorder to doc/onc meetings, that way you don't have to try and remember things. Also, I liked Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, just read as far as you need to, the later chapters are scary.
I just noticed the above poster. About telling the children. Be careful, you are their whole life, they even notice when you perspire! They hear phone conversations, they think the WORST. So, I would sit the whole family down, say, "I have cancer, (say this word, they will hear it anyway, better it comes from you). I expect to have surgery and (if this applies) chemotherapy, which will make my hair fall out. We/I are worried, but I expect to do just fine." (You will) Say, "This is what I need from you, I need you to feed the pets, help me fold the clothes, take out the trash, and don't worry if I cry, it is just the medicine. I may be sad sometimes, but WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS JUST FINE". I tell you this because the "don't tell" just doesn't work. They overhear, they see your sad eyes, they IMAGINE much worse than is happening, so include them (to their age level, of course) so you don't have to run in the other room with the phone so they don't hear, etc. It allows you to be yourself, and them to feel like this is a family problem, and we will solve it as a family. Much better than telling them nothing. That is old school thinking, the little darlings are way to smart for this to work. One of our gals had "the talk" and told them all they would go to Disneyland when she got well. The littlest one ran out on the porch and shouted to all the neighbors, "My mom has cancer and we are going to Disneyland!". We have all laughed over this one.
So this is just my thinking. You, of course, need to do what you are comfortable with.
Gentle hugs, Shirlann (9 years post treatment) -
I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but glad that you found this site. I was 37 when I was diagnosed last year and my kids were 5 and 2. Beleive it or not, where you are right now is probably the very worst part of this whole journey. Dealing with the shock, waiting for test results, and not knowing what will happen next and what to expect - - that's all so hard to deal with.
When you start treatment things will start to get easier. Try to keep yourself busy and occupied with other things. Watch funny movies if you can't sleep at night.
Your kids are really little and they won't understand much. Keep things simple for them. They will take their cues from you so if you stay positive in front of them they will be OK. When I started chemo I told me kids I had to take a really strong medicine and that the crazy way we would know it was working was that all of my hair would fall out. They thought this was hilarious.
Make sure as you go through treatment that you accept help from others and don't try to play super mom. If someone asks you "how can I help" give them an assignment on the spot. Say "oh, it would be great if you could drop off dinner" or "I'd love for you to take the kids to the park" or whatever you need. People really want to help and it's OK to let them.
I noticed you mentioned reconstruction. Some women have reconstruction at the same time as a mastectomy and some have delayed reconstruction. There are a LOT of reconstruction options and you really, really, really need to do your homework before you pick one! Don't rely on what one plastic surgeon tells you - they have a tendency to just talk up the procedures that they are personally good at. Do your own research and find out what's right for you. Then meet with plastic surgeons who can do that procedure. There's a great reconstruction section on this discussion board where you can get lots of information.
Best wishes to you!
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Shirlann,
I so empathize with the mothers with young children going through this. On both my rounds in the bc ring, I was older and my children were older. Now, I have had to explain it to my young grandchildren. I so approve of the soundness of your approach to envolving the children. It is such good advise.
I have assured my grandkids, that grandma will be ok.... and I have found some washable tattoes, I promised they could decorate my head with before the hair came back.
thank you for you input, I'm sure it is the type of guidance young mothers appreciate.
grandma Wolf aka Dakota
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Chemomum
thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, it is so refreshing to be told that I will make it, and like you the kids are my main concern and everytime I look at them since being diagnosed, I can do nothing but cry. I have to make it for them, they are just so young and precious. Take care of yourself. Hugs Tan
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Shirlann
It was my birthday today (37) and I was trying to put on a brave face for the kids (they just love the candles), feeling a bit down I slipped away during celebrations to come here and read the "mum has cancer and we are going to Disneyland" . It truely made my day and everyone elses too. We laughed and laughed, it was so uplifting to hear. Thankyou for making my day so much better, and the Kids loved seeing Mum laugh!!!!!!
Hugs
Tan
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Irock
Goodluck for Monday, are you just recently diagnosed? Today for my birthday a friend printed the words to a song, I am woman. See if you can find it, if not I can post it (it is rather long) but it made me feel stronger during a really crappy time. Let me know how you go, see if inspires you as much as me. And try to stay strong for your kids. Will think of you Monday.
Love Tan
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tanmaree,
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I hope I can help by sharing one thing I experienced.
The first time I met my breast surgeon it was a two hour appointment with hubby along to take notes. I was still quite in a daze over it all.
At the end the doctor asked me if I had any questions and I said, yea, just one---I want to know how this happened to me.... I said, "I don't smoke, drink, have an immediate family member with cancer, I eat low fat, healthy foods... so why, why did this happen, I don't have many risk factors.??"
The doctor looked at me and smiled and said, "This happened to you because you have breasts, and that is your risk factor"
It immediately took the stress of me wondering how/why/what did I do or not do.... and I was able to focus on the treatments/surgeries and whatever was ahead.
I can live with that... my risk factor is that I have breasts and this sometimes happens to anyone (male or female) with breasts.
I'm sorry this sounds matter of fact, but it's simplicity at a time when I was overwhelmed just gave me a calm feeling and helped me look ahead... and I was much more able to focus on the positives (like we found it before it had spread outside the duct, etc)... The ladies and men in these support forums really do have lifetimes of support and friendship to share and they have all given you good advice or help.
I hope you will get the information you need soon so that you may move forward with your treatments and feel less worried in this very nervous time.
Hugs
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Wren
Thankyou. So are you doing OK now? I had my appointment with the surgeon on Friday, from all my research she is the best (in my area) but she certainly did not sugarcoat anything from me, which in hindsight is her job but at the time I just wanted to hear the words "you will survive and beat this" . I am receiving a lot of positive words from this site which helps me be strong.
Love Tan
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Hi tanmaree
Feelin with u. I have just been diagnosed recently, had one op and another on Tue to clear more tissue. I have be diagnosed with non invasive ductal carcimona, but like u still trying to get my head around it. After talking to nurses etc it is a part of the process. I have been on a real emotional rollercoaster lately, but again it seems to be normal. Your not alone in what is happening to u, hold your chin up and smile every day with what u have to share with yourselve and others, that is what makes us strong.
cheers and Hugs
Shaz
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Hi Tanmaree,
I am 36. I have a 9 and 11 year old. I was diagnosed on Nov 19. It can be very difficult when you have kids. I cried for 3 days. Then I went to the doctor and she prescribed Xanax and an anti-depressant. It has help me so much with sleep.
Things do happen fast. I had 2 surgeries in one month. I just got the pathology report back from getting a sentential biopsy and the margin and the lymph nodes are clear. I will begin radiation in Jan and also Tamoxifin. Once you have a clear plan, things do get better. It is hard to believe I was in your shoes not that long ago. Please consider anti-depressants.
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tanmaree,
Hi again. I just saw your question. Yes, I am doing OK now. I'm glad you like your surgeon. My breast surgeon also told me at the first meeting, "this is not life-threatening; it's breast-threatening"... That really put my diagnosis into perspective for me. I could then focus on my breasts, and make decisions more clearly.
I do believe that having good relationships with all my doctors and nurses is a major part in my ability to move forward with treatment.
One thing I did was ask to be referred to a breast cancer counselor/social worker/psychiatrist so that I could make sure I wasn't over-reacting or becoming too anxious or too depressed. I did get a nurse coordinator (who listened to me a lot (no charge) over the phone when I was first diagnosed) and I got to talk with a wonderful breast cancer social worker who had done her work for over 20 years. It was uplifting to have her there for me. I eventually got to meet a breast cancer psychiatrist who helped me get some medicine to sleep at night and who reassured me that I was 'normal' not crazy for all the emotions that were happening to me.
In some way I knew that for me to deal I would need a big support group--so I reached out and called every free number or hotline and just asked my questions and got help.
Do what you need to do to surround yourself with the things that will give you confidence to get through whatever treatment you have and to give yourself hope.
We all make the best choices with the information we have at the time and I did what worked for me... and as my plastic surgeon said, "just do it and don't look back"... so I did.
Good advice for me. I can't change the past but I have hope for the future.
My best wishes to you. Happy Holidays.
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I noticedthat you montioned the size inyour post. Personally, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on size as a prognostic indicatior. Larger tumors can be much less agressive while very small tumors can be very agressive.
If you are interested in breast conservation, you may want to look into neoadjuvent chemotherapy. In about a third of the cases, the tumor disappears completely and you wouldn't need any surgery. My wife had neoadjuvent AC->T and her tumor shrunk by about 2/3. Most patients,about 60%, have some shrinkage.
Good luck with your treatment.
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Tanmaree and all,
I was diagnosed 8 years ago on Dec 21, 1999 with a 5.2 cm tumor, Stage III, 9 positive nodes, Her-2/Neu. I was 44, with a 12 and 9-year old.
I'm still here - no recurrences. My kids are 20 and 17. Believe that you will survive and beat this! There are many survivor stories.
I opted for a mastectomy, 4 rounds of Adriamycin/Cytoxin, 4 rounds of taxotere, 25 hits of radiation, followed by 52 weekly treatments of Herceptin. Later, I had a prophylactic mastectomy and hysterectomy.
I delayed reconstruction because I was told it would interfere with the benefits of radiation. I got implants about 5 years later.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Read every survivor story you can put your hands on - -that really helped me.
God bless all of you at this most difficult time,
-Gabrielle
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Hi sisters and Joel,
Joel, you are so right about size. It is just what it is, can't change it and Dr. Susan Love mentions in her book it is just another thing, she says, "I often see big, lazy tumors that come off and are never heard from again, and then, a tiny one will met out". Can't tell that well.
And Wren, I love your docs comment, it was true and very kind. I love to hear docs/oncs being encouraging, we are all so scared, and just a kind word means so much.
Gentle hugs, Shirlann
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Tanmaree
I'm so sorry you had to join us here...but also commend you on coming here to learn as much as you can! It was a huge help to me....I am 42 and was diagnosed (DCIS) on August 17. I had a unilateral mastectomy on October 4th with immediate reconstruction. I did the TRAM free flap procedure where they use your tummy fat to create the new breast. I am happy to report that I am cancer free now. Sentinel node biopsy showed no lymph node involvement, so I didn't require any chemo or radiation.
I was off work for 8 weeks and am very happy with the results. The tummy tuck was nice, but still battling a sore, not-quite-healed belly button. The new breast looks very symmetrical to my good one although it may need a little reduction. It is still a little larger than the other.
Hang in there.. learn as much as you can, and continue to come here for any questions you have! These women on this site are the BEST!
robyn
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Tanmaree, I too had a large tumor 4.5 cm in july, I had 4 rounds of ac chemo , and I can tell you after the first one my tumor shrank to 3.5 after my second it shrank to 2.4 and then after my fourth I had my surgery which was lumpectomy and beleive it or not the invasive tumor was gone completely, the pathologist couldnt believe it, so size really isnt something to dwell on, you will get through this ,I worked every day except for my chemo days so keep a positive attitude and know that God will get you through this.
Hugs Tina
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