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Bliz
Bliz Member Posts: 507
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
Back to Depressed
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  • Bliz
    Bliz Member Posts: 507
    edited December 2007

    I dont know what the heck is wrong with me.  Oh, yeah, except the bc dx.  Here I am on my annual sabbatical; an almost 2 month stay in a tropical locale and I am so depressed I have to force myself to do everything. 

    This is not at all like me, before BC.  It's like the pleasure has gone out of everything.  I have been trying to read positive books and so forth but my underlying mood is black.  I hate this and will fritter away a lovely vacation if I dont get a hold of my self. Any ideas?

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  • Shirlann
    Shirlann Member Posts: 3,302
    edited December 2007

    Yes, drugs.  For immediate relief, try Xanax or Valium.  For more permanent albeit slower to start relief, for heaven's sake start on anti-depressants.  They take 3 to 8 weeks to work, but they are not addictive.  You do need to get off them very slooowly.  They are not on the governments substance abuse list and do not make you drowsy or dopey.

    I think they are a God Send.  I truly do.  To try and tough this nightmare out is stupid.  I am sorry to sound so mean, but I think the medical profession should watch for this depression, it is really Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and help people, but they don't.

    In a year or so, when you get your confidence back and your feet back under you, you can stop everything.  But to ruin your life now not to mention the damage potentially done to relationships, is just plain silly.

    My humble, but very persistent, opinion.

    Hugs, Shirlann 

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited December 2007

    Hey Bliz.....

    Well, the fact that you have a 2 month sabbatical every year....you need to think about how lucky you are to just have that!!!!

    How do you do that???!!!!! I bet there are only 10 girls on here who could say that! Snap out of it girl! You could be stuck in a bad job and a bedroom cuz you can't stand your roommate anymore!!

    Seriously though...(although, I was serious above....) I know how you feel. I've been in a funk too. One of my dearest friends has stopped calling me after about 20 "no's" for wanting to do something with her.

    We both need to snap out of it.

    Snap out of it snapper head!

    Hugs, Traci

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited December 2007

    Shirlann!

    LMAO!!!!

    Your first two words cracked me up!

    Thanks for the laugh out loud!

    Traci

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited December 2007

    Shirlann = bc.org resident pusher. 

    i can't stop giggling either! 

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  • Bliz
    Bliz Member Posts: 507
    edited December 2007

    "Snap out of it, Snapper head!"  I like that one.  Drugs may be an option but would have to try that long distance.  I realize I am very lucky.  that is what makes it more maddening.

    (How I do this?)  About ten years ago I started taking a three week vacation around the holidays.  I kept adding weeks as time goes by.  I am not paid during that time, which can be a problem, but I am  off. 

    I did get off my depressed butt yesterday and start working on the boat motor.  It might help if I got onto the water. 

    Thanks for listening.  Sometimes I just need to get it out.  I was also doing alot of physical therapy type stuff before I left that helped me sleep.  I am now away from that but trying to get massage and chiro care here.  That could also help.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    Bliz, all I want to say is good luck on feeling better.  Depression is no fun.  And, unless you've been there, done that, no one can understand. 

    Hope you find the answers and soon.

    Shirley

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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited December 2007

    Bliz,

    Hope you are feeling better soon!  I'll be thinking about you, and praying that your depression will lift soon, and you will see that every cloud has a silver lining!

    Hugs

    Harley

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    Bliz....The thing that always works for me when I'm in that black hole (and it's especially annoying when you're in a location where you're "supposed to" be happy!) is denial. Yes, that's right....ignoring the tapes that are playing in my head and the questions swirling around in there (eg., "what's wrong with me??!") and just doing something, something small and meaningless, but something that distracts me from all of the heavy thinking and pondering. Usually, for me, that's either some needlework or some reading (light reading only!). And sleep...sleep helps me immeasurably when I need to escape and feel all coddled and comfy. Maybe some comfort food too, but I'd say go easy on that or it could backfire. And if all else fails, I'd say Shirlann has the right idea....drugs....and/or alcohol.

    Yes, getting away from it all, including your own head, can be rejuvenating if you just get out of your own way Lose the self-expectations and all of the pressure you're placing on yourself to have a productive time away. It's worth a try, huh?

    ~Marin

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  • Bliz
    Bliz Member Posts: 507
    edited December 2007

    Thanks for all the good tips Ladies.  The depression part is maddening.  I started the Femera yesterday and although I didnt feel too bad, I could not sleep.  Took an ambien about 3 AM.  My onc has me taking the Femera only twice a week to start.  So that will help.

    I think when I have a good day, like yesterday, I think I am "cured" of the depression.  Then when I have a not as good day, I feel doubly down. 

    I had some depression issues when I was younger, but havent had them for over 20 years.  So it is kind of a drag to be back there. 

    One thing I do remember about those days is thinking it would never get better.  Well, it did, so I need to keep that in mind.

    I really lke what Marin said about losing our power.  That just makes so much sense to me.  Because I was healthy and pretty independent and happy, it seems foreign and helpless to feel down again.

    I did finally get the boat issues straightened out, so hope to launch tomorrow.  That always cheers me up.

    Did see a very cool small osprey today and some interesting tiny little flowers by the road side, when I was walking.  They looked like miniature orchids.  Nature usually cheers me up or at least distracts me.

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  • snowyday
    snowyday Member Posts: 1,478
    edited December 2007

    Oh man Shirlee is right, drugs.  I go in and out of it thankfully it doesn't last for to long, but if it lasts for more than 5 days I'm asking for some Celexa or something.  I have pajama days when I feel really bad, I won't take them off, lay around and watch bad TV, read a book, listen to good music it helps. If I had the energy I'd dance to music but that will come later. My sister is 54 and has never taken a pj day until about a month ago I talked her into it and she loved it. And she had a ton of energy the next day.  Glad your boat is fixed and really hope that you can get the best out of the rest of your sabbatical.  PS enjoy the flowers. P.S. Cancer Sucks

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  • paige-allyson
    paige-allyson Member Posts: 781
    edited December 2007

    I can really relate. After my bc diagnosis (May 2007) I had terrible bouts of depression that I tried everything I could think of to pull myself out of- exercise distraction, therapy, Xanax- nothing worked for long. Then a miracle happened- I accepted my therapist's suggestion that I give Lexapro- an SSRI antidepressant a try. I can say unequivacally that this is one of the BEST choices I have ever made. I began to feel better almost immediately- not always the case- these medicines can take a bit to work for some people. I started in the end of October and am now fully back to enjoying life again which is pretty incredible. I truly did not think I could ever have peace of mind again and I really do. I feel like my normal self- not drugged or weird. I was able to cut back to using Xanax just once in a while for sleep. Everyone is different but I strongly suggest to any other woman dealing with depression/constant anxiety related to diagnosis to consider talking with their healthcare provider about SSRI antidepressants- especially a newer one like Lexapro that also works on anxiety and has minimal side effects. I am SO grateful to have my life back. I want to live everyday the best that I can- enjoying life, my family, my work- now I can- even with the uncertainties that come with the diagnosis.

    Wishing you comfort and peace of mind and heart.

    Allyson

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  • Bliz
    Bliz Member Posts: 507
    edited December 2007

    Thanks for the great advice.  It helps so much to know others feel the same at times.  I am away from my doctors right now and will be until mid January.  If I dont reach a better place here in a while I will consider calling my med onc and asking questions about Lexapro or something the same. 

    I am a little reluctant to start meds as on some level I believe I must go through the bad feelings to get to the good.  But you are right, that it is a waste to lose days to being depressed if there is another option. 

    If I keep moving and get out, it seems much better.  I hope to launch the boat today which should help too.  I have lost a lot of my confidence in things like boating, which is not helping.  I was so brave at one time but the dx has taken some of the wind out of my sails.  (Boating pun, not intended) Hopefully I will get it back.

    Venting here and listening to the experience and advice of others, really helps.

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