Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Yea, Tina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know we've all been thinking about you endlessly.  We are just totally, totally thrilled that you are here with us!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess we'll all be talking to our oncs at the next appointments about possible s/e from our chemo treatments. Why don't they routinely do an after check for cardiac concerns? 

Jan, that dog is gorgeous. But I do think that you're right and your morning will be an adventure!

Rebecca, sorry about the insurance crap. I hope that the office/insuance company can come to some agreement soon. Or maybe you should remind that doctor about his comment of taking care of his breast cancer patients.

To our Jewish sisters, I hope your celebrations of Channukah are wonderful.

Tomorrow I will go to Omaha and drive for my eldest daughter as she moves out of her house. I can't carry things yet but I can be a driver. I don't know how bad this last year has been for her, complicated by my health concerns, but she's getting divorced. My SIL has turned out to be a wicked man.  As the child of divorce, a woman of divorce - I never wanted my girls to experience this. To know that she's been going through this without being as involved as I would have liked is very painful.  I just want to pick her up and rock the hurt away like we used to do. Then I realize that this has gone on with all my friends and family. Life has continued for them as I've been involved in my breast cancer world. It's a hard realization.

*sigh *

On the up side...I like not having any breasts. Truly. I think it's definitely easier than having one. The incision is healing nicely. I do have some fluid that has acccumulated. I don't like that. I've gone back to wearing the chest binder for a few days to try to force it to go back where it belongs - give it some encouragement, so to speak.

Well, I'm going to go refill my tea glass. I'll try to get to chat.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Cindy 

Yeah!!! Hey Tina, so glad to hear from you! That had to of been the scariest experience, waking up like that.OMG! Thank goodness you are ok, and getting the help you need.

Lynn, you make sure those medical people know everything you are taking and what you have been through, before your surgery. Ok? We want no more of this bad stuff going on.

My arm and hand are much better today, I wore my compression sleeve and also soaked in a warm bath. That eased some of the swelling. That was just so weird. Darn! I don't want to be afraid all my life of lymphedema. I was hoping that if nothing happened by now I would be in the small group who show no symptoms. I was reading more about it, and it can be pretty nasty. I will be careful from now on.

Expecting 2-4 inches of snow tonite and 1-3 more tomorrow. This is a new one...the city sprayed beet juice on the roads today. They want to see how it works melting snow...so weird.

Oh, Tina, oh, Tina, oh, Tina!!! What a relief to see you back posting and sounding just like yourself. I didn't realize how worried I was until I read your words and got all choked up. I'm thrilled that you're up and around and shopping, LOL! That's our girl. Unfortunately, you can't stay in the hospital until we're all comfortable with you leaving, but you've got the right attitude (quit before you get tired) and I'm sure it will be good to be home, whenever they do release you. How did the kids do with their visit with you? Did you actually arrest on the table, or just almost arrest? I can't imagine waking up and being unable to breathe - I'm glad that feeling didn't last long. Anyway, I'm so glad you're ok, and hope that you continue to improve. This has really been a year to remember, and not in a good way.

Awww, Rebecca, just send Owen down here for a while, I'll take him. Nobody could be a better mother than you, but he's the cutest little guy - I'd take him in a heartbeat, no matter what stage he's in! I'm sure he's just in a difficult stage right now. I agree with Jan - you will win the fight with insurance if you just keep appealing. Not everyone has the strength or the patience to fight them, but they are being ridiculous and if you don't just lie down and take it, they will have to cover it eventually. I would also ask to speak directly with the PS, or make an appointment and confront him. THEN dump him. You're right, he's probably a jerk obsessed with big boobs and big bank accounts. "$500 a month would work nicely."???? What a joke.

Lynn, there is one in every family. I'm so sorry your sister's selfishness is causing problems for you and your family, when you really need to just be able to concentrate on yourself. I know you're probably kicking yourself for even thinking you could count on her. Can't believe your surgery is here already.

Nancy, glad your arm is better, that's a relief.

Cindy, I understand you when you say you like not having any breasts. I never had just one, but I actually do prefer having none to having too much. I'll look forward to having two small ones, eventually, and not having to wear a bra. I really feel for your daughter, but don't beat yourself up for being in your own little cancer world. That wasn't by choice, and that was your job to do - to get through it. Maybe it helped your daughter tokeep things in perspective when her life was going down the tubes, to think of her mom going through breast cancer treatment.

Melia, Skye, I agree - my dh has pretty much moved on, too. I'm back to work, done with treatment, and he assumes I'm ok now. I was so busy pretending to be ok over the last year - it has only been the last few months that I've been able to admit I'm less than 100%. When I finally do, he's thinking I'm ok - so I never really got any "time off."

Jan, your dog is gorgeous! I hope it goes well at school for show off day, but that dog would be a hit even if he just sat there and snored.

Joni, glad Thor is better, and I hope RC gets to feeling better, also. I didn't realize your kitty was that old. Your package will go out in tomorrow's mail, with the Old Bay.

Bedtime for me. Love you all

Oh Lynn, your message came through loud and clear and that is absolutely dreadful.  I completely understand how you feel...my SIL has blown us off for hair appointments and lunch with friends more times than I can count.  It is to the point that we do not even tell the kids when she says she is going to come and visit because she is so likely to bail and we do not want to upset them (they love her very much...she is a kindergarten teacher, and very fun to be with when she comes).  Well anyway, it sucks and your sister should be absolutely ashamed of herself, and you deserve a huge hug for having to deal with her.  I agree that Ally should be able to come and visit you in the hospital....do you have any friends that can drive them out for you so that George does not have to make so many trips?

Cindy I am so sorry that you have to go through this with your DD.  I too am a child of divorce, so I know how it is.  It is very unfortunate that it took being married to this guy for your DD to see that he is evil....I hate dishonest people.  Of course if he was honest about who he really was, perhaps nobody would have married him! I am so very glad that you are happy with your surgical result.  Every time I read your comments about being breastless it makes me smile and feel good.  You are a remarkable and strong woman!

Regarding Owen...thanks for the reassurance, guys.  Owen just turned 5, which is funny because all of you told stories about 3 and 4 year olds.  I guess he is acting in a rather immature fashion which is at odds with what I think is his considerable intelligence.  I try very hard to be patient with him, and remind him of his limits, but I fear that by the end of the day I am DONE and I start becoming irritable.  In fact, I am finding that I have a great deal of difficulty staying up past about 9PM...I sit down on the couch with the family, and the next thing I know the kids are in bed and DH is waking me to go to bed with him.  It is very distressing.....I am not really fatigued like that during the day, and since I started the Effexor I do not have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.  Frances and DH are going away for three days next week and this morning Matt suggested that I try to get someone to help me while he is gone.  sigh....it is kind of upsetting to me to consider that I can no longer "do it" but maybe I can not.  The BC experience and its aftermath seems to have changed my physical abilities in ways that I did not consider.  I always assumed that I would get ALL my energy back, but that does not appear to have happened.  Ah well.....

Oy Tina, it took a while for the story you told about your surgery to register.  How frightening for you to wake up during surgery like that!  On the other hand, I think that the fact that you did demonstrates your incredible will to live.  There was NO WAY you were going down, and your body defied the anasthesia and you opened your eyes.  WOW.

Joni the kangaroo baby is just so adorable.  Is it in a sling?  I carried all my kids in cloth slings like that when they were little....my little kangaroo babies.

Well folks, I am out of time.   I have to go wake Frances for school and jump into the shower.  Sorry I missed chat last night, but we had family time, and then I passed out anyway.

Joni, what a cute picture. What ultimately happened to him?

Rebecca, I think back to the years when my three were little, and I can only imagine how tired you are. You have had two surgeries and six months of chemo, all the while trying to care for a family and work. Of course you are exhausted. I think staying up til 9 is admirable. You really never got a chance to go off somewhere alone or with your husband to just stare out a window and process all of this. You really never broke your pace. It is going to take a very long time to get all your energy back. But you will. I often think even now, feeling pretty darned good, that I have no idea how I cooked every night for a family of five. The idea of coming home tonight and having to roast a chicken about brings me to my knees. So please, dear Rebecca, cut yourself some slack. It will all come back. And in the meantime, the cosmos sent you that adorable, exasperating little Owen to make you laugh.

Chat was great, felt so good to connect again.

Jan, good luck today with the dog's visit to school. Joni and Lynn, we will be praying for both of you. Cindy, I am really sorry about your daughter's pain, and I am sure it is sad for you that you couldn't bolster her as she went thru it. But the good news is that you are there for her now.

Ok, off to work. It's year end for us and my boss is very cranky; worse sales than he wanted, inventory a mess .... but he is passive aggressive, so doesn't yell, but oozes hostility. My thinking is that I worked thru everything, and the company would have been much worse off if I didn't, so don't growl at me.

Hugs,

Melia

good luck with your echo today Skye....thinking about you and hoping for a good score!

Couldn't resist sharing the turkeys in snow, and as long as I was at it, DS-1 Ben and his new fiancee, Holly

Sorry I left chat last night, I lost my connection again and couldn't re-establish it. Finally gave up.  Did someone clear the chat?  I logged in to read and the screen is blank.

Skye, good luck with your echo today, great pics!

I couldn't fall asleep last night because I couldn't get my sister out of my mind..so I text messaged her (I know, kind of juvinile but I had to do something).  All I said was 'she's your mom too'.  No word back from her and George is doing all he can to not call her.  I'm calmer about it today, just going to go about my business and get done what I need to get done.

Today's my last day in the office until late January.

"Show off day," or share day as it's actually called, was a tremendous success.

The kids (Em plus our 3 neighbors) were on cloud 9 walking into school with a huge dog. 

Storm was the best behaved doggie ever. Em took her to each kids' desk (only 12 kids so it's a small class) so they could pet her and Storm was as calm as anyone could want her to be. Then Em stood in front of her class and talked about how we'd rescued Storm, what kind of dog she is, how we're training her to be a therapy dog, etc. She also took questions from the class - it was so cute.

Storm then demonstrated a few of her tricks - sit, stay, down, "sit-ups," come, and touch. She got them all. Of course - she's not too reliable yet so I didn't give her breakfast and kept a piece of yummy cheese in my hand - so she was highly motivated. But the fact that she did so well in a completely strange environment is encouraging.

Em was so proud of her dog. I know she had high expectations of really wowing the class - and I think she was pleased. 

The whole thing was so much fun and did reinforce my belief that this dog is going to be an excellent therapy dog in a few months. 

oh wow lots going on !

Tina great to hear from you , I can empathize as I was back in the hospital twice after bc surgery with my colon cancer scare . Take it easy .. I had heprin shots my last surgery my whole arm was back and blue from the shots , it hurt like hell .

Sorry I missed so much ...... we got blasted and dumped on with about 2 ft of snow . I had to drive to work leaving our house at 5 :30 in the morning . The traffic can be dangerous here .

Today is a sunny day and I am off to my last scan , and ultrasound to my abdomen just to check , I feel all will be ok everything else has !

Rebecca : Aw boys so fun , my son was a handful when he was little . It will pass and before you know it he will be bringing the girls home . Then watch out !

Happy Hanukkah rebecca , viddie and caya enjoy your desserts !

Luv the hair jan you look marvelous

Hi all,

Jan,

You look great. I wish my hair looked that good. I am going Friday to have it colored and shaped. I went a month ago and it looked better then. Time to reshape and re-color again.

I am so glad Em's "show-off day" was a success with Storm. Em must be so happy.

Sharon,

My!

That's a lot of snow!! I want summer back.

Skye,

How did your echo test go? Very handsome couple! That's a lot of turkeys.

Rebecca,



It sounds like Owen is going through a tough phase. It always tougher on us mom's, though. I remember one day when my daughter was around 6, she wrote her name in indelible ink on ALL her furniture, all her dolls (including her Madame Alexander dolls her aunt gave her), and other valuable -not anymore- dolls- virtually everything in her room had her signature. I was floored. At the time, she could not give me an explanation. Only recently she told me she was mad at me and that was her way to get even. I get all her confessions now- at age 23- aren't I lucky!!!



The first time my son told me he hated me (around 5) was very hard. I cried for hours.

I guess kids have to go through stuff and get it out of their system. I could go on for hours. It is stressful, but it does pass.



I agree with Melia, you have been through a lot. Of course you are spent! How could you not be. We will all get our energy back, but it just takes more time. You are doing great and you are much stronger than you think. It must have been very hard for you, Jan and Tina. You all have young children at home that needed and still need tending. I do not think I could have handled it if I had young kids at home. We are all at the finish line- or practically there-Aren't all the athletes exhausted after a long race? We should be applauding our strength and we will get stronger- together.



Viddie

Jan - You look beautiful - is that your own haircolour or is it a dye? Mine is salt and pepper (more pepper) - I just keep telling the DH how much money we're saving on hair - no cuts, blowdrys, treatments, and no dye jobs.  Em's big day with Storm sounds great.

Skye - Beautiful picture of the turkeys in the snow.  And your DS is adorable, along with the fiancee, who does resemble Sandra Bullock.

Melia - glad the grumpy boss didn't come in today - a nice break for you (and we could all use a break).

Sharon - good luck on that ultrasound - I'm sure it will be fine. Let us know.

Cassie and I went treadmill shopping today.  The one we have is about 15 years old and it's time for a new one.  They're so much nicer now, with all the gadgets and better yet the cushioned tread - good for my crappy knees and ankles.  Will wait for the DH to come home from NYC tom. night and then hit him with shopping plans on the weekend.  Oh, he'll love that - OY!!

Caya - yes it's dye for sure. I had it colored and highlighted. My real hair is almsot completely grey and has been for a long time.

You all overwhelm me, today.  Jan, you are beautiful, and the hair is perfect.  Skye, I love, love, love the turkeys in the snow - wish I lived there!  Your DS and Holly are a gorgeous couple.  Joni, the little kangaroo is adorable, as is the couple who is with her.  I love the photos.

I just have a moment tonight.  Long, long day - work at 5:00, then straight to hair appt. which took 2 1/2 hours (!), then home for a dog walk and a 20 minute nap, then the session with the pet psychic, and NOW I have to pack for a four day trip to my mom's in Kansas tomorrow.

Our psychic is the real deal - first thing she said was that before we dealt with Harrison, he wanted us to talk about Ted, because Ted has cancer!  I have not told her anything at all about anything going on with either cat, so that was totally her.  We talked about Ted's transitioning and how he wanted to do it (by himself), and then spent the rest of the time on Harrison.  She gives us very good dog training tips, and the fact that she can get inside his head is very helpful.  Evidently he is not good at decision making, but is also playing us and having a sort of tantrum on walks, thus the problems with walking on the leash.  He does express interest in getting another dog (we are thinking of a rescue greyhound) later on, but not until after Ted passes.  He wanted to be sure we weren't thinking of getting the small yippy dog down the block, though, lol. 

I'm taking my laptop, but not sure whether I'll be able to find a connection to check in.  If not, I'll be back in touch Sunday night or Monday.  Tina, I hope you're home by then and feeling much better.  Lynn, I'll be thinking about you Monday, and am sure it will go well.  Skye, good luck with the mammo tomorrow.  And Jan, the story about Em and her "fairy stones" is just enchanting - what an interesting little imagination she has!  I'd love to know what she calls the teeny tiny creatures.  I really love her creativity.  Glad the dog show off day went well.  Storm is really lovely.

Everybody else...love you guys.