Just have too vent

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otherme
otherme Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

So, clearly by my sign in name this is an alter. Don't think people use them here very often but I'm too tracable by my other name.

In the months after treatment my husband had an affair. It's over now and we've been dealing with it and working through it together and individually and we're coming to a very good place. My physical scars are healing and the emotional ones are healing too although, clearly, they get torn open again at times. Here's a doozy that I need to share:

I knew that she worked in the hospital where I was having my treatment - I thought that she was at the main city campus where I went for surgeries and some of my appointments, MRIs, mammos and not at the outlying hospital campus closer to home where I had my chemo and go to see my oncologist. Recalled (from when I went googling on her back when I first found out about it) that she did something with IT. So, I go to my regular follow up appointment last tuesday and there she is (I'd seen a picture of her once on line and knew I'd recognize her if I ever saw her - I did) behind the desk talking to the receptionists. I sign in around the corner and go across the hall to wait. The woman who does the vital signs calls me in and as I enter the door it's crowded with someone ahead of me with a walker, the vital signs woman, me and guess who is walking out. I glance down at her name tag and, indeed it is the woman. Needless to say my BP was through the roof and I was shaking and clearly upset. The poor vital signs woman kept saying, "Are you ok?"

So, I had my appointment and then went to the computers in the library and looked her up in the employee directory. Yup, she works in the community hospital and she works in transcription. My vision and brain must have been pretty blurry with adrenaline when I looked her up before - or, she has a new job. So, I think, "I wonder, now..." And I look up my records for the year (because I'm employed by the hospital and have access even though I'm not supposed to) the next day and whose initials were at the bottom of the transcription of Tuesday's appointment with the oncologist? You guessed it. And whose initials were at the bottom of the transcription of the appointment in February when my oncologist said, "She is having severe marital difficulties"? Yup, right again.

I was bull-sh!t! I still am. You know, it's one thing for someone to have no moral code in their personal life but to have no moral code in their professional life - in the same general world of profession that I am in and hold that ethic high - and to purposefully ignore any sense of decency regarding my privacy just burns me up like, well, I'm sure you know.

It's not illegal, it doesn't go against HIPAA (or is it HIPPA) regulations, I have no interest in getting her in trouble, but I am MAD.

So, I'll just see my oncologist at the other hospital which is a major pain in the ass for me - maybe I'll make my husband drive me the hour down there every time I have to go for that particular appointment.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know you share my outrage.

Life is a soap opera. You can't even invent this stuff.

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Comments

  • Paulette531
    Paulette531 Member Posts: 738
    edited December 2007

    Yes, I share your outrage, and I must say, you are a better person than I am because I probably would have decked her! Then I would have went directly to the psychiatric ward and said sign me in, obviously I need help!

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  • snowyday
    snowyday Member Posts: 1,478
    edited December 2007

    Unbelievable I feel so angry for you, I find it amazing that a women who works in a hospital, doing transcriptions, reading all that personal information had an affair with your husband.  I just don't get that women don't understand when they screw around with a married man they are hurting another women it's so damn selfish. I to think I would have decked her or at the very least confronted her. I left my ex for screwing around and I confronted the woman she to worked in a hospital, admin, but still in a hospital.  The funny part was she really thought my ex would end up with her when I made him move out, but his guilt lead him to another women so she is still alone and with a bad rep in a small town.  I just remember that shaking feeling and the andrenaline going through my arms right down to my finger tips and my legs feeling weak at the same time.

    Get your husband to take you an hour to the other hospital, you don't need that feeling when you go for treatments, stress like that can't be good for you.  When the heck are women going to get it when you mess with a married man you are hurting another women.  But the nerve to mess with a couple who is going through what your going through unfffnggbelievable. 

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  • mke
    mke Member Posts: 584
    edited December 2007

    Oh wow.  I would be so angry.  I can well imagine that your BP was sky high.  This is my first idea (which I readily admit is not always my wisest one).

    I would switch oncologists, and I would insist that my husband drive me there.  Further I would tell the present oncologist that the reason I was doing it was that a person who was having an affair with my husband had access to my medical files and that I prefer not to name that person.

    What a pain in the butt!

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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited December 2007

    I would be blowing my top.  And I wouldn't be as nice about as you.  You say that you don't want to get her in trouble.  Personally, I would report her to her supervisor and to anyone else in a position of authority in that hospital.  What she did was not only immoral, but unethical.  I think the unethical part needs to be addressed or else it could happen again.  Who knows, maybe it's even happened before. That should be a concern for the hospital.

    And yes, you should insist that your husband drive you to every appointment at the other hospital.  I would also explain to the oncologist why I was changing hospitals and I would name names.  Why protect her? 

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  • barbara913
    barbara913 Member Posts: 133
    edited December 2007

    wow... i feel for you :(

    the last thing you need is more stress... i would switch drs. and probably give her name up as you pick up your records... if she was fooling around w/ your husband and now that is over, the other ladies in the office might want to keep an eye on their own husbands. she doesn't deserve your loyalty, she sure wasn't thinking about you.

    barbara

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  • Little-G
    Little-G Member Posts: 647
    edited December 2007

    I'm with Beesie on ths one.  This is how people get away with things, when everyone else around them shuts up.  I would yell it from the top of the hospital roof!!!!  Let everyone know what the hell she did.  That is total BS and a huge disrespect to you, and everyone else walking in that door!  I do hope that your wounds close and not tear open to often.  I don't know what I would do.  But I can imagine the pain you were/are in. 

    g

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  • otherme
    otherme Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2007

    You know what? She's a nobody. At least to me. And it's not worth me putting any more energy into her than I already have. Yes, what she did was not ethical. But it's not illegal (and HIPAA laws are really stiff). I suppose I could get her in a lot of trouble but I have no interest in doing that.

    During my onc visit I told the doc that I'd seen her in the office but didn't know at the time that she was a transcriptionist. I certainly will tell her (the doc) why I'm switching to see her in the other office. There's no way this poor woman is going to make me switch oncologists. She does not have that kind of power over my life. If the onc wants to pursue it she can.

    Here's another nice piece of irony - I understand that a good friend of hers is going through BC. I hope she's less selfish in that relationship. 

    PLEASE be aware that I do not blame this woman for having an affair with my husband - the blame (if you want to call it that) is 100% on him.  I just don't think much of people who do that. Have almost lost a very close friend and a relative over their extra-marital relations. I'm just this puppy-dog-loyal type. So, I don't blame her, but I think she's - what? What are women who have affairs with married men? Women who don't really want relationships? Women who are the ultimate of "I'm going to fix him" types? Whatever.

    Her actions upon my privacy above and beyond the affair are completely and totally her fault and have made me think completely differently about her and the whole thing.

    I'm blabbering. 

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited December 2007

    I think you are making perfect sense.  And you sound very in control of you and your responses to things around you.  Way to go!

    And, I salute you when you included your dh in the responsibility department.  It does take two.

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  • Sierra
    Sierra Member Posts: 1,638
    edited December 2007





    Good for YOU!!! Rise above this

    as it appears you are doing

    Don't waste your precious time



    It does take two to tango





    Best going out to you.





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  • Poppy
    Poppy Member Posts: 405
    edited December 2007

    "Wow!!!!" is a total understatement! You're a better woman than I am b/c I would have her ass in a sling over what you've found out. There is no excuse for her to have anything to do with your medical file considering the affair. Personally I would tell anyone who will listen that she is to have NO access to your file. You don't have to go into details but I know I sure would! She has some nerve!!

    What a shame too - especially if you are happy with the care you're getting. Treatment and surgery is bad enough without having to stress about bumping into that slag!

    Hugs and more hugs

    Erica

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