Surgery is 12 days away

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momtocma
momtocma Member Posts: 13
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Surgery is 12 days away
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  • momtocma
    momtocma Member Posts: 13
    edited November 2007

    Mom's surgery is 12 days away and the closer it seems to get the more depressed she seems to get. She works at the Cleveland Clinic and doesn't want to be there. She called me crying on sunday telling me she doesn't want to put the christmas tree up. My kids and I are going to put it up for her 2 days before surgery.

     My husband who doesn't normally get along with her has been helping out too. The rest of my siblings aren't helping me out on trying to calm her down.

    I know she needs me right now and I am really trying to do all I can for her but I also my kids that I have to take care of. She wants me there all the time and I feel guilty because I can't. I am making myself avaiable as much as I can without it upsetting my kids too much. I really wish I could get my siblings to help but I know they have lives too.

    My mom and my stepdad are fighting all the time now. They have been married for 18 years. I wish the surgery was tomorrow so we can do it and move on to the next step.

    Grandma says all she does is cry and think. I feel that if she kept herself busy she wouldn't think about the BC so much. Yes I know she's sick but she's letting it control her right now. My grandma put it on the backburner when she had it. She didn't let it control her life.

    That's what I want from my mom.

    I'll admit the closer the surgery date gets the more freaky I am getting. But at the same time not too long after mom's surgery I meet with the mamogram machine for the first time.

    How do I help my mom?

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  • prayrv
    prayrv Member Posts: 941
    edited November 2007

    I am not normally one to advise people to take drugs  but in this case I would advise you to have your mom seriously think about calling her doc for some meds.  They have helped so many of the brave women here.  I emphasis the term BRAVE, there is nothing wrong with needing help.  You don't say how old you or your children are, but taking mom out for the evening (movie, walking the mall or other stores to get a feel for what the kids want for the holidays) might help.  Let us know how you do and how your mom does.

    Take Care

    Trish

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  • momtocma
    momtocma Member Posts: 13
    edited November 2007

    Trish,

    I am 29 and my kids are 10, 9 and 2.

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  • Shirlann
    Shirlann Member Posts: 3,302
    edited November 2007

    I'm with Trish on this one. I have seen this nasty journey ruin lives and families. For the short term your mom needs Xanax or Valium or something to help her sleep and for the days of treatments. Then, if things continue to go downhill mentally, she should consider asking about anti-depressants.



    This is such a lengthy process, you wait for this, you wait for that, it tries the patience of a saint. Sometimes I feel like a drug pusher, but I think the medical profession needs to look at this diagnosis, or any long term illness diagnosis, and treat the whole person.



    My husband was told at 42 he had severe heart disease. He went into a year long depression, my, how he suffered. All for nothing. He is 30 years past that point, doing reasonably well, and just needed a little chemical help for a while as he got adjusted to this bad news.



    I don't like to constantly talk about drugs but this cancer journey is long and hard and I think that anything that helps you get through it with a semblance of relationships in one piece, you need to try.



    Gentle hugs, Shirlann

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  • tawyna1
    tawyna1 Member Posts: 273
    edited November 2007

    hi,

    i helped mom through her bc i have 3 kids 8 , 9 and 13 . the 13 yr old has celrebal palsey.

    the stress of surgury  is hard.  as time goes by and she finds out more it will get easier. it is a long journey.  you seem to be so caring to your mom .  being there for her when you can is great but i know the feeling of having alot to do and kids . god bless you and your family.  i pray your mom does great. 

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