Kanye West's mom--how sad

Iodine...if you don't mind my asking, how old are you in your avatar pic? You look really young.And was that pic after surgery?

(sigh) that pic was before diagnosis.   I am 5 years from that and haven't had a pic since that I'd post.  So I guess I was about 59 in that pic.  I'm 64 now. 

Besides, I love the fact that I was toasting  -- to us all! 

Beesie you bring up and interesting point about "attractive" people perhaps feeling like they have to "keep" up with their looks. I would bet that a lot of folks who grew up being complimented on their looks and thinking that was part (or all) of what made them special would have more of an investment in their external persona rather than the insides--an aging beauty queen comes to mind.

Caa, I also chose not to reconstruct and didn't have any difficulty adjusting. One of my relatives asked me if I felt "deformed" and the question startled me. I said, "no, this is just how i look now." I never saw an absence of breasts, but an absence of cancer.

I couldn't have said it better myself, happy.

Dot, from your picture I thought you were in your 30s or 40s!

I guess I'm lucky, young looks run in my family. I've only had 1 or 2 gray hairs. Of course I don't appreciate it though, I want to look my age because for me with age comes wiseness. I doubt I'll color my hair, but let the grays come in and take over.

Iodine...you look really young, I never would have put you at 59. But then I myself hate it when people say things like..."you look young or old for your age" because what does any age really look like? I was blessed with my mother's side of the family in regards to looks and aging, my siblings were not. Yet I still wonder, what does a certain age look like, is there a norm? Rather I think it's all in the genetics and how you take care of yourself.

I agree with FitChick on looks and the outside and somehow I think it corresponds and equals out. You can have all the inner self esteem in the world but if you look haggard and are what is termed as ugly (by society standards) it damn well doesn't matter because that is how society perceives you and if you say it doesn't bother you I really have to question that because nobody likes to feel left out, regardless. It comes out in your personality no matter how much you think it doesn't.

I was a proponent for plastic surgery before BC...I always said I would hang onto my looks no matter what it took until too many surgeries from BC changed my mind! To be perfectly honest, the thought of more surgery scares the pure living bejesus out of me, now that's not to say I wouldn't change my mind a few years down the road.  

I hate to be preachy but I have to share. I do not feel the need to conform to what society deems to be beautiful because I know first hand it is a crock of pooh. My dear mother was working job #2 (Dad died of breast cancer) and was coming home on Easter eve 1974 when a drunk driver hit the car she was in , it went over the overpass and blew up while my mom was in it. My mom was on fire, she thought(she told us once we were all adults) I should just sit here and die and then she thought ,I have 5 children and no husband . My mom got out of the car and rolled out the flames, she was airlifted to the medical center and was pronounced dead. She was revived and we were told she would be dead within the hour well ...it is 2007 and my mom is still here , 7 grandkids later, I can not count the operations, years in the hospital or pain but she is here, no fingers, no ears, nose lips, disfigured face, skin badly scarred but she is here. My mom raised us and loved us and she is the most BEAUTIFUL person who ever lived. Through unexplainable pain she raised 5 children alone, had the courage to rejoin society, volunteers and feeds homeless, clothes the needy, does toys for tots, you name it my mom does it. I know what beauty is and it is not what you look like  . Beauty is what you do , how you think, how you love, how you sacrifice . True beauty can not be bought or carved it is something you earn. I say this for the young lady who thinks no one "doesn't care" what people think. I do not. When you spend a lifetime with people staring at and being afraid of someone like my mom you learn that anyone that shallow is just ignorant and that you can not be bothered with people like that. I hope you understand that some people like me and my family truly feel beauty is within, this body is only a shell. Benita     

Wow CP I thought I was the only one who was turned off by LGFB. There were only 5 or 6 women in my session. I was the only one who walked in bald (I never got a wig). There were woman who wouldn't bare their heads to learn how to wrap scarves on them. I was so glad to be me that day.

Benita, your mom could teach the world about what's really important in life.

shel,

I'm not sure if you were responding in general to all the comments that have been made, or if you were referring to what I said earlier about learning young that I needed to rely on my intelligence since my appearance wasn't going to open any doors.  To clarify, because I really didn't want to offend anyone, I wasn't suggesting and I certainly don't believe that anyone who is attractive is any less intelligent than those who are less attractive.  I also don't think that anyone who wants to have plastic surgery to enhance their appearance or to slow down the aging process is any less intelligent than those of us who don't.   What I was speculating is whether those who don't have "attractiveness" as one of their assets when they are younger simply get used to pulling something else out of their bag of tricks and therefore may not feel as much impact from the loss of their looks as they age.   Someone more attractive is just as likely to have intelligence as one of their assets, but how they juggle and use their asset mix might be different.

Hope that clarifies.  Or perhaps I should just stick to my wit (such that it is). 

It's amazing to me that her plastic surgeon is always on TV; he always seems so knowledgable.  Shows you can't believe everything you see on TV!  I wonder how long it will be till they kick him off the  discovery health channel.

Amy there's also a study about breast aug patients and higher suicide rates as well.

I have a friend that desperately needed a breast reduction, and my surgeon was going to do it for her, and insurance denied and even denied the appeal.  Even though she had enough breast to be taken away to meet insurance standards, b/c she's young they don't sag to the floor insurance denied her. Her self esteem was so low because of her breasts, and thank god her boss elected to pay for it for her.

She's so happy now, and I'm so happy for her.

I am back and forth on the plastic surgery fence.  I was totally against it before BC.  Then I changed my mind... however, my mom wants her eyes and chin done, and it makes me insane, b/c I don't want her to have it.  I think she won't be happy regardless of having surgery or not, and I think the money and recovery are not worth the end result (for her). 

I have a question for those of you who don't believe that we should alter our appearances via plastic surgery...Do you feel the same about other cosmetic alterations or, because they're less drastic and/or permanent, are they okay with you? I'm referring to fillers like Juvederm and injectable treatments like Botox, as well as facials & resurfacing. Then there's permanent makeup/tattoos and, of course, topical cosmetics and enhancers, from blush, mascara and lipstick to false eyelashes. What is you take on these applications? This topic fascinates me and I'm so curious about the distinctions and how the various alterations can reflect, as well as affect, one's self-view. So please share your views!

~Marin

Marin,

I just saw your last post.  My answer is that I don't consider any of those procedures, except the topical ones, to be necessary or desirable.  Frankly, some of them scare me.  The idea of injecting something into my face.... uh, no thanks!  But I completely understand that some women jump at the chance to have Botox or something like that.

As for the topical treatments, that's where my earlier comment, "My strategy has been to look as good as I can with what I've got" comes into play.  While I've never considered myself to be good looking, I've always tried to look as good as I can, to make the best of what I've got.  So sure, I use blush and mascara and lipstick.  And as I've aged, I know (by looking at my mother) where I'm most prone to get wrinkles, so I diligently apply moisturizing cream (and so far have successfully fended off the wrinkles).   These products have been around for hundreds of years, are topical, temporary fixes and have few risks associated with them (assuming that they come from reputable companies that use proper ingredients and adequately test their products).  As compared to plastic surgery (with the risk of death or disfigurement) or injections/fillers (with the risk of disfigurement or chemical reaction), I don't think make-up or topical cosmetic creams pose much of a threat to my personal safety & health, and so I don't see any harm in using them.