Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

I tried logging into the chat, but can't get it to work. I think this is the Internet's way of telling me to turn off the computer and go to bed.

Well I can see it wasn't just me.  I also tried 3 or 4 times to get into the chatroom, couldn't get on.

Jan - your girls are adorable. Also congrats on Em winning the blue ribbon in her horse competition. She looks great, very regal perched on that horse.  She's brave, I could never do that.  I hear you on the one boob thing in San Antonio.  Try wearing a loose nightie/pjs with a loose robe overtop if that makes you feel more comfortable.  I'm sure your business partner/friend won't care. It's more how YOU feel.

Debbie - you look great. The hair is growing in nicely.

I'm going downtown tomorrow to see the PS I saw last year who specializes in breast reconstruction.  I saw her before my mastectomy to explore all my options, and I decided at that time to do nothing, just do the MRM, let it heal, do the chemo etc.  So now that I am all healed up, I want her to look me over again and see what she thinks.  I listened to the tape recording of the appointment I had last November with her to refresh my chemobrained memory.

That's in the morning.  Then I have an afternoon appointment with my obgyn for a pelvic exam and to discuss taking out the ovaries. Sounds like a fun day, eh girls?  OY!!!

I will let you know what happens with Cassie.  Thanks again to all who voted for her.  In the last few days a few more contenders showed up, so the competition is a little tighter.  But even if she doesn't get it, it will look great on her resume that she was a finalist. We might not know for a couple of weeks.

A 22 lb. tumor?  Whoa, Joni, that's massive.  Amazing that the guy is doing so well. 

Jan, that's rough about the room sharing issue.  It WILL be nice to not have weigh these extra considersations some day.  I feel so relieved to not have to worry if my scarf matches or clashes with my shirt...it was like every day, one or the other had to be a solid.  Just pain in the neck extra things to have to think about every day.  It got old.

Rebecca, I've had that happen....trying to reverse directions and you get totally messed up.  Don't beat yourself up.  The streets in the northeast are often not "grid like" and you can get totally messed up.  Boston is horrendous for that.  I also found Orange County in So Cal hard initially as roads wind in and out of the canyons, east and west of the freeways.  Once I learned my way, I was fine, but...

Debbie, your pictures are great.  I like you in short hair.  And the lighter color too.  Shows off your eyes more.  I just had my daughters hair cut last night into a chin length bob and it looks great.  So much better on her tiny face.  She, typically, wants long, flowing hair, but her hair just isn't that type...mine was never either, so I can relate, but....  she needs to do what works for her.  I may just do chin length bob this time around too.  Take my own advice.   I am taking all of yours and not letting scissors near it for a long, long time.  My bangs are about an inch long (short).  Looks like ruler head, but...beats a centimeter.

Jan, I think you should go with what makes you comfortable when sharing the hotel room with your business partner. Wearing the prosthesis all the time doesn't sound like much fun, at all. I would hope that she would understand your situation. I would be comfy in PJs and a robe in the room; treat it like a home away from home.

Jan, I third that motion - wear a robe.  I think we are more aware of it than others are. 

Tomorrow I get my hair colored - wish me luck.  I'm not going to let her cut it.  Have another appt for that in 5 weeks.  By then it should need some shaping.

Wow this time change and my changed working hours are tiring.  This is the longest week ever!  So Mel you are not alone in being tired.  Hope Lynn is having a good vacation

Caya, let us know how your appts went.  Hugs...

Hi Ladies, Just logging in to say hi. I have kept up with everyone's news and I am glad you are all doing well. I am pretty much going through the motions. I have to say that with all the anti depressants I have been on in my lifetime, this effexor is not doing it for me. Look at me cross-eyed and I'll cry. I am putting in a full week at work, but after I am going to see my Dr. I have got to do something, I am just not happy. And my family has had it with me. Don't blame them. I try to explain how this experience has devastated me inside, but they don't understand. They say it's over and I should get over it too. It's so hard, I am reminded of it several times a day, when I dress, look in the mirror, take a bath, etc. I am thinking of getting professional help. The bad thing is, it is the year end and my HSA will renew and my deductible is huge! I need to try and recover financially from this, too. I was doing fine, until I started this med, I really think it doesn't like me. My hot flashes are just as frequent also. My hair is approx. 3 inches long. I look like a man who needs the barbershop, but after reading everyone's experience with cutting, ummm... naw I'll wait.

Tina, that e-mail you sent me on the JC Penney's catalog brought tears to my eyes. I am still laughing, Thank you!! Poor Jeff said it reminded him of his childhood Christmas's. E GAD!

Were we all crazy or something back then? Loved the barrel dining room set. Tee hee, If the other sister's haven't seen that e-mail you seriously need to forward it to them. Girl's it was hilarious!

Well that brought a smile to my face, you all are so good for me.

*Hugs*

Viddie, I hate that deja vu feeling you get when you walk into the places where you were delivered the news that changed your life, etc.  That's how I feel every time I go to OSU.  I realized last night I will be having my surgery at the "University Hospital" portion of the building and not the "James" Cancer Hospital.  I hated even BEING in a place called "cancer hospital".  I am the mega multi-tasker.  I am asking to have my herceptin infusion while I'm admitted vs. going in Thursday, the day before my surgery.  I figure if I'm gonna be lying around for 3-4 days...  speaking of herceptin, I have it today.

Caya, that IS annoying that the dr. is moving to UCLA.  I think they should have told you that prior to your visit.  Why take on a new consultation when you know full well you aren't taking on new patients?  I am happy to hear about PMH's policy on under 50 ER+ patients.  Makes me feel better about what I'm doing.

Nancy, sorry you're feeling so crappy still.  That Effexor is working wonders for me, but I'm a newbie on it.  I hear it can stop working or not be as effective.  Maybe a switch is in order.  Yes, that JC Penney email was by far, the funniest thing I'd seen in years.  I woke up laughing even the next day.  My favorite part was the man in the striped polo shirt/dress w/the matching coffee mug..."when he puts that mug down".  LOL!  Anyone that wants a good laugh, PM your email and I'll forward it to you.  I only had Rebecca's, Nancy's and Mel's.

OK...gotta get ready for a 9:30 Herceptin.  I see the NP too, which is odd.  Usually it's every 6 weeks.  Maybe due to my recent mental crack up they want to see me more frequently.

Nancy, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope you will call your shrink ASAP and schedule an appointment. We've all got our issues to deal with, but I suspect with you it is a matter of being on the wrong meds, since you were doing so well before you changed. Maybe you can get back on the Lexapro. There are no easy answers, but you need to look at quality of life, and right now yours seems to be lacking. You can't go on like this, for sure. We all love you, and are here for you, regardless. Big hugs to you, and please let me know if I can do anything to help you.

Viddie, glad you're home and settled back in. I hear you about it being so much easier to move in, downhill, than to move out uphill! Can't tell you how many times I've had that experience. How are you feeling now - pretty much back to normal? Did you try the ATIMAN cure for your obsession? Maybe you should stay away from the FORCE website, huh? I don't know how I'd feel if I were in your shoes. I suspect I'd want to find out everything possible, just as you do. Since you seem to be stuck on it, maybe that's a sign you need to go ahead and be tested, I don't know.

Caya, that's a drag about your PS leaving, but at least you got an unbiased opinion, since she won't benefit financially. Did she mean you didn't have enough tissue for one D size boob, or were you asking about bilaterals? I've had a couple of friends who had lovely dieps done, who had very little excess stomach. Everybody's different, I guess. Fortunately, I have no problem in that regard.

Mary, hope you're getting through your work week ok. Maybe if enough people are unhappy and express their opinions, they will consider changing back at some point. I know, doesn't sound likely, but we can always hope, right? My first day at work went fine, although I have definitely forgotten some stuff. Some is coming back slowly, but some is just flat gone! I don't remember being this out of it last time I was out of work for a while. I found out yesterday that my Disability insurance will allow me to work part time for a while and they'll make up the difference - woohoo!! I was very surprised that they volunteered that, although they have been very good to work with. That definitely takes the pressure off me. I'm working half a day today, probably also tomorrow.

Had some sad news yesterday - a dear friend passed away suddenly. She was in her 70's, but as sharp and energetic as someone half her age. She lost a lot of weight last year and was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and after surgery was on oral chemo and doing well. She worked Monday, Tuesday morning was unresponsive and died Wednesday. She and I were going through the cancer thing together, so it's a real blow. I didn't get to say goodbye...really makes me think. You just never know - we should all keep our relationships in good repair, and be sure people know how we feel about them. This lady did...but I'm just feeling bad that I didn't get to say goodbye, I guess. I could have gone by Monday to see her, but was overwhelmed with the b ack to work issue and decided to wait till Friday. Damn.

Melia, are you home yet? How did the presentation go, and the talk with the social worker? Hope you can relax now that you have this trip over with.

Better get to work.  Later, girls.  Will try to remember chat tonight.

Tina,

Tha J C Penney's email sounds like fun. I sent you a PM with my email. It sounds like you might be a bit busy the next few days so there's no rush, send when you get the time.

My husband's cousin sent me a cute video clip from Jenny-O Turkey this morning. If anyone wants to see it, just send me your email addy in a PM. It really was a rofl moment.

If I remember this evening I'll try to join in the chat.

See you later.

Hi Gals,

I'm finally out from under that deadline crush...emailed the final bits in at three minutes to five yesterday and didn't want to even look at my laptop again until today. I still have to deal with the editor's requests but that is much easier.



Debbie, I love your hair the new way. I think it is more flattering than your pre-chemo do, truly!

Viddie, welcome back to your main domicile. It must have been such a nice break for you in the cottage however. And on the gene test, I know I'd want to know if it were me but that's just how I am.

Melia, so did you get back ok? Your trip sounds like a marathon but one you handled well. Now you can relax all weekend, right?

Tina the chin length bob sounds darling for ds. I long for the day my hair is chin-length again, though I don't think I'll let it get longer than that.

Jan i fourth the wear a robe and let one hang recommendations. It's just how you are, if it were me I'd make a joke about it and lounge in comfort.

Nancy yes we are all with you. Does your oncology dept. have breast cancer specialty nurses that you can talk to? Mine has one on staff at all times, and they can recommend counselors, programs, etc. because I guarantee you are not the only one to feel this way.

Caya, I think it's great you still got the opinion from your PS, too bad she is moving. Sounds like you have so many factors to consider that it is really worth taking your time anyway. And yeah, your DS so deserves that position!

I wonder if chat will work tonight, it sounds like tech problems Tuesday night so maybe that is resolved. I will try to pop in and see.

BTW I did call the puppy breeder to see how Grendel is doing and they said he's walking and drinking a little water and eating bits of solid food so he is coming along. This weekend I am for sure going there with dh.

All those of you who are back to the office, tomorrow is TGIF and you made it! - Skye

Jan, I agree with everyone else about your prosthesis…be comfortable.  Remember that you will not be judged by how many breasts you have…it is what is UNDER them that counts!  I am sure your friend will be fine with it. Cozy pajamas it is!

Tina hooray on the needle stick.  I am sooooo sick of needles….I can only imagine what you herceptin gals feel like.  That JC Penny email was absolutely hilarious.  I sent it to DH, and he was mad at me because he WORE those things when he was a kid LOL

Skye I am so glad you are done with your book! 

{{{Nancy}}}

I agree with Skye.  I think it is time for the big guns.  Your quality of life is really suffering and it is time to find your happiness again.  I think it very likely you are not reacting well to the Effexor and anyway it does not appear to be doing what it is supposed to do.  You need to have your meds adjusted….there are other meds that can be taken for hot flashes, and there are many great antidepressants out there.  CALL YOUR DOC!  You should not be feeling this miserable.  Oh, and may I recommend frequent use of icepacks to help with the hot flashes?  At the first sign, slap one on the back of your neck…I find that this keeps them short.

Viddie welcome home!  And do not stress about the BRCA.  I think that you have to do it for yourself, even if your daughter does not want to know…..particularly if you are feeling distressed about it.  Remember that the internet tends to magnify things….BRCA is not as common as it would seem from reading things on the FORCE website.  Do not catch Google-itis. 

Caya ditto on the waiting.  I think that you got a wonderful, honest opinion from that PS since she had nothing to gain with her recommendations.  If you are comfortable, however, there is no need to rush into more surgery. 

Mel I am glad that you did so well at work.  Do not worry it will all come back.  Sorry to hear about your friend.

Cindy I can not wait to see the result of your diligent decorating (hint hint).  That concert sounds so wonderful.  It is amazing how music can reach inside and touch you in such an individual way.  I think butterflies work very well….you are transforming yourself after all!  T shirt sounds hilarious.  Oh, and Tori Amos is wonderful!

Whew…all that in responding to posts!  I am going to stop there for now, and then post again later with what I have been up to….have to go work out now.  I think that the Tamo is starting to affect my metabolism because a few pounds have creeped on.  ARGH! 

Melia, glad you are home.  That is so dreadful about your father.  There is something seriously wrong with a system that would encourage a situation like this....you should  not have to go to court to win the right to have your father pass his final days in the care of his children.  Of course he is depressed and deteriorating in a situation like that.  I am raging for you right now. 

Caya you are making my mouth water, sounds wonderful! DH and I are going out tonight, somewhere. Being in Wisconsin and it being Friday, that means fish.



Cindy I love the symbolism of the butterflies flying away with your breast, and the gentleness they imply. I'm sure coming home to your newly decorated digs will also be a huge lift (no pun intended).



Melia, I can't even fathom that nightmare with your father. But you are so right that there is always some joy in between. It's there somewhere. Hope and pray things get sorted out right quick.



I had to see Dr. Clapper today for my post-rad checkup. He diligently checked over everything relating to the sore breastbone and told me he thinks it is not the bone that is inflamed but the cartilage. He put me on 600 mg ibuprofen (3 tablets) 3 x a day for 10 days to see if it can dampen the inflammation down to where my body can handle it. I am so glad to have something to try! Plus it is bound to make all the other aches and pains feel better. I do like that Dr. Clapper.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, I'll be taking and sending more Grendel pix. - Skye

Hi Dear Ones,

Finished a marathon week at work, put in over 40 hours for the first time since last Nov. I'm pooped but feeling accomplished. I never thought I would be able to work those kind of hours again.

I have a Dr.'s appt. Wednesday for the effexor issue. and I "took the bull by the horns" and contacted the Y Me helpline to get my feelings in perspective. They also said it was normal feeling the way I do, but how to I make my family understand that? They just think I am nuts. Oh Bother!

Rebecca, that's how my DH felt when he saw those 70's clothes! He said it made him re- live his childhood Christmas'. He was scared! It was a nightmare to him. I am still laughing!

I plan to blow leaves this weekend, yippee! I wish I had the energy like Cindy to paint, I know once I got started it would be ok, I just can't take that first step. It's my kitchen that needs it and having that messed up for days is a scary thought! I am going to go back to my brother's in Atlanta for Thanksgiving, Laura and her boyfriend Andrew and Jeffrey of course will be coming too. I wanted my other daughter Kelly (who lives in Phoenix) and her hubby to fly in but she works retail and we all know the day after is a "don't even think of asking off day". She is an asst. mgr. at American Eagle.

What is everyone else planning for Thanksgiving? I don't even remember last years, I was numb from getting the BC news. Literally!

Oh yuck, had to help Laura with her rabbit this evening, he somehow broke off a nail and it was bleeding like crazy, I tried corn starch, cold water & pressure to get it to stop. She has had this rabbit for years...how in the heck long do they live? He is a really sweet bunny, but I thought they lived like hamsters, (in short term). He is definitely the "energizer" bunny. Geez. Course, We have a turtle at the office I work at that is 16 years old. I would of never thought a turtle could have a personality, but this one surely does. I have grown very attach to her. Isn't that crazy??? But I really like that turtle.

I have taken an ativan the last two nights and I have slept so good! Not once did I wake up hot flashing. But I know that is not the answer long term, but sure helps!

Everyone have a lovely fall weekend.

Caya, can I come for leftovers???

Robbin, your hair is gorgeous!

Nancy, I am so glad you called your doctor!

Mel, conservatorship is a very scary thing. The govt can take control of you if they can prove to the judge that you are unable to handle your affairs. This even means that they can negate your right to vote, any dnr you may have in place, any decision making at all. I had an older brother who was brain damaged in a car accident years ago . My parents, and later, my younger brother, were his conservators. In this case, the county decided my dad was incapable of self care. My brother and I disagreed. The county took us to court, lost in the first round, won in the appeal. So they have control over my dad, including his finances. We were able to get his dnr reinstated, but now we are contesting the decision and are trying to get appointed consevators. We did not ask to be conservators originally since we felt he was competent and were sure the judge would rule in our favor. Oops, we were wrong. You can actually google it and scare yourself if you want. It is very disheartening and upsetting.  One more issue in a year full of tough issues.

Ok, ladies, sweet dreams, and good weekend to all. I am going to do my best to sleep well and relax!

Melia