Just Diagnosed

Hi Judy, First, take a deep breath! 

Congrats on the good prognosis and it sounds that way to me as well.

Sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did.  You will find we will be with you all the way thru this if you like.  We have truly been there and done that.  Heck, we even MADE the dang t-shirts!

Please know this is NOT your mother's or even your grandmother's breast cancer.  I'm 5 years out from diagnosis and doing well, you are at the hardest part---the beginning, the out of control part.

You are going to LIVE, please re read that a few times.  There are millions of us out there living after a breast cancer diagnosis.  Honest.

We know that feeling of fear of leaving our family and kids, I remember it well, but please know , you will be ok. 

Please come here often and let us help you thru this.

Hugs

Hi Judy,

Dotti is right -- you are at the hardest part of your diagnosis.  It is so difficult getting your mind around the fact that you have breast cancer.  You will get through it -- I was determined not to let the breast cancer ruin my spirit -- for me, the answer was using my sense of humor to find funny things along the way.  This has worked for me.

I'm 46 and have IDC, no lymh node involvement, and have had a mastectomy (and am in the middle of reconstruction) and am in the middle of chemo.  My last chemo is tomorrow -- YIPPEE! 

Breast cancer has taught me that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.  With each step, I think that I won't be able to get through it -- but I do and I find that the worry over things is worse than what actually is.  I thought I'd be devastated at losing my breast -- I wasn't because my breast doesn't define me.  I thought having no hair would be devastating -- it wasn't, either.  Of course, I would rather still have my hair.

You will get through this -- this is a great place to find comfort.  We've all been there!  Also, take a moment to look up Caringbridge -- it is a free service where you can post your journey with cancer and others can log on to see how you are doing.  That way, you don't have to answer the phone constantly. 

Do you know what type of cancer you have? 

You are in my thoughts.

Laurie

Judy,

This is the worst time.  Once you get more information and a game plan you will feel much better.

I stumbled on your post and noticed we have a few things in common.  I was also 40 when diagnosed (coming up on 2 years now), high grade, stage IIb or IIIa(I'm sort of between stages).  Anyway, your age jumped out at me as well as the fact that you recently adopted your daughter.  We have a 6 year old daughter who was adopted from China.  When first diagnosed I remember thinking that she has already lost one mother and now she could lose me.  I say that not because that is what will happen but because I remember the fear of that.

As for your other questions:  The chemo and radiation were not nearly as bad as I thought they would be.  Everyone reacts differently but I really felt ok more times than not.  The anti-nausea drugs they have now work very well. 

You really will get through this.  Keep asking questions.  This board is a very supportive place.

Hi Judy, I was 33 with a 6 week old baby when I was diagnosed, that baby turns 18 next month and I am still happy and healthy. A book that I found helped me was "You can heal your life" written by Louise L Hay it is about positive affirmations, believing you can beat this disease, believe that once it is out of you and you have had the required treatments, be it what they are, the cancer will be gone and you might even find your life will be enriched by the experience, I know right now that seems hard to believe, but having had cancer and surviving gives one a different perspective on life. Also once you know the oncs game plan it is then you take control in beating this disease, you will be amazed at what strength you have. Just make sure if you're going to have to do chemo and rads that you have support for bubby as you get very tired, both physically and emotionally. But it is all doable, and you have a loving husband and daughter to be your reason to beat it. Hugs and prayers your way, let me know if you need extra support and I will give you my e_mail addy, also the chat room is a great place to talk with others.

tanya---breast cancer treatment has changed a great deal in the last 15 years, there are LOTS more options, so you mom's bc/prognosis is a whole different story than your grandmother's was. I also have family history (mggm had bc, mgm had colon ca, mom has had both bc and colon ca, I was dagnosed with LCIS 4 years ago).   They say to look at the daughter 10 to 12 years before the age of the mother's bc, which would put you at age 40, the recommended age to begin screenings (my mom was 57, I was 46 when diagnosed), but I would encourage you to ask to begin screening mammos earlier due to your family's history. My gyn had me go for a baseline mammogram at age 34, then every 2 years after that until 38, then yearly  since.

thanks for your reply awb,

In fact I have alredy seen a breast surgeon, because of shooting pains in my breasts and it was all ok. It was a year to year and a half ago. Now my mum's diagnosis just makes me more scared. But at the moment she is the one with the bad results and needs my support. Although I am a nurse I am just confused and lost and when I try to summarise the situation there ara always questions without answer. Mum had a surgical excission of a lump just behinde her nipple and the pathology report said it was Invasive ductal carcinoma, grade one,max diameter ot the invasive tumor 20mm. In addition there is in situ carcinoma of low nuclear grade. The excission reaches the margins, so the consultant recommends mastectomy. I am not sure wether the stage can be determent at this point and if they already know if there are lymph nodes involved. She hasn't had a chest X-ray, liver or bone scan and we were not told if she will need chemo and radiotherapy.

If somebody can help me with the interpretation of all this facts please do it. I am realy desperate and obssesed with fear.

Hi Judy,

Yes, my daughter (Emily-from Guixi) also had that fear of doctors at first.  When we were in China and the doc went to touch her she hit him!  As for telling her, when we told our children we were very matter of fact.  We said that Mommy had something inside her that the doctor needed to take out.  We told them it was called cancer and that after the operation the doctor would give me really strong medicine that we think will help it not come back.  We did not even get into the losing hair conversation until chemo was about to start.  We also told them that they might have more playdates than usual.  It ended up that I really felt pretty good all through chemo.  I was able to function pretty normally although not at the top of my game.  I had treatment on Thurs. and my feeling bad days were on the weekend so my husband could take over if I needed him to.  Mondays and Tuesdays were a little tough but since the girls were all in school I could rest so that when they got home I could interact with them. 

As far as Thanksgiving...I would go somewhere else.  For me the surgery was not horrible but I definitely would not have wanted to do Thanksgiving.  It is just too much work and you will need some down time to recover.  Just take advantage of as much help as you can.

Feel free to pm me if you want.  Also, is language an issue for your daughter since she is older and has only been home for 8 months?  If so, I would imagine that it may be difficult for her to understand it all.

Hey my dear sisters.  Please know that 90% of us will live long, long lives.  Breast Cancer is not the death sentence it once was.  Treatment is so much better than when I was diagnosed in 1998.  I am 9 years of cancer free and I expect to be just fine.

This is not an easy journey, for some, it is very hard.  But for some, it is quite easy.  So really, there is no way to know.  But the fact that treatment is light years ahead of where it was just a few years ago is wonderful news.

So stay with us, post often, any question or fear, and anger or despair, this is the place to rant and rave.  If you do this at home, you scare everybody.  So come here and we will all help you every step of the way.

There are thousands of us out here who are finished with treatment and have gone on with their lives.  All the women I started with are long gone.  So don't be upset, some of the threads make seem like everyone has troubles, they don't.

Someone is always here, so post as often as you can.  You are in a huge sisterhood, and cherished and loved.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Hello medotmom, welcome to the boards no one wanted to ever have to look for. 

I know this is a really rough time for you and just wanted you to know we want to hear from you any time you feel like it.

We'll keep our fingers crossed that your bx will be B9 and nothing further will be needed.

Hi Jbasil:  I sort of went into denial to function, I mean I knew I had breast cancer but really didn't let process the way I should have. I have two grown sons they are taking hard to this day.  Thanksgiving is the perfect time to get your family to help you, have the pot luck and then accept help, everyone will want to help and nothing feels worse than when you offer help and it isn't accepted.  So start getting drivers, you'll feel tired at times. Set up babysitting, playdates, just accept any help you can get.  I'm so sorry you sound like a fantastic women (all the women on this site are better than wonderful)  There are lots of stories on this site about chemo and radiation but everyone is different and the chemo and rads treats everyone different.  But I find my curiousity can make me crazy so reading everything I could on treatments helped. And when I went for my chemo I was the class clown, it helped me get through, my sister Susan was there for me all the way and still is she was my rock.   I don't know how she puts up with me some days as the Docetaxel makes me sort of grabby at  times.  Your Dr. sounds like he's right on top of things and that really good.  I just finished my last chemo last friday so I hope its uphill now. Just rads to go and then we'll see.  But stay on this site it will help you in so many ways. All the best and prayer going out your way, I have so many people I pray each night I fall asleep saying names, better than counting sheep though.

Had to chime in because MY daughter is adopted from China-she turned eight the day I came home from my mastectomy and I remember thinking- will I ever see another of her birthdays? I was between stage 1 and 2, went through 8 chemos and bilateral reconstruction. My daughter will turn thirteen this March and I will be five years out!!!!!!! Unbelievable! I must say that I have complained and had lots of ups and downs and tears and fears but I have appreciated every one of those days since Mrch 4, 2003. And YOU will be looking back in five years with your daughter, too. I thought it would be a trauma for her but she ended up going to a couple of my chemos (she wanted to), enjoyed watching my blood tests! And I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought- last year in science for family history she said there was a history of "small cancer". So that's what she thought for my 2 cm triple negative big bad aggressive tumor!!! And I know she's adopted and it's not her biological history-but isn't the "small cancer" comment cute???