Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Hello all,

Went to our little towns Christmas Craft Sale this morning.  Also, had to curl last nite, we did pretty good but lost in the last end, as they scored 3 on us.

Today, Dan & I cleaned up all the front and side yards.  Also I planted a whole bunch of tulips for next spring.  I'm pooped right now...still don't seem to have the energy I used to have.

Got my flu shot yesterday, and they also recommended that I get a pneumonia shot, so I have to go back next week for that.  My sister has pneumonia right now, so I haven't seen her since we got back from holidays.

Lynn, I hope you guys all have loads of fun!!

Debbie, it's nice to see you had a good trip. Make sure you post the pics of your hair.

Mary, it doesn't seem to matter where you work, there will always be those types that seem to "know it all".  After all we have been through, try to ignore it...and just say to them....'well everyone is entitled to My opinion", and I don't care!!  And laugh!!

Nancy, one of the things about this site is we can come here to vent, to whine, to just have cyber friends, and you have NEVER brought me down.  Hang in there, we all have those "down" times.  Just know you are in all of our prayers, and WE all love you.

Sharon, I hear you on the needle sticks.  The best needle I have had in the last year was my flu shot....barely felt it, and I used to think those things were killers.  Good luck with the MRI, I actually now find them quite relaxing....I know...I know...I'm going nuts!!

Mel, how's Harrison now?  We had a similar problem with Thor this past week.  We were going to take him to the Vet, but he seems to be coming out of it.  Today, he had great fun in the yard while Dan & I worked.

Mizzy, are you out there?  Check in, to let us know you are okay!! 

Well, tomorrow we are supposed to get really dumped on with Snow!  We've had quite a few snowfalls already, but none of them have stuck around for long.

Big hugs to all.....Joni

Quote:  The best needle I have had in the last year was my flu shot.

LOL, Joni!  Only one of us could come up with a line like that! 

Good evening ladies

Mel - how was the art gallery?  Sounds like you have a great collection. When do you start back to work?

Tina - you sure have been a busy beaver, with all your cleaning, and with the kids.  I hope your insurance gets straightened out. I know our system isn't perfect here in Canada, but with universal health care every citizen is always covered - you never have to worry if you lose your job. Health care is a right here - we do pay high taxes, but I think the trade off is worth it.  No worries about treatment, no worries about being cut off. I really feel for you.

Dream Dinner sounds great.  I love to cook, but that would have been a terrific idea during chemo. Sounds very reasonable.

Mary -  I hope your visit with your friend Mary brought her some joy.  Sounds like she and her family have been through alot.

Skye - how was coat shopping.  I could use a new winter coat too. One of these days I'll go looking.

Sharon - glad they think the kidney thing is a stone.  And when is your brain MRI?

Debbie - sounds like your trip was lovely.  Glad the DH was able to polish off the left over Hershey's.

Joni - a pneumonia shot?  I've never heard of that.  I'll ask my onc. next time. He okayed me for a flu shot, I wasn't sure because I'm still on Herceptin.

Lynn - hope you got off okay and are having a great time.

My MIL came home from the hospital today.  She is doing very well considering she's 88 years old.

Last night we were at a neighbour's 50th birthday and I reconnected with an old friend from my hometown who I haven't seen in probably 25 years.  She is an ovarian cancer survivor (9 years out - Wow).  They caught it early, she was so lucky. She got into Yoga after her dx and tx, so much so that she now is an instructor.  She wants me to come to a few classes - has anyone out there tried Yoga since tx?

Thanks again to everyone who voted for Cassie.  If anyone missed that post - please go to www.flare.com - there will be "Flare Intern Search" on the home page, click on it and then go to vote - Cassie's video will come up (upper left hand corner) and you can vote for her.

Mel, sorry you're not feeling so great.  It's odd, but I have had more twinges in my fingers/toes the last month than I have ever had and I finished tx last April.  I heard it can come after.  Maybe that's what's going on w/you.  On another note, I have NEVER heard of cat acne.  How in the world would you know? 

Skye, did you see that stuff online this week about the Chupacabra?  It turned out to be a TX coyote that was hairless.  A lady actually paid for DNA on the thing.  They also showed this gross photo of a supposed Bigfoot sighting in PA.  They suspected it was a sick bear.  It certainly looked like that, however, the thing was so skinny I'd have thought the bear would have died long before becoming that thin.  I mean, this bear appeared to have a waist! 

I am noticing this am that I think I am feeling a lot better since starting this Effexor a month ago or so.  Lots more energy, not tired in the afternoons and I feel upbeat, despite it being gloomy outside.  I have had one strange new phenomenon...I laugh that I'd even admit this to anyone I haven't known for 30+ years, but...  I haven't had any hot flashes since I was on Taxol, but I notice lately that I keep having the urge to walk on the cold tile w/bare feet or sometimes I'll set my palms on the cold granite counter...  it's not even that I feel hot or anything.  I'm thinking this could be a precursor to hot flashes.  Anyway, if that's my biggest problem, I'm doing good.

Caya, Canada is really doing something right.  It's funny, but I really didn't know much at all about Canada until I met you guys. 

Good morning my sisters!  And a beautiful morning it is, here in NJ...bright, sunny and cool.

Sharon...WHEW on the kidney stone!  Would you ever have imagined that you would be happy to have a kidney stone?  Cancer really does funny things to you, doesn't it?

Mel, Harrison is a very lucky dog to have been adopted by someone like you.  If I were I stray, I would cross the country to find you so you could take care of me.  Giving meds to a dog is awful...we had a dog who had allergies (we used to joke that he was allergic to dog hair) and I had to give him benadryl three times a day....it was AWFUL....he did the same thing as Skye's dog did!  I would bury it in the most delicious stuff I could find, or hide it in his food bowl covered in soft dog food and he would eat around it with great delicacy, even licking it clean before spitting it out, or leaving it at the bottom of his bowl.

Tina, I am glad you are feeling good...maybe you symbolically ejected the boogie man out of your soul when you cleaned out your kitchen cabinets.  maybe I should try it.

Caya I get a backache just thinking about yoga!  I would probably fall on my face, or my butt, or my head....  I am so very klutzy.  I think I will stick to my stationary bike, I seem pretty unlikely to fall off it.

I have been thinking about getting my flu shot too.  Last year I got one at the college, but they have not advertised yet, and maybe this year they are not doing it.  I guess this means that I have to actually call ANOTHER Dr.  I ditched my PCP last year when I had to wait for 8 weeks to get into the office and be examined for my lump so I could go for a mammo.  My friend (not the one who recommended the lemon-gyno) recommended someone, so I  guess I should just call and make an appointment. 

Speaking of which, I have been rather blocking it out, but I am going to see my Onc tomorrow for a checkup.  I am dreading it not because I am afraid, but because I really do not even want to go back there and be reminded of what has happened to me.  This weekend was my sister's bridal shower, and I saw a lot of people that have not seen me in a long time.  If one more person came over to me and told me how GREAT I look I was going to scream.  They all acted so concerned and so on, but most of them have not even seen me since before Dx.  I just wanted to go to the party and be normal.  Instead I was like a circus freak that everyone had to come and inspect.  and I mean INSPECT!  Those ladies were inspecting my boobs like crazy....I felt DIRTY when I got home from all the eyetracks on my bosom.

My sister has been very concerned (in a good way) about my  hair, and she wants her soon to be sister in law to be in charge of my hairstyle for the wedding (she is a stylist) so last night, very suddenly, I found myself sitting on a stool having my hair cut.  YIKES!  For someone who did not have a lot of hair to start with, there was a LOT of hair on that floor.  I am not sure I like it very much, which has nothing to do with the length (I have become pretty OK with short hair).  She shaped it for me into what I was assured was a very becoming style, but it just looks odd to me.  the back behind my ears and going down to my neck is very short (which is good, because it was very bushy before) and she left the top longer, but the front of my  hair is shorter than the hair at the crown (if that makes any sense).  She said to fluff it out upwards and backwards so that it stands out from the back of my head.  She wanted me to pull the sides forwards in front of my ears, and slick a section in the front flat against my head.  I tried it and HATED it.  I felt like I had a pompom on the top of my head.  I washed it last night, and this morning I wet it and gelled it like I normally do, making some accommodations for the new shape.  I am going to give it a little time to see if I get used to it, but if I do not, I may have to go and get it evened out.  I do not mind a pixie cut, but I am not sure if I am ready to have a mushroom haircut. 

DH was pissed....he wants me to grow my long hair back.  I am not sure that I will ever be able to do that.  I know it is irrational, but I just do not think that I could go through the trauma of cutting off long hair again.  I know....I need to be positive that I will NEVER have cancer again....but in the bottom of my soul I have this little certain voice that insists that Cancer did not get me THIS time, and it may not get me tomorrow, but one day it will be back, and then it will be the reckoning.   In my life, I have had three encounters with cancer....each one increased in severity.  The first time I had an abnormal Pap and had to have cryotherapy to remove abnormal cells.  The second time I had a very dark birthmark that I had removed that turned out to have dysplasia.  Dermatologist said that it was precancerous.  It was not from sun damage (it was on my lower back) so it was just a spontaneous thing.   Then this.  The next time is going to be a doozy.

Oh argh....my emotions got away from me.  I am not really sure how I traveled from my haircut to here, but I guess I needed to get all that oozy stuff out of my brain.  Ok, I have to wipe my tears and go grade some papers.   I love you all, my sisters.  Thank you for listening to the deep dark voices that I can not share with anyone else.  I would be lost without you.
 

Rebecca, I think we all have those dark fears...even without previous cancer experiences. And this really is the only place to let them out, isn't it? The truth is we just don't know, and will always have that uncertainty to live with. Majorly sucks!



The baby shower inspection...ergh! I also see people scoping out the boobs, like they are going to see something!! I had two more ladies come up to me in church Sunday and say, oh you cut your hair so short! And now I always say no I didn't, I had chemotherapy all last winter and the chemo made it fall out. I guess I have a very non-gossipy church, they honestly didn't know. So THEN I get the boob scrutiny. I say let 'em look, if someone detects they are lopsided I don't mind. I think it helps to show people this disease is not something you just get over as if nothing ever happened.



And I have to admit that haircut sounds unique! :-) I'm sure you look beautiful as ever underneath it all. Mine is getting close to the point where I need to have something done but I'm still scared to touch it. For sure before Thanksgiving though.



The radio station was www.psytalkradio.com and she had some technical difficulties the first few minutes so just bear with it, the rest was pretty good. And no, I don't have an exact calendar date for Grendel's homecoming yet but it's a good idea, I was going to call there today and ask how he's doing anyway so I should find that out. I'll go there once I get past my imminent Wed. deadline.

Nasty day here, we are supposed to get SNOW flurries! Yikes!



Anyway we will be thinking of you tomorrow at your appt. Rebecca. Just imagine two dozen or so other lady hands holding yours in that waiting room. - Skye

Rebecca, I know just what you mean about that "you look great" stuff. I swear it's because we don't look green and sickly. My mother is still going on about how great everyone thought I looked this summer in Maine. I *know* I didn't look great. No one looks great with 1/2 inch of clear fluff for hair, 10 lbs heavier, and lacking eyebrows. Gads!

I hear you also on the inspections. I only had a lumpectomy but I swear, I catch people trying to figure out what type of surgery I had.

And "hello" on the hair. I still am mad at myself for getting it trimmed a month ago. It looks just as bad now and it's shorter for gosh sakes. I think I will just let it Bozo out and deal with it until next summer. There's no way around it I don't think. It's the only way to let it grow. And actually, I like my hair short. I saw an old photo of when it was just long enough to go topless and it was nice. Much better than this Medusa style I am currently sporting. However, I wouldn't trust a stylist at this point. There's only so much they can do with 2 inches of hair. I don't care how talented they are.

Rebecca - sorry that stylist got her "scissorhands" on you - my hairdresser also told me he could shape it, it's getting long in the back and at the sides - hello - you are not cutting a hair from my head for many months I told him.  I just keep gelling it and slicking it behind my ears.  It looks okay, pixie cut style, and I have no intention of cutting it for a long time.  But don't dwell on your fear that you may have to cut it again - three times the charm kiddo, you've had your 3...  and BTW - good luck at your onc. appointment tomorrow - I'm sure it will be fine.

Mel, I hope your work day goes well tomorrow.  Don't overdo it.  I'm sure some of what you are feeling is anxiety and stress. Good luck.

I had an appointment today with a psychiatrist who specializes in BC patients - my onc. wanted me to go see him, so I did.  I really liked him, and after hearing my whole sad story, (the Dh's aneurysm and my BC within 9 months of each other) he thought I was perfectly normal and have done remarkably well.  He told me that my use of Imovane (sleeping pills) is perfectly okay, chronic insomnia is worse. I have been weaning down on them, which is good, but he feels that if need to take them for a while longer not to worry. So I felt good after that appointment, he says he really does not need to treat me on a regular basis, but would be happy to see me anytime I feel the need.

Cold wet dreary day here - yuck - you can feel the chill in your bones. And I know it 's only going to get worse.

Hey Ladies,

Just a quick note before I get back to work...I misread the complicated format directions yesterday although I looked it over several times, and wrote everything I did in incorrrect format so it's do-over time. Still blaming chemo-brain.



Caya, I could have told you that you are quite all right upstairs but always better to hear it from a pro. I agree with him and Rebecca, those few sleeping pills? No big deal. It's great to get the peace of mind about it, though.



Rebecca, I think you must send us a new pic now so we can see exactly what the hairdresser did. My hair has grown out longer on top too. I do pull the side hairs forward a bit because I'm so thrilled to have hair in front of my ears again, just like those little hairpieces TLC sells to go under caps. And whoever said they obsessively run their fingers thru their hair I also do that continuously. At least I don't make dh run his fingers over my scalp every night now to get his opinion of whether it grew.



Amera good to hear from you again!



Well back to writing about strange people, one of whom, ironically, is Chinese Hair-Boy who has hair all over his body, even growing in his nostrils and ears and on his gums to the point of requiring surgery! At least we don't have HIS problems. :-) - Skye

I've had what I thought was a bad cold for the last couple of weeks, so I haven't posted much lately. But I have been reading everything. I finally went into my doctor's yesterday. She thinks I have a cold and allergies and she loaded me up on meds. I'm feeling a lot better today.

I had my hair trimmed for the first time today. It looks OK, but I regret letting her talk me into highlights. They contrast too much with the brown color in the rest of my hair. I went to the stylist I've gone to faithfully for the last two years. This is the first time she's done something I don't like. Normally I wouldn't mind too much - but next week I'm off to a big conference for work. It's my one chance each year to see my clients and do some major marketing. So I would have liked to feel a little better about my hair. I think the way she shaped it is OK - she really barely cut it at all.

Here's a pic of my girls on Halloween:

 

 And this is from Em's first horse show - she won first place in one event and second place in another event:

She LOVED being in the horse show and had a great time. She was oblivious to the competition. When she won her first event I asked her if she was excited that she won. She looked down at me from her perch on the horse and said, "I won? Cool." Uh, duh, she didn't even notice that they'd announced her in first place. Apparently hadn't realized the significance of the blue ribbon...That's so typical for her. The main reason why we encourage her interest in riding is that it's one of the rare times when she's actualy focused and paying attention.

Rebecca I feel for you with that haircut. I hope you can post a pic for us - because I am betting that it's not nearly as bad as you think.

Skye - I've seen pics of that hairy boy. On the gums? UGH! I think bald might be preferable.

Oh, and I have to second (or third) the comments on inspections and "you look great."  Hello? I DO have a mirror at home, I know what I look like!

Can someone explain the opossum thing on Desperate Housewives? I don't get it. 

Saw my PS this am for my pre-surgical appt.  Must have drained me because I fell asleep for two hours when I got home, despite having gone to bed at 9 last night.  Didn't I just say yesterday I wasn't tired these days?  Should have knocked on wood.  I think my basement frenzy over the weekend caught up w/me.  Plus, it's so cold and damp here...no rain...but the dampness and wind goes right through me.  All I wanted to do was crawl under my nice warm comforter.  So I did.  Feel much better now.

Anyway...  the PS is going to do a nipple on the recon'd breast, some lipo on the side that juts out under my arm a bit, remove some of the fatty necrosis hard tissue I'd been complaining about.  On the real side, she will lipo out some tissue so it's smaller, like the recon'd one and do a slight lift.  I read in the paperwork that she has me down for 2 1/2 hours in the OR after the gyno. has me for 2 hours or so.  So it's going to be a fairly long surgery.  Hopefully that's just what they block the OR for and it'll take less time.  I just want it all over with.

Jan the girls looked adorable, and congrats to Em on her blue ribbon!  Eck on the highlights...makes me glad I stood my ground when Mary wanted to make me a redhead.  My hair is pretty bad, I think....today it looks like I have a flat-top (look out Will Smith....yuck)

Onc was uneventful...I did not have any complaints and my exam was fine.  I did (out of curiosity) ask my Onc what he thought about those studies that showed that Taxol did not work for ER+ cancers, and he said that he knew about that when he was choosing my Chemo, and that was why I got Taxotere, which he said is different in many ways from Taxol, and has research backing its efficacy specifically in ER+ patients like me (specifically, the research is on the TAC protocol, which is what I had).  I definitately could not have made a better choice....I am comfortable with it, and it was a relief to hear that the chemo very likely DID something.  If I had endured all of that for naught I would be pissed in the extreme.

Frances has a friend over this afternoon, and I got totally lost coming home from this girl's house.  It was absolutely horrifying.....and the worst part is that I had WRITTEN DIRECTIONS that I had followed to GET there, but i could not reverse it and get home.  I reversed every turn....took me almost an hour to get home, and I was practically in tears.  I swear, I used to be a perfectly functional, fairly intelligent person.   

OK, I think the pictures will come through this time.

December 2006, before my diagnosis.

January 2007, My pre-chemo hair cut.

July 2 was my last chemo infusion, and here I am on Sept 19 after receiving a "Finished with Treatment" Congratulations Card from the Aqua Angels (my water aerobics group).

Oct 17, One more month of growth.

I have at least a few more months of growth before I need to worry about the hair hanging in my eyes, but it is nice to see a little progress.

Hello everyone,

Debbie, your hair is coming in very nice, and it looks lovely!!

Jan, your little girls are adorable!!  I hear you on the hair.  Have fun at your conference, and don't worry about it.

Tina, when is your surgery?  Sounds long.

Skye, you sure find weird things to write about!!  Fun to hear about them!!

Mel, hope you are having a great day back at work.

Rebecca, I hear you on the "You look Good" comments.  I think I'm going to start painting my face green, and see if I get the same comments.

It was freezing cold here yesterday, BUT today we had a Chinook blow in, and it is absolutely beautiful.  Went for a walk around the end of the lake.  There are so many Ducks, Geese, and Swans....Thor was in his glory chasing them all.  What a racket they make when you have that many birds take off at one time.

Caya, I have seen my Psychologist/Psychiatrist since April.  She has also told me, that if you need some sleep, take something.  Keep us posted on Cassie!!

Amera, hope your Dad is doing well.

My partner from work (he took over 1/2 my people when i went off work) had his cancer operation and it was very successful.  The tumour weighed 22 pounds (I know that sounds absurd, but that's how big it was).  This was even after 30 weeks of radiation.  They had several surgeons involved, as they were worried about arteries that go to the kidneys, and also to the legs.  Anyways...he's doing wonderful.

Melia, you sure travel alot for you job!!  Do you usually drive or mostly fly?  Are all those fires out now?

Mary, so your birthday is "Remembrance Day" 11/11?  I need to have my birthday on a special day, so Dan remembers when it is.

Nancy, hope you are having a better week.

Cindy, we need to hear from you.  When is your surgery?  Have you had it already?

RobbinJaye, Mizzy....hope you guys are okay..would like to hear from you!!

Big hugs...Joni