I did not like my Birthday Gift

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Whitewind
Whitewind Member Posts: 14
edited June 2014 in Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
Hello all.
I just had my birthday and recieved a bracelet and Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor. I went through the Breast Cancer challenge 2 years ago.
I dont like it and I do not like to get these gifts. i don't mind that the bracelet raises money for the cause but I just didn't want to put it on or look at it.
I didnt understand why and when the person who gave it to me asked why i wont wear it I could not answer her.
I realize a day later it is because it reminds me of the past and the pains of the challenge.
I want to know if other people feel the same way or is it me? Who does not want to these books that are to help us spiritually or feel better.
Thanks in advance for answering.
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  • MinAZ
    MinAZ Member Posts: 368
    edited August 2007
    I'm like you. I really don't want an BC-related gifts. I'm not the type to wear pink ribbon things - feel like that's advertising my situation. If I want people to know, I tell them. One friend who knows my attitude made me a small silver pendant with a ribbon engraved and with a chartreuse cord - that's the only one I wear. I don't want other BC items, either. I have done more research and know a lot more than any of my friends, so I don't need them trying to give me information. And they all know I would not want any of those 'chicken soup' type books anyway!

    So there are at least two of us here who feel this way!
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  • ADK
    ADK Member Posts: 2,259
    edited August 2007

    Make it three - I actually get angry when I go into Target and see pink dish towels with pink ribbons embroidered on them (this happened on Sunday). I am not so clear as to why I get angry, but I believe it is because I am very skeptical about the money from these sales going to "support Breast Cancer research". I suspect that many companies pretend to donate or donate a minimum amount just to increase sales. I do not own anything with a pink ribbon on it and I will never own such a thing. Should some one give me such a thing for a gift, I will probably say thank you, but immediately donate it to charity. I am over 1 year out and maybe part of my reaction is because I do want to pretend that 2006 didn't really happen.

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  • Toronto
    Toronto Member Posts: 118
    edited August 2007

    Add me. The only chicken soup book I would want is one about making chicken soup out of chickens. All this good works related merchandizing is just a gimmick. BC jewelery - bleech! What next? Earrings for my bunions?

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  • rumoret
    rumoret Member Posts: 685
    edited August 2007
    I have five sisters, 10 nieces ages 18-37 years old, and 7 great nieces. I purchased braclets for the nieces (American Cancer Society) and 6 pearl earings and necklaces for my sisters from (Susan G. Komen). I did this for a reminder for them to check their breasts and not be in denial about any lump. I also get tired of seeing pink everywhere......and at the same time seeing the RED and YELLOW for the heart awareness and Lance Armstrongs Foundation. I am always suspicious of the many vendors that might be taking advantage of OUR breast cancer dx....just to make money.

    When I wear my earings and necklace (which is not everyday by any means), if one person asks me about breast cancer because she or someone in her life has been touched by this disease.........then I will feel happy that I might be able to talk with this person. I know how much my mother felt relieved everytime she would be speaking to some lady and find out that she had breast cancer. See....my mother was dx at age 69 years old and is the first in her family to have breast cancer. She does not use a computer and pretty much relied on my one sister Pam and I to do the research for her....computer and books purchased at local book store. I will tell you......she does not like discussing anything about breast cancer, and she will usually change the subject. That is why she disliked support groups. Anyway.....I have got off the subject......but sometimes those of us who are just finishing our 1st year dislike anything food, music, smells, etc. that remind us of our days when we were in active treatment.

    So.....I do understand why you dislike your Birthday Gift.

    Love,
    Terry
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  • Emelee26
    Emelee26 Member Posts: 569
    edited August 2007
    I understand...my mom and I wear a rose gold tiny pendant with the ribbon engraved and she has a bracelet but it's not obvious what it stands for...it's like our own personal secret - we have makeup that donated to BC stuff - but that's because we love makeup..it can be overkill seeing everything everywhere in stores - that's why we have stuff that only we know the meaning of. One of my favorite things is a shirt they make every year with a celebrity as the designer and they sell it at saks for $35 - it's always pretty but there's a hidden pink ribbon so it's not so obvious. I know many survivors that feel the way you do
    It's one thing if you choose to buy those things but I would never buy them for someone else assuming they would want them.
    MKE - I love the earrings for bunions - I'm going to make them - I'll shape them like onions and make them smell like feet.hehe..and we'll split the profit
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  • DragonladyTina
    DragonladyTina Member Posts: 371
    edited August 2007
    I am not a pink ribbon/merchandise type of gal either, I do have a magnet on my car and a license plate cover that reads MY OTHER VEHICLE IS A DRAGON BOAT, I love that one. I generally do not give in to the pink advertising etc. I would certainly not want a BC related gift for an occasion. I don't like the Chicken soup style books anyhow.

    Tina
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  • rumoret
    rumoret Member Posts: 685
    edited August 2007
    When I purchased my gifts.......they were for family only.....and they were not for any special occasion....and they loved them. Now for my few friends who have breast cancer.....I would never consider buying them any breast cancer gifts because I know they have seen them already.

    Love,
    Terry
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  • Pauline3837
    Pauline3837 Member Posts: 39
    edited August 2007
    I have received several breast cancer gifts.....some I wear occasionally but most of the others are stored in my "dear to my heart" box. I have never been offended by these gifts because I know the person buying it wasn't buying a momento to remind me of a really hard time in my life, but they were offering a prayer for me by the gift or donating towards a cure.
    I do have a pink ribbon magnet on my car, not to tell others that I am a survivor, but to remind others, men and women, to check their breasts regularly.
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  • sflow
    sflow Member Posts: 297
    edited August 2007

    I got a lot too as gifts and embarrassed to wear them. I did buy a big pack of the rubber bracelets for my supporters and asked them to wear them or keep them to know at all times their support means so much to me.

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  • Carmelle
    Carmelle Member Posts: 388
    edited August 2007
    Can't wear the bracelets, don't want to do the walks, events etc. either.
    Non-Bc people seem so shocked.
    I feel like I want as much of my life to be non-bc related as possible.
    Michelle
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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited August 2007
    Brenda,

    Add me to the list of those who feel the same as you. I don't wear or own any of the pink stuff and I don't want any. Yes, I had BC and I am a BC survivor. I don't shy away from that. I will do whatever I can to help other BC patients and I will remind women to get their mammograms. But I am much more than my BC and to the outside world I want to be seen for who I am, rather than simply being defined as someone who had BC.

    You went through BC 2 years ago. The person who bought you those gifts for your birthday now is thoughtless.
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  • ravdeb
    ravdeb Member Posts: 3,116
    edited August 2007
    I think that I would be insulted if, after 2 years (I'm out of treatments 2 years as well) I was still getting bc related gifts. It would make me feel that I have nothing else others can identify me with besides bc and that would push my buttons. What I really want for my birthday is a puppy.

    But..look through the Chicken Soup for BC Survivors because while I was going through treatments my dad submitted cartoons he had drawn and 4 of them are in the book! Hint: One of them has a spider with a web....
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  • ducky1
    ducky1 Member Posts: 320
    edited August 2007
    Brenda,
    I would not want these as a gift either...esp. 2 yrs after your BC journey. I did buy C.Soup for myself and actually found it to be uplifting but 'I BOUGHT IT"...MY CHOICE! I can understand not wanting to be reminded!!
    Many gals mentioned the fundraiser.. I shaved my head 3 yrs ago because of a little girl who had cancer. Nowadays, I just HATE that fundraiser not because it's not a good cause but suddenly people are going around with PINK HAIR..WT???
    To me it just rings untrue...it's like "Look at me!!".. I never shaved my head to be the centre of attention!! and now that I am bald because of it, I sure has hell don't want people to stare! That my take on fundraising!
    Cath
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  • too_young_momof2
    too_young_momof2 Member Posts: 93
    edited September 2007

    I don't mind pink. I wear my pink rubber bands I have a silver survivor pin that I wear on my jacket from a breast cancer survivor and customer of mine. I have a pink ribbon on my car, husbands car and mothers car. I do it as any money even how little it is may help my daughter in the future with research. I don't cringe at the thaught of pink it reminds me every day of the courage and strength that my-self and my family had to get through this experience. I have learned so much about my self through this journey. As well as being such a young breast cancer survivor it brings it up in conversation with people when they see my pink they never asume I am the survivor so it opens up peoples eyes you need to start self exams immediatly as not too many people are aware that women get breast cancer in there early 20's.

    I do however respect everyones veiws, and yes it is wrong if you are not a pink wearer your friends should know that and not push it on you.

    Just my view

    MichelleLaughing

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  • forcece
    forcece Member Posts: 1
    edited October 2007

    Pink is one of my favorite colors...But I understand what you are feeling. My sister died of breast cancer it was seven long painful years of strength . Afterward  I got pink bracelets, bells, candles, Christmas ornaments, you know the list. Finally i said enough..I was not wearing the bracelets or putting the magnets on my car...I have a fish with Jesus in the middle, nothing else is needed. But my what I really feel is ...My sister died of the effects of Breast Cancer and  she fought hard, BUT SHE WAS NOT.. BREAST CANCER. I prefer not to remember her  in association with BC.  God Bless you all.

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  • stacey2930
    stacey2930 Member Posts: 210
    edited October 2007

    I'm glad this topic has been brought up. Im a nurse, earlier today I got a call from someone at the hospital that I dont really know inviting me to speak at a breast cancer rally at work next week. I am not ashamed of my diagnosis but feel a bit uncomfortable speaking about my ordeal where I work. Is that bad? I told her I would get back in touch with her today. Any thoughts?

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  • stacey2930
    stacey2930 Member Posts: 210
    edited October 2007

    Bump

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  • miss-di
    miss-di Member Posts: 161
    edited October 2007

    Dear Stacey,

    I also am a nurse.  I would definetely talk to the group as I found out how much I did NOT know when I was dx'd 5 years ago about the whole ordeal.

    I have many nurse friends who ask me specific questions now and I feel I help them or some one they are asking about.

    I am still learning about this disease as I am going through my second round now and it is totally different than the first.

    You go for it, you are helping.

    Good Luck,

    Diane

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  • miss-di
    miss-di Member Posts: 161
    edited October 2007

    Also, to stay with the subject, I don't mind the gifts, it only means someone is still thinking about me.  I certainly wouldn't wear them all at once!

    There is something special when my dad comes up and he has his pink ribbon on his hat.  I know he put it there for me.

    Diane

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  • Joycey
    Joycey Member Posts: 7
    edited October 2007

    I often wonder if a cure would be found if BC was not such a huge money maker?  I find the pink campaigns thoroughly distasteful - so many people making huge bucks off our misfortune, as only a small fraction actually goes towards BC.  I tell everyone, save your money on the pink and give it DIRECTLY to where it is needed (ie. purchase a wig or medication for someone less fortunate, or help your local clinic purchase a piece of equipment etc) 

    Joy

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  • Tine
    Tine Member Posts: 58
    edited October 2007

    hmm

    The only thing I wear is my pink rubber band and the yellow one.

    Both my husband and I have a sticker on the car.

    But,...

    We decided to sell breast cancer related merchandize as a way to fund raise and yes we do the CIBC Run for the Cure.

    And yes, we actually did hold a pink fund raiser. 

    I do believe that there is still hope out there for us and that a cure will be found. If anything, new treatments to keep us alive longer.

    For me, our fund raising is a tool to give back what we have received.

    Since we started our fund raising, one thing has emerged clearly. The ribbons are not bought by bc survivors but by their family. It gives them back the control they have lost to a cancer dx. They are often helples and at odds to what to do. Don't know where to turn and by wearing a ribbon, it makes them feel better. Most people don't know what they can do to help us. I believe we actually do something good, as we get the chance to talk to people, listen to them. Sometimes (well often) we cry with them.

    I hope that by holding these events or by selling these items, that it will encourage women to get their mamogramm. That it gives some comfort to somebody that needs it.

    It isn't always easy as it is very emotional and draining and I am very happy when October is over and I don't have to listen to any of the statistic either on the radio or tv.

    The bottom line is, we are all individuals and we all deal with this disease in our own way and do what we belief is the right thing to do.

    In regards to gifts. Well, I did get some books in the beginning and no I never read them. I always felt that that wasn't me. denial is a great thing lol

    But I did appreciate the gifts. The angels, the cards. It meant that somebody cared enough to show their love to me.  

    Having said all this. I do hate that companies market our cancer and use us to line their pockets. I respect the buisnesses that actually donate 100% of the profits and clearly state so.

    If I have offended anyone with my fundraising, i honestly didn't mean to.

    With kind regards,

    Christine 

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  • angied808
    angied808 Member Posts: 30
    edited October 2007

    i keep getting gifts like this from my sister-in-law...and i have no idea how to tell her without hurting her feelings that 1. i have no desire to be reminded of my breast cancer every time i use my keys, look at my wrist, eat some cereal, etc. etc., and that 2. it's all marketing.  i'm still trying to figure out a nice way to tell her that companies accessorizing a disease that tried to kill me makes me really upset.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2007

    I think Miss-d hit the nail on the head for me.  If others want to wear something pink/ribbony in support of me and my fight, then that's touching (although I would NEVER ask them to do it and would probably prefer if they didn't) but that is different from them buying that stuff FOR me!

    I do not need to have a breast cancer candle holder to light to remind me of this whole journey!  At work, a colleague found a bc ribbon pin and marched right into my office and put it on my desk.  I had to just be blunt (but hopefully kind) and say thanks - it's really kind that you thought of me but I wouldn't wear it.  She seemed stunned.  I said, I don't need a pin to remind me of this battle - my bald head, scars, etc. were enough.  She said "I never thought of it that way before" and left pondering my words.  Neither of us were upset but I sure felt good doing that!  I'm a runner, a volleyball player, an artist, a leader, a mother, a wife - I don't get trinkets for those things and they define me so much more than breast cancer ever will!

    Mandy

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  • charlie
    charlie Member Posts: 1
    edited November 2007

    Oh Yes

     My birthday gift at 50 was breast cancer how nice...I wear the bracelet and pins , those objects are only symbols of what you went throught, what is it with you that you dont want to remember, you can try to forget it until the cows comes home, your only fooling yourself your life will never be the same....accepting is a great part of healing.  My daughter asked me one time, maman if it comes back will you go through all this again, I answered I will cross that bridge in do times.....

    charlie

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