Hoda Kotb--take 2 the peaceful version

My point is simply that no one has the right or authority to judge how another woman (or man) handles the diagnosis of breast cancer (or any other disease.)  Some of us are going to be very public about it and feel proud of serving as some kind of inspiration to others, and there are other persons who might feel compelled to keep private matters private.  I object to anyone judging either position.  There was no fruit involved in my objection; I'm merely telling you that I think you spend way too much time telling people how they and/or others should feel or react to what is a very emotional and troubling subject, and that it can feel intimidating and unsafe to anyone who doesn't agree with you.  For someone who has been here as long as you have and is supposedly a psychologist, it seems pretty much clear to me that a little compassion, whether for a celebrity or just a random poster, would serve you well.

Anna 

I'm curious about any thinking that objectivity is possible about breast cancer, whether you're a television host or news anchor, and you are working on national television, while going through your treatment.  What's there to be objective about?  If she was reporting on the war in Iraq, I would expect objectivity, but this isn't the case.  I wouldn't expect Melissa Ethridge or Betty Ford to be objective if they were reporting on breast cancer either.  I would expect passion and compassion in their reporting.

This is my two cents.

I have watched both of these women going public regarding their breast cancer.

Think back to that difficult time when you first found out you were diagnosed with breast cancer. Think about how you struggled with your own thoughts and feelings. Think about how difficult it was to say those words when you told your family and friends. Think about all the decisions you had to make about treatment, what to do, whether to seek a second opinion, and all the thoughts that consumed our lives in the first few hours and weeks.

And then imagine if you will, that you not only have to deal with all of the above, but you also have to IMMEDIATELY address whether, when, and how you will tell the "public" about your situation.

If you are gone from work, they will notice and ask why. If you are at work, but taking time off for appointments and recovery, they will ask what is going on. Word will get around and rumors will start.

How much do you disclose; how much do you keep private?

Remember, this thought will be on your mind from the moment you are diagnosed, and you must make this decision almost immediately.  In addition to all the other decisions you must make about your life.

If you had to say it out loud, in a public forum where the newspapers and TV might report it, within weeks of being diagnosed, what exactly would you have said about the fact that you have breast cancer? Would you have thought about and processed what might be the most "professional" way to do this?

I speak as someone who was in a very local public eye when I was diagnosed and I had to address the issue of how to make my diagnosis public. I can only say that this issue adds yet another burden to an unbearable situation. It is hard enough to deal with your own private feelings and concerns. It is IMPOSSIBLE to discern, at that point in your life, what is the best, most professional way to handle making this information public.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to deal with national exposure.

In my experience, this is a decision that is entirely personal to the individual. It is not based on professionalism, nor is it based on what will make you "look good" to the public. It is a matter of what you can personally bear. You make your information public in the only way you know how, because there are simply too many other things to deal with at the time. Therefore, it should not be judged, critiqued, or reviewed as if it were a brilliant leap or lapse of professional judgment. It is simply what an individual bear.

One chose to make it public on national TV, in terms of simply stating and discussing with her co-anchor, the circumstances in which she found herself. One chose to keep it private, going public (as the subject of an interview) only after she went through treatment. Neither, in my opinion, made these decisions in terms of their profession, but as a PERSON.

In my opinion, We, as women who have been on this journey, should offer only our respect for others that have dealt with publicly disclosing this most difficult information. Both have dealt with the situation, as all of us have, in the best they knew how. Both deserve our respect.  Hoda and Robin will be in my positive thoughts and prayers, as are all women who have breast cancer.

A breast cancer dx turns ones life upside down.  Imagine people writing about whether you're "doing it right" and discussing you when you're going through this horrible journey ... I don't know how they can take it on top of everything else and hope that any concerns that may be had for the viewer are put on the back burner.  I also bet that when Betty Ford went public that most women agreed with her decision as it was finally a step in making this disease less of a taboo.  Joeyann, excellent post.

It doesn't help any that RR has the best professional makeup artists and hairdressers to make her look so good.  People need to remember that when they say how great she looks.  It may have nothing to do with how she feels.

I'm not a public figure, nor did I work outside the home.  However, when people saw me IN PUBLIC I had my makeup and wig on.  Very few people were "allowed" to see me the way I sometimes truly felt. 

What I trying to say is how many of us put on that brave face around others and cry when we're alone.  And if the phone should ring while our tears are falling, what do most of us do?  The person on the other end of the phone says, how are you doing?  We get control of ourselves and say, fine.  We may gab about being tired, but we don't burden the person on the other end of the phone with our true feelings.  In fact, sometimes I think WE DON'T know HOW to explain the way we really feel. 

I've heard over and over someone say to me, "Mom (or someone else) says you're doing great."   I respond positively.

I'm sure RR isn't trying to downplay the experience she's going through.  And Hoda as well.  That's when I believe the "journalistic side" of them takes over.

Shirley 

There was an anchor in Boston who was dx in Dec. She went through the whole ordeal publicly. She did blogs and videos of getting chemo, shaving her head, radiation, etc. She looked terrible part of the time, she cried, talked about nausea, her fears. But then she'd anchor and look terrific. It's amazing what hair, make up, and proper lighting can do. All said though, I think she gave a very balanced look at breast cancer. Some days we feel like crap, and some days we throw on the wig and do our best. I don't think these ladies are all that different from any of us, except that they are doing this in the national spot light.

Erica, I did have side effects.  I lost my hair!  LOL  And I felt like crap!  Thank God I didn't work outside the home.  I didn't even work INSIDE the home while on chemo.   I had one of those DHs around and I thought that that's what I had him for. 

I've heard that rumor before and all I can say is I have to believe it is not true.  I was one of those who had no side effects, with the exception of losing my hair.  When I went out, I had my wig and makeup on and makeup on at home, even though I had a bandana on.  When I was in the hospital with my surgery, I had my makeup on - it just made me feel better.  Anyway, I prefer to think that there is no basis to that rumor.  I've heard the same thing said about hormonal therapy and I have no side effects from tamoxifen.

Margaret