Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

hey there just reading posts and checkin in . I am still here , looks like everyone is doing well .

Welcome back Joni .....

Caya ..... we have to do lunch ! I have just been so busy getting back to work full time ! I start at 7 am everyday and am up at 5 ... yikes!

It a beautiful day here today for Oct so we are putting our boat and camper into the garage  for the winter dh is outside now !

I ' ll give you a call from work next week Caya for sure !

Everyone else hi ya !

All my yearly tests have come up neg so it time for me to put this thing in its place , everyday is a little better . Do you all notice that most people comments seems to be to "take it easy " ?

I know to do that its just that i want to get back into my space of "ok i am well " carry on woman ...... just sometimes its hard when you get reminded everyday that you "should" be "looking and being" "sick"  Of course i know all mean well and the comments are because they care ..... but how long does this last ? Its hard on the psychy !

Should I "relax" or not ? Should I be lying in bed or not ? NO !

I stil get tired and my bones and muscles ache ..... on and off .... BUT we have to move on there are alot more other people out there worse off than me . Ohhh the after affects of chemo and rads who would know that they maybe worse than the treatments themselves . 

So today I am off to enjoy the day and get some sun ..... breakfast is awaiting ........... and the laundry ! 

Melia, I was a "bad girl" in my early 20's.  I moved in with my idiot boyfriend right after college.  I had gone out with him for 5 years.  All it took was under 2 mos. for me to no longer be able to deny that he was a no good bum.  So, in my case, moving in with him was good.  I got rid of him and met the DH soon after.  I went from someone who doesn't like to work to someone who always wants to work.  No happy medium, but I'll take the worker anyday.

Lynn it is nice to hear that although the epidural shot was not the most pleasant thing in the world that it seems to be giving relief. 

Caya, you and your soup….sounded so yummy that you inspired me to make some of my own….mine was chicken and rice with big chunks of carrot, celery and onion, lots of black pepper and some curry.  DH has a cold, and that did the trick for him!  Did you read the article in the NY Times that says that chicken soup really does help your cold?  Who knew?

Melia, congrats on going to the gym topless…that is such a big step.  Once you start venturing out a little like that you will find that your comfort level will shift.  You will NOT be judged for your hair…you are you, and anyone who knows you and loves you will not care what your hair looks like!

Amera, I hear you on the needle phobia.  I almost cried when they took my blood for my Gyno appt.  I swear I have permanent marks over my big vein from the repeated punctures. 

Joni I am so glad you are home!  We missed you!  Can not wait to hear all about the big trip.

Viddie isn’t it funny how different our definitions of “looks great” are from the PS?  I think my reconstructed breast is absolutely revolting, but every time he looks at it, he tells me that it is fabulous. Ah well…it keeps my bra from creeping up, and with corrective undergarments it looks normal.  I will never be able to go braless like you, however.  Definitely an argument in favor of a bilateral!

Mary I have never heard of Sweetest Day, but it sounds like so much fun…I want to celebrate!

Cindy, that concert sounds awesome…right up my alley!  I am glad that you will be happily asleep during the SNB…that was definitely the most unpleasant part of my mastectomy experience.  The only thing that made it bearable for me was that they had me wacked out on Valium because I started to freak in the holding area.

Tina, this girl Brittney really sounds like a problem, and you are right to keep Paul away from her.  It was good to get the reinforcement from that teacher.  Congrats to Jaclyn on her great game!

Nancy, I think that you are right to start to pursue another Dr for DH…those symptoms are nothing to trifle with.  You poor thing, you have been through so much…and now to have your DH not feel well, and then a toothache on top of it….ARGH! ENOUGH ALREADY!   Huge hugs coming your way {{{Nancy}}}

With regard to the mental math…..Thanks for all the support guys!  Here is how the story ends….I marched into Frances’s classroom on Friday afternnon determined to get to the bottom of this, and actually the news was good.  The teacher hates mental math almost as much as I do, and only teaches it because it is part of the official curriculum.  She said that she encourages students to use scrap paper if the mental strategies do not work.  That Frances did not do so on this exam basically just indicates that she either did not listen carefully or the teacher did not explain very well what was expected.  In either case, that sort of thing will NOT happen again because I have told Frances that she sure as heck better use paper to do calculations because she obviously can not do them in her head!  In fact, I do not EXPECT her to do them in her head, I just want her to get the right answers.  The teacher also gave me a heads up that there will be an exam next week that could balance out her bad grade….so I snagged the math textbook out of Frances’s desk and brought it home for the weekend (much to Frances’s very vocal dismay).  I am going to work with her through the week at home, and hopefully she will do better on her next test.  Oh, and I also found out that the information I got about the fail rate on the exam was wrong…the boy that gave the info (Kevin, Frances’s crush) only said that so that his mom would not kill him….so I guess I was a victim of 5^th grade telephone.  Ah well….all that energy expended for nothing….

Speaking of which, I was wondering if any of you guys have been experiencing lingering cognitive effects from the Chemo.   I am starting to notice that my mind is not as nimble as it used to be, and I have some very significant word and idea retrieval problems.  I am in a constant state of “tip of the tongue’ where I know what I want to say, but the words will not come.  I have also lost my ability to make fast decisions based on multiple bits of information, and get very overwhelmed veeery easily.  It is almost like I do not have as much processing capacity as I used to….my mental resources are more skimpy and I max out easier.  I used to be able to handle so much more than I can do now…. Am I going crazy or is there anyone else out there who can relate?

Sharon, I know exactly how you feel re: the comments about taking it easy etc.  I was out of work for two days for a conference. The people who saw a sub in my room automatically assumed the worst. I had a dozen folks giving me turtle looks when I came back.

Good lord, when does all this "concern" end? It's strange too because it's not coming across as well-meaning. More like morbid curiosity.  I'm also tired of hearing lay people throw around terms like "prognosis" and "remission." Everyone thinks she's an expert on cancer these days.

Some people obviously want to hear good news, but I get a feeling that for some, it's just exciting gossip. That's what really bothers me.

Rebecca, I am not sure I am as sharp as before either. It's hard to pinpoint. We went for a bike ride today and went past a public area where all the grass was dead. I asked my husband if he thought it had been sprayed, was trying to find the word "herbicide" and just could not. Little things like that. And some memory problems, I think. I really make a pt of keeping copious notes at work so I can track what I have done. I don't know if it is obvious to others that I am perhaps slower and that my memory is weaker, but I am beginning to think that's the case. However, my husband is beginning to forget a few things too, so it could be our ages (59 & 63). Or perhaps we don't pay attention? 

My equally big concern is that I seem to get stressed more easily, feel on the verge of tears often. That is not like the old me. I have a very difficult three weeks ahead of me, and that is part of it. Blood work, sigmoidoscopy, pap, appt with onc, three huge projects at work, culminating in a five day business trip with three important presentations. So maybe I would be teary anyway, even in the old days. It's so hard to say. I just don't feel sharp.

Melia

Skye, you have a lot of fun distractions....  your job is always interesting.

I agree with Skye, Nancy, dental expenses are NEVER fun.  My plan pays for the basics...cleanings every 6 mos., fillings, but not root canals, etc.  I've never had to have one, thank God, but I hear they aren't pleasant.

Gorgeous fall day here today.  Prob. the best of the year.  81, cool, breezy.  I "shop vacced" my garage in preparation to power wash it, only to find my power washer has seen better days.  Oh well.  At least I organized, got the dustbunnies/dead spiders, etc. out of there.  I feel like I accomplished something worthwhile that didn't involve shopping/spending.

I think I'm kind of bored here.  I think regardless of the DH's job sitch, I'm kind of itching for change.  5 years in one place is long for me....

Hi all,

Nancy,

How is your hubby? Good luck with the dr appointment tomorrow. I am sorry to hear about your tooth troubles. You do not deserve that. I have my 1st dentist appointment since dx next week. I decided not to let him take x-rays this time. He will not be happy, but I do not want any surprises right now.

Melia,

My PS billed it as “risk reducing mastectomy” and my insurance did not give me any trouble.

I am glad you like your ds’s gf. My dd moved in with her bf this September. I am not happy about it, but she is 23 and the decision is hers. I did voice give my opinion, but then I had to let it go. I like her bf and I also hope it lasts. It certainly is different today that it was when we were their age.

Joni,

Welcome back!!

Sharon,

Congratulations on your great test results.

Rebecca,

I am going back to work on Tuesday and I am a bit frightened that I will have forgotten how to do the paperwork. Yikes!!! If I add or subtract their weight wrong, the WW members will not be very happy with me. Lol- we have calculators. Whew! All kidding aside, I also have moments and I am apprehensive about returning to work.

I am glad you got to speak to Frances’s teacher.



Oh oh- time flew by. Time to watch Red Sox.

Catch you all later,

Viddie

Joni - Welcome back. We've all missed you. I'm thrilled to hear you had a wonderful time. I can't wait to see some pictures!

Nancy - Wow, the tooth sounds horrible, I am so sorry to hear that.

Rebecca - I am right there with you on the lingering effects of chemo brain. Most noticeable for me at this point is that sometimes I use the wrong word, reverse words in a sentence, or experience "tip of the tongue" a little too frequently. It's very frustrating. There are strong similarities to post-pregnancy sleep deprivation, so I'm wondering if I just started sleeping more if I might see some improvement. Although, I'm not sure how to achieve that.

Our fundraiser this weekend was a big hit - the food and music were fabulous and we had a wonderful time. There were about 700 people there. Everything was on the lawn outside of a local museum, the decorations were gorgeous, and the tables and the auction area were candle lit. It was a bit chilly by the end of the night - but there was a large fire pit that everyone gathered around. DH and I had a blast. Here's a pic my 6 year old took before we left:

And this pic is of the girls and I at a local festival last weekend:

Caya,

There is too such a thing as chemo brain...I love your recent pix but I thought you look a little tired, and I really understand how you feel.  Are you seeing a social worker?  I am seeing one who is an ENORMOUS help.  She told me is that I probably have chemo brain; there certainly is such a thing, and knowing that was kind of liberating because you can work around it.

I certainly do have memory lapses, and you know, I don't think the Ativan is any help.  I got off the first time, but I've been trying to get off for two weeks, taking halves. Then I don't sleep and have to add a Benadryl.  And it's just awful if you take an Ativan AND have a drink.   I have an appointment today with the SW and I'm going to ask her about this. 

Loved your pix, Jan.

Amera, Skye, Jan...all of you who are gainfully employed...I am jealous. I'd like to go back in work, but here in Michigan, in our one-state depression, the jobs just don't exist!! (Unless you want to shovel manure in a horse stable).  Oi vay....maybe I need to try something on-line, or out-of-state.

Robbin Jaye....ya make me proud!!!!

Joni...still waiting for your PIX, which we know will be absolutely georgeous!! 

Love & hugs to all, Mizzy

Melia - are the wild fires near you?

Melia - I think I'll worry anyway. Please do pack up and take pictures - better safe than sorry (as my mom would say). Please keep us updated & be careful!

I'm back, and oh, my sisters, I did miss you so much! We have been home a few days now, but for some reason I found getting home and getting reorganized almost more than I could handle. I couldn't even get to the computer at first, and when I did I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't think what to post. I guess I'm slowly getting my feet back under me now, but what a weird experience - usually it's getting ready to go that does me in, not coming home. I had my CT scan the day after I got back, and it was pretty much unchanged regarding the three little spots in my lungs. She is still not willing to say that they aren't related to my cancer (i.e., lung mets) so we are doing another CT scan in three months, then perhaps if they're still the same they'll say they are just those little spots that people can have from a previous infection or something. They're too small to biopsy, so there is no other way to decide. I appreciate that this new oncologist is willing to stay on top of it - my old guy was just going to wait until I couldn't breathe or something before he did another scan.

I'm going back to work in two weeks. I am ready mentally, not sure I'm ready physically, but want to go ahead and try it. My boss is not rushing me at all - she pretty much has things covered, so I can maybe just take a few shifts here and there at first, and not go in full time. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to make the most of the next two weeks. While I was in Denver, my friend and college roommate Gwen had a little talk with my DH about how it might be better for me NOT to have to work full time anymore, and that two to three days a week might be much better. She SO has my back!! I hope that Larry got the message - I think maybe he did. When I go back to work after my reconstruction, my goal is to go back into the float pool at two or three days a week, rather than full time. That way, when I want to take some vacation time off, I can take it. He has tons of vacation time - I, of course, have none left.

Our trip was absolutely perfect. Best vacation I've had in years! We had a great visit with my mom and family in Wichita, then went on to Denver, spent one night in Gwen's house (they were out of town) then headed up to their cabin. We got settled in there, then came back out to Denver again a day later to go to the Lowen and Navarro concert, which was incredibly good. Eric Lowen is suffering from fairly advanced ALS now, but is still able to sing like he always did - and those guys were born to sing together. Anyway, it was a great show, and I always look forward to getting to visit with the guys in person. Gwen's parents kept the dog for us while we were at the concert, and then we went back and spent the night and part of the next day with them, which was a really special time. Over the past 40 years they have become almost like second parents to me - we are really close, and any time spent with them is precious.

After that, we went back to the cabin, for a solid week of resting, reading, relaxing, and enjoying the mountain scenery. We really didn't do much of anything except just enjoy being there - they have a great deck with a lovely view, no tv or computer, so it was a very peaceful week. I must confess that while we were walking Harrison, we were also scoping out acreage we might buy, eventually. Found some great spots, too. We have land in Idaho which we had planned to build on, but this is a little less remote (and yet feels a bit MORE remote because it is heavily wooded). So, we shall see. I don't know where we'll end up, but I'm ready to go. We did have the talk about how I'm not ready to just put everything off indefinitely, because I don't know if I'll be alive in 10 years or so to enjoy it. I hate to go there, but my attitude has changed some in the last year.

Harrison was the highlight of the vacation for us. I don't know if I told you guys that I had used a pet psychic before we left. One of the things he kept telling the psychic was that he wanted to go on vacation! So we took him, and he had a BLAST! He loved meeting all my family with all their various animals, he loved meeting my friends in colorado and their pets< and he was so happy having Larry and I together and with himk 24 hours a day. He was such a happy dog, and so much different than when we got him. We had as much fun watching him enjoy himself as we had doing anything else.

We spent three days in Denver with our friends at the end of the trip, which was great, then started the long trip home - two full days in the car. We spent one more night with my mom on the way home, though, with another family dinner, which broke it up a little bit.

I've read all the postings, so I'm pretty much up to date. I worried about all of you the whole time I was gone, and was glad to hear there is no really bad news from anyone. Skye, very glad your tests came back ok. And Tina, I'm glad to hear that your dh at least got a fair settlement from the company from hell, so that you have a little breathing room until he finds another job. And he will, of course.

I can't begin to address everyone individually after three weeks away, so I'm just going to declare myself caught up, and start from here. I love you all.

Yay Mel!

i am so glad you are home....I missed you!

Your trip sounds like it was awesome, and Harrison sounds like a blessing in your life.  He is very lucky to be cherished like that.  I am releived to hear that your lung spots look ok, and I am glad that your onc is on it.  I concur with your friend....I think part time work is more than enough.  I work part time, and with my (still) reduced capacity, it is about all I can handle.  Work is good, it keeps you busy and brings in money, but it is NOT your life.  You still have to live that.

Speaking of which, I have to head out the door to get my daughters from school.... 

Mel - glad you are back.  We missed you and your posts! Sounds like you had a great time.

Mizzy - My onc. knows about chemo brain, but he just doesn't think I have it.  I guess I'm not that severe, but I do have those memory lapses and grasping for the odd word or phrase. Tired- yes I've been tired, but I think I will get more rest now that I know I am BRCA negative, the party is over, and workwise we are in a "down" time. I am going to see a social worker at the hospital who specializes in BC patients in a couple of weeks.

Jan - great pictures - your whole family looks great.  And your hair is coming in nicely.

Skye - Yes, I would say a SNB rates an 11 on the pain scale of 1 - 10.  This procedure surely was invented by a male.

I'm feeling a bit anxious this week because my mom and stepfather are leaving for Florida this Friday.  Last year on that date I had just found out from my Plastic Surgeon he had discovered the cancer while doing my breast reduction.  My mother, who had come home from Florida the winter before to look after my DH when he had his aneurysm so I could travel, said - "All I want is for everyone to be healthy, so I won't have to come home early."  Of course I knew she would be coming back, but I didn't tell anyone for about 7 weeks.

So she'll be leaving this Friday, and I'll be seeing her Thursday night - I hope she won't be coming back early for the third year in a row...