Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

PS Rebecca, the Cat Man is a computer repair technician between giant kitty gigs.

Yea Caya on your BRCA results! That's an awesomely wonderful thing to be able to tell your daughters.

Amera, when I had my MRI last year the tech had trouble getting the IV started after the third time, I started crying. She felt so bad but I told her "If I can't get through this, how am I going to get through treatment." She was so sweet.

Oh Skye, sorry about the wig thing. It's so hard sometimes to know how to present ourselves. For me these days, it's deciding whether I'm going to be fully clothed with both breasts or if I'm going single.

I'm still waiting to hear from my surgeon regarding the results of my mammo and the decision to have the other mastectomy. If I don't hear from them by Wednesday, I'll be calling again. I want to get this scheduled so everyone knows what's happening. I want to make specific arrangements with work and to get my H&P and any other tests Dr. Grange wants. 

But while I wait, I'm anticipating the Friday night. I'm going out with a group of friends. We're going to see the 4 Bitchin' Babes in concert. I don't know how to describe them except for a combination of Peter, Paul and Mary meet Erma Bombeck meets Dave Barry. They are very funny. Musically solid and gifted. I've seen them twice before in Iowa City and Missouri. I missed them last year when they were in town the week after my mastectomy and I wasn't in any kind of condition with drains and all to sit through a concert. It will be a fun night this week. Good company and the music to enjoy.

Life is so strange. We work so hard to be forward-thinking and acting and yet feel held down by our appointments and tests and treatments. No wonder we crash sometimes.

Well, I'm off to watch the stars dance then soak in the tub awhile.

Happy Monday, all!

Cindy 

November 20 I had a mammogram. The radiologist told me it was very suspicious. She told me to come back in 3 hours for a biopsy. She was so concerned she worked late for me to have the biopsy that same day. She then hugged me and told me I saved my own life by having a digital mammography instead of a regular one where I used to go. She was very dramatic and scared me half to death.

November 27- Monday after Thanksgiving she called me to confirm that I had IDC.

I will use November 20 as my anniversary date.



Have any of you gained weight on Tamoxifen? My onco told me it would be very hard losing weight while on it. Darn.

Speaking of weight, I just had the most delicious chocolate birthday cake with chocolate frosting. I HAD TO HAVE IT. It is my Birthday today and my dh went to a real good bakery. It was soooo good. Now I am officially stuffed.

Have a nice night everyone,

Viddie

Viddie - I lost a bunch of weight during chemo - but tamoxifen put it back on quickly. I am eating less than I did before bc and exercising much more and still struggling to maintain the weight I want. I'm about 5 pounds over what I want and I'm seriously fighting just to keep it there. It makes me crazy.

I am thrilled you had chocolate cake - you can burn off the calories later - life's too short not to enjoy chocolate.

Caya - so very glad to hear about your test results. Whew. 

Yay, Caya!  And Amanda and Cassie!  Good news for all of you! 

Caya, congrats...woo hoo!  What a relief!

Amera, glad the mammo was good, that sucks about the MRI and finding a vein.  Hang in there, hopefully the results are back soon.

Viddie, Happy Birthday!  That's another thing we are missing is the little birthday cake next to your name if it's your birthday. I have lost 11 pounds since mid August but have had to really work hard.  DH has lost 22...oh those men, they seem to lose weight so much easier.  Also, he's down like 2 pants sizes, lost all in his belly...of course for me, I lose a pound from here and a pound from there, so I'm still in the same clothes..ah well.  I'm trying to get to a good weight before my DIEP.

Skye, lol, you are so funny!  I won't ask!

Missy, we're glad to see you back!

Melia, I still take Ativan about 3 - 4 nights per week. I had trouble sleeping before bc and tamoxifen.  Onc asked how I was sleeping and I said 'not great', so he wrote me 6 months more of Ativan. I figure if I don't need to take it every night, then I'm fine.  Sleep is so important.

We finally filled our hot tub yesterday after shutting it down for the summer.  After the Red Sox game is over, we're going in. Hopefully it'll help my back pain.

love and hugs,

Lynn

Hi girls,

Just checking in - today is our real anniversay - 25 years with my DH Allan - really a milestone, especially these days with the divorce rates so high.

Just having a quiet day in the office, but tonight very close friends of ours are taking us to a mucho expensive steakhouse for dinner called Harbour 60 - we've never been there, but I am looking forward to it.

Last night I went back to my choir group for the first time in a year. We performed at a senior's home and it was nice to see everyone. They all loved my short hair - who knew?

Have a great day everyone.

xo Caya

Good afternoon my sisters!

I also tried to stop in on chat, but it was indeed quiet!  In fact, everything has been a bit quiet....a bit toooooo quiet if you ask me .  This week is officially midterm week, so my students have all been oozing out of the cracks and stressing over their upcoming exams.  The honest truth, of course, is that students who have been following along and giving the work honest effort have nothing to worry about.

Frances is starting to struggle with math, and it is not because she does not understand the concepts but rather because she has trouble doing complex calculations in her head.  "Mental Math" appears to be all the rage and I am finding it very annoying....why, oh why can we not just teach our students to add and subtract PROPERLY?  Why do they insist on teaching them strange and confusing estimation strategies?  Very frustrating.

In more amusing news, Owen came home yesterday and informed me that one of his classmates (who is a constant problem, and who I suspect is emotionally disturbed) was put into time-out because he "whipped out his peanuts" tee hee.   I found the act disturbing, but the turn of phrase to be rather amusing...I tried very hard not to laugh as I told Owen that his peanuts were not for public viewing.

Tina, we have not heard much from you lately....I hope that everything is progressing well.  Any leads on a new job?

Skye, gel is definately the way to go.  I got some over the weekend, and it made a huge difference in how styled my hair looks.  I can not get used to the crunchy feel, though because I was never really a hair product person before. 

So I finally decided to take the plunge and buy myself a "real bra" to replace all the camis and sports bras that I have been wearing since my surgery.  I came to the decision not only because now I am healed enough to wear something more substantial, but also because the healing and settling in process has resulted in my reconstructed breast sitting quite a bit higher than my other one...something that my PS suggested could be corrected with a pushup pad in one of my bra cups.  So I went to the very nice store that I have been to before, and placed myself in the very competant hands of the owner.  She mushed, she shoved, she gave me bras to try with various types of pads to stick in them and then finally selected one combination as the "right one"  I did not look at the price, and I bought it.  I am very happy with myself, and feeling very normal now...I look normal, and I am wearing normal undergarments (push up pads being something that someone with real breasts might potentially use!).  Life is good....I have moved on.  The bra was expensive, but comfy, so I figure I will look online to see if I can get another one cheaper and discover (to my horror) that it is a mastectomy bra.    Ah well.....so much for normal.

Hi all,

Just checking in ... I did go to chat last night, but late, and it was quiet.  I don't want us to change the time as it works best for most, but sometimes I have to scramble to make it b/c of dinner on the west coast.

Rebecca, I love your stories about your children. And Caya, congrats on your anniversary.  I don't know what I would have done this past year without my husband. He is very quiet and reserved, not as demonstrative as I would maybe like, but he was a rock. He was steady and reassuring, and I often wonder just how lonely it must have been for him. He was strong for me and the kids, but he had nowhere to go with his fears.

Skye, your hair sounds like it is really coming along. I have an appt after work to have mine shaped. It's very short still, but the back is messy looking and the sides are oddly long. My hairdresser says she can shape it and teach me some tricks of what to do with it. I only wear the wig to work, and am struggling with how to lose it there. I will still wear it for professional meetings until mine is long enough. I will stop wearing it to the gym after she shapes it today though. I love the feel of the fresh air on my head after so many months.

Tina, we need to hear how you are. And Mary, how was the port removal. And everyone else, check in and let us know how you are.

Melia

oops...yes I think meant happy birthday viddie, but you can have some cake too Lynn...but only because I love you. 

Hey I'm back.  I went for my port removal at the hospital - I love my surgeon - but she tugged for an hour to get that port out (sorry to tell you guys).  Lots of scar tissue and she was trying not to make a big incision.  I had a local so I didn't really feel it at first and then she gave me some more local (lots of shots!!!) and I could just feel that tugging...it's a little unnerving.  I think I would have rather been out of it.  Now I took some Tylenol and it's stinging.  I'd really like a stiff drink but no alcohol for 24 hours!    I drove myself.  I thought DH had to work and I really didn't need him but I was not happy when he went GOLFING!  Then he comes home and is off to work. I am not a high maintenance woman but a little attention would be nice.  Men just don't get it.  Then I have computer problems, phone problems, my car needs a major cleaning...it's starting to get to me but at least this port procedure is over. 

Happy belated birthday Viddie!  I'm glad you splurged.  Happy Anniversary again Caya - keep celebrating. 

Tina, thinking of you in that job search.

Amera, praying your scans come back okay.

I do like the sound of the Bitchin Babes for our group!

Rebecca, our school district changed to "Chicago math" and really messed my kids up.  That is one major reason they went to a private high school which taught the old way.  I wish they would teach both and give the kids a choice. 

Lynn, I asked the dr about the hot tub since my port was out and she said there is still a chance of lymphodema with it and to go slow - just thought I'd tell you.

Speaking of bra shopping, I found out I went down a size!!

I bought a prosthesis called bosom buddie that just fits in your bra like a pillow.  I really like it (you can get it on the internet).  However it did pop out in exercise class the other day, but everyone was concentrating so hard on not falling over doing this exercise that no one saw it.  At least it looks like a pillow.

I encourage you all to ditch the wig!!! 

I decided I'm going to splurge and have my hair colored next month along with a trim.  I certainly haven't spent any money on my hair in the a long time. 

Hugs to all

Mary I'm glad you made it through the port removal but tugging for an hour? Yikes, I'm going to insist they at least give me the "twilight" stuff or whatever they did to put it in. Sort of reminds me of when I had my c-sections and although it didn't hurt I could feel all the pressure, etc.



Jan I know what you mean about feeling like you look like a boy. I remind myself of my dad with my hair this short. You are gutsy to try the real rock-climbing and all the uphill walks besides. If you keep that up I'm sure you'll be up to the guys stamina in no time.



Rebecca, "whipped out his peanuts?" I would have been ROFL, just too funny.

And I'm admiring you and Viddie with the real bras. I have a whole box of pretty bras I put away last December and need to get out again and see how they work with that reduced left side. Or if I can stand the underwires. Finding it very hard to give up the camis.



Melia, you must have made it to the chat just after I signed out. Next time we need to get our watches synchronized or something.

I had to go join the library at the nearby university today, hadn't been there since I was a grad student a few years ago and I needed a new card, then had to spent time looking up esoteric eccentric people. I'm getting down to the tough ones now. Spent the evening doing two hour-long radio shows. I let myself sleep til 9 a.m. this morning, though. I'm really trying hard to put my health first but it's such a change of mindset for me.



One upbeat thing to end on; my neighbor who was diagnosed stage 4 over four years ago called and said she just had a bunch of scans including a PET and they could not find so much as a bit of microscopic cancer activity anywhere in her body. She had had it in her bones, liver, everywhere and was given 6 months to live. Her doctors are flabbergasted. She thinks it is because she never accepted being terminal. Amazing but true! - Skye

Hi everyone,

I'm still here.    I went back to work at Sugardaddys this week, just two days, so I was busy w/that.  Also had a little bit of kid drama involving my son.  My friends son took his cellphone and left a few very inappropriate messages on this girls cellphone, who has been stalking my son by cellphone....dozens of msgs, texts.  I told him under NO circumstances is he to text anyone or open any text msgs. as I've heard horror stories regarding phone bills and texting.  Anyway, the girls parents made a few litigous sounding comments that really put me on high alert.  The girl has a big crush on Paul and has been doing stupid 5th grade stuff, like kicking him in the hallway, tripping him, etc.  She lives nearby and was throwing rocks at him and his buddies and then a water bottle.  Paul, foolishly, threw the water bottle back and the mom tells me only that part of the story and says "it left a welt and I took a picture".  That's the comment that got me thinking these people could be dangerous.  Then, when my sons friend (also MY best friends here's son!) left those horrible messages (involving "peanuts"), she said "I don't know if I can ignore this."  The last thing I need is frigging legal problems over kid shit.  I felt like saying "how'd ya like some stalking charges"?  The DH and I went down to their house, listened to the msgs. and it was very clear who left them (plus, my son told me but swore me not to dime out the kid as he threatened him if he told).  Anyway, we showed the parents the dozens of calls/texts their daughter had made, including some as early as 6:30 am.  Then I told him to just steer clear of her in school and he must have relayed that msg. to her somehow and the parents are back on the phone to me, complaining about that.  It's like fatal attraction and now I'm in trouble for trying to protect my son by telling him to steer clear.  Does it ever end....  yesterday was quiet on that front, thank God.

Caya, Happy Anniversary!  And HB to you Viddie!  Rebecca, love the cake.

No job leads.  The DH was severely down yesterday but by the time I got back from work, he was in better spirits.  He began to work his "spin control" and talked to lots of people in the industry and gave his version of the events.  His old boss called last night and said he talked to the General Counsel and his latest boss and they admitted they have found NOTHING in their investigation.  The old boss said that the DH cannot move forward with his life with this cloud over his head, considering they told 200 people on conference call that the investigation was ongoing.  So, they agreed to "retract" that via another call.  However, the horse is already out of the barn here.  They also agreed to let his old boss write him an excellent letter of recommendation, not just the standard form letter.  What p's me off the most here is that the DH had JUST brokered a deal to sell off old product, internationally, that would have been dumped in the trash and they literally made $10M!  What thanks!

Gotta run.

Mary - sorry for the aggravation with your port removal.  Between you and Lynn, I am more than nervous - I will be having Herceptin infusions until May 8,2008 - and then I guess the onc. will want to wait a few months to take it out - it will probably be a new appendage on my chest by then - OY!!

Rebecca - loved the "peanuts" story - being the mother of two girls I never had these "boy" episodes. 

Tina - I cannot believe the crap that is going on with Paul and the cell phone/fatal attraction bull.  Between these losers and the aggro you had with Jaclyn and that mean girl,- are they a bit crazy in Ohio?  And I certainly hope your DH gets something soon.  I know it's funny how big companies work - Years ago my DH worked for a big shoe company, and they got a new president of the brand he worked for - that new president did not see eye to eye with the one of the salesman  (their top one), and without batting an eyelash just let that saleperson go - I'm talking this person pulled in 8M/year in sales - and this is probably 10 years ago. That salesperson basically just went to a rival brand and they were tickled to have him. The original company's sales were way down for a few years...

Dinner last night was amazing.  Our friends took us to this ultra posh expensive steakhouse - you know the kind, where they fall all over you, the baked potatoes are large enough for 3 people etc. I shared a filet mignon with my girlfriend, had lobster bisque soup to start, amazing breads (low carbing sort of went out the window last night).  then the owner found out it was our anniversary, so he sent over a big plate of assorted desserts - lemon meringue tart, chocolate molten cake (to die for), strawberry cheesecake, rice pudding, fresh fruit and Happy 25th Anniversary Caryn and Allan written in chocolate at the top of the plate.  And dessert wine for all. That meal must have cost $500 - not including the desserts as they were complimentary. We had such a good time, my DH has known the guy from this couple his whole life - it was really nice.  I am not stepping on the scale for at least 2 days.  I probably will hardly eat today, still stuffed from last night.

Just wanted the post that the MRI was clear!  I am doing the happy dance and am relieved. 

And yipes on all the teenage girl angst. I am preparing myself. I know middle school is rough on everyone, the pickers and the pickees.

Okay, off to cello lessons with daughter #1. I will check in later.

XXOO Amera