Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Rebecca, that is too funny about Frances.  I remember that day from both my daughters...oh the memories!

Amera, glad you are feeling better about your hair. I got mine trimmed about a month ago and was happy with it.  I got it colored at the same time and she didn't even charge me for the trim because she hardly trimmed it.

Boy did I have a day of driving and waiting.  This morning I brought my Mom to get 12 teeth pulled, drove 45 minutes, waited 1.5 hours, drove 45 minutes home.  Went to get her prescriptions, waited 20 minutes for them.  Worked at home for about 1/2 hour, then ran out the door to my 2 Dr. appts this afternoon.  Drove 1/2 hour to pick up MRI films, then another 15 minutes to Spine Dr, waited 1/2 hour.  Got out of there and drove 15 minutes to ob/gyn, waited 2.25 hours to see him UGH! Drove 40 minutes home.  I got home at 6:30..geesh!

My appts. went well.  The spine Dr. explained my herniated disk and slight arthritis in my back.  It's a toss up as to which is causing me the pain.  So there are 2 treatments to try first, one is the epidural steriod and the other injects something into the arthritic joints (forgot what he called that).  We're going for the steriod injection first since there is only 1 of them and there would be 4 injections to he arthritis.  Sounds good to me.  I'm having that done next Friday.  He said that my condition is not condusive to laying down...he sure has that right as I can hardly get out of bed in the morning.  When I have my DIEP, he siad my back pain will get worse, but hopefully by doing something now, I'll have a bit of an advantage.

My gyn appt. also went well.  I told him how my hot flashes have almost disappeared and I think perhaps that maybe I might be getting a bit of my libido back.  He said it sounds like I might be producing some estrogen.  I said it could all be in my head with wishful thinking and said 'I miss my estrogen'.  He ordered several tests: FSH, estrodial (both check estrogen levels I think), 2 hour blood glucose, thyroid and a base bone density.  He said he'll call me with the results.  It's really frustrating waiting 2 hours to see him, but it's so worth it to me. First thing he did was comment on my hair!   I asked about an ultrasound because I'm on tamoxifen, but he said it's not indicated unless there is abnormal bleeding.  Since I had an endometrial ablation, any type of bleeding would be worrysome, so it'll be easy for me to watch.

For you mothers that have girls, I take Ally to get her first (of 3) HPV prevention shot tomorrow!  Oh boy!

argh, I just remembered about chat, I probably missed it, although I'll go check now.

love and hugs!

Good Morning All,

Robbin, good to hear from you. I see it is just about exactly one year since your diagnosis. Good for you for taking the tamox, and good luck on the job hunt. There is a perfect job waiting for you.

Rebecca, funny / poignant story about Frances. Hold her tight!

Lynn, what a day you had, but I guess we need to stop worrying that every twinge is a recurrance.

Amera, I am so glad you posted re the taxol study. I tried not to let it worry me, but as a triple neg, I have always been told taxol is an excellent choice, and yesterday got to me. I tried to talk myself thru it, but your doctor's comment did it for me. It's so easy for me to panic.

I hear what everyone is saying about haircuts. Mine is so straggly in the back. I stopped by my hairdresser's yesterday and she said to put some temp color on it this weekend and come back next Wed after work. She said she would shape it and clean up the sides and back,help me with how to use the gel, and it would be cute. I told her not to take off too much and she promised. I have gone to her for years so am going to try. I may regret it but now it just looks messy.

The bride called last night and they are having a wonderful honeymoon. They are in Yosemite at the Awahnee, for those of you who are familiar with Calif. Great old hotel, you have to dress for dinner. They are loving it, taking hikes and enjoying the wildlife. I thought of you, Jan, with the rock climbing. They aren't doing that, but did climb half dome, are doing Glacier Peak today.

Mary, the wedding was untraditional in that they wrote their vows and had a friend officiate. It was a short ceremony but really touching. I was a bit nervous about it. They promised to be together "as long as they both shall live" and most of what they said was very standard. One thing I liked is that the officiant talked about how much they appreciated everyones' support and needed it in their marriage. He had everyone say "we will" in response to his question re whether we would support and be there for them. It was a sweet ceremony, just not as religious as I would have done, but very loving and very tender.  ANd the reception was absolutely wonderful, the best party I have ever been to. Their friends are funny and full of energy, the music was great, everyone danced. I told her last night that everyone who was there came out of love and support; we didn't have any "obligatory" guests, and I think that added to the joy.

Ok, off to work ... have a happy, worry free day, all.

Melia

Robbin,

ACS suggests using the date of diagnosis for anniversary of survivorship.  For me, it makes sense since that's the day my life changed.  So I will be 1 year survivor on Nov. 7th.  Some women use the date they found their lump while others use the date they had surgery, therefore were cancer free.  It's a personal choice, you should use whatever date you are comfortable with.

Mary - I was thinking the same thing. I'm so grateful that the infusion room is not a part of my life right now. I can't manage to put this thing behind me. It would be even harder to do that while still going for Herceptin. But I haven't heard any recent talk of side effects - so I guess that's good.

Today I went to Neiman Marcus for one of those complimentary make up sessions. (Oh, the reasons I can come up with to skip out of work for an hour). I had an appointment, but the make-up lady was late. But, lucky me, there was another lady there that is a massage therapist and does facials. So she took me into the spa and gave me a facial and shoulder massage while I was waiting. Then I had my make-up done. It was so fun and relaxing! The only bad moment was that she asked me to take my shirt off for the shoulder massage and put on a towel wrap. I had a few moments of total panic about taking off my bra - I'm not comfortable going around with one boob yet - so I decided to leave it on and she'd just have to deal with it. It worked out fine, but just left me with another one of those angry at cancer moments.

Just curious what anniversary/survivor date everyone will pick. I kind of agree with Lynn about the day of diagnosis - although I think the date of my mastectomy (which was actually my second surgery) would be the date my life really turned upside down and would have the most meaning for me. I would actually have to look up my diagnosis date - but I always remember the dates of the two surgeries. I have another month to figure it out I guess.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.  

Hi,

I had my Oncologist appt. today and it was very upsetting, Not on my behalf but what I witnessed...Another patient was told that there was nothing left they could do and the Dr's and nurses were all hugging her and saying goodbye. The poor thing could barely lift her head up, she was that sick and she was telling all of them that she loved them and would be watching over them from heaven. She told one of the nurses who is very tiny that when she needed something from a high shelf she would help her reach it from heaven. The nurses were all tearing up and I left there sobbing, I got to my car and called my DH. In all the times I sat in there getting chemo, not once did I ever think that any of those people would lose the fight. It was very traumatic, I felt so sorry for that lady and on the other hand I was scared that if I was ever told that it was over, I don't think I could handle it. I told my DH I didn't want to ever go back there! I know I have to, but Oh God I never felt so scared. Have I been in denial about how serious this disease could be? Why do some make it and others don't? This is so unfair!

I am sorry if I have upset anyone with this story, but I really need to express my fears and how I am grieving for someone I don't even know, It has affected me in ways I can't explain.

On the flip side...I love your stories of young crushes, kids that age are so cute yet so trying.

My year anniversary is Nov 20th the day of telling me the news.

Hi Ladies,

Well, looks like we are all approaching that anniversary, no wonder the heavy feelings are coming out. Nancy, that must have been such a hard thing for you to witness. It's so hard when the statistics turn into real people! I think any one of us would have been affected by that scene.



I guess my day would be Nov. 15, when the mammo pictured the lump and I saw it and they sent the breast cancer nurse in to deal with me. Cindy I don't blame you for not wanting to live for that happening to you with the other side.



Jan, the makeup session and massage sounds so lovely. I'm sure the masseuse understood your feelings. She's probably encountered others in the same situation.



Lynn what a day you had. Now that was a test of patience. And now you have all these additional tests. I have a touch of libido coming back too but have tested firmly post-meno. So it isn't estrogen! I sure hope the pain measures work for your back.



And Amera you witnessed a traumatized sister too? I've never seen anyone lose it like that around my doc offices but will probably happen sometime. It just seems so odd that she was yelling about being a cancer girl. Was she reading too much Cancer Vixen?



Caya I always feel tired after the Herceptin too, in fact I've been draggy all week since getting it Monday. And I did finally learn someone else has the sharp needle effect with sweating; I finally mentioned it to the onc and he said he has one other patient who thought she was going crazy from that, it isn't listed on the official Herc. se page. But it's very real.



I don't know what to think about the whole Taxol thing except I do agree that every news agency is grasping at straws to find more pink-oriented stories! I saw somewhere they constructed a giant bunch of outdoor streamers from women's bras to raise funds for breast cancer, it was kind of funny.



Today I caved and wore my wig, I had a short TV spot to film and my own hair looked so knobby, I couldn't whack it into place anymore. My friend I stayed with last weekend helped a lot with that attitude, she is a beautician and explained I should just think of the wig as part of my possible wardrobe that I can choose to use or not. So that's what I did. I do need to get to my stylist however for some expert razoring.



On the lighter side, I'm making progress on my eccentric people articles. Today was Marcel Proust. Yesterday was Howard Hughes. At least these stories of weird men are making me feel very, very normal. :-) Skye

Oh, Nancy, I'm so sorry you had to see that.  That would freak me out for a good while, I'm sure.  Amera is right in that they can't sequester the more serious situations, but you wish God would just spare you having to see that.  It is the gift that keeps on giving.

I am so preoccupied with not knowing where our life is going right now, I am barely thinking about cancer.  Is that a plus of unemployment?    Really, I'm not so much worried about finances as I am health insurance.  It's great that I'll have it for a year, but what about after that...  we know all too well that it's not optional.  It can bankrupt you if you don't have it.  Thank God for Ativan right now.

Skye, I agree....that woman sounded like she read too much Cancer Vixen.  I don't recall being angry either at dx...  just scared out of my mind...as I still am.  I consider my anniversary 8/31, the day of my official dx.  Caya, I didn't have the path either but the dr. who read my ultrasound knew immediately and discussed chemo that very day.

Interesting, what the dr. said about not paying attention to all the "new" BC stories out there in Oct.  Does make sense.  Journalists are paid to write and if there's nothing new to write about, they've gotta come up with something, right?  The joys of Boobtober.

Cindy, picking out paint colors sounds like a nice distraction.  What generally is your scheme?  Springy colors, earth tones or jewel tones?  Are there others I'm missing I wonder...  hey, if I end up moving, I look forward to being able to that stuff again.  I always love it.

Oh Nancy that is so upsetting.  I think I would have been a sobbing mess....this from a person who cried when Lisa Moore (who is not even REAL) died. 

Cindy I do not know what to say except know that we are all here to hold your hand.

Here is another little tidbit on Taxol that would make your hair stand on end... I learned that it is not the actual Taxol that is so toxic and makes your nails fall out, it is the SOLVENT that they use.  Some current research has found that if they change the solvent, and bind the taxol molecules to gold nanoparticles it targets the tumor more directly (for a variety of rather boring reasons) and does not cause all of the nasty side effects.  Plus side: the drug works better and does not make you sick.  Downside...if you thought that chemotherapy drugs were expensive BEFORE..... (if you guys are interested, the article was in the 9/22 issue of Science News)

Tina I am glad that DH is feeling better.

Skye, this really sounds like a doozy of a book you are writing!  What a hoot!  

Amera ugh on the breast exam.

Well, off to regular Saturday activities.  MIL has consented to go to DMV this morning with DH.  I plan to have the elephant sitting on the street with a sign in the window by this afternoon.  I should hopefully escape having to see her today, which is a good thing because I have been extremely grouchy in general and am very annoyed at her in particular.  Got a letter from my insurance co yesterday that basically said that they OVERPAID my PS and want him to refund $76.  That seems to be moving in the wrong direction, since they declined to pay 15K of the 19K bill that was sent.  This is really scaring me because i can ill afford to pay all that money.  I would be less scared if my PS was in my insurance network because then I would know that he can not bill me for that, but since he is NOT there is no reason (other than basic human kindness) that he can not do so.  If I am handed that "big bill" I think we will be financially ruined, and I will never forgive myself because it will have been my vanity that did it.   I also have an appt with my new Gyno on Monday, and I am still waiting for my lab report to come.  I am very frightened that it was abnormal and that is why the office staff at the lemon gyno would not release them to me.

On that note....off to activities

Oh dear sisters, so much going on. Amera, I always had lumpy and sore breasts too. I know now that is something that can predispose you and am sure your doc knows that too so is keeping an extra close eye on things for you.



Rebecca we are fighting that same insurance battle. A POX -really bad pox with pustules and boils -- on insurance companies everywhere. But I do not agree that it's vanity to want to have your body look a normal shape, especially at your young age. It should absolutely all be covered. I would just keep fighting, you can go through the state insurance board I think if need be. And if all else fails, you just end up making small payments. Almost nobody can come up with thousands of dollars on demand and they are used to that fact I'm sure. We were advised to start making small, regular payments on the amount we are disputing so that it doesn't fall into delinquency in the meantime so we have done that.



Remember abnormal labs can mean almost anything and 80 percent are B9 (as some of you reminded me not that long ago).



Sharon/Janis, woohoo on the 2 week milestone and the clean scans! And have fun with that cuz!



Tina, are you saying you're worried a new insurance co. won't take you on due to the pre-existing factor? I wonder how much these things vary. I think it would just be for anything related to your original cancer dx, you should still be covered for everything else, and your major treatments should all be done within a year, right? Are you getting the Herceptin now?



Rebecca it's just part of a book I'm writing and I won't even get specific credit, but that's fine with me. It is a handy and fast job. My big plans for today include going to some bigger city library for more research. Which is preferable to the actual writing. :-)



Anyway, hang in there everyone, together we can get through anything. - Skye

Jan we must have posted at the same time. Good advice on the peer-reviewed newsletters. Wish I were more of a fashion maven to help you with the cool top, could you get a little jacket to wear over something and then wouldn't have to worry abuot the top working for all weather? Just an idea, I'm a big layers person. - Skye

Lynn, you are right, we all need a hug!  Rebecca, having recon is NOT vain. It's sensible, esp at your age. Why not replace what was amputated if you can?  I am so sorry that you are struggling with your insurance co. Jan, I know you are angry at cancer too. I guess we all are.  Are you going to have recon?  And Nancy, how awful your experience was; I am glad you called your husband. I am sorry you had to go thru it. Tina, I worry about you, you have too much on your plate. Sharon, good for making it thru two weeks at work, and congrats on the clear tests.

It's raining here today. I am sure glad it didn't rain last Sat with the wedding, which was outdoors. I am going to the library and gym, then tackling my closet. I want to clean things OUT.

My diagnosis call came on Nov 28 while I was alone in a hotel room on a business trip. But the biopsy, when the dr told me it was "highly suggestive" of cancer was Nov 22.  Made for a tough Thanksgiving. I think I am using Thanksgiving as my anniv. There are reasons to be thankful this year. 

I see the onc on Oct 30.  I think I want the right breast off. My husband is opposed to it; no elective surgery.  I agree with that to an extent, but I am so scared. I have more tissue on the left side than I want anyway; I am going to ask if it's breast tissue or what the heck it is. I thought it would be perfectly flat, but it isn't.

Ok, all of us need to try to have a serene day. Remember serenity?

Hugs, Melia