Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

well i made it through my first day of work and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be . My brain is still intact a little tired but its an early to bed nite for me .

I hear ya'll on the bc / pink / ribbon / ephifany thing for me i just want to get back to work . :what have you learned : ???? i just cannot answer that right now..... i got lots of hugs and glad to see you back which was great ......... and yes someone did comment that my haircut looked good .......... hey ! that made my day !

skye your troubles getting a scan WTF ? I sooo feel for you gals having to deal with healthcare issues like that . Being Cnd its hard to imagine what you have to deal with . hang in .

jan do not get too nervous about the walk , i did terry fox here thats my giving back outlet , it will not be that bad . I was FREAKING about going back to work like i was going to collapse or forget how to do my job (iv'e done it for over 20yrs )  I made it ...... and the good thing about it was i got out of the house and got to see and relate to people and enjoy their company .

Now we are done the physical it the emotional part thats taking the time ...... man oh man .

Well gotta go it my bedtime ode to the nice warm days we are having I am hoping winter stays away for now .

SCANS AHOY! Well, I waited til noon for Kim at my onc office to return Friday's call, then called there and found she wasn't available. By 4:30, their usual closing time, I still hadn't heard back so I called St. Luke's oncology dpt. in Milwaukee, and got referred to their "second opinion coordinator," who also wasn't in. Then surprise, a bit past five I finally got the call back from Kim, and learned the insurance co. had emailed her about me, with the same info they gave me. The upshot is that I have an x-ray, CT and bone scan scheduled for Thursday so I'll be there all day and get the whole thing done. I still have no explanation for why it took so long to do this but at least it's getting done. Then after the scans are done I will call the second opinion coordinator back.



Sharon big congrats on making it that first day back. And Lynn, I'm glad you're having such a good time at the fabulous resort. I bet by mid-week they are all used to the new you. And I hope you do make use of that spa...your back, head, neck etc. are all still the same.



Hey Caya, Joni and Sharon, my ds2 has decided to move to Montreal! One of his buddies wants to go too, after they discovered it is an artists haven with low cost of living and apparently a good job market. Any of you have any connections there? He has marketing experience, video expertise, is great with people and now (LOL) is also experienced at petting zoo tours.



Here's to us all just being allowed to be our real selves and not Cancer Girl Saints or BC poster children.

-Skye

Wow, I'm relating with almost everyone. I agree that now our focus is no longer on treatment, we're feeling the load of acknowledgement regarding the whole experience. I don't know what my new normal is. It might be years before it falls into place.

Sharon, congrats on getting through the first day. It's a relief to know those synapses weren't totally fried by the chemo.

Lynn, go ahead and put that suit on and get in the water for us. We need a mermaid amongst us.

And Skye, way to get those tests scheduled! When you go in, let them know a whole platoon of skeleton women were prepared to descend on them and cause a big ol' scene!

Well, damn if my mammo doesn't show some suspicious areas on the left side that weren't there last year. I go back for diagnostic mammo work on the 11th. Dr. Grange says she'll call me as soon as she gets the results.

We discussed having a 'risk reducing mastectomy' which she said I qualify for, without a doubt. However, she wants to know what may be in my breast. If it is questionable, she'll do a SNB at the time of mastectomy to get it all done in one procedure.

And this totally frosts my cookies, ladies. I was fine - all calm and serene about having the left breast removed.....at least as long as it was MY idea. Now this damn cancer may be pulling rank and it really, really has me on frosted.

And one last word on the pin the nipple on the breast game. (I did tell the surgeon and she laughed, said humor is a good way to break through the front we can put up so we can be authentic.)

Today at the nursing home/rehab center where I work, we admitted a very elderly nun for permanent placement. She is too frail now for the others at the convent to provide her cares. I was nearly moved to tears as one of her caregivers described for me what this Sister is like, what her routine is, what gives her purpose - helping others.  The caregiver said  "She likes to nap in the afternoon and she speaks words of wisdom."

I'm spouting off about breast cancer games and  this woman does well with a nap so she can share her wisdom. I hope, should I live that long, that my girls tell the nursing home, "Mom likes to take a nap and then when she gets up she's going to have some crazy story for you!"

Cindy 

Hi all,

Tina, how are you doing?  How is your husband holding up?  What a nightmare all the gestapo like tactics are .... you just don't need this.

Lynn, I love Palm Springs area, not the town, but the setting. The drive from San Diego through the mountains can be so lovely. I hope you indulge yourself and enjoy your stay.

Jan, don't blame you for being so angry. I think it's awful that anyone gets this disease, but I really hate to see it in young moms. Of course you are scared. But you will be ok.

Sharon, welcome back to the work world!

Mary, how awful for the 22 yr old. Life can be so very sad.

Skye, I am glad you have the tests scheduled. You will be a wreck til you get the results, but a week from now, you will have good results, and this will all be a nightmare of a memory.

I agree with what everyone is saying about the pink ribbon stuff. I know it raises awareness, and that's good. I have said before that I told very few people. I think in many ways I pushed people who did know away by saying I was fine.  I don't know why that is, I just felt it was a battle that I had to fight myself. I don't necessarily think it was the best decision, but it has allowed me to conduct myself at work and in the industry with some privacy, which I guess must be very important to me. I haven't really figured it out. I felt very alone at times, but so much of that was my choice, and you can't have it both ways. I think now that the immediate crises is over, we are all trying to process what happened to us. Maybe the shock is wearing off, the immediate survival mode is over, and we are stunned by what happened to us this past year.  I know I am trying to make sense of it all.

Sweet dreams to all my sisters.

Melia

Wow Skye, that is so exciting.  You get a gold star for setting those yo-yos straight.

Cindy that is unbearably stinky about your mammo.  Remember that 80% of suspicious things on mammograms are B9...I am sure that is the case for you as well, but I can totally understand why you would want another mastectomy....even if it is for purely aesthetic reasons.  I am, and will continue to be pretty lopsided even with reconstruction because it is impossible to make a reconstructed breast look just like a real one...or in my case, it is hard to make my real breast look like my reconstructed breast!  My PS suggested that I wear a pushup bra with the pushups only on the un-recon side to make it look more even and "natural".  UGH...corrective architecture?  next he will be telling me to wear a corset.  Well anyway, HUGS to you.

Sharon, congrats about getting back to work.  One small step for you, but one giant leap towards the new normal.   

I am completely convinced that EVERYTHING is bad for you, and that there are very few things in life that do not cause some kind of health problem.  I think the biggest risk to health, however, is stress, and low quality of life.  With that in mind, I think it is FINE to have a drink or two once ina while so long as you do not feel guilty about it.  Chocolate is good for you.  Coffee is an essential vitamin, and ice cream is a major food group.  

Happy day! 

Hi girls,

I am still way too emotional to "champion the cause" too.  Good description, Amera.  The littlest things set me off.  I notice particularly when someone does something nice for me.  Waterworks.  Hell, I even boohooed when that lady offered to pay for Caya's manicure!  So, no, not even ready to attend runs, etc.

Cindy, sorry you have to go through the add'l stuff...  that's not fun stuff to deal with.  Will they biopsy the spots first?  I'm thinking if they did that and ruled out anything bad, you could avoid the SNB and just do the mastectomy...

Skye, so glad you finally got your appts.  Good God.

The DH got called in today and he is prob. going to come home unemployed.  They are being very nasty.  He has his lawyer with him.  I just can't even imagine what this day is going to bring.

I did have a pelvic ultrasound this am and my cysts are still there, so that bolsters the case to just do it:  remove the ovaries.  Will keep ya posted.

Jan, we rarely celebrate "on the day" either.  Happy Birthday Mary!!!

Argh Tina, hang in there.  at this point it is probably best that he come home unemployed....could you imagine the stress of continuing to work there?  Good thing to bring the lawyer...very smart move indeed.  Keep us posted on the outcome.

Well, we had pukefest ROUND 4 here this morning...Ana apparently did not quite shake it the first time, and decided that her blankets needed another coating of vomit.  I kept her home again, and actually took her with me to class.  On the plus side, she ate lunch, and she is now acting totally normal, playing with her brother and making art projects, so  maybe that last episode was all she needed to clear the toxins out of her system. 

Cindy, I am still chuckling about "pin the nipple on the breast".  I think we need to have a get together just so we can play it.  Between Sharon and Skye I think we could have a pretty nifty gameboard made...although I think we should each make our own nipple.

So I had a classic community college encounter today....Student comes to class for the first time in two weeks.  In the intervening time he has missed an exam and failed to hand in an assigned paper (both of which were clearly marked on the syllabus I handed out on the first day of class).  He comes to my desk after class and wants to know when he can make up the work that he missed.  He becomes very offended when I will not entertain his request. 

He missed a great deal of class,(more than he admitted to...he said he missed two classes, but i take attendance, and he was gone at least two weeks), which alone is not that big of a deal, as students can, if properly motivated, learn at least 80% of what i teach in class just by reading the text (although the text is pretty boring...unlike my lectures) but by not doing any of the work, or contacting me or showing ANY RESPONSIBILITY AT ALL he has basically told me that he does not value school, thinks that class is a waste of time, and that he fully expects to walk all over me and skate through my class. 

Ahem. 

Not in THIS universe he is not. 

I hate these encounters because I always have a little teeny guilty voice in the back of my head begging me to humor him.  In the past I have listened to that voice, and given students like this one a second chance and allowed them to make up the work.  In my experience, though, these students ALWAYS wind up failing anyway, and I spend the whole semester stressing it.  So, my sisters, you will be proud of me...I held firm in the face of his glower, and repeated my answer through his incredulity.

The clincher, of course, was that he tried to excuse his failure to complete the work by saying that the bookstore did not have the book, so how could he do the readings?  Ummmmm well, if you bought the book at the start of the semester, this would not have been a problem!  needless to say, this did not help his case

Ok, Ana is feeling better now.  She stayed home today, so i thought i would share with you guys HOW I knew she was feeling better....

EVIL messy children

All I can say is that at least they KNEW they were messy, and spontaneously tried to clean up...of course their version of clean up wound up involving me scrubbing the bathroom when they were done. LOL 

Oooh, Caya, a day in a shoe warehouse! I know it was workaday to you but sounds quite lovely to me. Turning into your Bubby, LOL!

Rebecca, Ana and Owen, so cute! Good to see them looking so perky after all that pukefesting. Kids bounce back so fast. But poor mom! And good for you with the power to withstand the glower! Some people have a lot of nerve and you did the right thing.

Tina I agree with Rebecca, best he is not an employee of that super toxic place any more. This too shall pass, though it doesn't seem like it now, I know. Keep talking to us, girl. Thanks for the tip on the folic acid for drinks!

Amera did you dye your gray or leave it?

I'll see about chat tonight, have some other things to finish but will at least try to pop in. I haven't been feeling real great and may end up lying down early. - Skye

Skye, so glad you have your tests scheduled.  I'll be praying.

DS#1 called today to say he and fiancee are driving in from Chicago for my bday (in Nov).  That seems crazy as he is flying from Houston to Chicago but they want to do it.  We'll try to get together with DS#2 who was born on my bday.  He turns 19.  I am a rather larger number.  A big one in fact. 

Caya and Melia, hope your celebrations are lovely.  Take lots of pics. 

Cindy, I too often wish I had the other one taken.  Thinking of you in your decision.  Tina, let us know what happened with DH today. 

Robbin - so glad you took the plunge!

well i am checkin in at work i am in verry early . this is the quiet time i have b4 everone starts filtering in.

skye good news to get the scans done . As far as Montreal goes i do not know anyone there , but it is a great city just make sure they can speak french it helps

rebecca ahhhh yep the kids look like they enjoy it ha ha

viddie oh you must be enjoying your time at the cottage the weather has been soo good and the fall colours just enhance it !

caya i had a ct scan on my head and it was ok , i now have to go to a ear /throat/ nose specialist and get my hearing tested at the end of the month . I figure the taxotere fried my sinuses ...... go for a mamo on friday , had my bone scan last week and my colonoscopy 2 weeks ago ..... wheeew ......

cindy hope all works out with your further testing and that whatever is there is nothing .I do not trust mamos anymore anyway and just having another test will should calm your fears ..... its just the waiting ..........

Well gotta go ..... will check in tomorrow am

have a good day all

Hi All,

Caya, your party sounds like so much fun. We will both be celebrating on Sat!

My older daughter lands in a few hours, and we have a list of errands ... bride arrives tonight, sons in law in the am, son tomorrow nite, son's gf Friday. So it's a full house. We do a brunch for about 50 - 60 extended fam on sunday too. I think we have everything covered, and if not, oh well. The weather is lovely, which is good. The ceremony is outside, and for the brunch, we count on the pool to entertain all the young kids. So sun is good.

It's nice to be off work, don't go back til next wed. I do have to go in for a bit tomorrow early for a conf call, but that's fine.

I had hoped to have enough hair to lose the wig, but no way. Maybe by Thanksgiving. I am about ready to go topless around town, just not at work, and not for this weekend. So far only my dh has seen my verrrrrry short hair. But I am so glad that I am feeling up to all this physically. She had thought about having it last spring, before I was diagnosed, but fortunately changed her mind. I wouldn't have been feeling well in May/June, so this is much better.

Rebecca, hope those adorable munchkins of yours are back up to speed. They are at such perfect ages.

Sharon, you sound good. Glad work is going ok.

Jan, you sound good too. And Viddie. Your cottage sounds like the best medicine there is.

Skye, hope you feel well today. You will be so much better when you get your good test results. This has to wear on you.

Have a good day all,

Melia

Lynn, Paul and I went to Palm Desert years ago, pre kids, when we lived in Calif.  I much preferred it over Palm Springs.  We stayed at the Marriott resort out there.  It was so picturesque, esp. the sunsets.  Had a really nice weekend.  I could go for that about now.  Enjoy

Tina - sending you big hugs.