Flunking Out of "Moving Beyond"

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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited September 2007

    Ann,

    One Word CRAP! I hate bc!!!!!! I am praying for you, you are a true warrior you know the enemy. And yes it is more than okay for a warrior to break down and cry like a baby. As long as you fight bc with a positive attitude! BC should be scared of you!

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  • sushanna1
    sushanna1 Member Posts: 764
    edited September 2007

    Anne,

    Good luck on Tuesday.  Swallow hard.  Deep breathes.  But you know this.  Hang in there.

    Sue

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  • KariLynn
    KariLynn Member Posts: 1,079
    edited October 2007

    Anne,

    Good luck tomorrow with the tests.  You'll cry when you need to and it doesn't sound like that is now.

    I appreciate your attitude - do what you need to do and keep fighting, you can beat this!

    Kari

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited October 2007

    Anne, just found your post.  SUCKS,big time.  If you're not crying yet, I am.  Just stay on your track, you're doing what's right for you, as you know only too well.

    You are in the place we all fear, and are handling it as we all hope we will if need be.  My hero.  Blessing, dear one.  Warm thoughts and prayers going out to you tonight. 

    As Shrilann has said in the past: when those squirrls start running around the walls at 3AM, dont' shoot at them, you might hit something or someone you care about!

    Hugs!

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  • Blundin2005
    Blundin2005 Member Posts: 1,167
    edited October 2007

    Anne...so sorry to hear of the new primary. Sending cyber hugs and hope. I don't think that you've "flunked out" when you Move Through life with grace and agility .... together, we hike this mountain.



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  • suave
    suave Member Posts: 189
    edited October 2007

    Anne, it is no wonder that one never  completely moves on. There is always the shadow of "it might come back". I hope that whatever treatment or pathway you follow is the answer to being back to ned. I am glad for this site and for the women here who help each other.

    I am praying for you.

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  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,701
    edited October 2007

    Oh, beautiful Anne - Just saw your post.  Flunking out is when you sit in class and do nothing.  You've been moving on and will continue to move forward.  I will keep you in my prayers. 

    I also had a 4mm ILC, er/pr+ tumor.  Let me know if I can help. 

    Best to you always,

    lini

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  • AnneW
    AnneW Member Posts: 4,050
    edited October 2007

    Update time...

    Good news from the MRI--the cancer is only in the spot where the biopsy was taken. Looks to be about 1 cm. The other breast is fine.

    I've decided on a "two strikes and they're off" plan. I'll see my surgeon next week to discuss bilateral mastecomies, and talk about plastic surgeons and recommended reconstruction techniques. I'm not sold on any certain type (implants vs DIEP or GAP) but will not do TRAM or anything that cuts muscle. I'm far too active for that.

    So, till all paths are in and nodes are sampled, I won't know for sure about chemo, but as of now, it's looking like I may just dodge that bullet again.

    I'll keep you posted.

    Anne

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited October 2007

    Sounds like a plan, Anne.  Everything crossed for neg. nodes and no chemo.

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  • fire
    fire Member Posts: 153
    edited October 2007

    Anne, I'm so sorry you have to go try this again.

    I wish you the best.

    Shrilann, thank you very much for being here for support.

    I always getting better when I see you here.

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  • AnneW
    AnneW Member Posts: 4,050
    edited October 2007

    I was pondering this whole issue today about having a second cancer and what's different for me this time.

    Five years ago, I would tell people about it by saying, "I have breast cancer!!!" in a very stressed tone.

    Now, I find myself saying, "I have a new cancer in my breast." Calm, matter-of-fact.

    I realized today that THIS time, cancer does not OWN me. There is a cancer in my breast. I can deal with that. But it's not the oh-my-god-I-have-cancer feeling that totally disrupted my life and mind.

    So, if there's any benefit to going through this a second time, it's that I've learned from my experience, and from the experiences of every woman before and since. It's nice to get some of the emotion out of the diagnosis.

    Until I get the breasts removed, then I expect to hit the emotional wall a bit. But again, you all who've been there will help me learn.

    Anne, in a very reflective mood today

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  • KariLynn
    KariLynn Member Posts: 1,079
    edited October 2007

    Anne,

    Glad the tests were pretty good, best of luck with the surgeries ahead!  I'm glad you're in a better place this time around but wish you didn't have to go through it again.

    Kari

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  • Blundin2005
    Blundin2005 Member Posts: 1,167
    edited October 2007

    Anne,



    Your mind seems framed in the same clarity as the sky and mountains behind you on your picture ...



    "Never run faster than your guardian angel can fly"

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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited October 2007

    Anne,

    I think you have a great plan and a great attitude. I am praying for you daily!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2007

    Anne, praying that you will be able to once again "dodge the bullet."

    Your attitude is amazing.

    Shirley

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  • rumoret
    rumoret Member Posts: 685
    edited October 2007

    Anne,



    I just wanted to say "Thanks" because you encouraged me on how to do my arm exercises when it became stiff again after be hospitalized for 2 weeks. I continued to stretch that left arm out and I actually thought of your Avatar picture.....showing you in the mountains. I did not know you.....but I saw this picture and saw a super strong woman. I thought of you climbing mountains and getting on with your living......and that your arms were strong. So...... I took your advise to heart....and exercised each day until I could get my arm straight up over my head. My goal was to be totally limber by January 2007 when my grandson was born...and I was......so thanks for your encouragement.



    We are not always aware of how many people we touch when we respond to our sister's questions...........but YOUR imput is still needed here at Moving Beyond.......BECAUSE YOU HAVE MOVED BEYOND.............and this slight turn is just a different route up the mountain.



    Love,

    Terry

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  • AnneW
    AnneW Member Posts: 4,050
    edited October 2007

    Terry, how kind of you to say so. And I am so happy that my words and picture encouraged you. That is what is so special about this place. You give, you get back. And how nice to have such a cool goal, like beign able to hold a grandbaby. What a reward!

    You know, cancer will never be the best thing in my life, but it has brought me to the best people in my life.

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  • rumoret
    rumoret Member Posts: 685
    edited October 2007

    Ann.....I agree with cancer bringing you to the best people in our lives. My grandson has been a blessing from God....we are actually growing together and he gives me great hope. So let us all keep HOPE in our lives and share our stories and smiles with those that find themselves on this same journey.



    Love Always,

    Terry

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  • Catherine
    Catherine Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2007

    I am sorry to hear you are going through this again.  Hang in there and take things one day at a time.

    Catherine

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  • DebbieB
    DebbieB Member Posts: 161
    edited October 2007

    HI Anne,

    I just found your post and I am so sorry to find that you are having to go thru this a second time.  But like the first time I have faith that you can beat it again.

    I understand your calmness.  When I was dx'd with my heart problems from the chemo in May,  it actually surprised me that I remained as calm as I did!  I'm not sure that anything from here on out would shock me as much as that first dx of bc!  It just knocks you for a loop. I can still remember the all consuming anxiety I went thru until I realized you can't live life that way.  I've been dx'd with bc, melanoma and cardiomyopathy.  I still feel like I have a lot of life in me so I'll keep doing whatever I have to do to stick around for awhile!   

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers!  I know without a doubt that you can beat this again.  I have a feeling that you still have a lot of life left in you as well so go kick some major bc butt!!!!

    Lots of hugs,

    Debbie

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