"survivor"

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medical418
medical418 Member Posts: 7
edited June 2014 in Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests

I think that word "Survivor" is CRAP! None of us our survivors.  Once diagnosed ALWAYS diagnosed. I don't care if you had your last treatment 10 years ago.  Guess what?  Ya still got, it can come back.  I find the word insulting and demeaning.  I just finished my last treatment for breast cancer in my left breast (for which I had to have it CUT OFF) and now I just found out I have cancer in my right.  I fail to see where the word SURVIVOR fits into the equation.  ANYONE who uses that word really needs to get a life and start looking at the big picture.   Get a grip on life women, none of you are survivors!

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  • b445
    b445 Member Posts: 1,325
    edited September 2007

    I beg to differ! I AM A SURVIVOR! I have mets but I'm still a survivor. every day that I am here for my family I am a SURVIVOR! You can't take that away from me or anyone else!

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited September 2007

    Dear Medical,

    I am saddened to hear of your multiple diagnoses.  Cancer sucks.  We know there is no cure.  "We" did not coin the term survivor.  Don't have a clue who did. 

    I can't speak for all the other women and men dealing with breast cancer, but I am trying my best to get a big ass grip on life, wrap my mind around what it means to have a disease with no cure, only the possibility of lifelong "remissions."

    My heart goes out to you.  It seems to me you're an overcomer now, rather than a survivor.

    I'm keeping you in my thoughts and heart.

    Brenda

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  • medical418
    medical418 Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2007

    that's what I thought to until my cancer came back only after one year.   I wish I had your mindset.  I'm scared to death.  I just finished treatment and here I go again.  I survived nothing.

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  • medical418
    medical418 Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2007

    Brenda,

    Thank you for your comment.  Your words made me feel a little bit better.  I'm sorry my message is so filled with anger and hate but I'm very angry at the moment and very scared.  It's just that the word doesn't make any sense to me.  I'll never feel safe again regarding cancer.

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  • AlaskaDeb
    AlaskaDeb Member Posts: 2,601
    edited September 2007

    Deep breath.  Cancer sucks...yep it more than sucks.  Anger is an emotion we all go through, and I have had a few angry posts in the past myself.  In fact, one time I "yelled" for way longer than you because someone called me brave.....sometimes words just strike us wrong...but guess what, they are only words.

    Something that sometimes helps me is thinking about statistics a new way....today I am 100% alive.  Yes, some day cancer might kill me...but so might a lightning strike, or a bear, or a heart attack.  I try hard, and some days even succeed, to live in the moment. 

    I am so sorry you have this new diagnosis to deal with.  I can hear the fear and anger in you tone.  Let it out.  Vent, cry, break something.  When you are feeling calmer, take a big deep breath and get ready to kick some cancer ass.  You did it once.  You can do it again.

    We will be here if you need us.

     Hugs

    Deb c

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  • Brenda_R
    Brenda_R Member Posts: 509
    edited September 2007

    The big picture is that everyone is going to die at some point.

    Every day that I live beyond my cancer dx, is another day I survive.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited September 2007

    Dear Medical,

    At first glance I was shaken by your words, BUT I felt your fear and anger, and a thousand other emotions.  Your post brought me to tears, as I face my own fears minute to minute. 

    Please yell and scream all you need to, but stay close to us.  I like Deb's idea of breaking something!  Preferably not a person. 

    You've overcome the sonofabitch once ... you can do it again.

    love, Brenda

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2007

    Medical:  We are all survivors. Everyday I wake up, I'm thankful and hope that each day will be a good one.  Sooner or later, we are going to die from something, but as Elizabeth Edwards said - at least she knows what she is gonna die from.

    You have every right to be angry.  Just finished treatemnt, ready to move on and then a new diagnosis in the other breast.  This cancer journey stinks.  I have said this before - right when we are feeling good it likes to knock us right down on our butts again.

    There is so much heartbreak with bc.  I hope you keep coming back here and I hope that we can help you.  Yes in the back of my mind is always the fear it might come back - actually probably will since I failed on Herceptin.  So I just take each day at a time and try to enjoy life as much as I can.

    I am truely sorry you are having to go through this again, but you will find lots of support and friendship if you keep coming back and sharing your feelings.

    Nicki

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  • twink
    twink Member Posts: 1,574
    edited September 2007

    **cough**  ahem...so long as I'm breathing, I'm a survivor.  I hear your frustration and anger though, and understand.  The whole 'thing' stinks.  Hugs.

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  • TenderIsOurMight
    TenderIsOurMight Member Posts: 4,493
    edited March 2008





    I have heard the term "Survivor" was coined by a well-known pediatrician/public health specialist who himself survived an at the time thought to be deadly cancer. He is still practicing, still speaking for us with cancer, still writing (first book was "White Coat, Clenched Fist", I believe, an account of the heroics necessary to cure his cancer) and his name is Fitzhugh Mullen.



    I feel your pain. The term seems bittersweet.



    Tender

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  • snhb
    snhb Member Posts: 26
    edited September 2007

    Perhaps this explanation may be of some solace to you:

    The term cancer survivor was coined just over 20 years ago in 1985, by physician Fitzhugh Mullan in the New England Journal of Medicine. Mullan himself had been diagnosed with cancer years before at age 32, and he reasoned that the word "patient" didn't capture his experience on any level. "Survival is a much more useful concept, because it is a generic idea that applies to everyone diagnosed with cancer, regardless of the course of the illness," he wrote. "Survival, in fact, begins at the point of diagnosis, because that is the time when patients are forced to confront their mortality and begin to make adjustments that will be part of their immediate, and to some extent, long-term future."

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  • b445
    b445 Member Posts: 1,325
    edited September 2007

    I didn't mean to sounds harsh in my reply. I all too well understand your anger and frustration. You see I have been in this journery less than 2 years. I did the surgery, them chemo the rads. I did scans like I was suppose to and the darn beast decided it was not done with me. Less than a year from my last chemo I was dx with mets to the liver. So yeas I know what it's like to think I've fought this off and now it rearts it's ugly head again. But as I've said every day I'm here I have survived another day.


    At this point I would like to ask you to please come over to the Moving Beyond Cancer Time to Circle the Wagons thread. You will find a lot of women that care for one another and are there to give support. Many have gone though this and are trying to move on with life. Several of us are fighthing the beast as a new cancer dx or mets. We are there for each other through the ups and the downs. and I feel like You really need some one to reach out to .Someone who knows what you are going through. The circle has been a safe place for me to be a place where I can voice a concern or ask a question or be there to help someone else. Please join us over there, pull up a log and sit around the campfire with us.

    hugs and prayers and I'm sorry I let this anger me I know your scared we all are

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited September 2007

    Hi Medical,

    Please join us at the Wagon Circle thread in Moving Beyond.  I just joined the ladies and Peter and they have been so wonderful and kind to me.  I haven't had a recurrence, but I was really sad and scared and they reached out to me.  Please think about coming over and letting us stand by your side.

    Love, Brenda

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  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 1,358
    edited September 2007

    well ......... i'm still breathing therefore i'm "surviving"

    i'm living with mets therefore i'm "surviving"

    i'm in the throws of divorce but i'm "surviving"

    perhaps i should rephrase all of those analogies ........... i'm "thriving" ........ i am righteously pissed off at most of what my life has become ......... but i'll "thrive" until the day i'm no longer a "survivor"!

    it's ok to get angry ............ but the energy utilized to hang on to that anger will further shorten our lives!  i can't control much in my life right now, but i sure enough CAN control my reactions to it! .......... "F" cancer, "F" my ex husband, "F" the prognosis, "F" the bitterness and anger ........... our lives may be too short ........... that's just the way it is for us now.

    "suck it up" and let it go ................ live, live, live!

    screw the negativity ............. that will live on forever if you allow it!

    "life is for the living" 

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  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 1,595
    edited September 2007
    I personally do consider myself a survivor.  I daresay you are one also.  Your post sounds very angry, and rightfully so!  That anger can give you the energy to fight the beast one more time.  I was very angry also when I was dx'd.  I encourage you to feel all that anger until it is finished.  Truly, your attitude is admirable.  You're angry, and you're expressing it.  That's the most  appropriate thing to do with anger. 
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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited September 2007

    Please speak only for yourself. I am a survivor and if I die of breast cancer, I will die a survivor. To me being a survivor is about how I choose to live, not how my body dies.

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  • newvickie
    newvickie Member Posts: 3,939
    edited September 2007

    There are various ways of interpreting "survivor". 

    I myself feel, at the end of the day that I have "survived" another day and at the beginning I am happy to have woke to another day. 

    We all feel differently...nothing wrong with that.

    Get your anger out...yell if you must...we will listen...we will help.

    All I can really do is send you a cyber hug and wishes for brighter tomorrows although they seem impossible to you now. 

    Hugs

    Vickie 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2007

    Amy:  the purpose of the these boards is for someone to come here and speak what they feel.  Hopefully we can support someone who is so new and going through so much.

    Once again - you negativity makes me cringe., and I hope medical totally ignores you and comes to the wagon circle.  A place where feelings are understood.  Anger, sadness, fears - yes we all have them.

    Nicki

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  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,701
    edited September 2007
     
    I have to admit that I've had a hard time wrapping my head around calling myself a survivor.  I thought that the "threat" had to be in th past to be a "survivor".  I figured that if and when I died of something other than BC only then I would be a BC survivor.  So, my literal head looked up the definition of survivor.  I suppose that, yes, we are all survivors according to definitions 1, 2, and 4, because heaven knows that we fit those descriptions.  Although, I must say at times I feel like I am still in the throes of it all and some days are harder than others. 
    sur·vi·vor [ sər vvər ] (plural sur·vi·vors)


    noun 
     
    Definition:
     
    1. somebody who survives: somebody who remains alive despite being exposed to life-threatening danger
    There were no survivors from the plane crash.

    2. somebody with great powers of endurance: somebody who shows a great will to live or a great determination to overcome difficulties and carry on

    3. law inheritor: the one of two or more people having joint interests in property who lives longer than the other or others and is, therefore, entitled to the entire property

    4. psychology somebody overcoming traumatic experience: somebody who has been psychologically damaged by a trauma such as rape or an addiction and seeks to overcome its effects

    Sorry for all the table minutae.   I tried to remove it, but couldn't.

    Anyway, I wanted to add that I do understand where medical is coming from.  She is in the middle of the minefield once again and doesn't feel like she's surviving.  She's struggling to survive. 

    You'll get there, medical.  You'll get there.  One day at a time.  Sending you prayers for strength and healing.

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  • nosurrender
    nosurrender Member Posts: 2,019
    edited September 2007

    Medical, you are in a really tough situation. How can you feel like a survivor when you are being asked to fight again and so soon?

    I was recently re-diagnosed and I know where you are coming from.

    That is why I consider myself a Cancer Conquerer. I am going to fight until I conquer this damn disease. And in the end, if the medical world fails me, at least I know I went out swinging.

    You are a fighter honey. The rest is just semantics.

    G 

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  • NancyLee13
    NancyLee13 Member Posts: 496
    edited September 2007

    somebody with great powers of endurance: somebody who shows a great will to live or a great determination to overcome difficulties and carry on

      I like this definition the best--Yes, I'm guilty of wearing a stupid pink bracelet and it has the wordS--ENDURANCE--HOPE--COURAGE stamped into it.  I always turn it around so that the ENDURANCE is on top when I walk into the hospital.  I think that we all need to have this quality to keep walking back into those doctors' offices and treatment rooms and getting just "one more test" run and waiting for the results.  Maybe we are all Endurers, if there is such a word.  Life is Good--Smiles--NancyLee

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  • sahalie
    sahalie Member Posts: 2,147
    edited September 2008

    I hope you let people that are reaching out to you and offering kindness and friendship help you.

    No one has to walk alone during this BC journey.  

    Be part of the friendship. 

    I wish you all the best.

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  • medical418
    medical418 Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2007

    I'd like to thank all of you have commented on my ranting comments.  It feels so good to know that I'm not alone.  I'm finding by reading the comments to my message that it's okay for me to be mad, rant, rave, do whatever I have to because I'm angry right now, maybe next week I won't be.  I can only go hour by hour right now.

    And Amy please don't say speak for yourself.  I'm sure you weren't jumping up and down when you were first diagnosed nor did you have a big old smile on your face. Please give me a break!  But for everyone else, thank you, again for your kind words and advice.  I might try the Wagon Circle.   Still angry today - Medical 418

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  • MargaretB
    MargaretB Member Posts: 1,305
    edited September 2007

    Medical, you have every right to be angry.  If anyone gets the venting, ranting, and raving, we do.    Try the Wagon Circle, you will find most of the girls who responded to you there.  We'll be with you through the anger.

    Margaret

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  • lv2cmp
    lv2cmp Member Posts: 1,363
    edited October 2007

    Medical418 its ok to be angry.  If you werent angry at getting cancer again we would worry about you.  I have mets and I am surviving daily.  Definetly not what I pictured myself doing at the ripe ol age of 39 but I will deal with it.  (like I really have a choice).

    We all understand your feelings and please try out the wagon circle.  Its a place that you can go and rant and rave and laugh and cry with people that do get it.  I can guarantee you nobody will tell you to speak for yourself!

    Amy

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited October 2007

    Hi Medical,

    I wanted to see how you were.  If you're up to it, please visit us at the wagon circle or at nosurrenders discussion board.  The link is below.

    http//:nosurrenderbreastcancerhelp.com/

    Brenda

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  • Mary-Lou
    Mary-Lou Member Posts: 2,230
    edited October 2007

    I was a survivor way before breast cancer and I will be a survivor as long as I'm above ground.

    You ever heard the saying I ain't dead yet.

    I know you are mad, we all have been there and done that. But we also have to move on. Don't waste time being bitter. Cancer has shown how short life can be.

    And also Cancer has shown me how to live, not just exist.

    I'm so sorry you feel this way.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2007

    Medical:  I was thinking of you today and just wondering how you are doing.

    Nicki

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited October 2007

    Medical, I have to admit I loathe the word survivor and even more so when some grinning person comes up to me and Ugh touchs  and hugs me and congrats me for being a survivor  BUT.... I am living and loving each and every day.  I still feel victimized by the side effects of treatment and denials by insurance for surveillance tests etc.  BUT... I am alive!  I am sorry for your circumstances and can identify with the anger. I do tend to be a bit more angry this time of year because of all the breast cancer marketing that occurs during this month.  I have really limited my time spent on any responses here or any walks, rallys and the like.  I am attending a couple of seminars about living after treatment for the first time since diagnosis.  I do hope to find some magic release to the thought that my body is not to be trusted or at least a way to cope a bit easier.  If I find anything helpful I sure will post for all to read. 

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  • jengrsq
    jengrsq Member Posts: 26
    edited November 2007

    Dear Medical,

                          All our thoughts and prays are with you. We are here for you. It's good for you to let your feelings out...and we are here for you to "listen and help you." For all of us are in this together. Be strong. "I will pray for you."

    Deb

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