Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Good Morning Everyone,

Skye, hope you dodge that flu. Mary, please post as soon as you get home from the doctor. Rebecca, what a nasty experience with the doctor. And speaking of kitty litter, how is that kitty?  Nancy, you sound better; how are you sleeping?  Tina, my thoughts are with you ... what a tough thing to deal with now. I am sure your dh is a wreck; men don't deal well with job loss, in my experience.

I am doing ok. Dealing with my dad, and so glad I didn't have to while I was doing chemo, etc. He is in assisted living, not our choice, the county took us to court and won conservatorship back in June, while I was barely able to move from the couch. They moved him from his apt, and he is so miserable. It is clear to me that he has decided to die, and now his skin is breaking down, so I expect infections, etc soon. I feel so powerless. We have notified the judge that we want the conservatorship issue reopened, but my realistic fear is that we don't have time to work thru the courts. But we don't see what other choice we have. It's such an awful situation. I am so philosophically opposed to the govt taking custody of someone who isn't hurting anyone ... gosh, I feel so helpless. He made bad choices all his life, was not family oriented, not much of a dad, but I think he did the best he knew how, and no one should lose all their rights just because they are old and unreasonable. Do you know that when the govt takes conservatorship, you even lose your right to vote?  Grrrr ....

Well, I guess we all have issues to deal with now that we are about past treatment. All of this was on hold while we were fighting for our lives, but now we have to face everything again, even if we don't have our full energy or resilience back. I was hoping for a calm period to recuperate. Guess not.

Have a good day all.

Melia

Hi Ladies,

Debbie I forgot to mention how cute your pic is.

And Rebecca, that does seem very redundant about the cat litter, unless they somehow also manage to obliterate the odor.

Something REALLY strange happened to me yesterday...my hair went curly! Can that happen in one day? I guess so, because it did. I know it wasn't curly before because I'm obsessed with running my hands thru it and checking it out for length in the mirror. It has been otter-like, smooth and straight other than a sort of general swirling growth pattern. My hair has always been super-straight from the day I was born. Oh, the many bad perms I have suffered in my lifetime! Then yesterday it felt funny in back and I thought I must have slept on it wrong and ignored it. Finally it dawned on me that it felt curly...so I asked dh and he said yep, I looked in the mirror and the back of my head is all ruffly! The top and sides are still smooth so it looks super weird. I never say this but...WTF? Just when I thought it was looking ok and I could maybe do all my fall appearances topless, it gets crazy on me. I don't know if it's a delayed reaction or my hair just suddenly reached the tipping point in length, but why just the back?

Guess I'd better go fluff out that wig...Sigh.... - Skye P.S. I'm feeling better so far today, so I am thinking it's not ds's flu

nancy baaaaaaaaaaaaaad  tee hee 

you crack me up.  When you wake up with a hot flash, do you just go to bed?  I found that if I took a cold pack and put it behind my neck in bed, it would end the hot flash pretty fast, and I could get back to sleep.  My favorite cool packs for this purpose are those fabric ones that are filled with barley (I think) I keep them in the freezer, and they are not too cold, and do not sweat in my bed.  

For what it is worth, this is the exact one I have:

http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?CATID=304860&navAction=jump&navCount=1&id=prod16198

and even though it says it is a sinus pack, I find that the curve in the middle fits PERFECTLY at the base of my neck.  I lay on my back, stick it in there and ahhhhhhhhhhh back to sleep in minutes.

Skye-I think my hair must look like yours....a little back and forth wavy now, but mine sticks up on top, and out behind my ears.  YECK.

Got to get the girls....Later gators 

ACK Skye!  Welcome to the curly hair club  Mine seemed to curl in a day as well. My advice is to get a good gel and use a lot of it. I can somewhat control the direction of the curls and/or flatten them out a bit if I need to. If I don't use gobs of gel, I begin to look like a soufle has exploded on my head. I completely understand why folks with curls don't like humidity.

And Rebecca, my grandmother had BC too, and like yours, she did not die of it. She was 93 the first time and had a mastectomy. No other treatment. It came back in the chest wall and underwent radiation. She died of a stroke at 96.

I've asked every onc I've seen if they think there is a connection. Most gp's say no, but my onc said she wouldn't be surprised. I think that if a close female relative has it before age 60, you're more at risk. But I have a feeling they just haven't made the connection yet. I've heard that most folks who live into their 90's will likely get some type of cancer. But why breast cancer? And then me? I have a feeling there's a lot they don't know.

Hello all ewes!!

Baa ram you, Baa ram you, since the chemotherapy, my hair is curly too!!

Well met with my Cancer psychologist today.  She reviewed all my scans again with me, to see if I had any questions.  I had one.   I asked if it was okay to wait 6 months before my next scan.  She felt that since my scans showed no bone progression, and the liver showed NED, that yes it was.  The crazy thing is, I dread the scans, going through all the worries until you get the results, but then I want them too...double edged sword. Anyways, unless I suddenly start feeling unwell, I will not be having any more scans until February.

The conversation about "remission", I think out of the January girls, I am the only one that that pertains too.  As Stage IV cannot be cured, your best alternatives are remission, or no progression (stable), or NED (No evidence of disease).  That is Metastatic Breast Cancer.   As far as I'm concerned the rest of you are cured once your treatment is over.  On a positive note, the ones that are taking Tamoxifen, it really is a powerful tool.  It is the Number 1 tool of choice for even Stage IV, so for all of you it is a great prevention tool to avoid recurrence. 

I watched a movie today with my sister that was very poignant.  It is called "Away from Her", and it stars Gordon Pinsent, Julie Christie & Olympia Dukakis.  It is a real love story, and really good.  It is a Canadian made movie, so I'm not sure if it is in the US.

Never a day goes by that you gals don't make me laugh! Joni baa ram you too! I love you guys!!

YIPEEEE Mary.  I am so glad it went well.  Enjoy your flowers...... 

Holy buckets! What a scare, Rebecca! I'm so glad you stayed alert to what was happening, you questioned and sought confirmation of your concerns. It's what we have to do.

Still small voices and all of that, don't you know? They speak with wisdom and we have to listen!

I'm so glad you're onc.'s office was all over it and have advised you.

Cindy 

Hey, everyone....life is better in Iowa! I am thoroughly convinced that the chemo did such a number on my GI tract that a flu attack just couldn't be fought off. I was technicolor upwards for three days, then it went south. It was so tiring and disgusting. But I'm better today. I can eat without an unwanted reaction. 

I have decided that I just can't handle being under pressure with endless busyness. Last week was horrendous between work, appointments, class, funeral, lecture, work...the more I was spinning, the more I found myself struggling for words, gettting lost in my actions, having to work to get myself on track. It happened again today when I got tangled in multiple phone calls and people knocking at the office door. Whoa, I'll have to watch myself.

Caya, your party sounds like such fun. Isn't it wonderful to be able to gather together and be happy? I bet your family is all smiles, too, to be looking forward to the celebration with you.

As far as hair, mine has curls too. And it's new for me. I had hair straighter than a ruler and now it just does what it wants. I don't care. I find it entertaining. Mine did the overnight change, too. It was sleek and flat and then it just started popping out all over.

My brother Mike is in town for a week. He's heading south from Duluth Minnesota where he lives to Arizona where he winters. Whe he last saw me I was only 3 weeks out from chemo so I've done some recuperating and he is greatly impressed with me. He also tells me my hair is gorgeous - curls, waves, grey, brown, steel, black, whatever it is.  

The moon is almost full. I wish we could all be around a bonfire and dance to some music and celebrate the season. It's a glorious Autumn evening. Hope everyone is well.

Cindy 

Rebecca, thanks for the flowers!  They are beautiful and no allergies!

Don't let that ugly fear overtake you.  It will always be in the back of our heads I guess.  The doctors mean well.  They just aren't in our shoes.

Skye - Frank Zappa!?!  You are a mysterious woman.  Vampires, loch ness monsters and now Zappa. 

Joni, hope  you are feeling well - how many more sleeps?

good morn all , reading through all the chatter

viddie you sound like you are feeling better ..... ah yes fall it was a tad humid here yesterday , like caya said its good to enjoy . Caya your party sound wonderful , catering is the way to go !

Cindy you hit the nail on the head for me ... i feel the same way... too much going on and it does not take much .... sends my head spinning too . Like the chemo brain hanging on for dear life . I have to take frequent "time outs " and just let my head relax . You are not alone .... .

My hair is straight no curls although it is wavy in the back , skye i am too running my fingers through it to see how much it has grown. Its thick but not much length , I need some bangs even and inch would make it better . 

Hi all!

Viddie, my PS told me yesterday that we could go back in and "make adjustments" but I have to say I am sooooo not into that.  He was also very helpful, by the way, in suggesting how I might adjust the problem through creative use of undergarments...so I think I am going to try that first.  The asymmetry is really not too bad, it is more noticeable to me than to the casual observer....I am hardly attracting grossed out stares at this point.

Cindy I am glad that you are feeling better.  That flu sounds miserable....you deserved better I am so sorry :-(.  I have to also chime in with the multitasking issues....I too sometimes find that I go into overload and can not handle things as well as I used to.   I find myself getting angry when too many demands are placed on me.  I think I have to find another coping strategy, because my overload threshold has definitely gone down most likely from the chemo.

Sharon good to hear from you...I think that the there is a plateau effect with the hair...it grows in length, and then it gets thicker before it gets longer again.  I think that is what is happening with mine right now.

well, folks, my bloodwork came in the mail today, and there is no need to google to interpret my menopausal status because the reference ranges are clearly labeled.  FSH for Postmenopausal women is 25.8-134.8, and mine is 44.7.....so I guess I am officially in menopause.  I have very strange feelings about this .  On the one hand I am glad that I do not have to worry constantly about "springing a leak". and it is good that my estrogen levels and so on are low, and it is also comforting to think that when the time comes for me to go onto an AI I do not have to "do something" about my ovaries.....but this is not how I imagined making this passage....nor at my relatively young age.  Ah well.....

Someone (I can not remember who) asked me how the kitten was doing, so  here is a quick update:  MY KITTEN IS EVIL!!!!!  she is officially past the cute little fluffball stage, and smack in the middle of obnoxious teenager.  She runs around the house, tortures my dog and my other cat, begs at the table for food (I know....she thinks she is a dog), and just LOVES to destroy my houseplants for fun.  When she is done with that, she likes to crawl into bed with me at night and lick my ears.  EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW.  Her liking for human food has led to another little issue and that is her terrible, icky, stinky behind.  We call her "stinky kitty" because she is very gassy and her poop just stinks up the whole basement.  It is not that we allow her to eat human food, mind you, I generally discourage it, but she roams around the house and hunts for it, and will jump on the counter to eat leftovers or even drag off food items that are being prepared for consumption. 

On the other hand, she has gotten more beautiful as she has grown.  She is not as scrawny as she was, and her fur is soft and glossy.  She is very inquisitive and playful and hardly a day goes by that she does not have us in hysterics with her crazy antics. Her favorite thing is to "hunt" the dog.  Picture this:  Joy (the dog) is laying on the living room carpet, happy as can be enjoying the company of her family, and wagging her tail (Joy ALWAYS wags her tail...hence her name).  Enter Bella, stealthily peeking around the edge of the entrance way.  She oozes into the room and scoots under a conveniently located chair.  She peeks out under the little skirt (wag wag wag goes the tail) and then suddenly, and with great ferocity, she surges out of hiding and pounces on that dratted tail.  Because she is also afraid of the dog, her intention changes from ATTACK to RUN AWAY as she is in midair, and she proceeds to hiss at the dog and run away.  Then she does it all over.

I am not sure I have adequately conveyed how funny this really is, but it is hilarious....the end result is that the whole family is in hysterics, Joy is confused, and Sport (the other cat) is just disgusted.  Bella is clueless, and encores her performance by jumping up onto an unstable surface and going splat on the floor. 

So  that, my sisters, is how the kitten is doing.   

Tina I did a little research, to see why it happens (mostly to satisfy my curiousity regarding why a high FSH level = menopause....I wanted an explanation of the system.  got it, but I will not bore you guys with it) and this, if you are interested, is what I learned.  You are born with a complete set of follicles in y our ovaries, and they do not regenerate.  As you age normally, you use one follicle per menstrual cycle....it produces a mature egg, and then it is gone.....never to return. The chemo basically kills the follicles in your ovaries...even the ones that are in waiting.  If at the time that you endure chemo you have a lot of follicles, there might be some left over after chemo is done, and voila you get your period back.  If, on the other hand, you either did not have a lot of follicles left, or your exposure to the chemo drugs was prolonged for one reason or another, then they are totally wiped out.  No follicles, no periods....welcome to menopause.  I guess you were just one of the lucky ones.  On the plus side, you probably DID lose lots of the dormant follicles, so it is possible that you have a significantly shorter wait for natural menopause to hit (that is just my guess...not based on my reading)

EEEEWWWW I sound like a teacher....Oh wait...... :-) 

Hi All,

Cindy, glad you are feeling better; you too, Nancy. And Viddie. Recon sounds like quite the ordeal. Lynn, I think you are choosing the best option for your back, but I wish it would just heal itself. Unrelenting pain is so exhausting, and I am glad you have something to help you sleep. Rebecca, love the story about the kitty (I am the one who asked).  And you are very young for menopause, so of course you would have mixed feelings. I am sorry you had to face any of this at your age.

I am doing ok. The situation with my Dad is very difficult, but so many people my age are dealing with these types of issues because of the ages of our parents. We are considering hiring a lawyer, but finances are a bit of an issue, and time is our biggest issue. He is deteriorating pretty fast, so I don't know that we have time for court hearings, etc. We are working with social workers, nurses, etc, but getting nowhere fast. I don't want to be this upset now, I don't think it's good for me, but I have to deal with it. I think I cried more last night than I have during the entire 9 months since I was diagnosed.

On a happier note, the wedding is coming along great and my daughter is so excited. Everyone will be home by this time next week, and all that energy and excitement will be fun. This daughter was a very quirky little girl, and is having a unique wedding, with some very traditional aspects and some not so much. She and her Dad have always run together, and they are dancing to Chariots of Fire. I love that. I love that my kids all have someone to share their lives with. I love that someone has their backs, that they have someone who will be there for them after their dad and I are gone.

Have a sweet day all. I count on all of you so much. I feel so understood here, thank you all so much.

Melia

rebecca i am in menopause too , my ovaries are funked . Tina maybe being younger you have more follicles ? I wanted menopause I had enough , though I am 51 and done with that sorta thing .

The only thing that puzzles me is the hot flashes and anxiety is it menopause , chemo ???? Duble wammmy .......

Yes gotta find a coping strategy , right now its frequent breaks and walking . I start work next Monday and am trying to get my brain back . I am hoping that I can make it through the day  .

Funny too I should not be so nervous about work  been there 20 years , but I am .

Will see how it works out  , talked to my boss today and I have the temp who took my place while I was off for a week . I "ll be taking advantage of that

How was anyones else first day back to work any advice ?