A New "Chapter" in Life

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CindyZY
CindyZY Member Posts: 21
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Ok, I just returned from taking my first child to college. Talk about traumatic...Now I feel like I've not only lost both boobs but a couple of arms and legs as well! It was pretty damn hard to hug and kiss her goodbye...multiple catastrophes went through my mind. Earthquakes, dorm fire, shootings I was all over the map.

I guess the positive is that this is all happening this September and not last when I was still pretty much down for the count from my bilateral mast.

Any words of wisdom from seasoned Moms?

Cindy

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2007

    Oh, I'm seasoned alright. 

    I have three daughters.  Two went out of town and one chose to stay here.  Dropping off our first was hard, but exciting.  I think my dh cried more than I did.  I can still see her standing there.

    She was about four hours away.  A friend and I would go see her and also go shopping.  Cool  We had a blast.  Then of course those times when we would have to pick her up.  She didn't have a car.  Then when it came time to bring her home for the summer, we'd get there and of course she was NEVER ready.  Made my dh mad.  I think she'd party too much before her last day of school.

    I know you will miss her, but be happy for her.  This is an exciting time for her.  This is the time they really try out those wings and SORE!

    Shirley 

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited September 2007

    I found that I got used to my son being at college very quickly.

    College is not that long. He was home for Thanksgiving and Winter Break before I knew it.

    He was just an hour and a half away so we'd go down and watch Rugby games or have dinner with him.

    It's an accomplishment to get your child that far, you should be proud. 

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  • EachDay
    EachDay Member Posts: 400
    edited September 2007

    Congrats on your daughter's accomplishment Cindy!

    My oldest son just started University on the 3rd of this month so I know the feeling of watching them leave the nest.

    I still have one at home so I'm not completely alone yet.

    I didn't have as much trouble letting him go (maybe because he's male, although he and I have a very close relationship), I think I'll find it harder this weekend.  He's coming home to do the CIBC Run/Walk for the Cure with us on Sunday and having him home for the weekend will be strange (he thinks so too...longest he was ever away from home before was 10 days in Europe).  I think it will be harder to watch him leave again.  The first time we do these things is the hardest.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2007

    I have one daughter and we were inseparable for most of her life. She began to distance herself slightly during her junior year of high school and I experienced that sense of impending doom. I tried to cope with my feelings of loss by being upbeat and encouraging, praising her high school accomplishments, etc. It didn't help. The 'dropping off' experience was so wrenching, I thought I'd just die and be unable to make it back home. I got there through a flood of tears. That was 5 years ago. She has been graduated and recently moved back to town for graduate school. We see each other alot and our closeness is still there. But the feeling of having lost a limb gradually resolved itself as I got busy with my own life and kept in touch with my daughter as much as possible based on what I percieved to be her needs for both security and independence.

    There's no getting around it. It's hard as hell. But it gets better.

    ~Marin

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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited September 2007

    At least your children can come home when they want to or need to or call frequently. My son is in the Navy and stationed in HI right now. After my DX of DCIS in May, he wanted to come home, the last time he was home was Christmas, but the Navy said it did not qualify for emergency leave and since they are preparing for deployment could not get regular leave. The next time he could come home was next May.  Good news/bad news 7 days after my surgery, my father-in-law passed away from liver cancer and that qualified my son for 10 days emergency leave through the red cross.

    Sheila

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  • ijl
    ijl Member Posts: 897
    edited September 2007

    3 years ago we took our older daughter to her college in L.A, we live in San Francisco area. It was so hard. I remember that after we returned, I tried to go to her room and clean it up. But every time I would enter her room, I would sit on her bed and cry. It took me at least a month before I could touch anything there. But after that it was getting better and better. And at least I knew that could jump on the plane and be with her in a few hours .

    Now our younger one who is a senior wants to go to the East coast (:  I hope she would change her mind but am preparing for this.

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  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,701
    edited September 2007

    My daughter moved away to college 5 years ago and never moved back.  Heck she first moved to a brand new dorm on campus, then to a brand new town home mid-way between campus and the beach, and currently is living three doors from the beach.  Why come home to the smoggy desert and a bitchy mom?? 

    I remember the ride home after dropping her off was so quiet.  No one said a word.  I think it hit my then 9 year old the hardest, but it gets easier.  He still misses her the most.  We didn't do anything with her room for quite a while, but eventually made it into the game room when we realized she wasn't moving back for holidays or summers.  We know that she's doing much better there then she would have here at home.  All of her gfriends are having babies and getting married, not that anything is wrong with that, but her college experience and degree are irreplaceable.  She has time for the rest later.  She's been working full-time for the past two 1/2 years so it's taken her a bit longer.  She'll have her BA in December. 

    It is still hard when she comes to visit and we have to say goodbye again, or when she's having a meltdown and needs some TLC, but it gets easier with time. 

    Just think about the alternative, having a 24 year old still at home.  I've got one of those, too.  Trying to find him some wings that fit has been difficult. 

    Best to you,

    lini

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  • JustOne
    JustOne Member Posts: 226
    edited September 2007

    I remember my sister telling me your family life will never be the same but that is what you've worked so hard for...let them fly.

    I mourned my empty nest for weeks, and then they came home for 6 weeks at Christmas..bringing their 6ft. long laundry bags and their new independence. I couldn't wait until they left! I guess we got so used to the calm and quiet.

    Now they are grown with families of their own, they live nearby and visit often. As my husband says 'I love when they come and I love when they leave.' Wink

    ~Pam

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  • CindyZY
    CindyZY Member Posts: 21
    edited September 2007

    Thank you all for the support and words of wisdom. I am doing better but sometimes it hits me kind of like the grief after my parents died. I know she's fine and happy and I'm happy for her but I'm still sad! I still have my 15yr old son at home, my husband and my two dogs! My husband even offered to get another dog! I guess the big lesson I've learned in the last 4 years is that there is so much "loss" in life. I mean I am truly lucky in so many ways I guess it's just the yin and the yang of life that I'm finally fully aware of.

    On a happier note I am leaving tomorrow for that Cancer Retreat in North Carolina that Marin posted about . I am really excited, it is taking place near one of my very all time favorite spots near Chimney Rock NC. After the retreat I'm going to Asheville to visit friends. The timing is just right kind of feels like it was meant to be. Anyway I am hoping to recharge my battery! I will post about how it went when I get home. Love you all!

    Cindy

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