Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Joni, what a beautiful flower, I honestly have to say I have never seen that variation! So pretty!

Caya, I really feel bad, I hope I didn't scare you bout the gallbladder stuff. I was trying to be "light" about it. It goes away once your body adjusts to leaving out that step of digestion. LOL!

AHHH, I have clean clean teeth, now if I could never eat again and keep them this way. It feels so good!

It was chilly this morning, for once I had coffee without the usual hot flash that comes with it. It is another beautiful day, I think my project todaywill be cleaning out my car, before the snow flies again. And giving it a good bath. Have a great day

Joni, glad you won so much but I'm not surprised.  Your flowers are beautiful.  Thanks for the advice on the liver spot.  I had m CT today and will get the results next week.  I am trying to tell myself that since it didn't grow last time it will be the same now, but dark thoughts creep in.  I'm real tired today, as I didn't sleep last night with the Predisone and Benydryl.  It will be an early bedtime tonight.

Melia, happy belated birthday.  I'm glad you had such a good trip.  I really do miss my kids. 

Rebecca - you look great in that dress and the chocolate color will look fabulous on you!

Good news Skye.  Things will turn out good, just you watch and believe.

Caya is right, Skye...  way too soon for a disaster of that proportion to take hold in this short amt. of time.  So happy for the third possibility.  You will come out OK, lady!

Mary, congrats to you for maintaining the calm during your scans, which are never fun.  You are really doing great and you, too, will have great results. 

Hi, ladies!

I've been reading and trying to follow everyone along as y'all fall face first back into everyday life.  Along with random tests, appointments and phone calls related to billing and insurance. Ain't it grand? I've been doing the same thing.

Things here along the Missouri River have been busy. And sad. My former sister-in-law who's battled lung and brain cancer for the last 3 years died early this morning. She was 47 and left one son, 3 sisters, two brothers, her significant other and a very sad mother.

I've watched and listened to reports of her process. I sent her my favorite scarf from my chemo time a few weeks ago. I wanted her to know I was thinking of her.

My regrets for the family are that individually some of the siblings seemed to understand the seriousness of her illness but no one ever stepped forward and helped her come to terms with the terminal aspect of it. There were no advanced directives in place. She coded in the entry in the emergency room last night and ended up on a vent.

I wish that they could have used these final weeks to do some life review and share their love and affection more openly. Part of that is my life experiences with family members dying, my vocation as a nurse and my own experiences in the last year.

This really hit close to home.

Other than this sadness, life just keeps moving along. I'm looking forward to attending a lecture in Omaha Wednesday night. Annie Lamott will be speaking. I really, really like her work.  She's done some fiction but I love the compilations of her essays on religion. She's so very human and expresses the human experience of seeking God in a way that touches my heart. It's not tutelege into a church dogma but expressions of her own experiences.

I'm also anticipating going to see Elton John when he is in town on the 6th. That should be a very fun evening. 

My daughters are still sorting out their married lives. I just keep telling them I love them, I expect them to behave with honor and I want them to be happy. How they put it all together is their problem.

I'll be back soon.

Cindy 

Cindy, so glad to hear from you, but so sorry about your former sister in law. Poor lady. And so young.  I love Anne Lamott, read absolutely everything she writes. I took her latest book with me on vacation a few weeks ago.

Joni, those dahlias are awesome. I am in the flower business and the commercial dahlias, though lovely, are nothing like that!

Mel, I know you are worried. We will all take over the worrying for you. I had similar chemo to you, and I am still fighting back, so I cannot imagine taking more chemo right now. I think your dr is being vigilant but reasonable.

Skye, love the third option. I just don't think it can be cancer, not with all the treatments you had. I am the last person to be able to not worry, but I fervently hope that you can be at ease. And I hope you had fun tonite.

I have a tough day tomorrow, flying up to Northern Cal to deal with issues regarding my disabled father. My flight is at 6:30 am, my brother will pick me up in San Francisco, we will go to meetings and decide what to do, then I fly home tomorrow afternoon. Oh my. Thank God for my dear brother.

Melia

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all the encouragement on Door #3. It's the one I want to open. We had a fun little party tonight at the Chinese restaurant we like and the MIL was happy too. I'm going to keep hoping for the best. And Mel, it's my turn to do some fretting for you with the spots and the scans next month, praying they turn out to be a false alarm.

Cindy, so sorry to hear about your ex-SIL. It sounds like hospice would have been a blessing. I guess it's a wake up call for all of us to alway have our ducks in a row. I have been reading Anne Lamott's "Plan B" the past week, and in fact took it to the chemo room with me today. She is fabulous. If I ever write something about my bc experiences it will be in that vein. She's just so very honest, which is what makes her work so riveting. It's also very hard to bare your soul that way and she does it beautifully, never with a sappy cream filling.

Melia hope that works out with your dad, you are indeed lucky to have a cooperative sibling. It so helps to share the burden with someone, especially when tough decisions are involved. Have a good flight!



Anyway, I'm just waiting now to get all these tests. What I haven't mentioned is that the past few days, I've started to get these small, itchy lesions over part of that breastbone area, which my onc today said we have to watch very closely. Could be nothing, I'm hoping it's a Herceptin reaction or something. I already have itchy sweat glands from the Herceptin so that's not a stretch. Every little thing is suspect now, that's the tough part of the bc-afterlife, isn't it? I'm trying hard to fall back into my regular life but there are so many impediments. I think for me it won't really happen til these HC infusions are over. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy things now, just that I still feel like bc woman. But she's not so bad, LOL, and she has a boatload of sisters. And she will now shut up and head for bed. Sweet dreams to all - Skye

Oops it repeated, trying to delete. Sorry!

hey girls how are ya

Viddie good to see are are starting to feel better and skye hope that all works out for you , the waiting game again , hang in .

Joni congrats again on your flowers and our quilt looks awesome .

mel man we get through a year and here we are again with follow ups , at least now we are being monitored frequently and if there are recurrences then the catch them sooner . The fact remains though we do not want it back . I think many of us are on that path now . Any little ache , pain we are watching and hyper sensitive to any indications .

I did the Terry fox run on Sunday and was interviewed by the local paper . Met families dealing with cancer a couple of young girls were there volunteering and i found myself drawn to them most , one girls mother had colon cancer and she was helping register participants as they came in . A good morning meeting and talking to people from our town . Met the mayor and announced how much money we had collected for the day . Unfortunately we did not get the expected people out for the day , but next year we will be hoping for more . I may get my picture and story published in the paper . Just waiting to see it . Our local paper comes out every Saturday . It felt good to get out and prove to others that just because we have "cancer" does not mean we are bedridden and bald ........ helps get the stigma away from the disease . Cause we are all living proof that the treatments do help and that every day there are new advances to help us live with it .

My biggest thing now is hoping that it does not recur , yearly mamo's and tests are coming up for all of us . Hugs to everyone hoping that the next year we all enjoy good results and outcomes .

My dh and I were just talking that its been a year now since i first found out wow ! And now getting ready to go back to work seems funny ..... now more superwoman for me .... I have always worked too hard anyway and am planning on keeping my pace slow and easy . Leaving on time , no more late  meetings, taking my breaks and getting away from my desk .   

Cindy I am so sorry to hear about your SIL...my sincerest condolences.  I can only imagine your pain....this is indeed close to home, as well as, it would seem, to your heart.

Joni, congrats on your ribbons.  I can not say I am surprised .  The purple bloom is absolutely spectacular.

Mel I am so glad that this new onc is making you feel more secure.  I think we all need as much security as we can get.  I am glad that you do not have to do more chemo....YUCK.  

Melia- good luck on  your difficult trip.  stinks that you have to deal with this, and it sounds like an awful lot of travel.  Hang in there!

Skye that is absolutely incredible that there is a THIRD option!  What a load off....at least now we can have some true focus in our proxy fretting, because now we do not have to hope for the lesser of two horrors, but we can hope for simple inflammation!  I am still sure it is nothing....keep us all posted (I know you will)

Sharon it is great as always to hear what is going on with you...if you DO get published in the paper please do scan it so we can see!  I am planning to do a komen for the cure walk in October...not sure I am really able to run just yet....too much bouncing for my poor (much less) sore boobies.

Well, I am sitting here getting ready to do my class prep for tomorrow and waiting for the HVAC guy to get here....my AC broke on Friday night, and DH has it in his head that if the AC is not working we must have the windows open, regardless of temp because he feels hot.  I think it is in his head because I woke up with icicles on my nose this morning.  Ah well...if it is not one thing it is another....

Ahhh.....those ever so fun a/c problems.  Rebecca, ask him WHICH capacitor he is replacing as there are two types I just learned...  this way, if anything else goes wrong, you'll know which one.

My DH freezes me out all the time.  Puts the a/c on when it's in the 50's at night.  He's hot upstairs, he says.  Yeah, I realize it's hotter up there, but open a window...  I freeeeeeeeeeeeze on the first floor.

Skye & anyone else not feeling up to the Komen "run" take another look at your local event and see if they are doing "Sleep in for the Cure." We have the option here to register, donate and then stay at home and sleep in that day. You still get the t-shirt and good feeling from donating - without having to do any work.

Also don't forget that you don't have to run - you can just walk.

I registered a few weeks ago and sent out an email to a handful of friends/family. DH and I and the kids are all going to walk. It's been very interesting to see this year who donated and who didn't. I've been quite suprised that some people who I didn't expect to donate actually donated large amounts and some people who I thought for sure would - didn't. At any rate the total amount looks good and I am really looking forward to that day (Oct. 6 here). 

I'll try to be there (chat).  I am on my way out to take Jaclyn to soccer....6:30 to 7:30.  Started the day w/the kids nearly missing the bus because Paul had another GUSHER bloody nose...the kitchen was covered in blood.  Got it stopped and them off to school but had him dismissed at 1 to see the ENT again.  He re-cauterized it in the office and guess what...  another tiny bleed tonight.  Plus, he had one in the car on the way to the dr's office.  This is all after surgery in the OR last seek and two or three in office cauterizations in the last two weeks.  He is totally frustrated at not being able to play soccer, gym class, etc. and taking it out on me...  which I am getting very tired of.

The DH is in Charlotte until Thursday for a conference.  OK.....nuff bitchin'.  Other than that, all is good.  Jan, good for you for doing the walk.  I haven't gone as of yet because I'm afraid it'll be too emotional for me.  I did find my iPod today and ran on my treadmill and boy, did that feel good.  I felt a def. reduction in my stress level today.

Okay, here's a new topic to discuss. I really want to hear what you all think. Someone at work asked if I was in remission. I had never considered that. I'd always associated remission with children who had gone through a battle with leukemia and were, for the moment, cancer free. I'd always thought it sounded like you were getting a little break until the cancer came back, which it surely would.

What do you say to something like that? I know she meant well but it made me feel gross. Sorta like I will never be free of this. I haven't asked my onc or anyone else if I'm "cured." I'm not sure I am. As we know, it can come back. But "remission" does not strike me at the correct term.

I have been fretting over this for some reason. I do not want to define myself as a cancer patient forever, and generally don't. But that question made it clear to me that many people do. No matter how ill-informed they may be, it makes me feel very uncomfortable and has throw me into a funk.

What do you say, gals?

Amera