Why I'm I feeling sorry for myself??

Ashly, you are not having a pity party by yourself.  You feel the way we all feel after cancer dx and tx...we're so busy at the time of diagnosis and treatment that we don't have time to properly process everything we are going through.  And then it hits us when we're done...what we've been through, what this reallymeans.  We have lingering side effects and at times they seem overwhelming because we know we can't go back to the person we were before.  I try and look at it this way....the person I was before had a cancerous tumor in her breast.  The person I am now does not.  So yes, I'm grateful, but there are down times where I feel like a Mack truck went over me.  And the down time brings me back up, I feel replenished and ready to get back to living the life I want to live, not the one I was having.

This all takes time...it doesn't just happen overnight.  If you feel strongly about it, find a good local support group of women going through the same stage, talk to your doctor about support, sometimes we need a mood elevator to be prescribed (nothing wrong with that).  Going forward is not just stepping back into life.

You and Phoenix are going through similar emotions right now.  That alone should tell you that today you are not the only one having these feelings.  Rest assured...there are many of us and talking about them here is the thing to do.  We all get it.

((((((((((((((((((((Ashly))))))))))))))) hang in there.  It's just one day at a time!

Ashly, your feelings are very normal.  Try to think positive when ever you can.  It helps.  I know this may sound silly but buy some fall growing flowers and plant them to watch them grow.

We were and are a family that is very happy and up beat so I continue to find those feelings when I begin to become over whelmed with all that has happened.

Good luck  ~ now go get those flowers.  : )

Cheryl I'm so sorry for what your husband had to endure and what you did watching him and loving him while he became imprisoned in his own body. I can't even imagine the stress you were under at the time. I'm glad you're able to access the positivity in your life and be grateful for what you do have.

z

I agree with shirlann about the ptsd.  I had a really bad bout with it this summer, and my treatments were 2 years ago.  Surgery was freaking me out the most, and the anniversary date was July 19th.  Plus, I went to New Orleans for my surgery.  Turns out, I was there 6 weeks before Katrina.  I watched the news for day after day after day that help didn't come.  Even more trauma.  Then Rita was making a beeline for where I live the next month.  Fortunately, she went somewhere else, but we didn't know that until after evacuating. 

On top of everything else, I have side effects from tamoxifen.  At the time, I was saying my treatments were complete once I finished radiation.  Now, I consider it ongoing until I can stop taking these blasted pills.  In many ways, the time since my dx, chemo, surgery, and radiation has been every bit as difficult as that first year.  I am a person who prefers seeking joy at every opportunity.  I am grateful that I didn't get something I consider way worse than bc.  But let's face it, bc is plenty bad enough in itself, and it really doesn't matter what other people are facing when we have such a tremendous trial of our own.  

In my experience, I find that the quickest way through these bouts of darkness is to give yourself permission, in a manner of speaking, to just feel your feelings.  Having a longterm pity party isn't a good thing, but if that's how you're feeling at this moment, then, by all means, have a pity party.  Resisting it will just make it last longer.