Starting Chemo in May 07

Hey Liz,

I get 50 cc's each time. I had six rounds of chemo so that is six fills...maybe 5...not sure. I've had one since then. So that's 6 or 7 so far. I was a size B before and thought I would go to a size C. He said that takes like 450 cc's and then they have to do the extra.

Yours is different????

ps My PS would not fill me weekly while I was on chemo. He did it the day of chemo when my blood counts were at there best.

Did you have a bi-mast? Forgive me if I already knew that...and, how many cc's per fill are you getting?

Traci

Hey Liz,

Maybe I'm wrong about the additional 6 fills? I'll ask him again when I go on Tuesday but I'm sure that is what he said. Damn chemo brain. I'm flying solo and it's hard to remember what I am told if I don't write it down.

Nipples....yes, definetely. He says I have to wait 6 weeks after the implants to get those and then....six weeks after that to have them tattooed. Although, someone directed me to a "3 D" nipple tatoo guy and that website had a bunch of pictures and I hope like crazy that my chest does not end up looking like those. It's scary though...you would think that they would only post their best ....jobs on the website and they were ALL yucky.

I don't know why I'm so concerned. Sex is the last thing on my mind these days. I haven't had much luck in the relationship department. Never had a child......blah, blah, blah. I still want nipples though.

I'll let you know what my ps says. I'll take notes!!!!

: ) Traci

Leslie, I haven't had anything like that, but I think I'd call the onc on call. Since it's not hurting, I suppose you could wait until morning and call your onc.

--CindyMN 

Hi girls!!  Sorry I've been gone so long, and I haven't had a chance to read all the posts I missed yet.  Life--REAL LIFE--has taken over, and it's so refreshing!!  In other words, I'm not laying around feeling disgusting any more, so I don't have nearly as much computer time.  Hence I haven't logged on, and I'm now a delinquent poster!  Hope I didn't miss anything big, and that everybody's doing OK right now.

I had my port taken out on Friday.  What a surreal experience!  I was totally awake, just a local numbing.  So I was laying there answering all their questions about our family vacation (probably they were asking me about it to keep my mind off what they were doing) and could just feel tugging and pulling but no pain.  Oh yeah, and a squelchy sound when he pulled it out--gross!!  Now I have steri-strips over it which I can take off on Friday.  It was quite sore about 4-5 hours after they took it out, but now it only hurts if I bump it.

I have a follow-up with my onc this Friday, and rads start on Monday.  Same day as you, LeeAnne, right?  Thanks for logging on to my blog!

 I have to teach violin lessons today, so I have to run.  I'll try to catch up on the news next time I'm online.

Take care everybody,

Amy

Leslie:  That is one side effect you have that I don't so far.  I will do the herceptin alone tomorrow so I will let you know if I develop anything like that.  I have started clenching my teeth when I sleep so my jaws usually ache.  Keep us posted.

Katymom

Hi Ladies,,,,,,,,,,I havent posted in quite a while.  Finished chemo on Aug. 27th.  I ammmmmmm soooooooo glad.  Was feeling like crap for two weeks but much better.  Dont have much energy and have the watery eye thing going on,,,,,,but other than that all ok.  Went to onc radiologist a week ago,,,,,,,had my ct chest scan, and now setting up a day for simulation run,,,,,,then on to radiation.  Still doing the herceptin every 3 weeks till May,,,,,,,,but I figure the rest will be a piece of cake.  I will be doing the Race for the Cure on Sept 23......dont think I will be able to do the whole thing but my goal is to at least do a mile.  How sad,,,,,,,,,I have done 6 mile walks before and it was easy,,,,,,but my energy isnt up to normal yet.  I feel so helpless in that respect.  lol  Lost some eyelashes after my last treatment,,,,,,,go figure it would happen towards the end.  Cant wait to have my haiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrr back.  Im so tired of being bald.  Congrats to all that have finished chemo and on to rads or nothing.  We did it girls.  And to those new ones here,,,,,,,we are proof that you will get thru it.  At the time going thru chemo I thought I would never feel good,,,,,,but we all do eventually,,,,,,,,we just need to be patient.

Good luck to all,,,,,,,,,,and this has been a great additional support for me, so for that I thank you all.

Cindy

Hey Cindy and Amy, glad to see you back and doing well.

I'm still moaning and groaning about the expanders and not too happy without my vicodin.  I am only 2 weeks out so maybe it will get better in the next two weeks.  I'm going for another fill on Friday and not looking forward to it at all.  I think I would skip the reconstruction if I knew it would be this bad, but I'm sure I'll be happy when it's all done.  I'm not good at delayed gratification :-) 

Liz, I am so sorry you are hurting!! I know it will get better... patience is difficult though.

Hang in there!

LeeAnne 

Mandy!  I'm sorry to hear about your gall bladder and your family having this scare.  I will be thinking about you and hope you feel ok for the next week until your surgery. Rest up!

And thanks to everyone for your comments, I think I just need to accept that I have to stay on a low dose of vicodin until the pain lightens up.  I will ask my doctor about the lidoderm.  I already asked him about botox, which was what CindyMn recommended but my ps seemed to not have heard about that use.  

Hey Virginia, 

Don't feel bad or get down on yourself for not being strong.  You've had a scare and I hope it all works out to be nothing. 

I have to admit I'm not sure if I've had my ovaries checked out.  I've obviously had my pap smears on a regular basis and my gyno does some sort of internal exam, but I'm not sure it was my ovaries she was feeling but I bet it was.  I did have to have surgery a few years for a pre-cancerous condition of the cervix.  It was  much easier than anything I've gone through for breast cancer.  But it is scary for sure.

Please keep us updated and feel free to vent whenever you need to. 

Hi girls,

Mandy....I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am so happy that you are better. I teared up when you said you said goodbye. OMG....you poor girl. Thank God that's over!!!

Virginia.....You are triple positive. I've got $20 that says it's nothing. Wanna bet????

LeeAnne......I've got one word for you....Ativan. That stuff knocks me out for at least 6 hours and, I don't wake up with a hangover.

Liz....get those patches. You wear them for 12 hours than take them off for 12 hours. I was sitting here waiting for 8:00 because I could start feeling the muscle pain again. (I took the patches off this morning.) I put them on and I swear...15 to 20 minutes later, the pain is gone. Between the lidocain and the ativan, I slept like a baby last night. Except for that one hot flash.....usually I wake up 4 or 5 times though.

Hope you girls all have a good night.

: ) Traci

Goodness sake,

Mandy,,,,,,,,,,Im sorry to hear about the gallbladder thing.  At least you went and got a diagnosis and now can get that taken care of.  Like if going thru chemo isnt bad enough and now this for you.  Sending you positive thoughts.

Virginia,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I am also sending you positive thoughts.  Lets hope its nothing.

Weekend almost here,,,,,,,,,,,,,yeah.  Got my taste buds back so going to have baby back ribs on Sat. at a place called Lucilles,,,,,,,,,,,that was my first wish on what to have when I could taste again.  Its the small things that excite me

Have a great weekend and take care everyone

Cindy

Amy,

I'll take your Ativan!

Best of luck on your interview girl!!!!!!

: ) Traci

Morning everyone,

It's nice to read that so many of you have been absent from the board for positive reasons - what a great feeling to get back on with your LIFE! 

I really did have a scare last week!  (Sorry I still feel traumatized and have to write down details of my experience - if you want to skip it - I understand!)

I was told I had gallstones when I had my ultrasond with my daughter 14 years ago.  I never knew I had them - they never bothered me once.  My mom had gallstones at age 18 and had her gallbladder removed, and my Grandma died of gallbladder cancer 15 years ago.  When I had my liver ultrasound after diagnosis in April, they told me again I had gallsotnes (I guess I hoped maybe they went away or something) but still they never bothered me.  I am a vegetarian and a fairly healthy eater so I wasn't that concerned.

On Monday night (September 3rd) when I got severe pain in my upper abdomen - moslty on the right side and right through to my back between my shoulder blades, I knew these were classic symptoms of a gallstone attack.  So, after an entire night of extreme pain, my hubby convinced me to go to the hospital at about 7am.  After many tests, they said my gallstones hadn't moved and my gallbladder looked healthy!  The Morphine and Torodol would only take the edge off the pain so something was going on!  I have to say one of the worst parts was them trying to start an IV.  The very smell of the supplies that they use for the procedure is an instant trip back to the chemo room for me and it's pretty much instant vomiting too!  So, here I am on the table in severe pain, barfing, with an incompetent nurse trying to start a line in my poor chemo veins and another lab tech trying to draw blood on my other arm.  I felt as if I were in hell!  It took the nurse several tries - she was so rough...it looked like she was doing lyposuction the way she kept sticking the needle in.  She was nice - she kept saying "sorry, sorry".  After all this, 12 hours later, they found nothing and suggested it was heartburn or a pulled muscle (!)  They told me to go home and if I got a fever over 38 Celcius, to come back.  That night, I started to vomit and by 4:00am I had a fever of 39.2 C.  So, back to the hospital I went.  They took more blood and said they'd start an IV for antibiotics.  (OH NO! I thought)  When my fever reached 40.2, they finally gave me some Tylenol and I sat there for another 7 hours.  Finally I aksed them to let me go home and I'd take antibiotics orally!  They agreed and home I went again.  My pain wasn't near as bad as before but I couldn't get the fever to come down.  I decided to call my oncologist to ask how long I should be concerned about the fever, when I should try a different antibitoic, etc. and he just about freaked when he found out I wasn't in the hospital!  So I went to see him and he wanted to admit me to the cancer centre but I refused...I said I'd go to any other hospital in the ciyt but not the cancer centre!  He said "I totally understand!"

So, he called my surgeon and she agreed that I should be examined agian so I went back to the hospital I'd been in before.  It was then that they admitted me.  They did another ultrasound the next day and determined it was in fact a nasty little infected gallbladder!  However, it was too late to operate (can't take out an infected gallbladder especially with my neutropenia)  So the next week was spent with a variety of blood work taken daily, a variety of things given intraveneously and fever spiking.  I was always either shivering cold (high fever) or litereally laying in my own sweat (fever breaking)  There were some nights where I had to change my bedding (all of it) and my clothing every hour due to sweats! 

My lowest night was September 9th (incidentally the anniversary of my Grandma's death).  I was so sick and really starting to think I may not be able to fight this bacteria and that I might not ever come home when the one of the doctors said I was really low on potassium.  She offered it to me in some kind of crushed pill form where I drink a liquid or it could be given through my IV.  I was not eating anything yet, so thought better take it through the IV.  She neglected to tell me that potassium given through the veins is excrutiating!  They gave me a bag that would take an hour to get through and it was so painful that I just laid there and cried!  It felt like someone was jabbing a knitting needle into my arm over an over. They had 3 bags to give me!!!!!!!!!   Just as they started, I had to go for another x-ray and the tech asked what was wrong and I told her I was getting potassium.  She said "Oh my daughter had that and she just kept yelling 'Mom, make  them take it out, make them take it out!'  I couldn't  take the rate they were giving it to me so they slowed it down and the whole process took over 5 hours.  That was the night I said 'goodbye' to my family.  That was my new "worst day of my life".  My husband stayed with me to help me get through the drip until nearly 2 in the morning. 

I feel like such an invalid.  This year started out poorly.  In January I caught a flu from my son and it turned into bilateral pneumonia - I was sick for about a month!  Then in mid February, I passed a kidney stone, which meant a trip to the ER, then in early March I was diagnosed with breast cancer and then this little set back.  Nature clearly wants me dead and I don't know why? I hate that my husband has taken so much time off work because of me.  I hate that my kids had an entire first week of school and all the excitement that brings and I am only now hearing their stories, I'm even sick of getting flowers!  I mean I love them but I am sick of being the sick one who has to revceive them!

I felt so strong and "up" through (most) of chemo but I really saw my weakness and vulnerability during this last ordeal.  When they didn't know what was wrong, I was so worried that my abdomen was full of cancer.  My entire time,was spent with a running dialogue in my head between my fear and anxiety and my rational positive voice...my rational positive voice didn't do so well.  I kept thinking of that saying that 'God only gives you what you can handle" and I kept thinking 'I can't handle any more!'  But as if to show me 'oh yes, you can', I met a fellow whose wife was in there  with recurrent breast cancer - stage 4.  She was diagnosed 12 years ago and just recently found tumours in her bones.  She received radiation to her pelvis and that fried her organs so she was in due to some severe stomach trouble.  So, as happy I was for the gallbladder thing to get resloved, there was  this reminder that I still had to fight this cancer too.  This is not my usual thinking.  I have felt ever since the surgery that it is no longer in my body - all the treatment is preventative - just goes to show how down I was!

Emotionally things got better when I able to come out of my room and meet other patients (or their families) in the lounge.  There were some amazing and interesting stories and it was nice to have the distraction from my own misery.  I joked with a another patient (who I like immediately for his honesty - he said "what's with the babushka- you must be fighting cancer?") that I had had thrown my self such a big pity party that I couldn't fit any more people in my room and he said next time, call me and I'll come and visit.  That meant so much to me!

Anyways, this has turned into a really really long post (I am sorry).  I am also sorry it was such a downer, 'poor me look what I went through' story but I really needed to express it.  Thank you for all your responses and it's nice to know I was missed LeeAnne!  I will be back on the board soon - not to talk about myself (my favourite subject these days) but to catch up on all of you!

A funny thing happened in the hospital though, it was an amazingly nice day on Monday so I ventured out of ht ehospital to sit on one of hte benches in th esun.  I noticed this man lyin on th groung in plain clothes.  He got up and sat by me on the bech and asked if I was a patient?  (D-UH...no I thought I just like these hospital issued gowns and house coats so much I wear them as a fashion statement!)  Anyways, it turns out he was  psyche patient and he tried to pick me up!  He zasked me if I was married - when I answered "happily" he abruptly stood up and walked away without saying a word!  I almost peed my pants I laughed so much!

By the way - I hate the new board format - guess you get used to it!

Have a great fall day everyone!

Take care,

Mandy

Good Lord Mandy,,,,,,,,,,I am so sorry you went thru hell,,,,,,,,,,,,on top of everything else huh?  Here's to hoping things get better for you.  And it's ok to have a pity party,,,,,,,trust me,,,,,,I've had a few myself.  You take care of yourself and I am sending you positive vibes.

Have a great weekend all,,,,,,,,,,,

Cindy