Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Joni- great pics! You look awesome,  Sharon you and your girls are so beautiful....those blue eyes are KILLER.  Oh and Sharon, that is great to hear that the biopsies are routine...and that everything appears to be ok  now.

Debbie I am so glad that you are starting to feel better.  Your burns sound like they got really bad in the end.  THAT SUCKS.  I got burned, but nothing like what you are describing.  I wonder why there is such variation....did they give you a cream to use during treatment?

Skye that is so awesome you sent in that resume for your son.  I think it is even MORE awesome that he was not upset!  Many kids would have been pissed off by a perceived invasion like that, but yours saw the gesture for what it was...a loving, motherly push towards an excellent prospect.  Good job mama!  I wish someone would write ME a cover letter!!!!!

Nancy that is so upsetting about your arm and your collarbone.  I think that a call to a dr is definitely warranted.  I agree that it is hard to have so many Drs...who to call for what thing?  I vote for either the Breast Surgeon or the Rads Onc (I can not remember if you did rads) only because of what is going on with Skye....might be a delayed reaction to rads.

Amera I hear you on the fog thing....I feel like I lost a year.  My birthday is coming in November, and when my kids asked me how old I was going to be I told them that although technically I will be 36, 35 was so miserable that I think I need to do it over again.

Tina...post a pic of your new specs!

Viddie even though you are still spotting, it definitely sounds like you are feeling better so that is good!  Still taking the pain meds?

Well, I am officially annoyed.  OK, maybe more than annoyed.  My MIL decided that she needed a new car, which would be fine except that she can not afford one.  To justify her extravagance (and the fact that my SIL had to give her the down payment) she decided that she would help us out and that she would give US her old car for free.  GREAT!  We said that we would take it...our second car is a 1991 Volvo, so getting a 1997 Civic would have been  an improvement.  So the other day her car had a dramatic breakdown on the highway....smoke etc, not working  needs to be towed.  MIL calls and says that it needs $800 worth of work.  DH says to her, well thanks anyway Mom, but that is more than we can afford right now, so we will just stick with the car that we have (which works fine).  Rational enough.  So over the weekend we get a call from MIL and she says, the car will be ready on Monday, and tells DH that it will cost $500.  Ummmmm....I seem to remember saying that if was broken down and needed reapirs that we did not want it anymore, but hey..... DH can not talk her out of it, and we figure that we could recoup the repair cost by selling the Volvo which is probably worth about 800-$1000.  He goes there last night to get the car and it is not only NOT READY (he had to take an extra train and a bus to get there) but it is going to cost $1000 to fix AND the mechanic is using all refurbished parts so who even knows if it will stay fixed.  DH let her have it, of course, but she insisted that she was helping us, and that she authorized the work so the car would be "perfect" for us....seeing as we needed the car and everything (we don't).  So now it is too late, the work is half done and we are about to be stuck with the bill.  Ummmmm....this is only helpful if she PAYS for the work instead of handing us the bill.  It is very likely that the cost of these repairs exceeds what the car is actually worth, and as far as I am concerned I do not even want the car now.  We can NOT afford this kind of money at this time!  We had a very rough summer because I was unable to save money as I usually do (my intended savings went to copayments and medications) and we ran out of funds about halfway through the summer....at this point MY MOM is buying us groceries (how embarrassing) and NOW we are given this kind of "help"?!?!  Work has started again for me, but my paychecks will not start until the start of October at the earliest so we have to hang in there until then.  This I do not need.  And she is sitting at home now smugly imagining how helpful this all is to us.  In the meantime she has purchased a car she can not afford so in the end we will probably wind up having to give her old car BACK to her when the new on is repossessed.  She has always been a bit unstable, and ALWAYS been a spendthrift.  We have bailed her out multiple times over the years but this is totally over the top.  If she wants to spend money that SHE does not have that is one thing, but to spend money that WE do not have....after being asked NOT to is something completely different.  She better not call here looking for a "thank you" because I suspect she will not like what I want to say to her.

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHH

Hi January Gals,

Haven't checked in for a while...my life has been chaos the last few weeks.  I'll begin with the last first...

My mother hadn't been sounding too good in her telephone conversations the past few weeks and despite many calls to nearby family members and a visiting nurse, I was told that the problems were all in her head and my head...she thought she had had a stroke, and when I talked to her Friday morning, she could barely talk.  The only words she could get out of her mouth were something about a being a "big baby."  I finally convinced my brother and her visiting nurse to check on her again and take her to the ER and they decided she did indeed have a stroke, and in addition to that, a massive UTI infection that was threatening to go septic.

I started packing the car and on Friday DH and I left for NY as soon as he got home from work.  We drove through Canada again and finally got to the hospital the next afternoon. By then she'd been moved by ambulance to a better hospital in Schnectady and was receiving appropriate medical treatment.  For a while it was a little touch and go, but the doctors think her life is no longer in immediately danger.  However, she has had a stroke, she no longer can use her right arm, she can barely talk, and is very upset and confused about what is going on.  And there are going to be many changes ahead in her living situation. However, all my family was there and we were able to give her a lot of encouragement and support.

We drove back from NY last night...all in one day.  Sharon...we went through Brantford twice on this trip and I thought of you. 

My mom was my best friend and staunchest advocate all through my diagnosis and treatment.  Over and over again she told me how proud she was of me in having a positive attitude and dealing with this. It is a crushing blow to lose her now, just when we had established so much closeness after years of being distant.

The other thing that happened is that some very unpleasant things happened on the boards.  A close friend of mine was very viciously attacked in a very organized way in another part of this forum where women seem to get a thrill out organizing witch hunts.  Extremely personal, sensitive, and misleading information was posted publicly on the boards that was very harmful to her.   This is not the first time this has happened to a friend.  I feel that I no longer want to post anything personal about myself or friends in a public forum and I asked the moderators to delete my identity and all my posts several days ago but they have not done so.

This is probably a good time to leave as I am totally confused by this new format and I have not figured out how to get up to date on your stories.

But I want ALL of you to know that I think you are all a great bunch and each one of you has been a very close and special friend in some way.  Thank you for being there when I needed you.  I will still be in touch by email...and other *secure* forms of communication.

First of all, I didn't manage to get here yesterday at all - didn't even get to my computer all day - so I missed telling you Happy Birthday, Caya!  It's a good thing I said it a couple of days early, but here's your belated birthday wishes from me, and I hope you had a lovely one.

Oh, Rebecca!  How incredibly frustrating and aggravating to have to deal with your mother-in-law's  craziness.  That's what it is, for sure, and you should NOT have to be footing the bill for that car.  I can't believe your husband is standing for it, either.  I know that family dynamics are difficult, but honestly, couldn't he just say I don't want the car?  Have them stop the work, cut your losses, let her pay or not pay?  She is the one who authorized it, after all.  I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now....or any time, for that matter.  Big hugs to you.

Mary, thinking of you and hoping the ultrasound goes well.

Sharon, I'm so relieved that your biopsies turned out fine.  Next time, you won't have to worry so much.  The photo of you and the girls is so striking, with three sets of gorgeous blue eyes looking out.  You look great, and your daughters are lovely.

Joni, loved your pics also.  That must have been such a great weekend - nothing is as good as a girls trip, I think.

Skye, like everyone else, I think you totally rock for sending in that resume and job application for your son - what a stroke of genius!  Wouldn't it be great if it ends up with him getting the job?  (I know, that's the idea...)  I'll keep my fingers crossed for that.

Poor Nancy, doggie diarrhea, hot flashes, and arm pain - wish I could be there to at least help let the dogs out!  I'd not worry about it being lymphedema, but I would definitely get it looked at right away if it's causing you that much pain.  Maybe BS, or just your regular doctor, if you have one.  I don't know how your oncologist is, but most of them seem to be fairly uninterested in these kinds of problems.  Just make a call...I hate that you're so miserable.  Is the Effexor helping your hot flashes at all? 

Mizsissy, I'm so very sorry about your mother.  I'm also sorry you feel it necessary to leave us.  Maybe you just need to stay away from that troublesome thread...I've heard rumblings before about such things, but never knew exactly what thread it was that was the problem.  We will miss your contributions and friendship.

Two more radiation treatments for me.  My sternal area is a mess.  No blisters, but just red and raw.  I'm using those wonderful gel dressings during the day, and they at least keep my hands off of it.  It's funny that this didn't really get bad until the regular rads stopped.  They really know how far they can push you before they need to stop.  Boosts don't seem to be affecting anything - different area, and only two more.  I'm sooooo tired, though, it's crazy.

Older stepson is due in town any day now, although he keeps putting it off.  That's ok with me, I'm not up for company at all.  The younger one is coming at the end of the month, and I can't wait to see him.  It's sad that there is such a difference.

Viddie, hope your BS will give you some help or advice today.  I know you're getting tired of all this.  Are you still at your cottage?  Is it fall yet?  I'm so ready for a change of season - hope we can get out of town before I go  back to work.

Tina, my car is a Honda CRV.  I love it.  He got the one with all the bells and whistles (which I wouldn't have done), but it's nice to have them.  It's silver - that's the fact I always want to know first!

Time to go to rads.  Love you all.  Chat tonight?

Just curious...what were we all doing 6 years ago today?

I was working in Washington, DC. My boss called to say he was stuck in traffic and could see the Pentagon burning. I went up to the roof of our building to see what he was talking about. On my way I passed the security office and saw the second plane hit the World Trade Center on their TV. A few minutes later they locked our building down.

I went back to my office and helped my co-workers set up a TV in a conference room so that we could see what was going on. Rumors were flying around like crazy. People said that the white house was on fire, all kinds of things. 

I walked to my daughters day care and picked her up. She was 7 months old. Traffic was horrible and I did not want to be stuck in a car for hours with a baby when there was so much uncertainly about what was going on. I took her back to my office and she played under the conference table - giggling and babbling - while we all watched CNN.

Later that afternoon I drove home - the streets were completely deserted. That night I opened the back door to let my dog out. I heard a plane fly overhead. It was the most frightening sound. For a moment I was panicked. I knew all planes were grounded. Then I realized it was a fighter jet. A noise we all quickly grew used to.

I remember holding Em that night - just a baby - and realizing that she was going to grow up in a world completely different than the one I grew up in. That still makes me so sad.

My husband was in LA for a confrence. He was stuck there for days. I remember going to work over the next few weeks and seeing soldiers in all of the intersections with machine guns.  

What do you all remember? 

I was teaching a class in Toronto, I had 29 students, and 20 of them were Americans.  One fellow at the back of the class rec'd a phone call, so he excused himself out of the class. 

A few minutes later he walked back in the classroom, and told the class that a plane had just flown into the World Trade Center.  At first I thought that a plane must have missed the Newark runway or something.

Everyone went on line, and then the next plane hit.  I had one girl in the class that lost her husband that day.  I remember, arranging with the RCMP to get her to the border, and she had family members that were going to pick her up.

That afternoon, after I let everyone go back to their hotels or homes, I watched the replays on CNN in the hotel bar

I had to take the Greyhound home from Toronto.  55 hours later, and 11 bus drivers, I don't remember how many movies, Dan was on the side of the road waiting for me when the bus dropped me off on the Trans Canada Highway.

I was suppose to be working at the "Port Authority", in the World Trade Tower, that day in New York, the only reason I was in Toronto was because the fellow that was suppose to teach the class had to go to his FIL's funeral in Montreal.

After 9/11, 2001 my job was never the same, I could not do the flying very well and I was always nervouse when I was in ANY big city.

Yes, it did change our lives, and really makes me wonder how anyone could even think the way terroists do...it's a sad reflection of our times.  So many people lost their loved ones, and for what purpose? 

Hugs to all....Joni

Hi ladies:

I'm not sure if you all remember me, but I feel as if I am still in your group - I check in daily to see how ya'll are doing, but don't post very often. I am glad to read how we are all cruizing back into life again after chemo/rads. It's funny, I have thoughts, only to read here that I am not alone - we are all having the same thoughts. It is very comforing to read!

Happy Birthday Caya - we are Virgo sistas (I recently had a birthday too)!

Amera: Welcome back!

I have had a very busy few months - just as I was finishing chemo we had a major shake-up at work I was given a promotion and jumped back into work 40+ hrs a week, and I am still trying to catch up with myself. I worked through treatment, but not a full 40 week, so I'm finding myself a bit tired at times, but loving life!

My baby, Jonathan, started high school this year and was immediately immersed in jazz band (he's a drummer) so I am now a band mom. I think I am having as much fun as he is 8-)

We are all coming up to our dx anniversary - my surgeon wanted me to have a mammo (ouch) for my next visit, and I was told I had to wait another month (ins won't pay for more than one a year, even with cancer) and it brought to mind it has been almost a year for me since my journey began - wow, what a year! I do feel I have grown and changed over the year, and I thank all of you for sharing your lives and adventures. It really has made the whole thing much more tolerable.

Take care and have great day!

tlc

Hi gals....gee I've missed you!!!

Six years ago I was alone at home, doing prep for my first colonscopy of all things!!!  I went down to the corner store where the butcher had a TV on and the first plane had just crashed into one of the towers.  I thought it was some kind of freak accident, pretty bad but nothing of world import, but then I went home, turned on the TV, and saw the second crash and I actually saw the first tower fall when it happened.

This was the most frightening thing I had ever seen in my life.  I called my husband at work (he works for the US gov't) and told him what was happening.  He didn't believe me at first, then I told him all the planes in the US had been grounded.  I told him to come home.

Pretty soon, all the employees were sent home, but wierdly enough, the colonscopy was still set to go.  So we went, and I was very drowsy and I can remember that the doctors had the TV on right in the procedure room, but I got more and more comfortable and after a while nothing mattered.  That fenatayl (sp?) is very good stuff.

When I met my husband in recovery he asked me how I felt, and I said "GREAT!!!"  It was a tremendous relief to be sedated so strongly on the most frightening day of my life.

When I came home and greeted my cats, I was jealous of them because they didn't know what I knew.  I was jealous of the plants and trees because they didn't know.  And when we adopted Miranda a kitten born about a year later, I remember the most wonderful thing about her was that she was born after 9/11 and had no experience of it, directly or indirectly.  She had no experience of evil and was so much better for it.  That is why I'm taking her name.

I've never had any problem posting over here in this thread...but you all should know that *everything* we post here can be googled.  This is VERY PUBLIC.

I too only stay on this thread. I have found a group of soul mates, and don't have time to read the other threads .... and don't want to be frightened by some of the scary stories I read when I was first diagnosed.  Here I can be up or down, and everyone understands .... it's a safe place emotionally for me.

Thanks everyone for sharing your 9-11 stories. I am always amazed by the many ways our lives have been touched regardless of where we lived at the time.

TLC – I remember you. Thanks for checking in and giving us an update. Congrats on getting your port out.

I agree with others who said this already – I rarely read other posts on this board. I check the reconstruction topic occasionally and sometimes post to those just diagnosed, but I’m pretty careful about scanning subject lines and just avoid anything that I think might be bad for me.

Misssiz, nice to have you back. I hope you stick around but I completely understand. I have ventured into other forums on occasion and always leave feeling a little down. Sometimes it scares me to death, and other times, I am amazed at the nonsense that goes on. I think it's easier to be nasty online than in person and there are clearly those who like to stir the pot. Not what any of us need right now, or ever.  It's way too easy to get caught up in that stuff so I tend to avoid it.

Post deleted.

Oh brother, what is wrong with the world? Are you telling me that we can't even have a place to go, get information, make friends without someone back stabbing? ARGGG!

I want to know the story but I am on the PC and all the info for chatzy is on my laptop which is down. My cord decided to quit. I have one ordered and getting tired of waiting for it. I want my laptop back!

Mel, I am right now working on getting off the Lexapro, but I am having brain zaps from it. I hate the feeling. I saw my Dr. today, I called at 1:10 in hopes for an appt. tomorrow, and they said can you be here at 1:30! Yeppers I can, So on my collarbone/ shoulder pain, Dr. did a very through exam, actually got it all festered up by his moving it around. He gave me celebrex, felt sure it is muscular. He promised me I did not have any enlarged lymphnodes and he even checked my breast site for lumps and bumps. I told him I can't check myself there, it is so numb I feel like I am touching someone else but my mind knows its me! He laughed said he understood. We went over my meds, I am stopping lexapro first as more and more evidence shows it counteracts with "Tammy" or as Tina says Tamoxifun. I have not taken the effexor anymore either as I really felt zombied on both the Lex and this. That and chemo brain was not pleasant.

I told Dr. I would like to see if I could stay off the anti-depressants. He told me it was fine as long as I could handle it. I know the odds are against me because I am already feeling weepy, down on myself, etc. and I know the signs. But just once in my life I want to be able to go to Arizona, sit by the pool, or in a restaurant and have a cocktail!

I was depressed last night because my DD and I went shopping for our trip. She kept showing me tops that she liked for me and I'd try them on and everyone of them needed a pair of boobs to make the top look right. I felt really down. I came home took a shower and cried. I never have felt so ugly. I think the girl my DH found attractive is gone, I don't like looking in the mirror.

Sorry if I am being an Eyore, I need to vent.

I have an appt. Friday to get fitted for a compression sleeve. I cannot take the chance of lymphedema setting in. My arm is already puffy. And the votes are in..No flying without one!

6 years ago I was at work and my DH called and told me to turn on the TV. Right then the 2nd plane went in. I couldn't speak..I couldn't believe what I was watching. Then he told me and I started crying, panicking. I wanted to get my kids out of school and just hide at home. From that point the tv was on 24/7. I was afraid to turn it off, afraid something else would get ready to happen and I would be unaware. Kind of like a bad storm and your waiting for the tornado sirens to go off so you can take cover. That I hope to never experience ever again! Bless the ones we lost.

Joni, Thank God!!!!!!! And Congrats!!!!!!! And you are a brave woman, you fought like a tiger, good for you!!!!!!!! I am thrilled!!!!!

More power to you Joni!!!!  Believe in the power of prayer, the power of healing, believe, believe!

Yea Joni, What fabulous news!!! So happy for you.