My Mom died today...I am just lost....

Chelee · August 2007

I had to battle an aggressive bc last year...her2/neu, 3+++, positive nodes. While doing that my Mother and BEST friend in this entire world was DX with advanced lung cancer...stage IV. I was afraid she wouldn't even try to do chemo at her age (77) but she did. She was a real trooper. She fought hard.

But just recently we had to place her in hospice & they just called me and told me she passed away today. I *thought* I was ready for this since I knew it was coming...but I LOST it when they told me. I am so THANKFUL I went down to hospice last night to see her. She always worried so much about me so I told her not to worry about me..I'll be ok. To go home and be with her Mom. (She had been calling out loud for wks for her mother.) So I don't know if it was what I told her last night...but I hope and pray she heard me? But she is at peace now. But I am sitting her beside myself with un-believeable grief that I have never experience before. I can't express how bad I feel. I feel like someone ripped my heart out of my chest...I don't know how to go on. My Mother was EVERYTHING to me. I can't type through these tears. Did I mention how much I HATE CANCER!!!! Oh how I pray for a cure for this darned diease.

Heart broken and feel so alone.

Chelee

Calico · August 2007

[[[Chelee]]]

I am so so sorry for your loss, cannot even comprehend your grief. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. I am happy for you that you had the time last night to be with your mom. I am confident that she heard you and I am confident that she is in a good place now.
Hugs

Calico

pnut2 · August 2007

chelee, i am so sorry to hear about your mother. no matter how you prepare yourself, your mother is your heart and soul. think about all the good times you two shared.

newvickie · August 2007

(((Chelee)))...you are not alone. You are never alone here. She heard you...be confident in that. She had to have loved you as much as you loved her...that's a blessing in itself. I'm very sorry for your loss and sending you hugs.
Vickie

LiveForToday · August 2007

Chelee, just know that the suffering is over for your mom. Of course you are the one now to suffer your loss. Our moms are everything to us. So sorry you have to go thru so much but know you are in my thoughts and prayers for strength and peace...

huggs, Sherry

boobbuster · August 2007

Chelee-
I know all to well the feelings you are describing. My father and best friend died of cancer last tuesday and his funeral was Monday. Allow yourself to grieve. What helped me most was going through family picture albums and trying to remember all the fun times we shared. Losing a parent is unlike anything we will ever expereince again in life. My father was there with me at my chemo treatments and there with me to get my scan results when I was first dx. I would have never thought that he would also have to deal with cancer. He was 68 years old and not in the best of health and his cancer was so advanced that he didn't get a chance to fight. It sounds like your Mother was a fighter to the end. The comfort that you can take from that is that she is at rest now. Cancer can't kill your spirit or taint the love that you shared with your Mom. Love never dies. God is able, Stephanie

boobbuster · August 2007

Chelee -
Here's Poem that I want to share with you. I hope it brings your comfort:

Loss of A Mother Poem (From Mother to Daughter)

Now that I am gone,
remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother or sister
who walks in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something --
something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known
or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
as well as in your mind.
You can love me most
by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,
by embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away as best you can.

~ Author unknown

cindyward · August 2007

I am sooooo sorry for your loss...I am on this website because my Mom just told us last week that she has breast cancer...but what she didn't say is that it is in Stage IV and she is very sick and does not intend to seek medical attention. Her spiritual beliefs forbid it....and we are now in the position to try and care for her...without drugs.
I am going to be right where you are at in probably just a few weeks...
My SYMPATHIES TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!

MargaretB · August 2007

Chelee, I am so sorry for your loss. You just lost her physical being; she will never be gone because you have memories of her.

Margaret

Anonymous · August 2007

Oh, Chelee,

I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I am sure your mom heard you. I had a very similar experience when my mom died. My prayers are you, sweetie.

Sending you healing energy and many prayers,
Bethie

Hattie · August 2007

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your mom appreciated the gift of your generous words.
Take care,
--Hattie

Sierra · August 2007

Dear Chelee:

I am so sorry to read
of the loss of your Dear Mom

Only time can heal
and much support abounds here

I send my condolences to you
and very gentle hugs

That is a beautiful poem posted
above...

((((Chelee))))))))

CasinoGirl · August 2007

Chelee,
So sorry to hear about your loss. It's true - no matter how "prepared" you think you are to accept it, it's still shocking when it actually occurs. It is so unbelievable and painful for you now, but your mom will live in your heart forever.

Shephanie - so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. You too will carry him in your heart forever.

I knew my mom was going to succumb to her colon cancer for 2 years before she actually died, yet I was still in shock when it actually happened.

Then 7 years ago, my family was getting ready to open presents on Christmas Eve when my dad had a massive heart attack and died 3 hours later. Totally out of nowhere.

Regardless of whether you expect it to happen or not, it's still shocking to lose the parent/child relationship.

((HUGS)) to you both and to your families.

roseg · August 2007

I'm sorry to hear about this.

I'm glad you had a good relationship with your Mom, and that her suffering is over.

rumoret · August 2007

Sorry for your loss......my mom was dx with bc in 1999 triple negative and doing fine. I did loose my father to COPD in 2001 and sat up all night with him prior to him passing away the next day. I feel blessed to have been able to be with him that evening while he slept in his favorite chair. I would check on him every 15 minutes all night long as I had promised my sister Cheryl that I would not leave him alone, that way she could go home and get some sleep. He was able to get out of the chair the next morning and over to his bed. He said he was going through doors.......and my mother made me come into his room to tell him that I was with him all night long.......I don't know what he asked her.......but she had me come in to reasure him that I was there. He had COPD for 34 years........and left this world in 1 month........did not struggle as we had all prayed for. He is missed very much by my entire family........he was the rock...........and such a generous man with his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Some in my family are still struggling with out his guidance........but they are adjusting.....some needing more time than others.

I send you much LOVE.........

Love,
Terry

Nan72 · August 2007

Dear Chelee
I too am a bc survivor 2 1/2yr
May I extend my deepest smypathy. My sister lost her battle with breast cancer this past Easter Sunday . I still find myself going to pickup the phone and call her. I do believe that all of our friends and loved ones are still with us.
I recently had to have a breast MRI and was very frightened of the results and the test. Once I was placed inside the tube and the test started I felt a hand holding mine and I was the only one in the tube. I know it was my sister there with me, watching over me. The test came out fine, no recurrence or new maglinancies.
Now I have a poem to share with you.

I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.

If my passing has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A freindship shared, a laugh a kiss
Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times,a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your heart and share with me
God wanted me now. He set me free.

Author unknown.

A dear freind gave me this poem after my sisters passing and I find it has been a help to me, as she too like your mother was very brave, endured much during her illness.Our family too thanks hospice in her area. They were very kind to her.

I know it is very difficult losing a loved one and as I sit here typing to you I wish you a beautiful today and even better tomorrow and may the Lord bring you peace.

TenderIsOurMight · August 2007

What a lovely set of poems.

May I add my sympathy to those above in the loss of your dear friend, your Mother. I capitalize Mother because to me, a mother is a unique person in a daughter's life whose shoes no one else can fit. You went to Hospice the night before and held her. Thankfully you did this, giving her comfort and you some peace. I share with the others our great sadness for you...

To all our Mothers,
Tender

dalycity · August 2007

Dear Chelee: I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your dear mother. Please be happy and feel blessed that she was your mother and that you two had a long and happy relationship. These are lovely poems posted by the ladies of this board. I hope you are comforted by the many wonderful times you had with your dear mother. My prayers are with you and your family.

biondi · August 2007

CHELEE, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU..TO GRIEVE, IS TO HEAL. I LOST MY MOM CHRISTMAS EVE, 2004. WE LIVED ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE U.S. NEXT DAY, I PLAYED TAPES OF OUR CONVERSATIONS THAT I RECORDED OVER A TWO YEAR PERIOD. I CRIED AND LISTENED TO HER VOICE. SHE WAS HERE WITH ME, AND CONFORTING ME, I KNOW IT. THROUGH THIS POEM, I HOPE YOU HEAR YOUR MOTHER'S VOICE TALKING TO YOU.. GOD BLESS

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me:

I wish you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too:

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity.
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things

You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

pdaly · August 2007

My mom died the other day too. I know exactly how you feel. I'll pray for both our families to feel better soon. By the way, I'm sure your mom heard you. My mom woke up just a few hours before she died and looked directly at each family member in the room and mouthed "thank you". I know she is with my dad and the rest of her family that has passed. I know she is at peace.

purplemb · August 2007

Chelee, my prayers are with you and your family...
hugs
MB

TenderIsOurMight · August 2007

Quote:

My mom died the other day too. I know exactly how you feel. I'll pray for both our families to feel better soon. By the way, I'm sure your mom heard you. My mom woke up just a few hours before she died and looked directly at each family member in the room and mouthed "thank you". I know she is with my dad and the rest of her family that has passed. I know she is at peace.

Patty,

I am so sorry about your Mom's passing. I am glad you are at as much peace as can be found, given her suffering.

Tender

PuppyFive · August 2007

I am So Sorry! My Prayers are with You, Puppy

sahalie · August 2007

Chelee,
I am so sorry to read the passing of your Mother.
My heart felt condolences to you and your family.

rosieS · August 2007

Dear Chelee,

I am sorry to hear of the passing of your Mom. Please know I am thinking of you at this very sad time.

katz03 · August 2007

So sad you lost your mum Chelee. You were very blessed to have known her so long I know that is no consolation to you at the moment as you are in so much pain.

I lost my own mum to cancer when I was 12yrs and my dad to a sudden heart attack when I was 14yrs. I am 56yrs now and I have never really accepted the fact that I never knew them as an adult I just had to learn to live with the fact that it was their time to go to the next life but it was not mine. I also know there are people who have lost both their parents at a younger age than me and I am glad I knew them for the years I did.

God and time does heal but the memory of our loved ones stays with us as a comfort. She will always be with you in your heart and mind as the love she poured into you will come out from you to others and that will be her true legacy.

God bless you and heal you and give you strength to cope with the coming weeks and months. I pray you perhaps have other family or maybe a partner or children to help you cope with your loss.

Kathy

Chelee · August 2007

I just can't thank you ALL enough for your condolences & heartfelt words of support. I am so moved by your kind words and poems. Reading your replies & poems really touched my heart. So many of the words in those poems I could hear my Mother say to me. I could hardly get through them due to the tears. I've saved them all because I really liked the words and they meant so much to me.

I knew losing my Mother was going to be rough...but its almost unbearable. My Dad died of a massive heart attack at home when I was 5 yrs old. So I believe that even made our bond stronger. She was my Mother, sister and best friend in the entire world. I am so glad she is no longer suffering...but I could never express or explain on how much I miss her.

Again, I really hope you all know how much your kind words mean to me at this time. My gratitude to all of you is inexpressible. I so appreciate the love and support I found here. God bless you all.

Chelee

Not_Me · August 2007

I am so very sorry for you. Peace.

andrewsmc · May 2008

Hi im no even sure if this is the right blog for this but my mom died 6 months ago and im seventeen. A few days before my mom past of beast cancer i was freaking out over an appointment and my mom past out. I was so scared i shook her but she would not wake up. Finally she did and being as stubborn as she was she said she was fine. A few days later she past . If i had just called an ambulance this may never have happened. I feel so guilty no one will ever know. Every tells me their was nothing i could do but their was. How do i just accept this? I think about my mom everyday and i guess i never apprecited her when she was here i just miss my mom.

badboob67 · May 2008

Andrew,

I am so sorry that happened to you! Please, believe me when I tell you that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You say your mom died of BREAST CANCER. She didn't die because of something you did or didn't do. I have a seventeen year old son with whom I am very close; he's one of my best friends. When I read your post, I thought about my son and how our kids sometimes put the blame on themselves for things that are out of their control. I'm very stubborn too, and would hate to think that something my son did out of respect and obedience to me would cause such pain. Sweetheart, this is a rotten disease and it respects no one. It steals many mothers from their children, sisters from their siblings, daughters from their parents....

I am sure you think about your mom every day. Please, don't waste precious time feeling guilty about it. I'm sure your mom loved you so very much and knew you loved her. It hurts my heart to think that someday my son might feel the way you are. If your mom could talk to you right now, I am sure she would tell you this was NOT your fault and please, try to remember happier times.

There is a support group for young adults who are dealing with family members and cancer. I bet you would find some help if you visited this site:

http://studentsofamf.org/

You can also try talking to a school counselor, clergyperson, or other trusted adult. Losing your mom is such a difficult experience--sometimes it takes outside help to get through, but get through it you will.

Much love and many prayers to you.

((((HUGS)))
Diane

TenderIsOurMight · May 2008

Dear Andrew,

Such a great weight to carry on your shoulders; I hope you will find much needed relief by posting and hearing from ladies on this site as well as through your private seeking.

Too great the burden that one personally may greatly change the outcome in such advanced disease. Perhaps your mom wished not for intense medical intervention, choosing instead to rest and pass at home.

Please find release from your pain by speaking up as you are: no man can carry intimate, loving thoughts for mom along with "what ifs" and dread from the past alone. I'm sorry for your pain on this Mother's Day past, and very happy you took time to search for a site such as this.

You are on the right track, as your mother would wish, seeking insightful help and comfort where the is no current peace.

With great compassion,

Tender

My Mom died today...I am just lost....

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