Starting Chemo in May 07

Wow, ladies... I have felt all you have felt. I told my onc a few weeks ago (I didn't see her every time I had chemo...sometimes I saw my physicians assisant...) I said my bad/down days were the darkest days of my life. As I got sicker with the 3rd and 4th treatment I didn't think I could do it anymore...but somehow we find the strength...

I had my last AC treatment on 6/21... My hair is FINALLY starting to peak out... My dad said to me yesterday, "You have quite the 5 o'clock shadow going on up there..."

I am still mourning my hair. I have been resigned to being bald since my sister shaved my head on Memorial Day, but DANG, I MISS MY HAIR AND I'M SICK OF BEING BALD. I love it when everyone says, oh, it will grow back...or don't worry, hair grows fast. All these folks mean well, but have a full head of hair...

I have to say that after 2 months, I MIGHT have a little less than a 1/4 inch. I took more than a full month after my last AC for it to start growing. I have been taking my picture every month. (I hold the camera out in front of me with my long arms and snap the picture!! LOL It's a funny sight). Anyhow, I will be truly tracking the progression.

I don't envy you ladies with your HUGE decisions on reconstruction, although I kind of think this will all be in my future some day... (I think those dour thoughts of when the cancer will return)

Chin up and good health to all those who are suffering. There surely is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been feeling pretty good these days and I ALMOST (read, ALMOST) forget how horrible the darkest days are. I've never had a baby, but they always tell me that the pain kind of minimizes itself once you hold your baby... Can't relate to that, but I assure you there is a light...with hair on it...at the end of the tunnel.

Best,

Virginia

Cindy - how are you feeling? Please give an update when you are upt to it. Been thinking of you...

Mandy - love the pics. They put a smile on my face.

Liz - I took Sex and the City Season 1 out of the library last week (LOL). I am going to work my way to the season where Samantha pulls that wig off...although I did actually see it on HBO. It will have a whole new meaning for me now, though!!

LeeAnne- hope you are feeling better. I've decided to join the ranks of the "Chillow" owners. I cannot believe the hot flashes I am having... Didn't have them on the chemo, but jeeze...they come in waves! I guess maybe it's the tamoxifen, although when I was on it pre-chemo, I didn't have any... Does anyone know if Herceptin give hot flashes??

Hope all are hanging in there!!!

V

Kim, Hang in there--you are done and will start feeling better soon.

Virginia, I would like to watch those episodes again too. Everything has more meaning after you've been through it yourself. My hair growth is very random right now. I have a few strays that are about half inch but for the most part they are very short -- it seems there are a few more every day. And my eyebrows seem to have started growing too. I hadn't realized that they had thinned so much until I saw the new growth. My eyelashes are kinda pitiful right now though. It's been over a month since my last chemo and every day I have fewer eyelashes. Anyway I am trying not to worry about my hair right now because I'm going back for the taxol in another few weeks and I don't know what that'll do to my hair.

Hi Amya
Yes I am done with all the tx. I know that I will soon feel much better. I just have to keep going. Thanks for the info on the constipation. I will definately try. Lizy thanks for the encouragement.
Watched some good movies today and had a good nap. I feel a little more human tonight
take care everyone out there
Kim

Yeah for you too Mandy--you're almost there. Won't it be nice to run without a scarf! I got so hot today at the gym and I'm pretty sure it was the bandanna I was wearing. (Or the hot flashes)

Hi girls ,

Finally I'm done with Taxatere and done with chemo they've took my pic line out that's a big releif. He gave me my prescription for Tamoxifen in a month's time to take and I was out a there. I finished last tuesday aug.14 and I ran.

Since then I haven't felt good I got diahrea and fatique big time my muscle are sore and aching don't have any energie to spare it's my 7th day and I'm not peppy at all, waiting for that treamtment to let go of me but it's not.

But now it's all done I can't beleive it's time to get back on track to walk my mile a day and get back in shape.

For those who are not done yet do not despear time goes fast and if I made it so can you. Kick some cancer butt.

Do any of you have "hair dreams"? I dream quite regularly that I have hair again (feels so good) or that my hair all grows back in like, 2 hours (talk about wishful thinking). I feel a little ashamed at how this whole hair loss thing has affected me...I mean, it's hardly a priority if you think about the disease we are fighting...but it is just so difficult emotionally to look like Cancer Woman (aka Uncle Fester's sister) when you are trying to live a normal life. When people would stare at me, I'd always smile - now I feel like sticking out my tongue or saying "What the **** are you lookin at?" Mature huh? Honestly, I have about 3mm of hair and I have lost 2 lbs (both of these "gains" could hit the toilet after this next treatment) but I feel so happy!!! Patience....patience...patience! Oh by the way, LeeAnne - I forgot to thank you for posting that link to the website with simulated bald celebrities. It was fun - also made me think that if I had their beauty - I'd probably feel better being bald because some of them truly were still stunning! Geez - listen to me...whine whine whine! I really am in a good mood and feel great physically (calm before the storm) I think I will leave the pity party I've thrown myself and do something with my kids this afternoon!

Have a great day everyone!
Mandy

Yikes! This time next week I'm looking at bilateral mast, sentinel node biopsy and expanders. I think I'm going to become familiar with the effects of Vicodin real fast. I hope it keeps me in a happy fog for about a week or two.

All you women finishing up your chemo, come back and visit me, ok?

I know everyone said they were sticking around. I am just feeling sad because I am so far from being done. I have another two months of chemo to go and y'all are finishing up and will be going on with your lives. Feeling sorry for myself tonight. I'll get over it!

Enjoy your surfing on Thursday, Amy. I bet that will make the time go by faster!

It's 2:00 in the morning and I had a hot flash and couldn't go back to sleep.

Liz, be brave my friend you can do it! Easy for me to say, I only had a lumpectomy back in April. But at least you have all of us to support your through surgery/recovery. I'm not going anywhere and I don't consider this journey anywhere near over. I have chemo recovery (which judging by how I feel now, nearly 2 weeks from the last one, is going to take a freaking MONTH!)and then radiation. I hope to hold off start rads until mid-October which means I won't be done until Thanksgiving.

Mandy, today's your last, right? Yeah you!!! I can certainly relate to losing the good attitude about being stared at because of being bald. I'm so sick of it. SO sick of it. I just want to blend. Btw, I forgot to tell you how touched I was that you are still so in love with your husband after 18 years. That is way cool.

Amy, you and I and who else are up on Thursday?

I'm so emotional leading up to this last one. Still so weak from the last one so I dread how far down this one will take me. Champagne tonight though, to toast the end of the chemo journey. Last time I had champagne was the night my hair was buzzed, which was May 31, the night before chemo #2. What a long summer it has been...and in some ways I feel like I haven't even HAD a summer.

Off to try and go back to sleep,
LeeAnne

Hey everyone
I was complaining my last post but I am hear for support. Most of us are done with chemo but we all have either surgery or rads next. The journey is almost done but I think that the journey will be lifelong. We have all changed, for the best. We know about suffering but overcame it with our strength and great support of our sisters here. My son is a great inspiration about this. We feel that we are not sick but he was very ill. He had a stroke and almost died last year. Every day he is a testamony of the strength that we can all muster up to go on. It has been a long 2 years for him but we can see that he is definately pushing through. I see normalcy in his life. He even has a girlfriend and a job now. We will all get to this place but we will be better people when we get there. My son is the nicest most giving and compassionate person I know and it's because he lived through his ordeal. Our daughter is the same way as all of this affected her too. She is a great person and makes me laugh every day. She sees the good in everything. Going to high school in a few weeks. (My Baby!!)LOL
I will be on the rads posts but will pop in to see you all the time. Don't forget that my son will have his book out there soon to buy. It will be on I Universe in the fall. He donated most of his profits to starlight foundation and will be donating books to the cancer society and sick kids hospital in Toronto. Your kids will love this book. It's a fantasy like Harry Potter.
take care
Kim

Thanks everyone--for being here and being so awesome!

Hello everyone!


I'm home! I'm done! My husband kept saying to me "one more no more" and now we're saying "no more no more!"

I feel elated and exhausted! I think keeping cheerful and positive throughout chemo was more draining than I thought! Now that I'm done (this part anyways) I just kind of fell apart in the car on the way home. Relief, disbelief, elation, gratitude...so much emotion - it all had to come out!

Anyways, now I just get to feel better and better (although I know it gets worse before it gets better but it is going to get better FOR GOOD!

Enough about me (I am the most self centered person in the world these days! Me, me, me, me, blah blah me, me me!)

CindyMN - Your gathering sounds wonderful - I hope you have an AWESOME time - you so deserve it!

Liz - You couldn't get rid of us that easily!! How is the running these days? I clocked my best time in a long time yesterday...of course that will all go to shit for awhile now but it was great to see that my body will recover from this!

Amy - That sounds like an amazing group of fundraisers/awareness raisers!

Well - I hope everyone is feeling good today!
(now back to me! )
I was quite nauseated during treatment (first time that's happened - mind you, I could have barfed just walking in the door - so I think I may have worked myself up!) I'm feeling better now but I do feel like I've been through the ringer - so I'm going to change into my jammies and cuddle up with my kids and watch a movie. I'm craving homemade chicken noodle soup (some vegetarian I am hey?) and amazingly enough, my husband is going to make it (yikes!) He never cooks so we'll see how that turns out!


Talk to you guys again soon. I think you are all awesome women!
Mandy

That Jim Carrey pic cracked me up! How do you do that?????
I'm day 7 after my last treatment and my back is still killing me but .... it was better today than it was yesterday!
Good luck girls!
Liz, I'll be thinking about you and your bi-mast. I had mine on March 21st. The expanders are a pain in the butt ..uh..chest but, they don't "hurt". They are just uncomfortable.
I was miserable after my bi-mast for only about 4-5 days. After that, it was just uncomfortable. You can do it girl! And stretching is awesome advise. Crawl your fingers up a wall just as far as you can...then hold it, then crawl back down. Stretching really, really helps. I didn't know this at first. I was sooooo stiff. Then, my doc gave me the stretching exercise and in only a couple of days, the stiffness and tightness went away.
I'll be thinking about you girl. For me next, my consultation for my hysterectomy is Sep 6th. I have a reprieve until then. Well, except for blood work and tissue expansion! After hysterectomy, I get my implants.
I should be all done with everything.............by Christmas. WOO HOO!!
I'm so thankful for this site too. Don't know how I would have handled the last 6 months without it. Man, it's hard to believe it's been that long.....
Take care girls.
Traci

Traci- Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and great advice.

I'll be thinking about you when you go in for your next surgery.