sexy after breast cancer

NoH8
NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
edited June 2014 in LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
I never considered myself to be a "sexy" person before breast cancer-- I didn't consider myself "unsexy", just not sexy. I guess sexy is an attitude because I sure never thought people would think a bilateral w/o reconstructed would ever be considered sexy by others, but I did feel sexy. Too bad there were no lesbians there .
I went to my 25th hs reunion last weekend and had an awesome time. During high school I was a bit of a wallflower, I didn't get asked to the prom or out on dates, even though I wanted longed to be asked. In those days girls didn't ask guys out. I hadn't realized I was gay at that point, but wanted to be asked out because everyone else did. I have never been hit on as many times as I was last weekend. I was called "sexy" and "hot"-- something I never experienced before breast cancer. You should have seen the looks on their faces when one guy hit on me and I said, "Thanks-- too bad I'm lesbian or this could have worked out." Everyone busted out laughing and it was a great way to come out to those who didn't already know.
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Comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2007
    Amy, I have just one comment...WHAT A BABE!



    Marin
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  • Raye99
    Raye99 Member Posts: 1,350
    edited July 2007
    Amy,

    Oooo la la, girl...very sexy and hot indeed! 25th hs reunion?!?!? You look like a teenager in that pic!

    Raye
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  • LisaAlissa
    LisaAlissa Member Posts: 1,092
    edited July 2007
    Amy, you would have been the "hottie" at anybody's 25th reunion! Congrats! Sounds like it was a great weekend!

    (And you look darling...I don't think it would even occur to me to look at a dress like the one you're wearing! Note to self: Get in shape, and check out a different wardrobe...)

    LisaAlissa
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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited July 2007
    You're all great for my ego. Usually I'm clad in leggings, tshirts, sweats or shorts-- but I do clean up nice. I can't even remember the last time I did my fingernails-- at least a decade! I do my toes in the summer. Someone asked me if I always match like that and dress up and I busted out laughing-- definitely not.
    I've never liked looking young though. I'm excited to finally have some gray hairs. I guess I figure getting older means wiser and beating breast cancer.
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  • YouthFighter
    YouthFighter Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2007

    wow, umm...you look very nice, and young.but i don't think you should have blurted out that your a les at school

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited July 2007
    Quote:

    wow, umm...you look very nice, and young.but i don't think you should have blurted out that your a les at school



    Why don't you think i should have told my friends I was a lesbian?
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  • DragonladyTina
    DragonladyTina Member Posts: 371
    edited July 2007
    Quote:

    wow, umm...you look very nice, and young.but i don't think you should have blurted out that your a les at school



    Why not??
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  • sns
    sns Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2007
    Quote:

    wow, umm...you look very nice, and young.but i don't think you should have blurted out that your a les at school



    So, you registered on this site just to post this comment? Interesting.
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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2007

    Actually, that was my thought exactly.

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited July 2007

    Thanks ladies!

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  • Raye99
    Raye99 Member Posts: 1,350
    edited July 2007
    All my thoughts ladies! Why the heck not? And to take all of that time to sign up, etc. to post a question comment such as that.

    hmmmmmm.
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  • nosurrender
    nosurrender Member Posts: 2,019
    edited July 2007
    What were you supposed to do, Amy, wait until you were outside in the parking lot?

    I don't get people sometimes.
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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited July 2007
    Quote:

    What were you supposed to do, Amy, wait until you were outside in the parking lot?

    I don't get people sometimes.



    Or maybe after we were married LOL .

    On a more serious note, it's sad to me that almost everywhere I go, there's somebody or many, whether spoken or not, who don't believe that gays have the same rights as heterosexuals to express who they are. We're not given the same rights under the constitution when it comes to marriage and family legally-- our wifes can't collect social security, in some states we're not even allowed to adopt, if we serve in the military, we're not allowed to talk about our partners/spouses/girlfriends the way our hetereosexual counterparts are.
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  • nosurrender
    nosurrender Member Posts: 2,019
    edited July 2007
    Personally, I don't think the constitution should have anything about marriage in it- for straights or gays. Less legislating and more freedom. Once you start attaching laws to things then people are seen as 'breaking' them. What on earth does it have to do with how we live our lives?
    It is nobody's business in my opinion.
    I think people should be allowed to live like they want and if they are happy and not harming anyone why does the government have to get involved.

    On another sad note- you mention adoption...
    breast cancer survivors get rejected from adopting babies too...

    It is all overkill in my book.
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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited July 2007
    I agree with you about the constitution. Let's face it "all men are created equal" really meant all white heterosexual men are created equal-- it didn't include women or minorities.
    Quote:



    On another sad note- you mention adoption...
    breast cancer survivors get rejected from adopting babies too...





    Yes I know, but at least states like florida don't have legislation that prevents them from adopting.
    I can see survivors having to wait a certain period of time to adopt in the best interest of the child. If adopting from foster care, those children don't need yet another (potential) loss. Unfortunately as we all know, breast cancer isn't curable so I can see why in that case.
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  • cmorris58
    cmorris58 Member Posts: 14
    edited August 2007
    Wow Amy you are absolutely stunning and a real encouragement. I have been very small all my life and never had the courage to wear something like that dress. Now that I am a bilat for whatever reason I have moure courage to be flat, maybe because I have a reason. But in any case you are very encouraging and look great. I am a straight woman and showed your pic to my husband and he thought you looked great and encouraged me to "take the plunge" and try such an outfit. Don't know if that will look good on an "older" woman but who knows.
    Thanks again.
    Cate
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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited August 2007
    Thanks so much Cate. I think with the right attitude, you'll look gorgeous in anything you put on. I'm not sure what you mean by "older" but I've seen lots of celebrity older women walking the red carpet in such dresses. Also, remember, no one is going to be looking at your chest thinking, gee, she must have had a mastectomy-- if anything you'll just look flat chested (they just don't know how flat . I think I mentioned that my friend made the dress for me, because they just don't sell them for us. I'm wearing it again on tuesday when I go down to the shore.
    BTW, I want to see a picture if you get a dress like that!
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  • Hana
    Hana Member Posts: 48
    edited August 2007
    I have only one thought. I see us all equal - women. What ever sexual preference. What I don't understand is why we have to be separated/classified by our sexual preference when we all are sisters. At least on this Board. The cancer is not making any preference either.
    Sorry, had to say it. I just don't see why we are divided by who we like to sleep with.
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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited August 2007

    I'm glad you see us all as equal Hana, unfortunately not every survivor does. Your country is leading the way in treating gays as equals by allowing gay marriage. In the USA there are a number of people who think we're degenerate, sinning, abnormal etc and that we don't deserve the same respect and rights as our heterosexual counterparts. It hurts and makes life more difficult. Unfortunately, I have seen this first hand from breast cancer survivors (not on this board) in real time and on another board. It's nice to have a safe place.

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  • cmorris58
    cmorris58 Member Posts: 14
    edited August 2007
    Amy
    Maybe I shouldn't say older I will be 50 next year and it is kind of hitting me. I guess based on you reunion that you are early forties. Probably not too much younger when than when I had my mast, I was 43. Somehow that always seems kind of young to me but although I would never wish it on anyone it is comforting to know that there are others in the same boat.
    Actually I am kind of fortunate, as I mentioned, in that I have always been flat chested (really flat) and so not too much different now, although it does seem like a lot. I did get asked once when I was in my late teens if I had had a mast by some jerk that didn't seem to understand what the physical ramifications of that was, so even if somebody asks I am not sure it will even matter.
    The person that made your dress appears really skilled because the fit looks great. I am small, short and underweight so maybe I could find something in the teen department, worth a try, your pic is so encouraging.
    Cate
    P.S. It appears that I kind of started something with the remark about being straight. If so I apologize I only did it to put the husband comment into context. Again sorry
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  • Hana
    Hana Member Posts: 48
    edited August 2007

    What I tried to say is, that especially on this Board we are all equal. I just don't understand the need to be separated - one thread for lesbians and another one for heterosexual women. Don't we have same breast?

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited August 2007
    You didn't start anything Cate. I actually shopped in the teen department for my dress, but I really wanted hot pink polka dot and couldn't find anything.
    I assume the person who asked you about a mastectomy in your teens was a guy, what a jerk. I was a B cup, not large by any stretch of the imagination but ample on my small frame. The boys in middle school used to tease me mercilessly when I developed earlier than some of my peers. They used to call me "stuffer" as in that I stuffed my bra. At that age I was mortified.

    Hana, if you notice on this part of the board most of the posts are lesbian related-- there's not a separate board for lesbians and heterosexuals, anyone can post on either. There are issues specific to lesbians and it's nice to have a place to discuss them. If you're asking why I posted this on the lesbian side of the board, it's because most of the people I thought would be interested in the pic are folks over here.
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  • Hana
    Hana Member Posts: 48
    edited August 2007

    Point taken.

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  • cmorris58
    cmorris58 Member Posts: 14
    edited August 2007
    Amy
    It sound like you are about my size and the teen department clothes still fit. The dress is just really cute and fits really well.

    As to the remarks yeah it was a guy and yes it huyrt because it really said you are really flat. But, in hindsight I don't think many people really understand what a real mastectomy is about. I think that they believe it is just kind of missing tissue and everything else is left. Particularly teenagers but also adults, and it is not limited to guys but other women also.. They don't realize that what you are left with is two scars. I think that the willingness of survivers to talk about it is important but in that time it was unspoken and shameful.

    I guess your experience with the opposite problem being accused of stuffing shows how mean teenagers can be, it is just a difficult time of life. I think it comes from dealing with their own securities.

    If you don't mind sharing I am wondering what motivated you to not consider reconstruction. With me it was that they simply don't make implants small enough and I was comfortable with my size (finally) and didn't want to be any bigger.

    Also I would suggest that you might want to take a look at the "not wanting reconstruction" board, your experience would be really encouraging there. A number of the women are dealing with the prostheses issue and are really "afraid" to go flat, you have dealt with it so well it would be an encouragement.

    I also started to read your website, wow you have been through a lot, but you appear to have really come through it well.

    Cate
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  • Irishsun
    Irishsun Member Posts: 53
    edited August 2007

    I am so sick of hearing negative comments about gays and lesbians. My son is gay and I'm very proud of him. If anyone says anything to me about gays or lesbians, or anyone around me makes negative comments about gays or lesbians, I can assure you that when I'm done they have learned to keep thier oppinions to themselves!!!!!!

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  • Annie62
    Annie62 Member Posts: 1,081
    edited August 2007
    Hello,
    I'm not a lesbian but this thread totally spoke to me- all the comments!. Pink Ribbon, you look AWESOME in your pic! I was so shy in high school, I feel your vibes. I read your post frequently, but I rarely post anywhere. When I do, BC.org is the place! Love to all. Love ya , sisters.
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  • bonny1963
    bonny1963 Member Posts: 450
    edited August 2007

    When I read the subjects in the active topics I never look to see what forum I am in. When I was reading this thread, I had to go back up and look and realize I was in the one "lesbians with breast cancer". I think we are all the same. Women fighting this dreaded disease. (I know there are men that have it too) But it doesn't matter who we sleep with or what forum we post in. We are all in this together. Amy, you look beautiful in the pic. I haven't been to any of my reunions and I graduated in 1981. If I ever did go, I would love to look as great as you do. And as far as not coming out at school--why not. I say whatever makes you happy and keeps you true to yourself! You go girl! Later girls, Bonny

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited August 2007
    Irishsun-- you rock! Your son is so lucky to have you in his corner. I'd like to sic you on two women from my breast cancer group .
    Thsnks Ann-- I always say if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have been that wallflower. Live and learn!
    Thanks bonny!
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  • seline0712
    seline0712 Member Posts: 1
    edited October 2008
    Ladies, there is life after breast cancer.  For a moment I thought I would not be sexy to my better half but, I found ways of not only being sexy in the bedroom but feeling sexy for myself.  During my masectomy and treatment I learned different ways of overcoming my hairloss by naturally wearing beautiful turbans, and a wonderful wig that I purchased.  I also learned how to make myself beautiful by learning techniques on how to apply makeup to suit my pale complexion, that was due to my chemotherapy.  Finally, do not underestimate yourself, and love yourself as well.  Wink
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