I quit. I just can't do it anymore.

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Methusala
Methusala Member Posts: 285
can't someone just make it go away??
I do NOT want chemotherapy. Please.. someone tell me it's all a friggen' dream.. nightmare. I'm going to wake up. just tell me. Humour me. I'm 37... we're going to Disney in Sept. I have 3 kids and a cat. I go to Dr. Levine tomorrow at Roswell Park. It's just hitting me I think, two months, a million tests, a mastectomy and reduction.. now chemo talk tomorrow. I think I have been in denial. I want my life back. ugh. I just feel like I can't take one more breath.

Comments

  • myrenewal
    myrenewal Member Posts: 203
    edited August 2007

    You can do it - think of it as doing it for your family. Yes, chemo is hard. In the middle of it I thought I couldn't do it any longer. But I had to, so I did. And yes, a year of my life was lost to treatments, but not every day of that year. There were good days. But I believe giving up that year has added many more years to my life. Please keep coming to the boards and talking to people when you feel this way - most of us have been there and understand. It does end, and it does get better.

  • fd411
    fd411 Member Posts: 398
    edited August 2007
    PLEASE Don't Quit.

    You can get through this. For your children and your cat, for yourself.

    It won't last forever.

    But for now, please breathe and see what the doc has to say at Roswell.

    Ugh is right! Cancer treatment isn't fun, I know, but it can be done and you'll get your life back.

    Good luck with your appointment tomorrow.

    Ferne
  • maryannecb
    maryannecb Member Posts: 1,453
    edited August 2007
    You can do this.

    I felt like you briefly, 2 years ago. Then I sucked up my courage and gave the cancer the biggest blast I could.

    This year my DD graduated from High School and I plan to see the others do it too.

    I am back to work, flat out, enjoying life and my family. I still think about Cancer a lot( every few hours) but as long as NED stays with me I remain hopeful and am living as before.

    Fists up!
  • Methusala
    Methusala Member Posts: 285
    edited August 2007
    thanks.. really, I'm just losing it.. I guess it's time.
    I just need a good nights sleep. that's all.
  • nash
    nash Member Posts: 2,600
    edited August 2007
    I hear ya', GMG. I'm 39 with 2 kids. I was OK until this weekend--my mom is on a new chemo that's making her very weak and sick, I start chemo in a week, and my kids go back to school tomorrow. I don't think I can do it. I was OK with the surgery and tests during the summer, but with school starting...I feel like I'm in some sort of parallel universe and can't join in with the regular people anymore. I don't like being a resident of Cancerville. Was always on the outskirts with taking care of my Stage IV mom, but now it's completely overwhelming.

    So...like you said...with a good night's sleep, we will carry on tomorrow. Because we have to. Oh--and we're planning on going to Disneyland in September, too--maybe we can wave at eachother from the Teacup ride.
  • EllieD
    EllieD Member Posts: 31
    edited August 2007
    GMG,
    I had a mastectomy and reduction in March. Saw Dr. Levine also. You will like him. Ask him if your chemo can be postponed until after your vacation. Chemo for me was optional and I took it. Like everyone here will tell you, it's doable. Hang in there, you have a lot of people pulling for you.
  • conniehar
    conniehar Member Posts: 954
    edited August 2007
    I agree - that first chemo was SCARY!

    You can do it, GMG. I am 39 with 2 kids. I am halfway through chemo now and it surely wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. This summer felt like it was forever, but now that it's over, it seems like it was just yesterday.

    You will get through it - take it a day at a time. Best of luck adn let us know how you are!
  • susanmcm
    susanmcm Member Posts: 1,324
    edited August 2007
    GMG once you are finished, it's done. It's hard. It's horrible but there is an end to it. I finished chemo in June 2005 and it's the farthest thing from my mind now. Life is good! You can do this.

    Susan
  • sahalie
    sahalie Member Posts: 2,147
    edited September 2008

    I hear you loud and clear. One idea is to find out what your pathology report, stage, grade, margins and what the chemo suggestions will be. Then you can make your decisions based on a good talk with your surgeon.
    Take lots of notes, take someone with you if you can.
    It's a long road I know. I am still on it. I wish you all the best with this journey.

  • Methusala
    Methusala Member Posts: 285
    edited August 2007
    hi ladies and thanks.
    I'll wave at you from Disney world while you're at disney land..

    I loved Dr. Levine.
    but.. just when you think you can't take any more.. he said he IS concerned about another node in my chest. now I have to go for a pet scan in two days. Nothing like getting right in for it, eh? Everything was going great until I saw him and he just burst my balloon.. I was just starting to blow up a big pink balloon again, and he comes along with this new issue and pops it. Darn it.
    and yes, chemo is waiting until after Disney, but I'll have my port put in before I leave.. and all my stuff before hand. UGH again and again and again.
    I knew back in July when they called me back for a second scan of my chest there was a problem. Why didn't they address it then?? why now?? they saw it then and weren't concerned? why NOW? i'm ranting lol I'd best go before I really lose it.
  • purplemb
    purplemb Member Posts: 1,542
    edited August 2007
    GMG...please call me...i'll come hold your hand...honest...just ask the circle girls....I am here for you....
    Mary Beth
  • Fit999
    Fit999 Member Posts: 119
    edited August 2007
    breath, deep breath, breath. Put your head down and just do it. Yes its hell, but is temporary. The hell will go away. What is 3 months, or 1 year compared to your entire life???
    Breath. You can do this.

    big hug,
    Issa
  • Methusala
    Methusala Member Posts: 285
    edited August 2007

    but why didn't they deal with this node issue BEFORE surgery? TWO doctors saw it and said it was nothing. NOW Dr. L wants a PET?? Why is he concerned when the others weren't?

  • Emelee26
    Emelee26 Member Posts: 569
    edited August 2007
    I'm sorry
    Here's a hug
    image
  • LittleFlower
    LittleFlower Member Posts: 405
    edited August 2007
    GMG,
    I think you want Dr. Levine to be concerned about everything. It's hard - but I think in the long run, it's best to GET ALL THE FACTS and then you can slowly digest them and deal with it right? If there is a node that looks suspicious, they'll treat it. Chemo, radiation. Believe me, every chemo session i said to my hubby "i'm done- i'm not going back!" but i did make it through each one. NOBODY wants chemo, but the port is going to make your life easier, the drugs to treat the side effects are going to make the chemo manageable, any meds for anxiety will help you during this difficult time, and most of all, all the women on this website are here for you too! Believe me, i don't mean to make it sound like it's easy or cut and dry because if i had to classify my own response to this whole experience i'd have to say i've been VERY anxious and nervous and at times downright depressed and negative about the situation. See, it's not easy for anyone, somehow though we have to get through this. You will get through this....it's just a difficult time, accept each day for what it is and don't fight it. If you feel like crying, cry- if you feel like laughing, laugh...treat yourself kindly... keep us posted on your results, and I'll Pray that this is just a false alarm for you.
    LittleFlower

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