Would you wear this?

Diana_B · July 2007

Hi All,

I'm rather new to this section - I usually hang out at "Moving Beyond". But I thought this was the best place to ask this question.

I have been designing some shirts for myself - I had a mastectomy on the right side - and I'm trying to get a sense if anyone else would wear these.

I'm a very VERY aesthetically-inclined person, and have an art background. It really bothers me to wear clothes that are not designed for me ie. clothes that assume symmetry.

While I usually wear my prosthesis, sometimes I don't feel like it. However, I don't want to wear clothes not designed for my type of body. And so I've started designing clothes, among them asymmetrical shirts.

Basically the shirts take the asymmetrical body as a given. They seek to flatter and "work with" the asymmetry. They use the idea of "one" rather than "two".

I find working with the asymmetry affects me positively psychologically too. When I'm wearing a normal shirt without my prosthesis, I feel unattractive and really aware of an "absence", that there's supposed to be something there but isn't.

Some of my friends have suggested I make a small business of these shirts. I tend to be adventurous with clothes compared to most people, and so I'm not sure that I'm representative or that the concept would fly.

Would any of you wear the type of shirts I've described? Does it interest you at all? Do you think it fills a need?

It is possible to buy asymmetrical shirt designs, and I do feel more comfortable in them, but you have to do a lot of searching, and then often the balance is on the wrong side.

Thanks a lot,
Darya

MinAZ · July 2007

Darya

I'm in the expander process so this won't be an issue for me one of these days. But I would definitely be interested in these kinds of shirts if I had decided against reconstruction. I waited about six months to start with expanders, and I would have been interested in them during this whole period. I often want to run to the grocery store or something and hate having to put on the right bra, etc., so this sounds like a neat idea.

Diana_B · July 2007

Thanks for responding, Minz.

That's when I especially feel the need for something like this too ie. when I'm just running out and don't feel like getting properly dressed.

It occurred to me to approach a t-shirt manufacturer and get them to make a v-neck but with the v pointing to one side or the other - so that the neck hole would be a kind of tear-drop shape.

Then we would have t-shirts to throw on that actually looked funky! (Although the fact that lots of people are reading this post but not responding suggests maybe it wouldn't fly?)

Best of luck with the expanders and the whole reconstruction process.

erika-canada · July 2007

HI:

I THINK IT IS A WONDERFUL IDEA, IT'S SUPER THAT YOU CAME UP WITH IT. PLEASE, KEEP US INFORMED. I DEFINITELY WOULD BE BUYING THEM. LEFT SIDE MASTECTOMY.

GOD BLESS

ERIKA /CANADA

AlaskaDeb · July 2007

Hmmmm....I would love to see a photo. I can't quite envision it. Do you have alink? I have a bilat mast, so it doesn't "fit" for me, but I find it interesting

Deb C

caaclark · July 2007

Hi Darya,

I think you may have a market but I know for me my breast form is so comfortable it is a non-issue. I wear it until I go to bed at night. Although, there's a thought. What about designing something asymmetrical for pajamas? Or...how about some cute lingerie for women who like to look pretty going to bed, but without wearing a prosth.? I have found that compared to before bc where I went to bed wearing cute lingerie type things that I now wear more t-shirt type things or tank tops, but not by choice. It is more a case of all my sexy pj's just don't fit or look right with one boob.

JustOne · July 2007

Hi darya,

This is a fantastic idea for those of us that like to go 'without' once in a while.

I'll take a dozen left breast mast. to start.

I also like Carol's idea about pj's. My old Victoria Secret's just haunt me now...

let us know...I'm serious.

~Pam

wallycat · July 2007

I like symmetry as well, which is why I went bilateral.
If I had not, the shirts would be great.
I'd love it if there were shirts and tops made for breast-free women. I bought a t-shirt at Target the other day...small.
Well, my shoulders have not shrunk, just my chest...and the width of my back is still the same (I exercise but am small boned). Frustrating.
I end up wearing all my Mediums and Larges and they don't lay any better on me than the smalls.
Maybe I should check out the Mens or boys dept till your shirts come out!

Anonymous · July 2007

This is such an intriguing idea. I can't quite imagine going out without a prothesis - but I rarely wear one at home in the evenings. I would love to have a shirt or especially pajamas/night shirt that looked good. Oh, and of course it would have to be very light weight and comfy for all of those hot flashes.

Diana_B · August 2007

Thanks for the encouragement.

Based on what you all have said and my own sense of things, I think I'll concentrate on the nightgowns first, and leave the shirts till later. I've been working with 4 way stretch Italian cotton jersey, which would be comfortable and cool and also the colours are beautiful.

I myself have a beautiful nightgown I bought in NYC, but I hate the way it looks on me now. Even though my boyfriend still finds me sexy, I don't think I look sexy in any of my night things anymore. The lines of the garments aren't right.

I've only been doing sewing, designing, learning to pattern make for about 6 months, since the end of my treatment. So unfortunately I don't have a website. I will try to get hold of a digital camera and post some photos of the shirts I've made.

I'm wondering if anyone would be interested in becoming part of an online focus group for me. You could pm me, and I'd send you my real email address and I could use you to test my designs. I'm not talking about buying anything but just to get your feedback on the photos.

But in any case, I'll post here occasionally. I think I have to be careful and tread the line so that I'm not using this site for commercial purposes.

The more I think about it the more excited I feel about making women like me feel beautiful and put together. BTW, when I say nightgowns I don't mean anything granny-like - they've got to be gorgeous and figure flattering.

BMD · August 2007

Darya,

Even though I had reconstuction I think your idea is wonderful. There was an article this week in our local paper about a new shop called The Pink Ribbon in Carlsbad CA. Places like that would probably be very interested in selling your product. You should contact them and other stores that cater to cancer patients and survivors.

SusaninSF · August 2007

Darya,

I think some of us took a long time to post a response to your ideas because they are so radically different. I for one, first read your post and thought, "I wouldn't have the guts to wear something like that". Since then, I have thought about it quite a bit and really like what you're trying to do.

As I write this, I'm wearing a tight t-shirt without a prosthesis as I usually work out or do yoga at home this way. The look is not good. The flat slide is all wrinkled up while the left side is a bit too tight. It would be great to have the option to wear something that worked with the asymmetry. I also agree with the others who posted that it would be great to have some attractive night clothes that were designed the same way.

Feel free to pm me for the focus group.

Thanks for thinking so creatively!

Cheers, Susan

Diana_B · August 2007

Susan,

Thanks so much for your response - that's really interesting.

I guess it is quite radical. For the first few months after my mastectomy I was sure I wouldn't wear my prosthesis much and would instead wear these shirts. But you never really know how you're going to feel - what turned out to be most important to me after was to look normal and to look as I did before. Consequently I wear my prosthesis most of the time.

In the last little while, though, I've begun to feel forced to wear it, because nothing else actually looks good. I find it annoying to put it on just to run to the store, and I don't like the feeling I have when I'm wearing a t-shirt without it at home (hanging around or doing yoga etc) and someone comes to the door. I feel instantly unattractive. So in some sense I think of the shirts as a defense or a barrier - somehow pre-emptive or something (?).

On the other hand, I can feel intensly vulnerable wearing the special shirts. Even designing them is emotional because I'm accepting the reality and finality of what's happened. So there is tremendous sadness in it as well. I suspect that even with the nightgowns, no matter how nice, women who buy them may feel that emotion at first too. That's despite the fact that my friends have told me the designs actually neutralize the absence of the breast because I've balanced out the body visually.

erika-canada · August 2007

hi:

As I said in my previous post I think it's an awsome idea. please, put me in your focus group.

I hate bras, before BC when I came home from work off came the bra and wore big t-shirts.

I'm now at radiation stage of treatment, with hot flashes very worried about prosthesis. I know I'll be terribly hot .....common sense.

please. PM me.....thans.

best of luck,

Erika /Canada

foldrol · August 2007

I would love to see what you are doing. I haven't been able to find a comfortable not too expensive outfit to wear to excercize (I took up sport yoga this spring - in order to keep my prosthesis in one place I end up wearing layers and getting too hot.) I might work up the courage to go lopsided one of these days. It would be so much easier.

I also love the idea of svelte, slinky night gowns. Shortly before I was diagnosed I splurged on a wonderful black silk nightgown that made me feel fantastic. I wore it once before my mastectomy. When I try it on now, it looks so lopsided. Since then I've been in t-shirts and shorts. Not very sexy.

I just wish lopsided felt more acceptable in public. I hope your ideas can make it a reality!

Diana_B · August 2007

Thanks again to all who responded for your ideas and honesty.

I've been busily working on the nightwear, and hope to have them for others to see in a few months. I will PM those of you who have an interest.

FYI, I wore one of the shirts today and felt totally unself-conscious. It was wonderful not to have a bra on and to have soft jersey fabric right next to my skin.

I'm working hard and hope to have something worthy of you all in the not to distant future. I'm beginning to suspect that having specially made clothes can change how we feel about our bodies and mastectomies.

Cheers,
Darya

Bugs · August 2007

I am very interested in seeing some of your nightwear. I had a bilateral mastectomy, and it just seems to me that "normal" nightwear accentuates the lack of breasts. Would love to check out your new designs when you get them done!

Good luck,
Bugs

shrink · August 2007

Darya: Please let me know about your creations. I'm thinking of having only one breast removed instead of a bi-lat since there is no evid. of disease in the other breast. Thanks for thinking out of the box.

starzhere · August 2007

I would love to see some of your designs. I had a mastectomy without reconstruction, 17 years ago.

Your whole idea is a fascinating and innovative!

Elaine from SoCal

Marsha56 · August 2007

Hi I had a tram 12 years ago today. I hate the way shirts fit me, I am not the same size I hate bras how about helping some of us who had resoncsturtion but are still lopsided..... I would love to be in your focus work. Thanks!

Bettis · August 2007

Darya would love to see your designs. Had a right mast with recon that failed.

mikim · August 2007

I too would love to see your designs.
Please include me when you send out more information.
I will have a mastectomy in 4 weeks.
Great deisgn and ideas.
:-)

purplemb · August 2007

I also have only one breast...I like to go with out a proth..so please let me see....
Mary Beth

AnnNYC · August 2007

Great ideas -- reminds me that the day before my mastectomy, I rolled through KMart throwing giant blouse-y things into the cart so I'd have something to wear post-op -- and I found a Joe Boxer v-neck t-shirt with the famous smiley face, winking on the left side, which was the breast to be removed! I loved the idea, and I've since loved the reality, of this face "winking" at the missing breast -- and at anyone looking for it!

biondi · August 2007

HI DARYA, GREAT IDEA, NOW AFTER U FINISH WITH THE ONE BOOB SHIRT AND NIGHTGOWN, COULD YOU DO SOME DESIGNER T'S FOR NO BOOB LADIES? I GO FLAT AND I WOULD LOVE SOME REALLY CRAZY, FUN T-SHIRTS, SOFT MATERIAL, VELVET, JERSY, OR MIXED. I ALSO DO ART, PHOTOGRAPHY AND MOSAICS, SO I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO WEAR, SPECIALLY NOW THAT I AM BREASTLESS AND BEAUTIFUL..LOL.
P.S THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, THEIR ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT SHAPED BODIES IN THIS WORLD, MINE IS BUT ANOTHER. IF PEOPLE STARE, I JUST DON'T CARE, CAUSE I'M MUCH MORE THAN BOOBS!!

biondi · August 2007

ALSO DARYA, I JUST LOVE YOUR HAIR COLOR!!

Diana_B · August 2007

Quite a few bilateral women have contacted me now, saying I should design for them too. Which has of course gotten my little design mind buzzing.

However, it's taking all my energy just to develop this one product. Maybe once I've figured things out it will be faster and easier for me to do more styles etc.

I suppose the one-breast thing motivates me the most since I'm one breasted. It occurred to me the other day how fleeting that status might be, as I just went for an MRI and am trembling about the results.

As I'm working, I'm discovering what I'm calling the "design principles". I think I'll eventually circulate them to help women figure out which clothes to buy and look for in the stores, since I can only do so little myself.

Sorry I haven't contacted people yet about the focus group. I'm a bit overwhelmed with stuff to do right now.

Thanks, biondi, for the hair compliment. I love intense colours and unusual looks. I can't wait to have more hair!

BoobsinaBox · August 2007

Darya,

Like biondi, I am a bilat, no recon, who has chosen to dress the way I am. I've found some things at Coldwater Creek that I feel good wearing, but when you are all better, I look forward to reading what your artistic eye says will be good styles for those of us who are flat and beautiful. I'm 60 and still not ready to look like the great-grandma I am! I'll be thinking of you as you await MRI results on the "good" side. Let us know.
Dawn

Binney4 · August 2007

Well, rats on waiting for MRI results, but prayers also for moments of joy even among the many of anxiety. It'll be good, Darya!
Binney

sierrasusieq · November 2007

I am definetely interested if you do design these clothes. I had a right side mastectomy. I don't wear the prosthetic at home and once in awhile don't even wear it when I am out running around (depending on what i have on).

Riverwoman · November 2007

I am another flattie.. and would love to have some tops designed, without darts.. fullness in the chest.. something with patterns for camoflage.. if you get that far.

I go flat almost all the time. In the past, with lg breasts, I wore solid colored shirts.. patterned skirts or pants.. now, it's reversed.. but most shirts are either too form fitting.. or too baggy in the chest.

I'll keep an eye on this thread.

I'd love to see your designs.. even if they will not work for me.. I love that you are taking this on.

Great hair!!

Would you wear this?

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