When will it get any better!?!

PulchraPuella · August 2007

Ok, I'm not writing this for myself, but for my poor mother, who after two years of HELL is still suffering, and it's even getting worse! She was a happy, active 44 year old, with her youngest child only 8, and on mother's day (of all days) she found that her biopsy was positive.

Since then, it's been double mastectomy, expanders, TAC, bald (she had had long, naturally blonde hair all her life), radiation, lymphodema, chronic pain, continuous doctor visits,no energy- she's lost her life. I'm with her every single day, I even sleep with her, and she deserves BETTER THAN THIS!! She's the most wonderful woman that ever lived- beautiful, kind, loving, the best mother ever. And it kills me to see this once joyful, hopeful person, spiral down. My sister and I try to rally around her, to encourage her- but I understand why she feels this way- Anybody would. Does it get better? Does anybody have any hope that I can offer her?

Shirlann · August 2007

Oh honey, I am so sorry, this damnable disease, takes away so much from us.

But what a blessing you are to your mom! Imagine where she would be without you. You are her anchor and comfort.

Believe it or not, this does end. It slllooowly gets better and after a time, the sun comes out and the birds sing. It is just so long, we almost all suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, as well as all the left-overs from treatment.

Cancer is NOT for the faint of heart!

Please come and post here anytime, and we will all help you with your mom on this nasty journey.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Binney4 · August 2007

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! There's definitely hope. Why does everyone try to tell us that a year after treatment ends we'll be ready to get our lives back? Maybe that works for some women, but it didn't work that way for me. Six years out, and in the last year I can finally say I've got my energy back and ... that spark that is the real me, y'know? My husband kept the hope alive, always telling me the weakness and sadness (the feeling that my life was ruined) would end, and it turned out he was right. But not on anybody else's schedule. He gave me room to grieve and struggle, because like you he saw there was every reason to feel low.

Do you know that there are studies out that show women who develop lymphedema have a much harder time of getting their life back on track? Not that they don't, but that it's harder, takes longer, feels more like we've been abandoned in our struggles. I hope somebody's taking her lymphedema seriously and treating it, because getting that under control is essential to getting past the depressing, humiliating, life-changing journey that starts with a breast cancer diagnosis.

How about you and your sister? I'm so sorry for all the pain you've been through, and the fears and worries, and having to watch all this happen to someone you so obviously love. I hope you will both reach out for the resources YOU need, because you can't discount the toll this has taken on you. But I have to tell you, just take heart, give your sense of humor more room to operate, dump all the grim parts on God's shoulders and start to enjoy your mom again. That's what she needs; that's what you need, too. Hang in there, help her get all the medical help she needs, but also find the things that used to be onjoyable and adapt them so they work for her.

Hug and prayers to all of you. It'll be good,
Binney

Shirlann · August 2007

Binney, you are exactly correct, that was about the time frame for me too.

Hugs, Shirlann

PulchraPuella · August 2007

Thanks for all the love! It's so comforting to know that others have been able to get over this life changing ordeal. Your kind words are just what I need. I hope I don't paint it as 24 hr. sadness- amazingly, there are times that we can just watch a movie and laugh, where I can enjoy her wonderful spirit. But, unfortunately, I know that always lingering in her mind is that horrible fear. I know the only way I've made it, is my faith that God will heal and restore her. I just pray so hard every night that He will show His face to her, so she can have hope too. But these messages have touched my heart, and I'm sure they will touch hers too. Thanks

PuppyFive · August 2007

OH Sweetie, what a Wonderful Daughter You are!
Our Sweet Binney is so right, no way could I have said it any better! I too am a six year survivor and so many knew meds. and tests and treatments are here for your Sweet Mom
that Binney and I never had! am I scared YES But that is how this beast CANCER Works, Loves to see us fail and give up! Your Mother has all she needs to fight It with, "Your Love" and Her Family! Always come to talk we will help You and Your Mother get through this, Have Her come and visit when she is up to it, Never will we leave You and Your Mother alone! All My Love, Sweetie
Puppy(Debby)

Member_of_the_Club · August 2007

This is a really tough thing to go through and many, many of us sought professional treatment from a therapist. The lack of energy may be a sign of depression, which many bc patients get at some point. So please urge her to get some help. There really is no downside to doing so.

Anonymous · August 2007

You are a WONDERFUL daughter. I have three wonderful daughters and they were my rock through all of this. I know your mom feels the same way about you. Your mom has given you so much love that giving it back to her comes easy. And I'm also sure she is scared and so are you.

Binney is right. It takes time. Some of us more than others. Antidepressants help for many ladies.

You are absolutely the greatest!
Shirley

Jorf · August 2007

Not sure when but it definitely will. Sometimes though it takes quieting down and noticing that it's a good moment/day or looking back and saying, gee, I feel better than I did a month ago. Life may never go back to the same carefree pretending-we're-immortal life that it was before but the craziness DOES end (treatment stuff) and then it's our job to do the waiting and the working to get this thing integrated into the rest of our lives.

I'm exactly at that year mark and going back to full time work tomorrow - feels like a big marker. I guess I'm ready tho I will miss being (what I'm lovingly calling it this week) a slacker.

Love to you and your mom. It's a tough time! You must be very young and I admire you for going through this with her.

Ka-Loni · August 2007

I am so sorry about your mother. Sweetie I been there too.
We all have. It seems so hard now and it is so tough seeing her like this. Give her time. It is a long journey to travel down, but you know she will get better in time with surgery and treatment. And, alot of prayer. Keep her strong through this time in her life and keep God close by you at all times. I did. He is my main focus. I never thought I would be were I am right now. Keep her strong everyday and she too will be in better health in time. She too will see that tiny little light at the end of the tunnel get bigger and bigger and brighter and brighter.

God Bless You,
Kaloni

wallan · August 2007

You are a wonderful person. I envy your mother for having you.

God bless you and I will pray for you both.

Wendy A

Chattypatti · August 2007

What a sweet and wonderful daughter you are. Your mother needs you now. And, YES it DOES get BETTER! It takes time, so please hang in there with her.
Patti

Catherine · August 2007

Yes it definitely gets better! I was diagnosed four years ago and the first year had so many tests and doctor visits that I felt like I was living at the hospital. Now that whole year seems like a bad dream.

Catherine

dalycity · August 2007

Dear PP: It does get better and your mother is so lucky to have you. I have a daughter, too, but she's on the other side of the coast! So, do you want a Chinese Mother? (smiles).

KimOH · August 2007

Puchrapuella. . .my heart goes out to you and your family. .I too was diagnosed this year 07 on "Mothers Day" with Breast Cancer - My sugery was on July. . ., umm. . it was a "Friday the Thirteen" to be exact. . and my life has not been the same since, . . .but please know. . ."DIFFERENT". . .good days, sad days. . YES, watching more tv with my family and friends. . its going thru alot . . Hearing the "C" word was terrible to hear. . realizing whats really important in life. . . .and you , just being there for her unconditionally, "is" helping her. .family, friends and a super Support Group right here. . day by day. . ..the chatroom is a great place to feel free to express, just look at what the others have been thru, how we are coping and how we all can help you. . perhaps that can be of some more comfort to you. . . my thoughts and prayers with you and your mom. . . Hugs Kim

NancyM · August 2007

There is a book called "Dancing In Limbo" that made a big difference for me. I'm sorry that I don't remember the rest of the title or the authors, but you can find it used on Amazon.com or perhaps in your library. It has a lot of great information about the emotions that happen with cancer. I hope something like this will help both you and your mom with the emotional process. Best wishes!

When will it get any better!?!

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