New! please help- being pressured by parents

The "be positive" line is a load of crap typically spouted by healthy people who have no empathy with what you are going through. Sorry it has to come from your parents, and sorry if I sound harsh about it, but it's something that really grinds me when people say it. "Moving on" is also a tad difficult when you know you're BRCA+ and you have kids.

In fairness to your parents, they are probably so afraid of losing you to cancer that they unconsciously think that if you act that everything's fine, then everything is fine and you will live a long and healthy life. They really do want this behind them because the alternative of their child dying is so horrible.

And in all probability, everything WILL be fine. However, being diagnosed with cancer at 34 (I was 38) especially with small children, is a heck of a lot different than being diagnosed at 74. We've got 40 or so more years to get through, hoping for no recurrence, hoping for no new primary, hoping for no debilitating side effects from premature menopause. Etc, etc.

You sound like you've handled your situation with a lot of grace under pressure. I'm sorry you have this frustration with your parents now. Just know that you are not being "negative" in your feelings--you're being "normal".

Post deleted by bco-administrator

I was diagnosed at 37 with 3 small kids also.
I first want to add that I started feeling worse emotionally after I finished treatment. I ended up going on antidepressants . (which is very common for bc survivors)

I also found a young bc survivor support group. It was wonderful. I only went about 4 times, but just seeing other young women dealing with what I was dealing with and feeling everything I was feeling helped tremendously. I stopped going because I realized the further I get out from my diagnosis, the easier it becomes.(or maybe its the antidepressants) Its now been 2 1/2 years and I am starting to believe that I am going to be here to see my kids grow up. My youngest is starting kindergarten next month. It is a milestone that I thought, after being diagnosed, that I would never see.
I think dealing with the menopause issue was one of the hardest things. I think it was made worse because other people don't think it was a big deal. My mil made a comment that I should be happy that my periods are gone. People don't get that it can be a traumatic thing to go through when you are in your thirties. The loss is something you need to mourn.
If you are dealing with issues of vaginal atrophy and painful intercourse, talk to your drs. There are options to help deal with those problems.
I lost both my mom and dad since I was diagnosed. The only good thing about that was it really hit home how short of time we have here. I did a lot of soul searching of how I want to spend the time I have left, whether it be a year or 60 years. That also helped me move on. Every moment spent worrying about recurrence or what-ifs, is a moment wasted.

Laurie

hi,
I have to agree, I think your parents are scared to death for you, deep down inside, they are truly scared. People seem to say the most insensitive things, but I'll bet your parents aren't meaning to hurt you so. Maybe you could suggest a support group for THEM? would they go??

My son just turned 5 on Aug. 3, and I'm too trying to do everything to keep his life normal. It's not always easy is it? I get really tired of people saying "you'll be fine". i want to kick the next person that says "you'll be fine".

I read a very long time ago that it takes two full years to get over a crisis in someone's life, like death, divorce, illness, etc. so, using two years as an emotional milestone.. I"m just saying, it's OK to need more time to heal, mentally, physically, emotionally..
best wishes.

Irish,

I was first diagnosed at 36 with a 6 year old and a 2 year old. I truly believe that most of us come out of this stronger and oftentimes, surprisingly, happier. I believe that dealing with cancer gives us a tremendous appreciation for life.

It's a love of life that you can often recognize in others before you even know they had cancer. The mother of one of my son's friends I noticed had this glow about her. It was only well after my diagnosis that I found out she had had thyroid cancer.

I don't think we can ever "get over it" and I think we would be losing something valuable if we did. Life is full of important lessons and experiences, not all of which start out as positives.

I don't think I need to tell you all of this but perhaps you can give your parents this perspective. Perhaps you could even show them this thread.

Hugs, Susan