Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

The website here does look a bit different, doesn't it? On my computer, it appears that they increased the the frame size (side to side), and therefore we don't have to scroll down as much to see everything. If that's not what you're talking about, Mizsissy, then maybe they fixed it by now.

The wedding saga continues. Sometimes you can see the worst in people when it comes to weddings and funerals. The niece to be sounds like a BrideZilla to me. I'm sorry to hear that you are getting so much grief reacting to the way you are being treated by the couple and everyone else. You have to go with your own feelings and take care of yourself first. If they can't see your point of view, then you have to leave them alone at least for a while.

Skye,

Please remember that 80% of lumps are B9, and that you just finished chemo and are taking Herceptin - I am praying that this is nothing - is there anyway they could do another test before - or do a biopsy? When are you going on your cruise? I'm sure you were in a state of shock when all this happened - I wish I could give you a big hug - sending one via cyberspace...
xoxo
caya

Skye, having to go on a vacation with a worry like certainly is no fun...so sorry.

Hot spots can turn up on a pet scan anywhere where there is trauma or injury. Mena has a bad ankle that needs surgery and that always shows as a hot spot, even though it's just a bone injury.

Yes, I am on Femara and am tolerating it pretty well. Ocassionally...like once in a blue moon, I get a little achy. Flashing like crazy at first, but even that is tapering off.

RE: Wedding. At this point I don't even WANT to go. Everybody down there sounds so difficult to deal with; it would probably be a very tense weekend and I don't think we'd enjoy anticipating it as we drove down or drove back. Except that we do plan to drag along our camper and set it up at Debbie's (Puppy's) in Morgantown, WV. She has 13 acres and it will be so much fun to meet her!! We'll drop it there on the way down and pick it up on the way back, that is, if we go. If we don't, she'll go and be the "aunt." How would they know the difference?!!! No one is invited from our side of the family anyway (except a brother).


I still don't have an invitation. We just added a fun little detour to old Quebec City on the way back from Maine...we're already cashing in on the plan change!!!

Miz

Oh, Skye, I'm so sorry to hear he said "very worried". But come one...like Caya said...you've had it all, tx wise...nothing could get that big that fast. It has to be a fluke. I know that's no consolation....but really, I feel it is. I think you're gonna be fine.

Yes, it IS 2 am and I am online. I had my friend Wendy's DH here until fifteen minutes ago. He was let go today. We shared a bottle of wine and two beers....I think he could have gone on all night... OY! But I was glad to "help". I've been stressed too, so it was fun to have a few drinks. My DH had to go up to bed at 12:30 as he had an early mtg. Didn't deter Mark. Oh well...I know he was stressed. His wife, my friend Wendy, will be so happy we hung out w/him. She just moved here one year ago and not 8 weeks later I was dx'd. She was/is my ROCK! She was sent here to help me. I can totally be myself around her...not the case w/so many of these Stepford wives. She took my kids several times on a minutes notice if school was cancelled due to snow and I had chemo, whatever. I owe her everything. If Mark needed a drinking partner til 4, I'd have ponied up! Really, thank God he did leave...I'm gonna be exhausted as it is. I don't do well on little sleep.

Rebecca, LOL "try Zappos instead"! Good advice. You do that, Skye...anything you need to, to get you though this period.

I just got a late night E from my neighbor Anne, who drove out to Minneapolis to visit family and was due to drive back today. Thank GOD she wasn't on that bridge. Her brother was on it fifteen minutes prior to the collapse.

Skye, I am so sorry that you have this hanging over you ... it is very likely benign, but I know you are scared. I wish they could biopsy it.

I almost had myself talked into calling in sick to work today. I am not sick, just very blue. I am so tired of my feet and ankles swelling like balloons, it is very uncomfortable, and then yesterday and last night I had chest tightness. It's a feeling I get whenever I am upset (I just had a muga,heart is fine, chest xray, lungs are fine). So I am hyperventilating, and it isn't even 5:30 am. I think if I go into work I will be distracted, whereas if I stay home I will work myself into a real tizzy. But I am so tired of feeling sub-par. And my whining is boring me, so it must be putting you to sleep.

Mizsissy, soooo much drama. That bride really needs to calm down. Your nephew is in for quite a ride with her.

Skye, try to relax. Maybe push for a biopsy?

Melia

Thanks Rebecca. I cannot believe my mood swings. I am usually such a happy person, so little rattles me, and this is not in character for me. Course I used to be really healthy too.

What really annoys me is that I KNOW I am lucky. Yesterday a dear friend took her three year old boy to a specialist as they had found an eye problem during a routine exam at his preschool. They told her it was either cancer or a disease called Coats. It turned out to be Coats, which is not life threatening. But the week of waiting for the appt was horrific. I kept thinking that at 58, although I want another 20 years, my death would not be tragic. And my friend could have lost her little boy, which would be tragic. So I need to internalize this pep talk and cheer up!

MizS, I looked at Soho's website online and they must fifty thousand hair extensions online and I couldn't find the one I'm talking about. but it's shaped like a boomerang. It's not one of those super, curly, long ones that really only look normal on girls in their teens/twenties. This is much shorter and more subdued. It kind of just adds to your own ponytail...in which case can be a complete stub...because this thing covers up your own and you won't see it. Come in all colors. They are in most malls in kiosks. 99% of the time they are run by asian women. You must have one up there.

Melia,

You are entitled to have a bad day - I agree that the drugs affect us mentally as well as physically - and there are days when we just feel down - I find this mostly happens when I have not slept well at night... Do you have any ativan? Use it if you need to.
I went swimming last night at my mom's condo - went "topless" in the pool - there were just a couple of kids there and one man besides my mom and me - nobody seeme to care, I know I sure don't. I swam for about 30 minutes, nothing too strenuous, but it felt good. Then this morning I went for a 40 minute walk, again not overdoing it but definitely breaking a sweat. I am going to try to walk/swim at least 3 -4 times/week now that my legs/feet are not really swollen - but it's been nearly 3 months since my last Taxotere, and I would say it's only been in the last week or 10 days that the swelling has abated - I feel for you Melia.
Tina, too bad about your friend. I hope they can stay in your area. You too. Your friend Wendy sounds like a gem. I don't know how I would have made it through this hell ride without my close friend Toby - I've known her for nearly 30 years.
Have a good day everyone.
caya
(Skye - still sending positive thoughts your way).

Hi Ladies,
I'm feeling better today after a really good sleep. I have decided that officially, I'm going to let the onc be "worried a lot" since that is what he's paid to do and try to ignore it myself. Easier said than done but at least it gives me an official policy to go on and I can't stay weepy for a whole month. If it IS something I would probably need part of my sternum removed and that doesn't sound fun. Rebecca I DID go to Zappos and spent some happy time ogling beautiful shoes. D.S. and I watched an action flick and had fun, I think he felt something was up with me because he made me a fancy fruit cup and other offerings and suggested watching the movie in the first place. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Told dh when he got home, he was supportive as always.
Melia I do hope that swelling resolves soon. I think it's good to keep busy as much as you can tolerate without overdoing. Never feel you're boring us, that is why we are here.
Tina still got all fingers crossed for you dh's job situation. You are a good friend to Wendy and her dh, too bad it had to happen to them.
Caya kudos for swimming topless. I haven't swum for so long, and here we are signed up for snorkeling on the cruise. Anyone know how strenuous it is to snorkel?
I'd best get back to work. I have so many editors on me right now I feel like a mama possum with little ones hanging all over squealing for supper. - Skye

Oh, my sisters, I love you all so much! I've been reading through all the postings, and am totally in awe of all the caring, wisdom, and wonderful personalities in this group. I feel so lucky to be a part of it.

I have not been "not posting" intentionally. I've lost three major long posts in three days, for three different reasons. I just don't know what's with me these days....except for last night. Last night I felt like I really needed a good night's sleep, so I took an Ambien. THEN I went out to the living room and wrote a long post, got all caught up, then I started to get sleepy. Somehow I got four copies of the same post in the box, and it took forever to get them out of there. I thought I got it all fixed and posted, but this morning I see it is not there. Blame that one on the Ambien.

Ok, I'll try again. First of all Melia, I so totally agree with you about the snorkeling. That is where I go in my mind when I need to relax, get away, be in a beautiful place. I felt totally transformed somehow after I snorkeled the first time, and couldn't wait to do it again. It probably is my favorite thing to do, sport-wise, although I guess it is a bit of a stretch to call it a sport. Anyway, Skye - no athletic ability needed, you just breathe and paddle around a little bit, and surrender yourself to the beauty, You'll never be the same. Akumal is the best place I know to snorkel - the reef is amazing, and alive.

Melia, I think there's swelling and then there's SWELLING, and you seem to have the latter, as I did. I know how miserable it is, and feel for you. Remember, it took 80 mg. lasix twice a day plus the addition of the spironolactone before my extra fluid decided to move. But it did, once they got me on enough drugs. I really think you need to talk with your internist again, and insist on some help. Once my fluid went away, it stayed away, pretty much. I still get a bit puffy, but not bad, and it never came back anywhere near like it was.

And Skye, I'm so sorry you have to worry about this thing for so long! It sounds like that thing that they got all excited about with me - the difference is that I didn't really know what they were worried about until it was almost over. But when they sent me downtown to get that ultrasound and possible needle biopsy, they thought they were seeing something near my sternum - turned out to be just a bony prominence. Just keep telling yourself "80% are nothing," and try to push it to the back of your mind somehow. You need to enjoy your vacation. Snorkel asap, that will definitely help! And I'd be glad to take over worrying if you think someone needs to do that. I've got lots of time on my hands. Big hugs to you.

Tina, next time you go to the mall, grab one of those ponies and get the style number or whatever. We might all need one - I'm definitely going to try it! Who knows, we could have a reunion and all turn up with the same hairstyle. I'll be sending positive thoughts your way regarding the job situation, for your friend as well as dh. You're in such a good place right now, I'd hate for you to have to move.

Lynn, glad you got your hair dyed and it turned out. I'm working up to it, but decided that until I"m comfortable going out topless, there's really no point. Which reminds me, I never did post my topless picture, did I? I'll do that today.

Mizsissy, I am speechless at all the wedding drama. I hope they're happy, but am afraid your poor nephew may have his hands full. I certainly hope they don't disinvite you to the wedding, though - that is one of those things that tend to linger, if you let it. Good luck with all of it, and don't let your feelings get hurt by a spoiled, immature little girl. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and wish them well. I am also speechless at your gowns - they (and Gina) are so beautiful! I'm sure you'll find a market for them.

Well, I had my first radiation treatment yesterday - more scribbling on my chest, but I've quit worrying about it. I did just finally find a comfortable bra, and the ink has pretty much ruined it - but oh well. I just ordered some more, in dark red and black. That should hide the stains pretty well. Anyway, everything went smoothly and I'm getting ready to go again this afternoon.

We were scheduled to get our new old dog tomorrow, but we may call and see if we can have him tonight - we're both getting kind of excited. The kitty boys are using his crate as a clubhouse, though - that will be kind of sad because they are having a ball hanging out in there, dragging their toys in there, etc.

Are we chatting tonight? I'll try and show up this time.

Hugs to you all.

Thanks for all your posts about the wedding and bridezilla; it gave me the moral courage I needed to take a stand and at least My MOTHER is applauding my efforts. She keeps telling me to stick to my guns.

I'd love to chat tonite but I got up at 5:30 am with DH, ran a mile at 7 AM. Everything was fine until about 12:30 when I had to drive to Ann Arbor for a medical appointment...strangest sensation of being asleep while driving. I mean, I could see the road, even though sometimes cars appeared double, but I had this nice relaxed feeling you get when you're sleeping.

Anyhow, somehow I have made it through the day but it's down to the basement and lights out for me as soon as I clean up the kitchen....(we moved the guestroom down there yesterday)

Have a nice chat!!!

Hi checking in, I tried to comment on the posts and fill you in on other stuff but it disappeared. Guess they haven't fixed that problem yet. I'm doing ok, my last zap is Monday!!! Skye, let us sisters worry for you and you go on that cruise and think nothing of it. Because as Tina says, after all the treatment how can anything "dare" to be anything other than B9!!
Mel, we want to see a pic of your new old dog when you get him/ her what is it?
Isn't that awful about the bridge collapse? I have a real fear of bridges and my DH could never understand that. Now he does. I am so sad about those people. ): I am praying for them.

I am still very tired for rads, almost a week out. How long does it take to feel good? Or am I doing too much? (duh?) Tamox came in the mail today. Trying to decide when to take it (20 mg). Morning doesn't sound too appealing, maybe lunchtime. I need a time when I will remember. Anyone have any nausea with it? Also trying to decide when to start. I'd like a good weekend. DS coming home tonight from Houston to visit, having friends over tom for dinner on our patio, Tigers game on Sat, going boating on Sunday and it's my wedding anniversary - 29 yrs. Maybe I'll start Sunday afternoon. Melia, hang in there. Do something special for yourself.

Mel, glad you got the rads rolling. Just get on with it and past it. Sharon, speaking of rolling, you look ready to go in that picture...enjoy it. You deserve it!

Mary, I'd just take the Tamoxifen. I find it so interesting that all of you have started taking it after me are experiencing the same exact feelings I had....you expend a lot of energy wondering when to start, etc. In hindsight, it's wasted energy because once you take the first one, that's it...you just do it every day and never give it another thought. I take mine late am/early afternoon. Haven't had any nausea. If you accidentally get a "taste" of it, it's fairly gross, but... just have plenty of water.

Mel, I will try to get the Soho ponytail SKU#. And I agree with whoever said to color your hair, even if it's just for you and the DH to see. You won't believe the pick me up factor.

Gonna try to organize photos from the last year so I can drag them w/me to Boston.

Hi Gals,

You women have had so much trouble with swelling and fluid retention on taxotere I think I was very lucky to get off as easy as I did...it sounds terrible. Caya, I hope you are completely through this.

And Mel...sorry it's taken so luck to get rads going, but it will be over before you know it. It goes fast. It really is a nuisance to have to keep all those appts...I hope you're close by.

Sharon, sorry to hear about your dizzy spells. I hope they go away soon, but I am glad to hear they are not interfering with your artwork.

Back to Bridezilla. I *thought* it was all over with when I made my decision, but I reread some of the email correspondence outloud to my husband this morning to catch him up and everything, and I realize that THEY (the inlaws, my brother?)do not think so. My brother writes that they think my "proposal" to make the gift a graduation present has "merit" but the honeymoon is already paid for. How, by credit card, and if so whose? So I guess they think I am still morally obligated to cough up the money. Which is pretty strange, because I never agreed to these arrangements beforehand.

But as far as I am concerned my role in this is done. I am sticking with my decision. Everybody else has a wedding invitation; we didn't get one, so I guess we haven't been invited or disinvited.

And another issue is coming up...this is so grave. Puppy told me last night that they did not perform the surgery on her bad aneurysm, the one in her brain stem, because they thought it was too dangerous and also she had another one that was more serious. Now they are talking about another surgery to take place in September.

Over these past few months I've grown to feel very close to Puppy; there is a strong bond between us and I feel that I should be with her when she has her surgery. I can help out with the cooking & cleaning, and be with her when her husband has to work. So the wedding--as far as my plans go--is being put on the back burner.

Mizsissy