having a bad bout of ptsd

althea · July 2007

Thursday is the two-year anniversary of my biggest surgery. I decided halfway through chemo, thanks to the helpful ladies in the reconstruction section, that I wanted immediate diep reconstruction from the good folks in nola. And even though the good doctors and wonderful nurses there gave me the best medical experience of my entire life, I was scared $***less at the prospect of surgery before it happened.

I think I'm having some bad ptsd symptoms of late. When I think about the surgery 2 years ago, it doesn't feel like I'm recalling an unpleasant time. It feels like I've teleported back 2 years and the surgery hasn't happened yet. And then I feel all the sorrow, the fear, the anxiety that I experienced before the surgery. Surgery scared me the most out of all the treatments. And now I'm reliving it in what feels like realtime.

I know I'm not the only one with ptsd from treatments. What has been helpful for you in dealing with it? Do you find it to be worse as certain anniversaries approach? To make matters worse, my surgery was six weeks before Katrina. I remember lying in the hospital bed thinking, hurricane season is a God awful time of year to have major surgery. By the time I left NOLA, I felt like it was my home away from home. It was traumatic for me to see the massive destruction caused by the storm, and even more so when day after day after day went by that people were still waiting to be evacuated.

I want so much to move forward, and I feel so stuck. Please bring on some helpful and encouraging words.

Emelee26 · July 2007

I'm so sorry...we treat PTSD where I work and it is really hard....anniversaries definitely provoke symptoms...I just wanted to send words of encouragement and let me know if I can do anything..you'll get through it - it takes time...it's possible there are people there that treat PTSD the way that we do (I work at one of the best anxiety disorders centers) and can help with cancer and natural disasters (since you had numerous traumas) You don't have to suffer alone...PM me if you'd like
Love Marisa

Jorf · July 2007

Marisa, Where are you and what is your approach. I'm near CT and have occasion in my work to refer people for PTSD.

Althea, I can't offer much help other than to say that anniversaries always seem hard. What you're going through is pretty normal and maybe taken to a further place than the way some others deal with it. This is my first year out and in February and March (the anniversaries of diagnosis, first surgery, chemo) I was obsessed with thoughts of "One year ago today...." And one day I figured out that these thoughts were like acknowledgments - difficult ones, yes. And I started to realize a sort of "that was then, this was now" kind of thing. It also struck me as a "that was REAL, that was ME" and it got kind of scary. I still do that sometimes - It was me that had breast cancer and all those surgeries and all that chemo. It was me that didn't have any hair and was skeletal last year at this time. And, because I can hardly recognize it, I figure it's a good thing, that I've moved on and benefited greatly from what it taught me. I dunno, that's that I do with those thoughts when they come up.

Love to you.

Emelee26 · July 2007

Hi,
Anxiety Disorders Center in Hartford CT...I help with research here, but the psychologists do exposure and response prevention...it's helpful and many people have a reduction in sxs.

My mom now refers to things as BC and AC - as in before cancer and after cancer..I told her unless she's christ, she can't do that..hehe..we laughed then.

Here's more hugs Althea! Congrats on a year Jorf!
Marisa

juanita63 · July 2007

Your mom replies the same way i do. Now everybody I know knows what I mean when i say bc or ac.

althea · July 2007

marisa, one thing I'm wondering is if ptsd is making my fatigue worse? Fatigue has been my number one complaint since finishing rads and starting tamoxifen. It just seems worse over the last 3 weeks.

My month between finishing chemo and surgery was made even worse by my local oncologist and surgeon. I call it my 'physician encounters of the third kind.' They caused me untold headache and stress at a time when I was ready to go off the deep end anyway. On top of everything else, I had to find a new oncologist.

I don't recall having such difficulty last year at this time. Is there some reading material you can recommend for ways of coping with ptsd?

Shirlann · July 2007

Unless you have strong reasons or feel that you need to "be strong" I have had wonderful luck with anti-depressants. Some gals don't like them, but for me, they were a God-send. After you get your feet back under you and your confidence back you can sloooowly get off them.

They are not addictive (altho some gals have had bad experiences) and are not on the "substance abuse" list with the government.

Like all things, people react very differently, for me, they were a miracle.

Hugs, Shirlann

Emelee26 · July 2007

Hi Althea,
Fatigue can definitely be a part of ptsd...I asked my boss about a good book or reference for you to check out..hang in there I'll brb with some info
Love Marisa

Emelee26 · July 2007

Here's a good start:
Rothbaum, Foa & Hembree's "Reclaiming your life after a traumatic experience"
Good luck and let me know if you need anything else
Love Marisa

althea · August 2007

Thanks emelee for the book suggestion. My library doesn't have that one. Any other suggestions?

Also, are you aware of people re-experiencing physical symptoms? I've been having a really queasy stomach lately. I had an ileus after surgery two years ago and I couldn't keep any food down for several days. I was so sick! Then I had muscle spasms in my back, and I've been having twinges in that same spot, as if the muscle spasms are considering a comeback.

moogie · August 2007

Having dealt with ptsd in my past, and having it resurface after my surgeries was difficult. I cannot emphasize how important it is to get professional counselling to help you with this. Both your body and mind have a memory and a part in the symptoms , and with relaxation therapy and a good therapist it can be handled. I found that doing exercise, listening to a guided imagery cassette, and practicing meditation helped a lot. The trauma needs to be processed in a way that does not prompt it to intrude on your day...because it is eager to be dealt with!!!
Moogie

Emelee26 · August 2007

Hi Althea...The books I can recommend would have to be special ordered - they won't have them in a library BUT I will see what we have here and try to send you something - articles or chapters for you to read...
I will ask around at work tomorrow and see if anyone has other ideas...Moogie's suggestions may also help..we do exposure therapy here so they would have you think about the things that make you anxious and look at pictures or do thigns to remind you of that time all in a controlled environment while they are helping you handle the anxiety and cognitions....eventually you would habituate to the anxiety and it would be easier to handle...it needs to be done with a therapist...but in the meantime I'll poke around more and see what I can find...I'm sorry for your pain
Love Marisa

moogie · August 2007

Althea:
Please know that there is definitely a good answer to this problem!! I found that there was a cancer care organization in my town that offerred free counselling to anyone dealing with cancer-related issues. I met with the therapist there for several sessions and eventually found somebody privately to continue my work. A very good book to read to help with a number of issues, has a really cheesy title, but is actually a very good book detailing actual things you can do each day to help your own brain chemistry:
" Change your Brain, Change your Life by Dr. Daniel Amen "of the Amen Clinic for behavioral Medicine.

Despite the sideshow title, it has a lot of research based recommendations by a clinical neuropsychiatrist to help deal with a variety of difficult issues.

I hope this helps,
Moogie

having a bad bout of ptsd

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