INFIDELITY TALES,,,,FUNNY

>
>A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>
>One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they
>fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>
>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and
>rub them in the grass and dirt.
>
>He put on his shoes and drove home.
>
>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>
>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
>We had sex all afternoon."
>
>"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
>
> > >
>The 2nd Affair:
>
>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
>having a son.
>
>They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
>
>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
&g t;
>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>
>He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>
>He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at
>the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
>my back?"
>
>The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
>
> >
>The 3rd Affair:
>
>A mortician was working late one night.
>
>He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
>startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
>seen!
>
>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be
>cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
>posterity."
>
>So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
>
& gt;"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
>opening his briefcase.
>
>"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
>
> > >
>The 4th Affair:
>
>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
>front door.
>
>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>
>She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
>
>"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
>
>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>
>"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so
>much I got one for us, too."
>
>No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>
>Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
>sandwich and a b eer.
>
>"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days
>at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>
> >
>The 5th Affair:
>
>A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>
>"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
>
>"One cent?" the man thought.
>
>He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
>bottle of wine?"
>
>"A nickel," the barman replied.
>
>"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place? He
>must be losing money hand over fist!"
>
>The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
>The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>
>The bartender replied,
>
>"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
>
>>>
>The 6th Affair:
>
>Ja ke was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>
>He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
>
>"There's no need to," his wife replied.
>
>"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
>best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>
>"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
>
>
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