breaking into pieces

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Mary1968
Mary1968 Member Posts: 58
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Just venting...
My mother got out to the hospital yesterday, She was suppose to get out Saturday however her urine was too bloody so the doctors left her another extra day.
I am depressed; I cannot not enjoyed life the way I used too. I think of my mommy day and night. It hurts so much that she is so ill. How can I enjoy life when she is so sick? I know it not fair for my children but I do not want to do anything this summer. All I want to do is cry and eat chocolate period. I will do anything to be with her but, the only time I can be with her is on the weekend. I live 80 miles away from my mother. I have asked her to move in with me but she refuse. I feel so guilty that I cannot take care of her. She has made it so clear that she does not want to be alone. Right, now she is with my sister but my sister told me that she cannot keep mom for too long. Because, her husband do not want no home aid in his home. I am breaking into pieces inside.
I look at her and I tell her all would be OK. But she looks at me like who in the hell are you kidding? Next week when she sees her oncologist, I will ask the doctor how long does she think my mom have to live?
Her oncologist told my sister when the cancer has spread to the pelvis that usually means it has spread throughout the body. Now, I am wondering is chemo worth it? Why should she suffer if her prognosis do not looks so good? I just cannot believe this is happening to my mom.
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  • dawnjs5k
    dawnjs5k Member Posts: 111
    edited July 2007
    Mary,
    Stay positive for now. My mom just passed the 3 month mark after being diagnosed as a stage IV. She had her 3 month CT and Bone scans 1 1/2 weeks ago and has found out that her cancer has decreased by 70%. She is on Arimedex daily and had 37 radiation treatments. She did not have to do chemo as of yet. Hers had spread to her pelvis and femurs. She also had the entire chest wall on the right side, the ribs, and the lungs. I only tell you this because the surgeon had us believing that my mom would not make it 3-6 months. I am now figuring on years. Stay strong, it will all come together as soon as she gets started with the rest of her treatments. I don't remember if you said how old your mom is, mine is 62. She has a very positive outlook and I think that helps also.

    Dawn
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  • Mary1968
    Mary1968 Member Posts: 58
    edited July 2007

    My mom is 60 year old. Thank you again for giving me hope.

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  • CalGal
    CalGal Member Posts: 469
    edited July 2007
    Mary -

    We all handle this differently ... My mom had a 13 yr run vs bc, from age 46 to 59. The last three years, she dealt with lung and then the last year, liver mets.

    I'm not even as old as my mom was when she was dx'd with bc, but I too have recurr bc and liver mets ... although I just celebrated 1 year NED!

    As with my own situation, I stayed positive regarding my mom ... until it became evident that she was on her final downward slide ... then I was realistic. I hope that your mom is not at this point yet ... while no one knows, the doctors may have a better idea ... or you may too.

    I lived 350 mi away, and like you, could only see her on the weekends. When my brother visited, he would stay for a couple hours ... My mom put on her wig, did her make-up and had her best hours of the day ... I saw her around the clock ... and knew ...

    For me, reading several books on dying was very helpful ... painful, yes ... and I needed a kleenex box nearby as I read ... The best thing I did, was when she was on the downward slide, I went thru her phone book and called family and friends and told them if they wanted to see her, they needed to come sooner rather than later ...

    They have much better options for bc than they did in 2000 when my mom passed ... Women are living longer and better with mets ... I hope your mom rallies from her current set-back ...

    I take comfort that my mom did not have to see me go thru bc ... I know she would feel guilty, as I have tested positive for BRCA1 ... the hardest thing for my maternal grandma was losing my mom, as it is not the natural order of things ...

    As a close girlfriend so poignantly pointed out, I was her only friend who never complained about her mom ... my mom and I had a great relationship and friendship ... and I miss her dearly.

    As painful as it is for you to see your mom sick, your kids need you ... and it's an opportunity for learning and personal growth ... You might ask your mom what she would like from you ...

    Best to you,

    CalGal
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