I can't get my act together and I don't know why

gsg · May 2007

Thanks so much, Nicki.

I make big plans each day and then shut myself in. Today, I really am going to try to get myself moving and see if that improves my mental place.

hi5-2006Aug13 · May 2007

I hear you about being "sick and tired of being sick and tired"...I am the type of person who has always been a motivated hard worker but since my dx and bilateral mast in May 2006 my journey keeps getting more and more complex, had rads, on tamox, had to switch ps, my adult son who has many difficulties screwed up, I had to go on anti-anxiety meds and sleeping meds cause I couldn't sleep. After rads found out I had hypothyroid and goiter, nodules on thyroid, my borderline diabetes has now gone up to diabetes and I am brca1 +... will have ovaries removed and hysterectomy. Just found out a few days ago that my daughter also has the brca gene. Long term disability is wanting more and more info and reports from all doctors and specialists to assess me to see if I still require disability. I have an extremely high stress job: teacher working with highly at risk students...I don't feel my doc i supportive of me...will things ever get back together??? I need time to think without having a new medical condition occurring. Can you relate? ( AKA hi5 on chat)

Valsul · May 2007

Feb, I don't know what to say to you that would help, but you are amazing to be dealing with all of this. You sound such a strong person, as do all of the women who come to these boards and just get on with gritty work of survival, jumping bigger and bigger hurdles.

But you can do it. My thoughts are with you to get through this next period. Yes, there are great challenges ahead, with all that you posted, but with our help and prayers you will get through them. You are a practical women and although you feel overwhelmed now you know you will take all the necessary steps to come out to light and love. That's what we are all about.

I want to surround you in a big hug, and to send all the other hassly stuff far away. Who needs bureaucrats down our necks when we have bigger issues to address?

I hold you in my thoughts

gsg · May 2007

Confession time: All I did yesterday was lie in bed, eat & watch stupid movies. I may have to go without undies this week cuz EVERYTHING is dirty. Fortunately, I've gotten fat, so my skirts are always below my dimpled knees.

althea · May 2007

Quote:

I may have to go without undies this week cuz EVERYTHING is dirty.

There's another solution to that one.... buy more underwear!

gsg · May 2007

Quote:
Quote:

I may have to go without undies this week cuz EVERYTHING is dirty.

There's another solution to that one.... buy more underwear!

LOL. Excellent idea, but no time today. I'm praying for no wind gusts or I'm in big trouble.

Anonymous · May 2007

Turn'em inside out.
Shirley

hi5-2006Aug13 · May 2007

Val: thanks for the support and words of encouragement.

I thought when I locked the car up with the radio blaring and the engine running and realized I didn't have my spare keys with me was bad. Now, just the other night I came home after dropping my other car off at the mechanics and realized I had left my keys to my home under the mat in the other car....no spares either... had to drive 1/2 hour back to shop and 1/2 hour home again. One day I hope to get my act together. LOL

iodine · May 2007

Shirley, When I was flying, we called'em the "clean dirties", after that they were the "dirty dirties"

gsg · May 2007

LOL...dotti. I love that. One time I wore my husband's underwear when I didn't have any clean ones, but he's gotten really skinny and let's just say I haven't, so that no longer works.

On another note, I've decided instead of making "to do" lists and getting depressed when nothing gets checked off, I'm gonna start making "to don't" lists and see if that works.

Anonymous · May 2007

LOL to all of ya! "Clean dirties" and "dirty dirties?" That's too funny!

Anonymous · May 2007

I finally made a trip out the other day to return a gift I bought our grandson. It was a little hot wheel like riding toy. Anyway, with receipt in hand I went into Toy's R Us. They told me it didn't come from them. I argued that it did. I told them that I could go right back where I bought it (the isle) and bring them one. I said I distinctly remembered having only one boxed toy and pointed to the cash registered (or near it) where I check out. I asked who's name was on the receipt that checked me out. Oh, by now the supervisor was with us. Anyway, they told me who checked me out (as if that was going to help..LOL). Finally, the supervisor took the receipt and found out it was a pool toy. OH, YEA, I REMEMBER!..I said. It was the little boat I bought for him. I said, I remember where this came from...WalMart! Oh, yeah, and I remember it falling off the bottom of my basket (I had gone grocery shopping also) and DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT! Some gentleman said, ma'am, ma'am..and that's when I realized I had lost a large box. Well, needless to say, I apologized all over the place. I wanted to tell them that I had chemo brain, but they would have REALLY thought I was nuts then! So, the toy is still in my trunk and now I'm thinking about keeping it here for him.
Shirley

AlaskaDeb · May 2007

i have taken to writing "I DID lists"....just write down everything you did that day...mine sometimes look like this though:

Got up
showered
took nap
got up
ate
watched TV
read

you get the idea

Actually, if you write down all the things you do in a day you will be amazed how long the list gets

Deb C

Anonymous · May 2007

Good idea Deb.

1. Got up
2. Made coffee
3. Flipped channels
4. Got coffee
5. Got more coffee
6. Ate something
7. Starting taking morning meds
8. Took more morning meds
9. Took more morning meds (I sorta leave a space in between taking the meds...don't know why, but I do).
10. Started taking supplements.
11. I won't list all the times during the day I'm popping supplements.
12. Somewhere in there I had some chocolate.
13. It's all boring
14. Got on computer twice today.
15. Fixed something for dinner (partly leftovers).
16. And on and on and on.
17. Oh, oh! Forgot! CLEANED the kitchen! And the litter box. And fed the cats. And put down clean water for them. Brushed teeth. (Didn't get dressed today).

Geez, Deb, I was very busy today.

AlaskaDeb · May 2007

See Shirley...you did a lot....heck, MY cat box didn't get cleaned. The cats are going to need clothes pins on their itty-bitty noses to even go IN the litter box. Note to self: buy cat litter.

Years ago when my kids were both babies, my hubby came home from work and I was in a ratty robe, house was trashed, kids were crying...and he wanted to know what the hell I had done all day.

The next day, every thing I did I wrote down...every diaper, every burp rag, feeding, nose wiping, dish washing...the list was 7 pages long. When he came home I told him that THIS was what I did all day....he never asked again.

Hugs ladies
Hang in there...

Deb C

suave · May 2007

GSG,
I hope you make a game out of cleaning and put on loud fund music. You are alive and deserve to have fun. Yes, my mind is always running and I think a day doesn't go by that I don't think about the chances of this cancer coming back. But, you owe it to yourself to take care of you and your home. But, dont' do it because you feel like doing it. Just do it and it will be like therapy for you. You can use it as exercise. Also, why not join a gym and get out of your house. Maybe your husband can join you and this way you can be together. Or if you are together enough, get away to the gym. I just read this thread and I would love to see you get back on your feet at home because you have been so helpful to so many women here. Now we are cheering you on to a clean house and to some exercise and careful eating. Put your tv on hold for a week and once you are bored you will be apt to pick up where you left off. God bless.

sjandtj · May 2007

I feel the same way!!! I fhinished chemo Oct 3rd 06 the started rads Oct 16th finished them Dec 4th. Then started tamoifen in Feb. 07

I think what happens is we are giving all are energy to getting through treatments and when they are done. It finally hits us that we had Breast Cancer!!!!!!! And our bodies are in shock after going through the treatments,

Now we have the time to really think just what we went through. Also...it is like you said everyone around us thinks hey you look great and your done with treatments!!1 so you should be back to normal. Well we aren't back to normal and never will be what we were before BC.

I have really started walking after treamtments but had set back from fatigue, But found out my thyroid is not working, I have been on synthroid for 6 days now and can already tell my energy is coming back!!! I still have problems with my tamoxifen...hot flashes, leg cramp and muscle pain but they are bareable so far. I still get depressed and I have a good cry once a week ....lol and I still have the fear of recurrance! But all the ladies out there tell me that will decrease in time, So I guess that is the main thing we have to do is give ourselves time to grieve for what we lost and try and start a new self!!!

Hang in there and you can email me any time if you need to vent!!!!

steph

Anonymous · May 2007

Deb, all I can say is MEN!

DH went to the doctor the other day for his six month's checkup. Our doctor was going to set up a colonoscopy for him. DH told our doc that I didn't go to sleep..that I watched the whole thing on the screen. (I told the nurse they weren't going to be able to knock me out). Doc told DH..noooooo, I want to be asleep! DH agreed. So, when I see our doc I'm going to tell him what wimps men are. They should try having a baby! A colonoscopy is NOTHING compared to childbirth. Ask me. I had three. LOL Would I have rather been in a twilight sleep during the colonoscopy. Yep.
Shirley

juli0212 · May 2007

sfj--Same here...finished chemo 12/06, radiation 2/07, now on tamoxifen. Disabled since 2002 due to daily migraines/nausea and NEVER EVER had ANY problems due to depression/down feelings until AFTER treatments of breast cancer....as you said, it's that we put all energies to going THRU the surgeries/treatments/drives to and from daily radiation...then WHAM!!!!! hits like a brick, or a kick to the gut....I'm told that this feeling can last for many YEARS after treatments, and as you say, family/friends say OHHH, you must be feeling SOOOOO much better now that your treatments are OVER with...nope nope nope....!!!! They have NO clue....time heals?? Well--maybe, but always that thought in the back of the mind that we DO NOT consciously think of: recurrences/mets.
We do the best we can.... thankfully there is this site where we ALL seem to experience alot of the same symptoms.
~juli~

gsg · May 2007

ok. it's official. i'm completely disgusted with myself...no exercise...eating all the wrong things. moping around. regaining the weight i had taken off and i look all doughy. enough. i swear to god i'm going to start back on the right path today. when i exercise, my head starts to clear. this............is.........it!

iodine · May 2007

OKAY!

Anonymous · May 2007

You go girl! And after you've gone, please come back and tell me how you did it. I ate TWO apple turnovers this morning!
Shirley

gsg · May 2007

unfortunately, my post yesterday ended up being much ado about nothing. Although I was completely sincere when I posted it, was so far down in the dumps, I felt immobilized after i left my computer. Today we have something to do, so I know I'll have to get up and get moving. Once I'm out, I always feel better.

I'm getting really sick of me and my sucky attitude. I wonder if you guys are too.

Anonymous · May 2007

Patrice, we never get sick of you.

I have good intentions everyday. But what do I do? I wait until it's time for company and then bust my butt, moan and groan, get angry with my husband , and on, and on and on.
Shirley

suave · May 2007

Keep on trying. You will get there. we all go thru our slumps but eventually you will get out of the house, take walks, and feel better. Keep trying.

gsg · May 2007

i won't give up. my husband has been working on the house, so at least it's not as depressing as it was.

gsg · June 2007

i feel bad for my husband. i'd hate to be married to me. i've been so down, i didn't even give him a birthday card on his 60th birthday a little over a week ago, no cake, nothing. i couldn't get it together to go out and do it. i've never felt so hopeless in my life. i have an oncologist's appointment in the beginning of july. i hope i can get it together to answer him truthfully when he asks me how i'm doing. usually, i say, "i'm great." it's easier than having to admit i'm not.

newvickie · June 2007

Patrice...oh my. I'm sorry you are feeling so down and out. I copied a bunch of your pictures from your thread to add to the journal project. Maybe you could add some new pictures there and renew your passion and the rest will follow.
Do NOT tell your doctor you are feeling great...you need to be honest and let it all out and see if they can come up with a way to "fix" it or at least make you feel more secure and at peace...if not happy.
Sending you a big hug
Vickie

newvickie · June 2007

Well my goodness...I checked active topics and there you are posting your beautiful pictures at the same time as I was asking you too. Too funny.
Did you ever check out this thread...it's pretty good and maybe your DH could read it too.
http://community.breastcancer.org/ubbthr...ge=0#Post477781

gsg · June 2007

thanks so much for the link, vickie. and, yes, i'm posting my pics. i came back to my computer this morning and got lost in my folders and decided to post some. i'm actually thinking about taking a black & white picture of myself to put in there....in all my fat glory. i just have to figure out how to take a tasteful self-portrait. it'll be so amateur compared to what i post...but might be fun to try. we shall see.

I can't get my act together and I don't know why

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