Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

It's rainy here too. I slept until 9 (that's late when the kids get up at 6:30) and then took an hour nap before noon. I'm just exhausted today. Luckily my husband is a good sport about this and is watching the kids. Although it now looks like a tornado went through all of the toy boxes!

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I am having a draggy tired, allergic day. It's raining. I don't mind that really; it's dark but not cold enough for a fire in the fireplace. Candles are OK, and DH is playing his guitar. He actually wrote a song about me during chemo that is kind of poignant and Brazilian sounding.

Didn't sleep last night and woke up this am congested & fatigued. Got some sewing done anyway in the morning, then ran out of things to do. What about a nice low calorie dessert?!!! I NEVER make desserts but I found a nice Italian recipe for something called Almond Cream made out of ricotta, milk, gelatin, and Disaronne. Recipe said very easy and lucious to eat, 180 calories each. Hell, I snack that much anyway after dinner!!

Well three hours and $52 later (well the Claritin was $18), I have a sink full of dirty bowls, and four wine classes messily filled with some sort of white gunk that actually tastes good, although it was supposed to go eight ways instead of four. That means 380 calories per serving instead of 190. Is that dietetic?!!! I don't think so.

Oh well.

Another day tomorrow when maybe it isn't raining. Maybe I can go bike riding & burn off the calories.

Mizsissy

Hi all,
“I only wish that the work done on me was like that done on the roof and came with a 30-year guarantee!” LOL
Skye,
I hope you feel better soon. We all seem to have some yucky days- but that is okay. Pity parties can be therapeutic- especially when we can share them with each other. I hope they bring home lots of cake for you to enjoy-You deserve it.
Mel,
I am sending you more hugs. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. I hope your dh can post and let us know how you are doing. Good luck tomorrow on the phone.
Jan,
I am glad your dh could help you out with the kids today. They are funny though- messes do not bother them- they don’t see them.
Rebecca,
Your new glasses sound so cool!
Tina,
That does sound like a strange experience. Luckily you got your son away from him. It does sound sad though.
Mizsissy,
I hope you enjoy your “Almond Cream.” I hope you feel better soon.

Sounds like a rainy day everywhere- here too. A nice day to relax and do absolutely nothing. I did get out for a walk with a neighbor between raindrops. I wish I had enough energy to go through my closets and change them from winter to summer. Actually I am using the low energy thing as an excuse- I am just procrastinating. Maybe tomorrow. Today I will enjoy being lazy and finish reading the Sunday paper and make some concoction for dinner.
Catch you all later,
Viddie

My son's girlfriend burned the cake, so there was no birthday cake. I'm trying to be practical, she meant well, and it's better for my waistline without it. Lynn I'm just the same way as you. How did those clothes get so small since last summer? Welcome to my pity party, along with Mary and anyone else who feels like joining in. Misery loooves that company! :-)
Mel it's great that your eyebrows appeared overnight. It sounds like a fairytale. Do you think the eyebrow fairy came while you were sleeping? Will you send her to my house?

Tina, that is so sad about the doctor with brain tumor. It must have been scary for you. Sounds like he is more weird than dangerous, though. But I don't blame you for keeping your distance. Sheesh, you have a mad man on your block and I have a mad dog.

Viddie the winter clothes aren't going anywhere. I'd enjoy that newspaper.

DH just called and there aren't even any bratwurst left over. Sniffle. Guess I'll go rustle up a salad or something. Mizsissy your dessert has given me sweet cravings too. - Skye

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it's great that your eyebrows appeared overnight. It sounds like a fairytale. Do you think the eyebrow fairy came while you were sleeping? Will you send her to my house?

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LOL!!!! Maybe the eyebrow fairy knows the fuzz-fairy. I could use a visit from either of them about now!!!!

Aww mel hang in there!

To come home from the hospital you will want a loose shirt that opens down the front (nothing over the head) and sweatpants. Part of my dressing was actually a surgical bra, so i had no need for undergarments of that nature. I actually had DH bring me clothing in the hospital, and i changed out of the dreadful hospital gowns as soon as they took out my IV.....oh and if they MAKE you wear the gown for any length of time, make them give you an extra so you can wear it like a jacket and cover your poor cold behind. I felt so much better when they did that for me!

How long will you be in the Hospital?

My sympathies on the fingernails....I can totally identify. my toenails look fine, but my fingers are pretty gross. I have no idea if I will lose any, but they are definitely peeling back from the nail bed.

Do not be sad Mel....you are, and will continue to be beautiful. This is just a season in your life, and it will pass. {{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}

Hi All,
Mel, I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. How long will you be in the hospital? Do you have someone to help when you come home? The advice you have gotten re what to wear is perfect. And as a nurse, I guess you know all about the drains. By this time next week, you will be feeling better. I was wondering; why chemo first and then surgery? Just nosy.

Viddie, you are adorable. Love the glasses.

Skye, no cake!!??? I bought a qt of Starbucks mud pie ice cream today, went to the store for salsa and lemons. Got those too, but the icream was on sale. It's my weakness.

So I am very ashamed of myself. We lost a wonderful, dearly beloved cat of 21 years about a year and a half ago to kidney failure. His name was Charles, and we miss him every day. Our remaining cat, Beatrice, is now in early stage kidney disease. I went to the pet store today to get her some special food, and this lady was stocking the cat food. She was a rep for some company. I was, like most of you today, feeling kind of punk and sad. She started to give me a pitch about her cat food being able to cure cancer. I said that I didn't believe that, I had cancer, it isn't caused or cured by what you eat, and it's cruel to say it is, just makes people feel like they caused it. She was shocked. I was waaaay too nasty about it. Then she wanted to help me find some cat food, and I said "please just leave me alone to find what I need" and nearly started to weep. I don't know why I had to be so mean. I guess it was just not what I wanted to hear.

On a better note, we had such a nice day yesterday at the wolf preserve. It's part of a research project to reintroduce wolves into the wild. They are lovely animals. The day exhausted me, and I am discouraged by how little energy I have. We will feel better soon, right?

Melia

Well, guys, glad to know you thought my encounter w/Dr. Creepy was bizarre too. After I wrote it I thought jeez, the guy had cancer...cut him a break. But cancer or not, it was just too weird. I guess if I didn't make it out the bedroom, I could have whipped my wig off and scared the crap out of him!

Rebecca, LOVE the shades. Very funky! Love the leopard scarf too. It works. Keep 'em!

Mel, I have that camisole in the above mentioned post... I never used it and I could send it to you if you'd like. It has little pockets to hold the drain bulbs.

I came home from the hospital in a surgical bra I named squishy. That thing was so tight. I remember taking off to shower and it felt like I still had it on. Plus I had the camisole. I wore a button down shirt over it. Mel, we're here for you and you'll do well with this surgery! I promise.

Skye – I don’t know what to say about the cake except that if I were you I would quickly transition from pity party to temper tantrum and send dh out to find some cake fast. If the eyebrow fairy should show up, please send her to my house next. Mine are coming in slowly with very short pathetic looking hairs. No sign of eyelashes at all.

Rebecca – I like the glasses (and the scarf). The glasses are very cool – keep them for sure.

Mel – there is an awesome post about post-surgical tips that is well worth the read – but I can’t seem to find it tonight. If I manage to locate it I’ll send the link.
(1) I would suggest having either one of the camisoles with those soft breast forms to wear home or a soft tank top to wear against your skin. I found that shirt seams really annoyed me and that having a soft tank top as an undershirt made me much more comfortable.
(2) I had no dressing or bandages over my incision. My surgeon used glue so there was not even stitches. I looked at the incision while I was still in the recovery room (probably a bad idea). What I was NOT prepared for is that the nurse walked into my hospital room just moments after I arrived and looked at the incision. So that’s how my husband got his first look too. Not how I’d imagined that happening. It was a bit of a shock for both of us and at the time I had too much morphine in my system to react.
(3) I took my own PJs to the hospital (with button down fronts).
(4) Also get some comfortable button down shirts that are a bit baggy. You will not want to have to put anything over your head. I went to target and found a few in my size in the mens section.
(5) Also bring some safety pins for the drain(s). The post-surgical camisoles have pockets for the drains, but I still preferred pinning them. Pin them to your shirt/undershirt – NOT your pants.
(6) For when you get home have something to attach the drains to when you take a shower. I used a lanyard like you get at meetings/conferences to put your nametag on. I could attach the drain to that and it stayed out of my way in the shower. I’ve also heard people say they just left on their panties in the shower to attach the drains to.
(7) Also – for the hospital – take 2 small pillows (like the size of baby pillows). Tuck one under each arm. They will make you so much more comfortable. I still sleep with mine most of the time.
(8) I was allowed to shower with my drains – ask your nurse/doc about this. I bought some gauze and tape before hand so that I could change the dressing over the drain site after I got out of the shower. They have gauze with a slit on one side. This works perfectly if you can find it.
(9) The nurse in the hospital will show you how to empty the drains. Part of this process is running your fingers along the tubing to squeeze out the fluid in the tube. I found that this was much easier to do if you use a small alcohol pad instead of just your fingers. (The nurses used this technique). So you might want to pick up a small box of alcohol pads.
(10) Get your husband to fill your prescriptions while you are still in the hospital so that everything is ready when you get home.

Melia – I’m glad you said that to the pet food lady. It totally throws me over the edge when people blame cancer on what we (or pets) did or didn’t eat.

TPPJ – I think you are exactly right. People want to place blame so that they can feel safe from cancer. Too bad it doesn’t work that way!

After our very lazy day we went out for dinner and then took the kids and dogs to the park until they were all worn out. My dd is out of school so we let them play past bedtime. They fell asleep tonight in record time which is just what we were hoping for! The park was nice – a gorgeous sunset over the river. The dogs were perfectly behaved (we’ve been working hard with them) and the kids had a blast.

My hot flashes are significantly worse than usual today. I wouldn't have thought it was possible - but I guess it is. I wonder if it's the tamoxifen?

Mel,
I am getting ready for work but wanted to be sure to wish you luck with the surgery tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and praying for a fast recovery. It will be good to have it behind you so that you can focus on regaining your strength. I really did find the surgery much easier than chemo, although I only had one breast removed. Know that many people are sending positive thoughts your way and are with you in spirit.
Melia

Melia, I think you were right to let the cat food lady know you're feelings. People who make claims as she did really annoy me. You go girl!

Rebecca, I had lasik surgery 2 years ago and had to wear glasses all the time before that. I was always too much of a wimp to go for the trendy stuff, so always had the conservative small wire frames. I think you look great in those frames. You could even change your avatar!

Jan, ok, so I just took my first tamoxifen yesterday and I swear last night my ankles hurt and I was having double the hot flashes. I'm sure most of it was in my head, well maybe the ankles hurting were from the gardening. Hot flashes are a side effect of tamox, so it might be that. DH bought me one of those fans where you put ice water in it and squirt the water out while the fan is on you, really works well. He also bought me a couple clip on little fans. There are fans all over the house!

Mel, wishing you the best for your surgery tomorrow. We'll all be thinking about you and waiting for your dh to post so we know you're ok. Another tip, the pain meds constipate you, so make sure you take something for that as well. My surgeon gave me a script for stool softeners.

Melia,

My heart goes out to your for your dear kitties. I know exactly what you went through, because I went through CRF with my dear sweet Sissy last September.

I don't blame you at all for being nasty to that charlatan pet store owner, duping people into thinking she can cure their animals of cancer!!! What a con game!!!!

Sissy was diagnosed with CRF last August at age 17, when we away visiting relatives. She was in terrible shape, but a neighbor was able to get her to our vet before she got home. We pampered her and babied her for two months, fed her a special diet, gave her subcutaneous fluids and shots, and loved her. It was a special time for us and for her, and she responded very positively to the therapy and attention and had quite a comeback.

Then she suddenly went downhill. We were devastated when she left us; there are things I would do differently now, but I know she is safe in cat heaven.

I will send you some wonderful web resouces on CRF via email.

We have a Google web album of Sissy http://picasaweb.google.com/mizsissy/Sissy?authkey=oJDANfsecyA
I took her name as my signon here when I was diagnosed, shortly after she passed away.

xxxoooo Mizsissy

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Melia,

I find that everyone asks me "Does it run in your family?" They want to have an explanation for it, so they can say "oh, phew....it won't happen to me." I can understand that, but you do get sick of hearing that over and over.

Tina I get that over and over too, and then the look of shock in their eyes when I tell them nope, sorry, nobody in my family has had cancer and I had no known risk factors other than my age. I guess you can't blame people for being afraid they will get cancer too but it does take a toll on our mental game to get that comment every time we go out.

Melia you were right to unload on that pet store clerk. Pet food that can cure cancer is a lie, and I believe what you felt was righteous anger. If you stopped her from saying that to other people, even a few, it was worth it.

Well I'm going to solve the cake problem by picking one up at the grocery store for son#2 who also missed the Brewer's party. The roofers didn't come today because it is pelting rain so I caught a break there too.

I think the fuzz fairy did come last night. This morning I looked and for the first time see more dark hairs than white, so the hairs are starting to show. I have some teensy eyelashes just starting. DH, the former farmer, said they remind him of when carrots are just starting to grow and the little stalks pop up. (When I was pregnant he constantly compared me to stages of cow gestation.)

Hey RobbinJaye how did your weekend garage sale go? - Skye