Poor nutrition and lack of exercise

I understand your concern. Many of us make poor choices and have a difficult time loosing weight. Some of us continue smoking, having wine, eating meat, french fries, soy products, or many of the other things that have been written about that can possibly increase our chances of recurrance.

Life changes are very difficut to begin. Other than referring her to a nutritionist, what have you done to assist her in these life changes?

Have you offered to begin an exercise program with her?

Have you considered doing all the grocery shopping and cooking healthy meals? That may be a way to keep from tempting her with all that is bad for her in the market.

Perhaps a pantry of only healthy foods would be the way to go? I've read that for a real life change, we have to totally clean out the pantry and throw away all the bad stuff and start over. What do you think?

I know when my dh had a heart attack, that's what I did to keep him from making poor choices. Can you do that?

Okay. . . you did say any advice.

Lay off.

Your wife's risk of recurrence is high because she was stage III. That never leaves her mind. Having you be judgmental ("very poor decisions" "doesn't make an effort") about her lifestyle choices and coping methods is NOT helpful. She'd love to be slim and active, believe me. She is not doing this because she wants to die young and leave you and the kids. If you love her, understand that this is still very tough for her.
She probably had chemo last year, right? She is still recovering from that. That also probably threw her into menopause - she won't recover from that. She is dealing with a whole different metabolism. The steroids she had to take during that time made her gain weight. If she is on Tamoxifen or Aromatase Inihibitors (do you even kknow?) she is having a laundry list of side effects that affect both her appetite, mood and pain/activity level.

Let her know you adore her. Let her know you think she is awesome for having survived a most horrible year. Ask her if she'd like to go for a walk after dinner. Or just sit on the front porch with you - it doesn't have to be active if her joints are killing her. The suggestions above that you take over a goodly portion of the shopping/cooking will help to make choices easier for the whole family and relieve some of her burdens. Maybe she'd rather have the time to take a yoga class than the spinning class you might suggest. It must be HER idea for it to work.

Please be patient. Just love her up good.

All the best
Lisa

I think it is great that you care enough about your wife to post here. However, it is not as easy as one may think. I was one who exercised, ate healthy and still got breast cancer. I have made it my priority to continue to exercise and eat healthy since my diagnosis but it has not been easy. Other things have had to suffer. For example, I have no deisre or energy to cook for my family anymore or clean or pick up the house. My husband finally got a maid. I work full time and my work and exercise is about all I can handle. Chemo does a lot to our bodies and if you add hormone therapy onto that it can be even worse. Many of us suffer from fatigue, depression, have muscle aches and pains, memory loss, etc etc. I suspect it is even harder for someone who did not exercise before breast cancer. My sister was diagnosed a year and a half before me. She was overweight at diagnosis and was not a very healthy eater. I had a discussion with her one time and we discussed the studies that suggest a healthy diet and exercise can reduce our chance for recurrence. It took her a year after our discussion and 3 years after her diagnosis to finally decide to join weight watchers, which has been wonderful for her. She has now lost 40 pounds and she takes a walk every night with her daughter. I suspect your wife thinks about and fears recurrence 24/7 as most of us do and she wants more than anything to live a long life with those who love her. I totally agree with the other women who have suggested emptying out your cupboards and keeping only health food in the house. That is an important first step. Weight watchers may also be an option as well. However, remember she is only a year out of treatment. Changing ones lifestyle can take a while. Be patient.