I've chickened out.

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Isabella4
Isabella4 Member Posts: 2,166
edited June 2014 in Bonded by Breast Cancer
My DH's best friend is dying from prostate ca.
Right up until this last week I have been dropping in on him 2/3 times a week.
Suddenly he has taken a turn for the worst, and since last week has been very, very ill. He is unable to walk, eat or talk for long. He is constantly sick, all down his bedclothes, and the nursing home he is in isn't the best, so his room isn't at all pleasant to be in.
I passed my 4 year anniversary last week, and have been having all the bad thoughts surfacing as to my own prognosis. I have just been unable to go and see our friend this week at all, never thought it would hit me like this, but it has. He doesn't know about my bc, and I will not tell him at this stage what is causing me to hang back.
My DH, of course, just doesn't get it, thinks I am just 'not able to take it' and is quite funny with me about it, he thinks I 'am letting our friend down when he most needs us' Believe me, I am very upset with myself but I just can't step up to the plate....it is too raw.
Does this freaking disease taint life forever.
Isabella.
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  • Hattie
    Hattie Member Posts: 414
    edited May 2007
    Do what you can. Maybe your dh can do more now.
    Take care,
    --Hattie
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  • KariLynn
    KariLynn Member Posts: 1,079
    edited May 2007
    When DH goes, send a card or flowers with him or something, he can tell him you're not feeling well.

    You've been a good friend but you can only do what you can do. Be gentle with yourself.

    Kari - Sorry about your friend.
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  • tflowers
    tflowers Member Posts: 442
    edited May 2007

    Isabella... I can only relate because of my personal experience. I met a woman at chemo and we became friends, sitting next to each other. When she was at the end and was at home, I just couldn't see her. Was too freaked by it. I so regret it now, missing her last days to just sit and be there even for 10 minutes. Please think about this because you can't get it back. Good luck with your decision, I know how hard it is. xoxo

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  • biondi
    biondi Member Posts: 223
    edited July 2007
    isabella, my good friend of 35 years, passed this last dec. kidney cancer. well, the last six months of his life, we shared so much. just a few days before he died, i went to the house and gave him a back massage, and we talked, about all the fun we had over the years. the last stage 1 trial drug, did him in. he knew it, and i knew it.. in reflection, i am so happy we shared so many great memories, brought each other soup and little presents and gave each other encouragement. i always was able to make him laugh, even when he was very sick, and i know this cheered him up.
    their will always be things and people around us, to remind us of breast cancer, and our own vunerabiliy.
    look beyond, and realize what a present you are giving your friend, just by being there when he needs you the most. you will be greatful you did, i sure do. biondi
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