the emotional toll of hair loss

Anonymous · May 2007

I have very little hair left now - but still enough around the back and sides to not shave it clean bald because I like having some hair sticking out from under my hats. (It's very short). I am on day 20 after my first treatment and go for tx #2 on Tuesday.

None of this is a surprise to me. I was told there was a 100% chance I'd lose my hair (I'm doing 6 rounds of FEC). I knew when it would be (between days 7 - 18) and it was pretty much day 15 when it all started to leave. I don't consider myself a vain person and my looks are not my number 1 feature so being bald, I thought would not be that big of a deal. Would I like it? Of course not, but would it be a huge deal in my life? No.

I am shocked at how much this is bothering me! I feel very unfeminine and worry about my intimate life with my husband. (How could he want to be with me when I feel more like an alien than a woman) He assures me this is not the case and I do believe him - but I still feel so unattractive.

I hate people seeing that I am bald because I can't stand the "oh that poor woman has cancer" looks I anticipate getting. I bought a wig (a nice one - and man are they ever expensive!!) and wore it out last night on a date with my hubby but I felt so fake. I thought everyone was looking at me and knew I was wearing a wig. ( I know they weren't but it seemed like they were). I felt so down the whole evening. We were in the movie theatre and my wig was a little itchy and I forgot I wasn't wearing a hat and almost lifted it off my head to scratch!

I'm okay when I'm at home - my family is used to seeing me like this and it certainly feels best going commando but being out and about and in the bedroom is a different story!

Also, my wig is a little too shiny - have any of you experienced this? I am thinking of dusting it up a little to make it less shiny and therefore more realistic looking.

You know, on top of all this, I am a little disappointed in myself for these emotions. I thought I'd be braver than this and not care if I looked bald or was wearing a wig. I thought I had more self confidence and could look and feel sexy regardless of whether or not I had hair. I have been so positive and strong throughout this journey and this is something that has bothered me more than I thought it would. I'm still feeling good and chemo (so far) has been really good so I am extremely thankful for that. I'm just feeling a little down. I suppose it will just take some time, then the bald head issue will be "normal" and will become not such a big deal.

Thanks for listening,
Mandy

Curlylocks · May 2007

Mandy,

I am sending big hugs out to you sweetie. The hair loss is so hard to deal with....I had nightmares for 2 weeks prior to loosing mine. Today 1 year post chemo I have dark, super curly hair and am fighting with the unruly hair again.LOL.

You dont have to be brave and put yourself down for feeling these emotions...it is TOTALLY NORMAL!!

I got to the point when I went out in public that I ditched my bandana, peach fuzz head and all 3 months post chemo.

All the best through your chemo treatments, you can do this with or without hair sister!

Your bc sister
Michele

NarberthMom · May 2007

Mandy --

I also thought my wig looked fake. However, I was amazed at how many acquaintances (who didn't know what I was going through) complimented me on my new haircut.

I'm at the tail end of this journey, with one more treatment to go. You do eventually get used to looking at yourself in the mirror. Then, to add insult to injury, you start losing your eyebrows and eyelashes! However, by then, you should have adapted better coping skills at dealing with this "condition."

One piece of advice, should you decide you want to experiment with different wigs. I found the wigs from the American Cancer Society's catalog "tlc" to be great and very cheap (less than $60). I take them in to my hairdresser and he trims them to better fit my face. Their website is www.tlcdirect.org. Other gals have found inexpensive wigs on e-bay. Finally, your local ACS chapter will provide you with one free wig.

Don't worry about your feelings -- they are perfectly natural. In fact, it would be unusual if you weren't feeling this way!

Hugs,
Hillary

meliaanne · May 2007

Hi Mandy,
I am also stunned by how much hair loss has bothered me. I finished 4 a/c and am in the middle of 12 weekly taxols. My hair fell out at the beginning of Feb, and I wear a wig (work fulltime, only my bosses know about the bc). I wear hats around the house. No one in the family has seen me bald. My hair is just now starting to come back, a bit of fuzz. I am hoping to be able to feel comfortable hatless at home in a month or so. I have been very brave (I think) about surgery, chemo, etc, but a real baby about the hair. I am not vain either, but always liked my breasts, hair and hands. Now I have lost a breast and the hair. I sure hope I don't do anything to my hands! So I don't have an answer, but it has affected me the way it has you, and all I can say is that at least it grows back.
Stay strong,
Melia

LisaSDCA · May 2007

Oh, Mandy -
i know just what you are going through, girl - and I am post-trmt.#4. Knowing it's all going to go and actually experiencing it on an everyday basis are two different things - and I have found myself feeling like a wuss about it, too. I had really thick hair, so I didn't end up buzzing mine off until day #31 - like you, I enjoyed having my own peeking out from under my hats for as long as possible! Anything to avoid going out with "I'M A CHEMO PATIENT" labled to me. Even though I could intellectually acknolwedge that other people are more concerned with their own looks than with mine - I'm sorry, in my heart I knew that no matter how striking a woman looks in a scarf or wrap, she's got an unhappy reason for wearing it.
I wear various headcovers around the house for sheer comfort, but like you, wear a wig when I'm going 'out'. We must have the same too-shiny one - I had the checkout guy at the garden center ask me, "Does your hair, like, sparkle?" I couldn't help but laugh as I told him "no - it's becasue it's a wig 'cause I'm in the middle of chemo." "Oh." But I was smiling, so he smiled, and I imagine that although I'll never forget it, he'd forgotten it ten minutes later.
It's not about your self-confidence, Mandy - it's a shock. It doesn't look like the 'you' that you have grown to have confidence in. It takes a while to get more comfortable with that woman. I'm still working on it. Today at my church, I will be given a Prayer Quilt, made by the women of that ministry, and the congregation will be invited to make the final ties, each with a prayer for strength and hope for me. This is loving, generous gesture and a moving moment - and I'll be thinking "Durn, this wig-hat looks so fake!"
I'm still working on the bedroom thang, too. All of this is a daily adaptation. But there is progress - and I believe you will also have experienced similar progress when you've had a few more weeks like I have. Be patient with yourself, be easy and don't demand of yourself that you react the way you expected to - it's all uncharted territory - and we're getting through it!

All the best to you.
Lisa

mccarroll · May 2007

It's amazing how just one post will bring back a flood of memories. Mandy, I felt just like you. Never thought I was a vain person, always hated my hair (had more bad hair days than good) and felt like the ugly duckling in my family. I KNEW my hair was going to fall out but when I pulled my first handful away, I started crying and didn't stop whimpering for 2 days. I thought I would never let DH see me bald, I didn't want him to think of me that way. AC changed that quickly and I was just too tired to care. The good news is that I can also remember how excited I was to see a "halo" of hair coming in about 1 month post chemo. I'm still on herceptin until October and that tends to slow the hair growth but I never wear my wig or hats anymore ... I prefer to go "topless". Not long enough to style but it blows gently in the wind.

Your thoughts, fears and feelings are all too common on this site. So glad you came to us to vent. Rough times arer ahead but there are also great, uplifting times. Like when DH leans over every night to kiss me and tell me how much he loves me.

Hugs, Karen

jacqniel · May 2007

Mandy - First - Hugs to you. Loosing your hair is the pits. I have gone through it twice now, and it wasn't any easier the second time. I hate wearing a wig and usually opt for scarves and hats. However, when I want to get less of the 'pity looka' I will wear my wig. By the way - I have had four wigs over my last two dx's and the one from TCLdirect (ACS) was the cheapest and the most natural looking. In fact - I am wearing it in my avatar.
My advice - stand up proud - put a smile on your face and look people in the eye. You are fighting the beast and your attitude will show others that you are in this battle to win.

djatlake · May 2007

Hey Mandy,
I am 4 years out from my diagnosis and did 8 rounds of dose dense chemo. I also remember feeling like you do. I was surprised how much it bothered me to lose my hair. I didn' think I was vain and I didn't fuss much with it. But I was really upset to find it in the tub drain and on my pillow. I shaved it. It made me feel like I was taking control of the situation. I wasn't sitting around waiting for it to fall out. Tried the wig and couldn't do it. It was winter and I wore hats. My surprise was to find out what color my hair really was! I had colored it for so long I couldn't remember the exact shade it was. Was very surprised to see how much grey I had! It was kind of nice as it grew in, very easy to take care of. It's kind of a nice look, too. I think it's just so symbolic. And it's such an outward thing for the world to see. It make us even more vulnerable. It's kind of like the last straw. All this and I have to lose my hair too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very Unfair! Hope it helps to know that you are part of a great big sisterhood who understands. Keep us posted on your journey.

Valerie_R · May 2007

I agree with Karen, this makes the memories all too real. I lost my hair and eyelashes twice: once during dose dense chemo; and once after 4 months of Arimidix. What are those naked mutant cats with no hair called - you know the weird looking ones - that is what I felt like! Losing all of your hair and being sick strips you of your feminity, and I do not think it is vain to mourn the loss of the way the old, healthy you looked.

I didn't realize until later that I looked so bad that many people thought I was dying - add being bald to that and there you go - not a good look.

Try to treat yourself gently - your emotions are perfectly normal and why shouldn't you be upset at being denuded and having cancer? Look at it that way - you'd have to be pretty weird not to have some feelings around this.

Take care and remember, millions of women have gotten thru this and arrived at some new normal. I'm just getting used to mine and still feel weird about the way I look, even with hair! However, it beats the alternative.

Valerie R

Amera · May 2007

Do not feel a bit guilty about being upset about the hair loss. I have to say, emotionally, it is right up there with getting a diagnosis. It is hard to ignore cancer when it's staring you in the face so to speak.

I too was prepared. I had my wig and many scarves. And when it all fell out, I was devistated. Not only did I not do anything with my hair pre-chemo, I never wore much make up either. Here I was, bald and eyebrowless. I looked like an alien. I had to spend a lot of time getting ready to look half way normal. I resented that so much.

And the looks are the worst. You cannot just go about your daily routine when your scarves are screaming, "I HAVE CANCER." You cannot escape it. People still approach me and I'm about 7 weeks out. I am feeling normal but certainly don't look it yet.

I wish I had some advice rather than just empathy. You will get used to going out either with your wig or scarves. You will get much less self-concious. I am still wearing scarves but forget about it now and don't notice the looks nearly as much. Or at least I don't care as much. It will get easier. I promise.

Curlylocks · May 2007

Hi Mandy,

As promised here are my hair progress pictures....

Michele

April 06 - 1 month prior to finish of chemo

July 06 - 2 months post chemo

Nov 06 - 6 months post chemo

March 07

Paula15089 · May 2007

Mandy,
you being upset is totally understandable. But you know what, with time, you WILL get used to it, and you will even try to make the best of this situation. This is your chance to try different looks - scarves, hats, wigs, big flashy earrings, makeup.
I bought a very expensive wig, but couldnt wear it, even though everyone thought it looked fabulous. Like you, i felt fake. So i wore beautiful scarves and cute hats. Because i made it look like a fashion statement, i didnt get any 'pity' looks. I really did have fun with it.

and trust me, your hair WILL be back, perhaps better than ever.
I created a website with my hair growth progress. Have a look here:
http://abovetheclouds.photosite.com/
password is bcsisters

enjoy! and keep your chin up. You are at the hardest part of your journey, one day you will look back and you will think - i really did it.

chemo072 · May 2007

Hi Mandy - Today is day 4 of A/c #2, and my hair, just this morning started coming out in handfuls. I knew it was going to happen, but was amazed at how distressing it is to have happen. Felt like a small kitten, and mewling child.....wimpy as all get out, called my best friend to come over. It's been coming out all day. The thing is, it hurts. My scalp actually hurts, so laying down and sleeping is uncomfortable. I know, whine, whine, whine, and I can only wash it or brush it out so much until it just makes me way too upset. Sigh....this sucks. I know it's finite, I know it's temporary, but it still sucks. Insult to injury.

So, searching for a seriously good book and some distraction, and hope to throw myself into work projects tomorrow. And sweeping up the damn hair, lol.

QueenSansaStark · May 2007

I shaved my head because my hair was coming out by the clump, about 2 weeks post my first A/C/T. I wanted to spare myself the trauma of sloooowly losing my hair, spare my poor shower drain the clogs, and besides, I looked ratty, like I caught something from Captain Jack! I have a wig - I got it free, courtesy of the American Cancer Society and the lovely Vilma who helped me pick it out - but I prefer to wear scarves and kerchiefs when I can because the darn wig itches. I did get a straight bob type wig just to be different, because my own hair is too wavy to wear in a sleek bob, so here is my chance!

I'm playing up my eyes with lots of eye makeup and wearing blush and lipstick - I've always been a girlie makeup girl. And I wear fun earrings and necklaces. The other day I went out to Pet Food Express in my complexion-flattering pink scarf, makeup and earrings, and the saleslady told me how lovely I looked.

It really is traumatic losing one's hair. I freaked and sobbed. I was afraid of looking in the mirror and seeing Britney Spears! But I'm getting used to it.

The ACS has a program called "Look Good, Feel Better" which is free. I'm signed up for a July meeting. They show you how to draw on eyebrows, add color to your face with blusher, tie scarves, etc. Oh and they give you a nice haul of free makeup - good stuff like Chanel and Estee Lauder. That was an inducement for me to sign right up!

And, Michele, you look lovely, with hair or without!

seasun · May 2007

Paula - thanks for pic record of hair growth. I am at week 10 after last chemo and my hair growth is about right on with what yours was. Mine is also coming in black with specs of grey. In couple of months - blondie here I come again - thanks.

wildabouthorses · May 2007

I wanted to share this as there is hope after loosing your hair...
Oddly I didn't have a hard time with losing my hair.I was told it would definatly happened so prepared myself for it and was fine the day it all fell out. It was my hubby that had a hard time with it because he said it showed I was so sick, that I had cancer. I was going to only wear hats and scarves but after getting a couple of wigs from ACS in colors that weren't anywhere near what I used to have I got brave and wore them. Heck everyone knew I was wearing a wig so why not have some fun with colors and styles. I bought some wigs off of ebay and a few were so bad looking I didn't keep them but I did get 2 from the same seller that were absolutly fabulous on me and closer to my original hair color of brunette. Lots of compliments followed due to the styles looking great on me and many were fooled asking me if it was real hair when it was synthetic. I may keep my hair short and plop on a wig as my straight hair was never easy to do anything with and these not only look great, they make me look years younger and so easy to style! They are so comfy as they are very lightweight compared to the other wigs I've tried on. I find I am wearing my wigs more than my hats. This from a person who wasn't going to wear a wig period! I bought a short haired wig from TLC for those warmer days and still have the first short haired wig from ACS for those days I feel like a really extreme color to go wild with (redhead) to tell the world the heck with it all, I'm still here despite my own hair being gone! Wigs don't have to be expensive to look great on you. My two most favorite wigs only cost me about $50 each! I do run around the house inside and out without anything on my head as its the most comfy to me.

So don't give up if a wig doesn't look right on you, you will eventually find that one that just screams out YOU! I gave the wigs I didn't want to ACS, maybe they will look great on someone else. Its so nice to know on days I want some hair I can plop on one of my 4 wigs and look better than I did before bc changed my life!

This first set of pics is me right after I cut my long hair very short to prepare for the hair loss that is in the second row of pics along with losing 10lbs.I had no idea I looked so bad after one dose of chemo tillI did these comparison pics. Then the first wig I got from ACS that is the redhead wig on the last row. I wasn't wearing make up in any of these photos.

The wigs I like the most! The top pics show my very favorite one and I get alot of compliments on it.

I looked and felt wonderful at my daughters college graduation!

Here's a pic of me and my long hair before bc was diagnosed.

BettyeE · May 2007

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I feel exactly as you do. I dreaded the surgery. It was not as horrible as I had thought. Then the CHEMO...I was horrified. I thought I would have to be medicated, but I made it thought that and it was not as bad as I had imagined. But this hair thing is something different. Your words were like....."how did she know how I feel?" Somehow it helps to know that others feel the same. I am sorry anybody else has to go through this.
Bettye

mccarroll · May 2007

One thought. I was shocked at how cold my head got at night, Tried the night caps from the bc stores and they hurt. I ended up wearing close knit ski hats. They were very soft and didnt' fall off during the night. Towards the end of txs, I wore them more during the day also. I had a great, expensive wig that I picked out before my first tx. Looked just like my "old" hair. I wore it to special occations and when I wanted to blend in and look normal. Othertimes, I just said "Scr.. it".

One silver lining, when you go to the store with a turban, looking bald and ill, the manager will open a check out for you to "help" you. Sure came in handy during Christmas!

Karen

Anonymous · May 2007

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for all the posts with the great ideas and uplifting messages. It is good to know that others have felt this exact same way (although I don't want others to be miserable too)

I felt much better yesterday. I went for a run in our river valley (lots of hills) and was just so darn happy that my body is so strong, fit and healthy! I feel really good physically (touch wood - I go for chemo #2 tomorrow!) I also tried my wig on for some other family members who really raved about how it didn't look at all like a wig (it's really in my own head). I'm still most comfortable in a hat but I need the wig for some special occasions coming up. I also believe this will be a matter of getting used to the bald look. It's weird, I'm most comfortable around people who know I'm being treated for bc - I know they know I'm hairless, so the wig seems "fun" the hats are "funky" and the scarves are "cool". So, if everyone knew my circumstances, then I wouldn't feel like I'm a fraud - like I'm pretending I still have hair. Yet, I don't want the whole world to know - not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed but because of their "oh that poor woman" reaction. It's so strange.

Lisa, your words really hit home with me! How preoccupied we can become with this when some really important things are going on. Obviously I don't want people to see me as chemo girl because of my own perceptions of what I thought the whole chemo thing was before my dx. I have not known anyone (close to me) to have cancer (except my Grandma who had gallbladder cancer for an extremely brief battle that she ultimately lost - she was not treatable). My image of chemo was the cancer ravaged, emaciated, bald woman with dark circles under her eyes who was steps away from death. I've seen enough made-for-TV movies portraying this image. I am NOT THAT WOMAN! I feel it with certainty- but looking like that woman (which of course I do not - I'm only bald) leads me to think that the entire public will think of me that way. Hubby says I shouldn't care what total strangers think and I know he's right but it is far easier said than done!

Michele thanks for the words and photos - I agree that you look lovely with or without hair! (Looks like you had a great vacation at the ocean - where is that pic taken???) I notice that you may not have hair in some of the photos but there is still a spark in your eye and I see that in my mirror too! That's more important than a luxurious mane in my opinion!

Paula - thanks for the link to your photos - your hair is amazing!

Crystal I like your thinking and have decided to treat myself to girly things more often through this chemo thing! I bought some purple nailpolish, new lipsitck and great earring for myself last night - I've decided that I can look good with or without hair and some nice products will help that! I am signed up for the Look Good, Feel Better program but couldn't get in until mid June...the free cosmetics were a draw for me too!

Jan - I love all your wigs - they do look great and I agree - the red one was the best! Thanks for the inspriation to experiemnt with my looks! I paid $400 (CDN) for my wig so I won't be buying a whole bunch but the Cancer centre loans them out for free so if I get into wigs, I may sign out a new one every 3 weeks and have a couple of different looks!

To everyone else who has gone before me with the hair loss - thanks for your words of compassion and great advice about various things.

To those who are with me right now, it's good to know we can draw strength from each other. You know I don't feel "why me?" in regards to bc. It's just one of those things - everyone has something to deal with - this is mine - but I do look around at other women in crowds and think why not them? (Not to be mean spirited - I would NEVER wish this on anyone) but more of a 'why am I so alone in this?' feeling. This board is a reminder that I am in fact, not alone in this!

Thanks again everyone for your encouraging and empathetic posts!
Mandy

P.S. In a total act of courage, I plan to let my natural hair colour stay when it comes back in - that natural colour is GREY!! I'm at least 50% grey and this is a perfect time go natural. I'm 42 so this will be a big thing for me - but I'm actually excited about it and think of the money I'll save! I'll find another way to spend it on myself, of that I'm quite confident!!

mkl48 · June 2007

Mandy,
I don't wonder why me either. I do wonder," why not you ?" I am 15 pounds overweight, not a huge amount, but it may have initiated the tumor. I am pear shaped and most is in my thighs.That was the part of my body I hated. My husband died three years ago and I have had enough of pity and casseroles. I am like bad luck coming and the few friends I have told, have backed off.Men with prostate cancer have hidden problems, but they are not treated with chemo first line and never have to tell anyone. I could do a poll and ask if you would tell if you did not lose your hair? It is quite easy to keep other forms of treatment secret.

Anonymous · June 2007

nm46,

I would still tell people I know because I'm a really (sometimes too much so) open person. It's impossible for me not to talk about whatever is going on in my life and this is certainly on my mind (bc, I mean). However, strangers are another story. I don't mind the empathy and even the curiosity, it's the sadness that people express - that they expect me to not make it...I HATE that! I don't even want to be around those people becaue I have other plans!

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult journey you have been on and continue to be on. I wish you the best.
Mandy

NESSA01 · June 2007

I am shocked at how much this is bothering me! I feel very unfeminine and worry about my intimate life with my husband. (How could he want to be with me when I feel more like an alien than a woman) He assures me this is not the case and I do believe him - but I still feel so unattractive.

Mandy, I too feel the same way. How can I be with my husband when I feel sooooo unconformable in my own skin? Not only do I HATE the way I feel but now the hair is falling out. I don't feel like I know myself anymore. I have a great man, he has been there for me every step of the way. I just can't get used to all the bad things that are happening. One looong nightmare!!! Can't wait to wake up! I hate this so much I won't let anyone see me this way. (Yes that mean husband too.)
I just don't know how much more I can handle. I can't stand the way I feel! Up and down I never know whats coming next. I try to tell myself it's not so bad but we all know thats not true.
Day by day is what I try to do. I try to share my feelings but feel like it is getting me nowhere. BTW I am taking meds but they only make me sleepy they don't take the feelings away.
Sorry to be such a downer. I do hope that you all are doing better than me. Life goes on and so do the feelings.

Take care and may we all have God smiling down on us.

Nessa

bborbone · June 2007

Ended Chemo 10/06 and am now fully aware of the Chemo fro everyone warned me about. *G* Losing my hair was difficult but it happened and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it so I didn't let it bother me. I wore bandana's in the warm months, a skull cap type hat during the winter. I lived.....You know what really bothered me more was the loss of my eyebrows and eyelashes, perhaps because it happened AFTER I was done with Chemo. Now a funny story........
My husband's friend is of Arab decent and has curly black hair. He spent the weekend here helping the hub last year. During my morning shower, I look at the tub and there is all this hair all over, black curly hair. I was so mad thinking with all I'm going through Amer shaved in the shower and left the hair for me to clean up. Well you guessed it, it wasn't Amer's hair but the last bit of hair on my body. Don't you know it took me months to put two and two together and stop blaming my guest for being a slob!

Your hair will grow back.......don't worry. Sometimes you'll get hair in places you never had.......what WAS that thing on my neck this am????

Do what ever you feel comfortable doing. If you choose a bandana or nothing at all, you'll be amazed at the support you'll get from others who know that "chemo" look and want to help you get through it. I kind of miss my bandana, I miss not having to shower every day, I miss being the idenity of a cancer patient mainly because I have yet to come to terms with how this journey has changed me.

shrink · June 2007

Day 14 past the first infusion (AC) - My hair is falling out by the handful. It made me very, very sad because it's such a visual reminder that this is no nightmare I'll wake up from. No new healthy cells are growing inside me. I hope these toxins are also killing the cancer cells. This is going to be one of those times I'll permit myself to empty buckets of pent up tears.

litig8or · June 2007

Hey ladies--Listen up---my hospital provides an oncology social work counseling service and I'm about to take advantage of it. My self esteem is at an all time low. I had beautiful dark hair that fell just past my shoulder. I look more like Mini Me than GI Jane now.

The other night, my boyfriend was talking about his daughter and how he hoped she grew up pretty and he thought she would because her mom (his ex) "Is PRETTY". I lost it! He had no idea what set me off, but we had to end the phone conversation before I started saying things I'd regret. The next day I told him what was wrong and that right now, the last thing I need was him telling me how pretty his ex is, becasue I don't feel pretty at all. Before my hair fell out, I knew I was pretty. So, I figured that since I'm gonna be bald for a while and I need to figure out how to handle this.
There's no shame is asking for help ladies. I'm just glad that I can see someone who actually deals with cancer patients and can understand more of what I'm going through right now. I love my boyfriend and I certainly don't want to lose him because I can't control my anger. And, no, this is not the first time I have lost it to him--it's like the 4th and he doesn't deserve the awful things I say to him. Sometines I think I just want someone else to hurt and feel as bad as me, so I'll say whetever I have to to make that happen--and that's not fair to anyone.

So, seriously--if you have problems and need to talk to someone--don't hesitate to find a counselor to help you thorugh what is likly the hardest thinsg that you will ever go thourgh.

Good luck!

Kathy

notme · June 2007

The mental battle is tough. Hair loss and breast loss change your image of yourself. Sometimes I forget and for a fleeting moment wonder who that person is in the mirror.

But you will feel the wind in your hair again and it will feel better than ever. It is so exciting when it starts to grow back. Then it seems like it grows soooo slowly, but eventually it takes off.

Until then, buy some comfortable scarves to wear around the house so you don't see that bald person everytime you pass a mirror. When you loose your eyebrows, try a little eyeshadow to draw some new ones. Do the best you can and smile. When people look at you because they think you might have cancer, your smile makes them wonder if there isn't another reason you are wearing that scarf.

You have lots to smile about too because they found your cancer and you are getting the cure.

notme

miknikmom · July 2007

Shrink, I am on day 12 and my hair is not falling out yet. Was your on day 12? How does it start some of you have said it hurst and I am checking my hair 10 times a day. Every once in a while a strand will come out but it has always done that. As for eyebrow and lashes I am only getting 4 tx of AC with I lose those also? Has anyone not lost there hair?

abbadoodles · July 2007

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shrink · July 2007

Exactly two weeks after chemo #1, my hair started falling out enough to be noticeable to me. On day 15, much more hair loss. Day 16, I went to the beauty shop and got a buzz cut which looked good for two days. This is now day 18, I have to wear a hat, scarf or a wig. It's almost all gone. I cried at the beauty shop unexpectedly. I wore a terry cloth turban to bed each night to catch whatever hair fell out in my sleep which was much better than finding it all over my pillow. I'm resigned to it now. The stats are something like 99% of breast cancer chemo patients will lose their hair. I had this fantasy that I would be the one who didn't. Wrong!

Leahrc · July 2007

Kiddlegirl,
I only had 4 doses of AC. You will lose all your hair, though it may come out day 14-18. It varies slightly. You will know when it is going to happen. Your scalp kind of hurts. The hair looks "dead" a few days before. You will know. Most of us lost our eyebrows and eyelashes about 3 weeks after chemo ends (AC keeps working for about a month after your last treatment.) The good news is that they start to grow back almost immediately! So you won't be without them for very long- maybe a week!
This is the hardest part of the chemo for all of us. Crying is normal, as is hoping you will be the one who doesn't lose her hair!
Interestingly enough, mine is about 1.5 inches long all over right now, and I might keep it this short! I stopped wearing my wig as soon as I had about 3/4 inch all over. You will also be surprised at how much you DON'T care about this later on!!!!
Be gentle with yourself and just go with the flow of your feelings!

konakat · July 2007

I've finished my 3rd A/C and I still have about 20% of my hair except for almost bald on the sides of my head. I'm buzzed short and waiting for the rest of it to fall out -- will it? I was expecting it all to be gone by now.

Also, will it start growing back during the Taxol cycles? What about during Tamoxofin -- it's SE is thinning hair -- will it ever grow back? Any advice or experience stories are very much appreciated!!

the emotional toll of hair loss

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